Dating Etiquette
This topic was created in the Aquarius forum by MellowDee on Monday, April 3, 2006 and has 9 replies.
I'm single and therefore on the dating "scene" these days. I've been mingling with a few guys and there's a few areas of conduct that I have difficulties with.
The main one is the whole subject of returning calls and replying to text messages. I guess this could fall under the general heading of Communication.
First of all, I am not the greatest at text message etiquette and replying back to messages within 10 seconds of receiving them. However, if I've just been with a guy and received positive feedback as far as I can guage from his behavior I get quite exasperated when I send a casual text asking how he is and what he's up to and get no response whatsoever.
I'll give you one example of several occasions when this type of thing has happened:
I met this guy in a nightclub a few weeks ago. He was nice, friendly, good conversationalist, funny. We got as far as kissing and he seemed very eager to get in contact with me again. Texted me that same night to say he hoped I'd be free to see him the following day. Texted me that next day to ask how I was. I wasn't available to see him that day and since then I haven't heard anything from him except for one offhand email saying he's been so busy and that he'll give me a shout to arrange going to the cinema sometime. That was about a week ago and that's been the last I've heard.
This experience is in no way unique or unusual for me but it leaves me pretty peeved that guys like this behave in this way. It's just so insulting and for me it comes across like they are like children the way the can become very interested in some new toy and then discard it five minutes later at a whim because their attention has been directed elsewhere. The difference is that these are men and not children displaying this type of behavior and I can onyl attribute it as bad manners and disrespect.
I also often hear a variation on this theme from most of my girlfriends too.
Guys can you shed any light on this puzzling behavior and maybe give some plausible explanation for it?
The main one is the whole subject of returning calls and replying to text messages. I guess this could fall under the general heading of Communication.
First of all, I am not the greatest at text message etiquette and replying back to messages within 10 seconds of receiving them. However, if I've just been with a guy and received positive feedback as far as I can guage from his behavior I get quite exasperated when I send a casual text asking how he is and what he's up to and get no response whatsoever.
I'll give you one example of several occasions when this type of thing has happened:
I met this guy in a nightclub a few weeks ago. He was nice, friendly, good conversationalist, funny. We got as far as kissing and he seemed very eager to get in contact with me again. Texted me that same night to say he hoped I'd be free to see him the following day. Texted me that next day to ask how I was. I wasn't available to see him that day and since then I haven't heard anything from him except for one offhand email saying he's been so busy and that he'll give me a shout to arrange going to the cinema sometime. That was about a week ago and that's been the last I've heard.
This experience is in no way unique or unusual for me but it leaves me pretty peeved that guys like this behave in this way. It's just so insulting and for me it comes across like they are like children the way the can become very interested in some new toy and then discard it five minutes later at a whim because their attention has been directed elsewhere. The difference is that these are men and not children displaying this type of behavior and I can onyl attribute it as bad manners and disrespect.
I also often hear a variation on this theme from most of my girlfriends too.
Guys can you shed any light on this puzzling behavior and maybe give some plausible explanation for it?
Yes ok I take your point about paying it forward. this is definitely something I should work on a lot and the reason I don't do it is because I lack basic confidence here. But as for the suggestion that he may think I'm playing with him, I have given no signals at all of this since I told him the reason why I wasn't available that day to hang out with him. This was pretty straightforward, if he chooses to project this as me being flaky or messing with him then this is his a problem with his radar signals and not mine. But I don't buy this, I put it down to basic lack of manners.
This guy does indeed travel and he told me he'd be away for a week travelling for his job and not to think that he was ignoring me or something so I sent him an email a few days into that week saying I hoped he was having a nice time in France where he was going, and that he had some free time to himself to enjoy the place etc etc and that if he wanted to hook up and go to the cinema or something then just to call me. He emailed me a week after he was due back here to just say he'd be in touch and that's it!
So I don't accept that he suspects I'm playing games because I'm not and I've been as fair and clear as is possible. I'm not too upset about him because as you say, perhaps it's an aspect of getting older, that I just don't expend the mental and emotional energy on these types of guys that I would have done a few years ago.
But as I say, this is just an example of something that I'm experiencing a lot at the moment.
This guy does indeed travel and he told me he'd be away for a week travelling for his job and not to think that he was ignoring me or something so I sent him an email a few days into that week saying I hoped he was having a nice time in France where he was going, and that he had some free time to himself to enjoy the place etc etc and that if he wanted to hook up and go to the cinema or something then just to call me. He emailed me a week after he was due back here to just say he'd be in touch and that's it!
So I don't accept that he suspects I'm playing games because I'm not and I've been as fair and clear as is possible. I'm not too upset about him because as you say, perhaps it's an aspect of getting older, that I just don't expend the mental and emotional energy on these types of guys that I would have done a few years ago.
But as I say, this is just an example of something that I'm experiencing a lot at the moment.
1) you are playing hard to get and he doesn't like games.
2) You blew him off so you now pretty much blew you off.
3) You were just being nice at the club and didn't mean what you said so he doesn't take you as a serious option.
Heaven forbid you actually have a life outside waiting by the phone and actually had plans of your own!
Prime
Why are you so bitter about women? You sound jaded.
Mellow
This guy wasn't a contender. Men can be flakey. Why? I have no idea. But a man who really likes you, follows up.
2) You blew him off so you now pretty much blew you off.
3) You were just being nice at the club and didn't mean what you said so he doesn't take you as a serious option.
Heaven forbid you actually have a life outside waiting by the phone and actually had plans of your own!
Prime
Why are you so bitter about women? You sound jaded.
Mellow
This guy wasn't a contender. Men can be flakey. Why? I have no idea. But a man who really likes you, follows up.
Why do you think women are out to get you? They aren't.
it seems you think when a man speaks him mind it is negative
I don't think that at all. I think YOU are down on women, and I am basing that on a number of things you have said. I am trying to figure out if I can be of help and turn your luck around.
I don't own any cats but thanks.
I don't think that at all. I think YOU are down on women, and I am basing that on a number of things you have said. I am trying to figure out if I can be of help and turn your luck around.
I don't own any cats but thanks.
1) you are playing hard to get and he doesn't like games. * of course the other scenario would be that he could think I'm too easy!
2) You blew him off so you now pretty much blew you off. * I didn't blow him off by telling him and explaining that I was doing somthing else that I had already planned prior to meeting him last night. ie that I do have a life (surely this is a healthy sign no?)
3) You were just being nice at the club and didn't mean what you said so he doesn't take you as a serious option. * Well if he assumed I was just "being nice" then surely he should return the compliment and be nice back and tell me that he's not interested anymore.
Like, the night I met him he was so keen. After we were heading off, we both walked hand in hand while trying to hail a taxi, got one and then at my stop, he was asking could he "walk me back" which I declined as that was more than likely gonna mean something else(!). Now, say I took his "enthusiasm" at face value and passionately took him back with me, might I still be in the same situation as now, but that I also stupidly let him be intimate with me as well? This is like the other side of the argument that Primegen very often brings up when he complains that men shouldn't trust women etc etc. Like in this case, women cannot trust men in these situations because they behave like testosterone fuelled zombies, that once the blood supply's left their nether regions, are not a quarter as ardent about the lady as they had been hours/nights before.
2) You blew him off so you now pretty much blew you off. * I didn't blow him off by telling him and explaining that I was doing somthing else that I had already planned prior to meeting him last night. ie that I do have a life (surely this is a healthy sign no?)
3) You were just being nice at the club and didn't mean what you said so he doesn't take you as a serious option. * Well if he assumed I was just "being nice" then surely he should return the compliment and be nice back and tell me that he's not interested anymore.
Like, the night I met him he was so keen. After we were heading off, we both walked hand in hand while trying to hail a taxi, got one and then at my stop, he was asking could he "walk me back" which I declined as that was more than likely gonna mean something else(!). Now, say I took his "enthusiasm" at face value and passionately took him back with me, might I still be in the same situation as now, but that I also stupidly let him be intimate with me as well? This is like the other side of the argument that Primegen very often brings up when he complains that men shouldn't trust women etc etc. Like in this case, women cannot trust men in these situations because they behave like testosterone fuelled zombies, that once the blood supply's left their nether regions, are not a quarter as ardent about the lady as they had been hours/nights before.
Pretty Much Mellow.
The other possibility was/is he has a girlfriend or is seeing someone else.
The other possibility was/is he has a girlfriend or is seeing someone else.
I dunno MD...looks to me like his intention was to "bed" you and you did not comply so, he moved on. I say kuddos to you Missy and then, NEXT! 
My Dear freebird
How was europe please clue us in on your trip. I would text message you but I don't know how.
How was europe please clue us in on your trip. I would text message you but I don't know how.
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