dealing with an ex...

ok so i made the big mistake of dating a coworker... and now i don't really know where the two of us stand.
we have been together since about feb. and then when summer started things got really rocky.
now I dont really know if we are together.
its like one minute i'm ignored for days on end and then he comes back randomly.
well we start working together again in a few days and I haven't heard from him for like 2 weeks...
now I don't really know how i'm supposed to act when we run into each other at work. we are going to go from barely seeing each other all summer to seeing each other for 6 hrs a day for 5 days a week and right now the feelings I'm feeling are nervous, scared, angry, and confused.

I've already made up my mind that I don't want him as a bf anymore. he was never much of one anyways... Ive let this whole thing drag on too long and having a conversation with him is like talking to a wall now a days... sooo I'm sure you all can understand my frustration.

I just dont know if i should play it cool and be friendly. or... what. I don't know. I should never have started this... lol.

so yeah idk anyone ever been in a simillar situation?? help! 😢

Talking to him is like talking to a wall?




Sounds to me like he has already written off whatever was there, and couldn't care a less .... it sounds like you think it still matters to him and you are suppose to "act" a certain way because of it.

It's finished ... quite trying to figure out how to act because it sounds like he doesn't even give a fuck. There's nothing for you to do about it, because "it" isn't there.

Were you in a relationship, or just casually dating?
What a bitch move if you were in a relationship, and he didn't even have the decency to sit you down and break it off.


Ugh, just ignore him...he deserves nothing more

Posted by P-Angel
Talking to him is like talking to a wall?




Sounds to me like he has already written off whatever was there, and couldn't care a less .... it sounds like you think it still matters to him and you are suppose to "act" a certain way because of it.

It's finished ... quite trying to figure out how to act because it sounds like he doesn't even give a fuck. There's nothing for you to do about it, because "it" isn't there.

oh I just meant this as, anything I try to get across to him doesn't. It just feels like talking to a wall. but he doesn't ignore me or anything like that

Posted by brianafay
Were you in a relationship, or just casually dating?
What a bitch move if you were in a relationship, and he didn't even have the decency to sit you down and break it off.


Ugh, just ignore him...he deserves nothing more

we were in a relationship... and yeah hes pretty much a coward.
see, I want to just ignore him so bad that would be easier for me but since we work together I cant and just figure I gotta be professional because i love my job.






Thanks for the replies everyone... guess I'll just play it cool and be "whatever" about it. But I am not gonna go any farther with him than whats neccessary for work.
He will realize his mistake in the end.

It's understandable that things will seem a little weird/uncomfortable for you now, considering it's kinda hard to go back to being/acting normal after a fall out with someone you have to continue seeing. Most of us, when we're done with someone, just hang up, change our numbers & keep it moving w/o really ever having to see that person again unless we make the choice to. But you are in a diff. situation since you have to continually see this guy.

If I were you, I'd still remain professional. You don't have to be mean & broadcase your dislike for this guy b/c that would be tacky & not a good look to your employer or customers. But in the same token, don't be overly nice and/or basically someone other than who you were before you even started dating this guy. Just be cordial. Only talk to him when it's necessary & when it's concerning your job. Remember that you are at WORK & that no matter how much of an azs this guy is, it's not worth it getting in trouble and/or looking like the "bitter/confused" ex girlfriend b/c then people will start to get in your business the moment they notice something different b/w you 2. Just act normal. Don't try so hard to be yourself & to be cordial. It should just be a natural thing. Act as if this guy was never your boyfriend. Act as if he never did a thing wrong to you, BUT then again consciously remind yourself every here & now that there's a reason you wanted him out of your life. Try to find that balance. Not making your dislike for him obvious but then again not being SO nice that you send off the wrong/mixed signals.

I'm personally not a big fan of office romance b/c of situations like these. I think every relationship should have a certain level of natural space that's naturally given. And persay I were to get serious with someone I worked with & even perhaps moved in with them, it'd get kind of old not only seeing my man at home every night but also having to see him all during the day too. I'd need a certain amount of room/space. And even though we all HOPE things don't end/turn out ugly, the reality though is that office romances are like any other romances, in that they sometimes just don't work out. I think it's a little harder to process things and/or heal when you're around that person all day at work after a breakup b/c there's a good chance that they'll always do/say something that makes you even MORE mad, thus slowing down the process of healing/moving on

Yeah, I've been in this situation and it was actually one of the major factors that made me find another job. That one sucked anyways. lol

Just be civil when your paths cross. Don't go out of your way to avoid. You have just as much right to be there as he does.

thanks for your insight krysrenee7, VERY helpful, and I think thats whats best. I don't want to mess up my job... but I don't want to be really friendly with him either. Its going to be really hard to find a balance but hopefully I can do it and hopefully it will come easier to do everyday. I'm ok when hes "out of sight and out of mind" but thats going to end soon. I know I love my job too much to let him ruin that for me so i'm going to stick this out.


thanks everyone for your thoughts 🙂

@Dreaming: Understandable. Do what you've gotta do. If anything, I'd be quite leery of the person who can love/care for someone deeply one minute & act as if that person doesn't exist when they're around the next minute. It's 1 thing to outwardly put on a front like the other person no longer has any affect on you, BUT inwardly feeling that way is another story.

Emotions don't turn on & off like a light switch. They either grow OR they decrease, but they never go away. And for that reason, you working with him means that there's either a chance that he'll end up 1. FURTHER pissing you off/pushing you away and/or 2. The complete opposite-doing something to draw you back in emotionally/physically.

I tried the whole "office romance" thing once & hey, it was great while it lasted but OH MAN when it was over, I wanted to kick myself in the butt. But to an extent, there's always the chance that you'll run back into your ex even if they don't work with you. That's why I strongly encouraged you to try to find some inner peace about the situation. If you're still kind of upset and/or not finished healing yet, it's no wonder you're not really sure how to "act."

You may have been ready to dump this guy to the birds but that doesn't mean that your emotions about the situation have fully settled down yet. When they finally settle down & when you are finally content in how things ended off, how you "act" around this guy will become natural. You'll probably give him just enough attention but yet not enough to send the wrong/mixed signals in the same ways you would a co-worker you don't even know. It'll take some time though

lol you know how it is once you have to continually be around the person you've decided to strongly dislike. Every little thing they do/or lack thereof will start to piss you off. Even the little things sometimes that might not even bother others will bother you even if no one else noticed or overlooked them. When you make the decision to have scorn/dislike for someone, it's almost natural that the other person will EVENTUALLY end up doing/saying something that really gets beneath your skin, even if before the breakup it wouldn't have bothered you persay at all! THAT is what I hate about office romance break-ups.

It's alot easier to feed off of even more negativy energy about a person once you're forced to be around them all the time. It's almost like working with him steals your time away from healing b/c everybody else gets to run like hell & hope to never run into that person again, while all the while using the distance as a way/tool to heal/get over them.

so I forgot to update everyone on how it went at work with him... so here goes.

I actually found it really easy to be ok with him and friendly. as if we are just friends. I didn't find myself feeling any negative emotions what so ever so I guess thats good? But I wasn't feeling the "omg hes amazing" feelings either. It just was what it was... I think I'll be ok and I'm glad I'm finally letting go emotionally! I am back to who I was before... it feels so nice!

Good for you! Sometimes if we put more into a situation than necessary, we can end up OVER-exaggerating things. Turns out, things weren't as weird/bad as you thought. The KEY though is that hopefully things will STAY that way! Hopefully he won't start acting all different/weird later on down the road. All it's going to take is for him to make 1 wrong move and BOOM your emotions can start to re-charge all over again. I'm hoping for the best for you though! Good luck!

Posted by krysrenee7
Good for you! Sometimes if we put more into a situation than necessary, we can end up OVER-exaggerating things. Turns out, things weren't as weird/bad as you thought. The KEY though is that hopefully things will STAY that way! Hopefully he won't start acting all different/weird later on down the road. All it's going to take is for him to make 1 wrong move and BOOM your emotions can start to re-charge all over again. I'm hoping for the best for you though! Good luck!

thanks! i hope things stay this way too... even if they do go bad I know I can pick myself up. and if he does get all weird or different later on I think its getting to that point where I can completely cut him out emotionally & it wouldn't really be a loss for me. 🙂

Good for you! I feared that you would in a sense, try to be "rehearsed" when it came to him, when in reality, there really is no right/wrong way to react to someone that you're forced to deal with even after you don't want to. There is no book that tells you how to act around someone whose hurt you and/or someone you're ready to move on from. There's no book on how to be yourself. It's just 1 of those things that NATURALLY happen. And I'm glad that you are "naturally" paving your way through this situation.