Depression! Has anyone here ever Destroyed your Marriage/Relationship as a result?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by pooface222 on Tuesday, November 7, 2017 and has 45 replies.
I have had a very severe depression which started about 3 years ago but only got really bad over the last year. And now very very bad earlier this year.

And sadly I have destroyed my marriage as a result! My marriage was difficult anyway as my husband doesn't ever communicate. It caused me to stop communicating too.


However he finally tried to fix things last year. He finally started trying! But as he was trying, I was so Angry lonely and frustrated that I started destroying our relationship at the same time he was fixing It!

Now he is divorcing me. We have a child of 3 and I am devastated!

I still love him and I don't want divorce! I want our little family!

I can't stop crying!

He moved out 2 months ago too and won't tell me where he is living!

I have finally woken up to what I have done and it's killing me.

Anyone ever had this happen to them?
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No this hasnt happened to me.


But if it would id try to get a hold of my wifey, explain things to her, beg for a bit of forgiveness in regards to the sabotaging of marriage i did and ask for help from her so we can get through this together.


Best of luck. Just work it, stop feeling sorry for yourself now is damage control time and poor sobbing sobs dont do that very well.
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Easier said than done.

It's like waking up from a bad dream and finding it's Real!

I realise sobbing won't work and am trying to fix things. I just didn't realise I was pushing him away so much, so often and so badly.


Thanks for your reply though..
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Posted by Supes
Posted by Mr_Pinchy
No this hasnt happened to me.


But if it would id try to get a hold of my wifey, explain things to her, beg for a bit of forgiveness in regards to the sabotaging of marriage i did and ask for help from her so we can get through this together.


Best of luck. Just work it, stop feeling sorry for yourself now is damage control time and poor sobbing sobs dont do that very well.
This, all day long
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What do you mean Supes?

Sorry if I sound thick?
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I dated a man for 4 years that has destroyed his entire life due to it. It's tragic to watch.
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Posted by pooface222
Easier said than done.

It's like waking up from a bad dream and finding it's Real!

I realise sobbing won't work and am trying to fix things. I just didn't realise I was pushing him away so much, so often and so badly.


Thanks for your reply though..
Heh easier said than done.....

You know what they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Are you tough enough to get back your little family?

Think of whats at stake here, imagine yourself in a few months making pancakes for baby and baby daddy on a blissful sunday morning.


Got strength yet?




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You’ve been talking about wanting to divorce him for the longest time. Don’t you like someone else anyways.
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Posted by pinkbird03
You’ve been talking about wanting to divorce him for the longest time. Don’t you like someone else anyways.
Well yes and no.

It has been one weird and rather screwed up time in my life.

I Wanted to divorce my husband but I still loved him so I stayed and had a baby. His controlling behaviour got worse. I fell for someone else as you know.

That other person had too many issues and baggage in his life and so did I.

The other guy left me.

But as I was in love with this other guy that's when my husband tried to fix things. I ended up in a big emotional MESS of being in love with the other guy and being angry with my husband for not trying before when I was trying.

When the other guy left Me, I ended up screwed up and depressed. My husband had made me lonely for years. So I was frustrated and confused when he tried to make it up to me when I fell for someone else.

Sadly though when the other guy left me that's when I started pushing my husband away due to deepening depression.

In the end I realised I really loved my husband even though he's controlling etc. The affair was a waste of time.

And now I love my husband more than ever and hate myself for loving someone else.

Sorry for my confusing reply x
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by pinkbird03
You’ve been talking about wanting to divorce him for the longest time. Don’t you like someone else anyways.
Well yes and no.

It has been one weird and rather screwed up time in my life.

I Wanted to divorce my husband but I still loved him so I stayed and had a baby. His controlling behaviour got worse. I fell for someone else as you know.

That other person had too many issues and baggage in his life and so did I.

The other guy left me.

But as I was in love with this other guy that's when my husband tried to fix things. I ended up in a big emotional MESS of being in love with the other guy and being angry with my husband for not trying before when I was trying.

When the other guy left Me, I ended up screwed up and depressed. My husband had made me lonely for years. So I was frustrated and confused when he tried to make it up to me when I fell for someone else.

Sadly though when the other guy left me that's when I started pushing my husband away due to deepening depression.

In the end I realised I really loved my husband even though he's controlling etc. The affair was a waste of time.

And now I love my husband more than ever and hate myself for loving someone else.

Sorry for my confusing reply x
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Well do you think your husband is really a good match for you after all? I mean I’m sure you love him, but I think what’s more upsetting you is that you’re completely alone now.


That’s how I feel when things aren’t going well with a guy. I think hey maybe we should breakup because it’s tough. Then when it actually happens or gets close to happening, I panic and realize it’s not what I really want. Part of its because I don’t want to be alone, don’t want to start the dating process all over again, or just not ready to give up on a fairly new relationship. However. I gotta say that most times, the breakup was better than staying together. It just took time to realize that.

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I married a man who was bi-polar and what a lot of people do not realize is that other issues come along with mental illness - it's not easy at all for either party - and especially not good if there are children involved. It is rare that someone who does have a mental imbalance to have it under control at all times. Of course this is understandable in a relationship and can be dealt with together - but when it continuously creates havoc and drama and stress in your lives and there are no changes toward improvements, it gets old, real old.
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The Aries suffers from this plus ptsd from her ex husband beating her ass. I love her and I’m learning the signs of the swings. I just comfort her through it.



Sorry to hear that but she is now in a much better position.


If she wants to further improve - find a good ptsd psychotherapist - I went through that and it helped me tremendously - it takes about 6 months - big change - of course it helps as well to have a good therapist and I was lucky enough to find one - just keep searching if that is the case until you find the one that fits. It's all in the mix to continuing our journey of being the best beings we can be ...





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Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
You took my thoughts and wrote them down! I had also never seen one good word about husband. He was cold, mean and couldn't care less.

Loving him now is kind of strange.
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Posted by Mr_Pinchy
Posted by pooface222
Easier said than done.

It's like waking up from a bad dream and finding it's Real!

I realise sobbing won't work and am trying to fix things. I just didn't realise I was pushing him away so much, so often and so badly.


Thanks for your reply though..
Heh easier said than done.....

You know what they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Are you tough enough to get back your little family?

Think of whats at stake here, imagine yourself in a few months making pancakes for baby and baby daddy on a blissful sunday morning.


Got strength yet?




click to expand
Do you actually understand what depression is ? 😐
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Mr_Pinchy
Posted by pooface222
Easier said than done.

It's like waking up from a bad dream and finding it's Real!

I realise sobbing won't work and am trying to fix things. I just didn't realise I was pushing him away so much, so often and so badly.


Thanks for your reply though..
Heh easier said than done.....

You know what they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Are you tough enough to get back your little family?

Think of whats at stake here, imagine yourself in a few months making pancakes for baby and baby daddy on a blissful sunday morning.


Got strength yet?




Do you actually understand what depression is ? 😐
click to expand
Thank you x I thought his comment was very insensitive. I don't think he does understand.
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Mr_Pinchy
Posted by pooface222
Easier said than done.

It's like waking up from a bad dream and finding it's Real!

I realise sobbing won't work and am trying to fix things. I just didn't realise I was pushing him away so much, so often and so badly.


Thanks for your reply though..
Heh easier said than done.....

You know what they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Are you tough enough to get back your little family?

Think of whats at stake here, imagine yourself in a few months making pancakes for baby and baby daddy on a blissful sunday morning.


Got strength yet?




Do you actually understand what depression is ? 😐
Thank you x I thought his comment was very insensitive. I don't think he does understand.
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It is of the same mentality as "pull yourself together"


Yes insensitive and fvcking clueless....🙄


And you are welcome....I have lived with depression both with my Dad and I went through it too. Didn't Churchill call it the "black dog"


I hope things ease up soon.....one day at a time xx
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Did you ever read this poem by Rumi? I used to have it on my wall...it helped me get through at times ❤️


The Guest House


This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.


— Jellaludin Rumi,

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Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
Ok the reason I put him down is because of the years of arguments and the unresolved issues as a result. All the issues both his and mine get dumped in me to deal with, while he carries on happily. I get the entire burden to shoulder on my own.

This in turn makes me forget all the things I love about him. Which now I am sadly remembering.


I Wanted divorce for a while because I was very unhappy. In the end I couldn't do it because I still loved him and didn't and do not want to have to share our little girl.

Sadly I have ended up very upset and screwed up over the whole situation. The Last 3 years have been a bloody emotional mess!

I just want my family x it's what I love x
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Posted by Supes
Posted by Mr_Pinchy
No this hasnt happened to me.


But if it would id try to get a hold of my wifey, explain things to her, beg for a bit of forgiveness in regards to the sabotaging of marriage i did and ask for help from her so we can get through this together.


Best of luck. Just work it, stop feeling sorry for yourself now is damage control time and poor sobbing sobs dont do that very well.
This, all day long
Posted by Mr_Pinchy
No this hasnt happened to me.


But if it would id try to get a hold of my wifey, explain things to her, beg for a bit of forgiveness in regards to the sabotaging of marriage i did and ask for help from her so we can get through this together.


Best of luck. Just work it, stop feeling sorry for yourself now is damage control time and poor sobbing sobs dont do that very well.
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guy's that is so sweet. its good to hear that.


you only (as an example) tolerate it alot from children when they're adults ect and love them through the thick and thin....it should also be that way for a spouse.
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by Mr_Pinchy
Posted by pooface222
Easier said than done.

It's like waking up from a bad dream and finding it's Real!

I realise sobbing won't work and am trying to fix things. I just didn't realise I was pushing him away so much, so often and so badly.


Thanks for your reply though..
Heh easier said than done.....

You know what they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Are you tough enough to get back your little family?

Think of whats at stake here, imagine yourself in a few months making pancakes for baby and baby daddy on a blissful sunday morning.


Got strength yet?




Do you actually understand what depression is ? 😐
click to expand
depression is really tough. i've seen it alot in others, taking prescription medication just to get through the day. it's horrible. but people do feel better when they're loved and supported.
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Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
wow i didnt know OP did that.


even if she did, maybe she sees the error of her ways? that she was wrong to do that.

edit -- oh never mind i remember poofface.
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Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
You took my thoughts and wrote them down! I had also never seen one good word about husband. He was cold, mean and couldn't care less.

Loving him now is kind of strange.
click to expand


The reason I say I love him is because of all the good things he Does! But he is mean and cold too!

He's a confusing and contradictory person. Which then makes what I say about him contradictory too!

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Posted by RooSagicorn
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
Ok the reason I put him down is because of the years of arguments and the unresolved issues as a result. All the issues both his and mine get dumped in me to deal with, while he carries on happily. I get the entire burden to shoulder on my own.

This in turn makes me forget all the things I love about him. Which now I am sadly remembering.


I Wanted divorce for a while because I was very unhappy. In the end I couldn't do it because I still loved him and didn't and do not want to have to share our little girl.

Sadly I have ended up very upset and screwed up over the whole situation. The Last 3 years have been a bloody emotional mess!

I just want my family x it's what I love x
Aw sweetheart you are right the last 3 years have been a mess. There isn’t anything you can do about it now. What you can do is look at the mess & figure out what can be done. Are you guys talking? You must be because of your daughter, yes? Are you being treated for the depression? My daughter has had severe depression but is doing very good now with the help of meds and treatment.


How about make a list of the things you can do? You never know what can happen ya know?


What is he saying at this point? He obviously isn’t living with you, but it doesn’t mean it’s over.
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Well it's a lot more serious now. He won't talk to me at all. And here's why.

My depression got so bad that whenever I tried to talk to my husband about the unresolved issues, he refused to listen to me. I just wanted to talk things through to get them off my chest so that I can move on emotionally.

He kept shutting me up over and over shouting at me and refusing to listen by saying it's all in the past!


Ok he's right it was all in the past but having already forgiven him once, decided not to divorce him, and then have a child with him, I just didn't expect his selfish controlling behaviour to get worse!

I just couldn't forgive him 2nd time around. Especially as I had a baby with him and given up my life. I just became resentful and hateful of him.
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
You took my thoughts and wrote them down! I had also never seen one good word about husband. He was cold, mean and couldn't care less.

Loving him now is kind of strange.


The reason I say I love him is because of all the good things he Does! But he is mean and cold too!

He's a confusing and contradictory person. Which then makes what I say about him contradictory too!

click to expand
What good things? Just an example please.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
wow i didnt know OP did that.


even if she did, maybe she sees the error of her ways? that she was wrong to do that.

edit -- oh never mind i remember poofface.
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I already explained in This* post about putting my husband down..

He blames EVERYTHING on me and will fight to death during an argument - even when he's wrong! I end up being his doormat tmjust to get peace!



'*Ok the reason I put him down is because of the years of arguments and the unresolved issues as a result. All the issues both his and mine get dumped in me to deal with, while he carries on happily. I get the entire burden to shoulder on my own.

This in turn makes me forget all the things I love about him. Which now I am sadly remembering. 


I Wanted divorce for a while because I was very unhappy. In the end I couldn't do it because I still loved him and didn't and do not want to have to share our little girl.

Sadly I have ended up very upset and screwed up over the whole situation. The Last 3 years have been a bloody emotional mess!

I just want my family x it's what I love x'
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Posted by Gemitati
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
You took my thoughts and wrote them down! I had also never seen one good word about husband. He was cold, mean and couldn't care less.

Loving him now is kind of strange.


The reason I say I love him is because of all the good things he Does! But he is mean and cold too!

He's a confusing and contradictory person. Which then makes what I say about him contradictory too!

What good things? Just an example please.
click to expand
Ok in no particular order..

He is neat & tidy around the house. Obsessively tidy I might add but I guess it's better than being a son if I had to choose.

He shops, cooks and cleans.


He cooked for me and enjoyed doing it. He's good at diy and has as entire tool shed and can use every tool. So can fix most things.


He is affectionate and ALWAYS loved cuddles. This is great because Me too! (My ex found me suffocating because I cuddled so much). But my husband loved it.


He is consistent - What he says he will do he does. So if he says he will are going somewhere it will happen. (I've been with a guy who says he will do things and they don't happen).

So..he told me he wanted to live with me, marry me, have babies with me and even grow old with me. Apart from the grow old part, he's done all of that.


He books pays for holidays every year.


He is very helpful by helping me with little things from time to time.


I'm a fitness instructor so when I came home from teaching a class and was having a shower, I'd always come downstairs to find a cup of coffee and a biscuit waiting.


He helped me learn to drive by taking me out in his car. He bought me my first car too, in fact I've had aboit 4 cars and he bought me 3 of them over time. Ok they were 2nd hand but they were in good condition.


When we have bought a house together, he has always asked me what I want in every room. Eg colour of paint, style of furnishings, and he will make it happen. He wi give me the rooms i want and in tbe entire house. And as he is a project manager, he can plan and design a room in order to extend it to make it better and/or bigger.

This was one of my favourite things about him. He's a homemaker.


It's just such a shame that on the flip side of all these things I love about him, he spoilt it all by being VERY argumentative, always has to be right and will fight to prove it over and over. He is VERY controlling - obsessive with it!

Even trying to have a day out with him was an argumentative nightmare. If I hadn't planned the day in ADVANCE then we weren't doing anything!

But..if friends rang us up to make spontaneous plans, then he would go right ahead and be excited and go along with their plans.

I wasn't allowed to be spintaneois!

Refused to see that I'm not doing anything wrong. Just wanted me doing EVERYTHING his way.

So when he began pressuring me to have babies, it was confusing because I loved him BUT he upset me.


So..heres my relationship in a snapshot!
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
You took my thoughts and wrote them down! I had also never seen one good word about husband. He was cold, mean and couldn't care less.

Loving him now is kind of strange.


The reason I say I love him is because of all the good things he Does! But he is mean and cold too!

He's a confusing and contradictory person. Which then makes what I say about him contradictory too!

What good things? Just an example please.
Ok in no particular order..

He is neat & tidy around the house. Obsessively tidy I might add but I guess it's better than being a son if I had to choose.

He shops, cooks and cleans.


He cooked for me and enjoyed doing it. He's good at diy and has as entire tool shed and can use every tool. So can fix most things.


He is affectionate and ALWAYS loved cuddles. This is great because Me too! (My ex found me suffocating because I cuddled so much). But my husband loved it.


He is consistent - What he says he will do he does. So if he says he will are going somewhere it will happen. (I've been with a guy who says he will do things and they don't happen).

So..he told me he wanted to live with me, marry me, have babies with me and even grow old with me. Apart from the grow old part, he's done all of that.


He books pays for holidays every year.


He is very helpful by helping me with little things from time to time.


I'm a fitness instructor so when I came home from teaching a class and was having a shower, I'd always come downstairs to find a cup of coffee and a biscuit waiting.


He helped me learn to drive by taking me out in his car. He bought me my first car too, in fact I've had aboit 4 cars and he bought me 3 of them over time. Ok they were 2nd hand but they were in good condition.


When we have bought a house together, he has always asked me what I want in every room. Eg colour of paint, style of furnishings, and he will make it happen. He wi give me the rooms i want and in tbe entire house. And as he is a project manager, he can plan and design a room in order to extend it to make it better and/or bigger.

This was one of my favourite things about him. He's a homemaker.


It's just such a shame that on the flip side of all these things I love about him, he spoilt it all by being VERY argumentative, always has to be right and will fight to prove it over and over. He is VERY controlling - obsessive with it!

Even trying to have a day out with him was an argumentative nightmare. If I hadn't planned the day in ADVANCE then we weren't doing anything!

But..if friends rang us up to make spontaneous plans, then he would go right ahead and be excited and go along with their plans.

I wasn't allowed to be spintaneois!

Refused to see that I'm not doing anything wrong. Just wanted me doing EVERYTHING his way.

So when he began pressuring me to have babies, it was confusing because I loved him BUT he upset me.


So..heres my relationship in a snapshot!
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*Oops I meant SLOB not Son
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Posted by RooSagicorn
Posted by pooface222
Posted by RooSagicorn
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
Ok the reason I put him down is because of the years of arguments and the unresolved issues as a result. All the issues both his and mine get dumped in me to deal with, while he carries on happily. I get the entire burden to shoulder on my own.

This in turn makes me forget all the things I love about him. Which now I am sadly remembering.


I Wanted divorce for a while because I was very unhappy. In the end I couldn't do it because I still loved him and didn't and do not want to have to share our little girl.

Sadly I have ended up very upset and screwed up over the whole situation. The Last 3 years have been a bloody emotional mess!

I just want my family x it's what I love x
Aw sweetheart you are right the last 3 years have been a mess. There isn’t anything you can do about it now. What you can do is look at the mess & figure out what can be done. Are you guys talking? You must be because of your daughter, yes? Are you being treated for the depression? My daughter has had severe depression but is doing very good now with the help of meds and treatment.


How about make a list of the things you can do? You never know what can happen ya know?


What is he saying at this point? He obviously isn’t living with you, but it doesn’t mean it’s over.


Well it's a lot more serious now. He won't talk to me at all. And here's why.

My depression got so bad that whenever I tried to talk to my husband about the unresolved issues, he refused to listen to me. I just wanted to talk things through to get them off my chest so that I can move on emotionally.

He kept shutting me up over and over shouting at me and refusing to listen by saying it's all in the past!


Ok he's right it was all in the past but having already forgiven him once, decided not to divorce him, and then have a child with him, I just didn't expect his selfish controlling behaviour to get worse!

I just couldn't forgive him 2nd time around. Especially as I had a baby with him and given up my life. I just became resentful and hateful of him.
Why do you want him back? It’s just not the picture of a happy family of 3 anymore. I understand you love him & you are missing things about him now that he’s gone, but you two have serious communication problems. The thing is in a marriage behaviors will tend to repeat - you know patterns. So the past is relevant and you are still hurt whether you have forgiven him or not. You have to both be willing to try, to listen to each other, support each other to make it work. Otherwise, this is just how it is. I don’t know if it’s about depression or falling into an abyss you can’t get out of. No one is there. So I really urge you to find counseling to help you with the hurt & the damage a husband not listening and shutting you down does to you ( I know I’ve been there). If you can get him to go to marriage counseling maybe it’s possible to repair, but you have to both really want it. Otherwise, take care of your baby girl and yourself. It will be okay. You will be fine. However it is, it will work out one way or another. Life goes on. Hugs!!

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I want him back because i cannot face being without my little girl. I literally cannot do.it! I don't want shared weekends or shared holidays.

I want to see her every day every holiday and Christmas etc.

And I am remembering the things I always loved about him.

My depression has caused me to constantly argue with him so much and for nearly 3 years that I've destroyed our marriage!

He actually started to see what was going on and began saying to me "What do you want?"

I was so confused with depression that I no longer knew what I wanted anymore. I just kept getting at my husband for all the issues in our marriage. He told me he thinks he has changed but if he had I never noticed.

To be fair to myself he has spent YEARS dumping the issues on ME and never taken responsibility for the hurt he causes by always having to be right. To the detriment of me!


Sadly though I realise that I became so screwed up over the years of unresolved issues that I became blind to anything good he tried to do.


Last year he tried to fix our marriage for the first time ever. I couldn't see it though.

He started with our wedding anniversary in Oct last year.

I spent the day arguing with him.

In Nov last year he booked a week in Centre Parcs. I spent the week arguing with him in bed. I SERIOUSLY regret this. I loved it there but never showed him! I was just so Angry being full of unresolved issues.

In Dec he booked flights to see his family for Xmas. But as my mum argued that she wanted Xmas with our little girl, I pleased her and my husband flew off on his own.

I hated it. And I was Angry with my mum and myself.

Christmas was ruined too!

From Jan this year everything went very very downhill and it's all my fault now.

I've been blind to my husband trying to fix things last year.

And I now truly hate myself.
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Posted by bmoon8
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
Ok the reason I put him down is because of the years of arguments and the unresolved issues as a result. All the issues both his and mine get dumped in me to deal with, while he carries on happily. I get the entire burden to shoulder on my own.

This in turn makes me forget all the things I love about him. Which now I am sadly remembering.


I Wanted divorce for a while because I was very unhappy. In the end I couldn't do it because I still loved him and didn't and do not want to have to share our little girl.

Sadly I have ended up very upset and screwed up over the whole situation. The Last 3 years have been a bloody emotional mess!

I just want my family x it's what I love x


If you put him down to us, I can only imagine what he went through with you. When an Aries argues, we do not hold on to it, we let it go. That is why he is able to carry on happily. I think we need the same from a partner... To be able to let go of old arguments... Not to hold on to them.


Sometimes, we have to lose things or people to appreciate them. Otherwise, we take them for granted.
click to expand
I have to disagree. Totally.

First of all he put ME down constantly but I don't even know where or how or when it started. All I remember is feeling very got at; that I cannot do any5hing right in his eyes and I'm always doing something wrong.

I never ever treated him like this. I loved him for who he was whereas he only seemed to love me when I do things his way.


Anyway, top of that, you said that Aries let old arguments go.

Well not my husband! He will accuse me of going on about the past where things he's said/done have hurt me BUT will then go on about the past too!!?! Where I have hurt HIM!

Sorry but that's hypocritical! And...he is riddled with double-standards!

He even brings up things from other arguments in the past! Clearly he has Not let things go

😣😣
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Posted by Koniuchaa
Wow so he never communicates and that’s all good. Then you start not communicating and suddenly everything is over


Very unfair
Very unfair to who?

Sorry..i don't understand what you mean.

I am actually saying that whoever is not communicating, it's bad either way.

I probably didn't explain myself properly x
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Posted by bmoon8
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
Ok the reason I put him down is because of the years of arguments and the unresolved issues as a result. All the issues both his and mine get dumped in me to deal with, while he carries on happily. I get the entire burden to shoulder on my own.

This in turn makes me forget all the things I love about him. Which now I am sadly remembering.


I Wanted divorce for a while because I was very unhappy. In the end I couldn't do it because I still loved him and didn't and do not want to have to share our little girl.

Sadly I have ended up very upset and screwed up over the whole situation. The Last 3 years have been a bloody emotional mess!

I just want my family x it's what I love x


If you put him down to us, I can only imagine what he went through with you. When an Aries argues, we do not hold on to it, we let it go. That is why he is able to carry on happily. I think we need the same from a partner... To be able to let go of old arguments... Not to hold on to them.


Sometimes, we have to lose things or people to appreciate them. Otherwise, we take them for granted.
I have to disagree. Totally.

First of all he put ME down constantly but I don't even know where or how or when it started. All I remember is feeling very got at; that I cannot do any5hing right in his eyes and I'm always doing something wrong.

I never ever treated him like this. I loved him for who he was whereas he only seemed to love me when I do things his way.


Anyway, top of that, you said that Aries let old arguments go.

Well not my husband! He will accuse me of going on about the past where things he's said/done have hurt me BUT will then go on about the past too!!?! Where I have hurt HIM!

Sorry but that's hypocritical! And...he is riddled with double-standards!

He even brings up things from other arguments in the past! Clearly he has Not let things go

😣😣
It takes two to tango, so take responsibility for YOUR part of the demise of YOUR relationship. Are you also able to see yourself in the descriptions that you have put on him? Such as...

"Need to be right"


Also, couples that are together act alike and even look alike after a while.

click to expand
I do realise my part. Trust me. I do.

Why do you think I have posted on here? I'm feeling awful and want to talk about it and hopefully get some advice, or maybe someone has been through this and come out the other side happy.
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Posted by Koniuchaa
Posted by pooface222
Posted by Koniuchaa
Wow so he never communicates and that’s all good. Then you start not communicating and suddenly everything is over


Very unfair
Very unfair to who?

Sorry..i don't understand what you mean.

I am actually saying that whoever is not communicating, it's bad either way.

I probably didn't explain myself properly x
I meant to you, sorry
click to expand
No worries x

Thank you for understanding.

That is how selfish my husband is. He's allowed to not communicate and push me away- including denying me sex but pretending he's tired; he's passive aggressive too.

But after years of trying to get through to him I have shut down and still he treats me like shit!
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Posted by greylatern
Why don't you focus on finding out what went wrong if fixing it isn't possible right now. You know not repeat the same mistake twice. WHY WERE YOU DEPRESSED?!
Depression is a part of the human condition


It can strike anytime, to anyone



Believe me
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And what kind of a question is this


WHY WERE YOU DEPRESSED?!



There are lots of reasons people become depressed....after having a baby, when family or friends pass over, loss of home, loss of job, loss of a pet, end of a love relationship, abusive relationships, children leaving home


and more




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Posted by bmoon8
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
Posted by pooface222
Posted by bmoon8
You always put your husband down on the message boards. I haven't seen you post one positive thing about him. You have said that you wanted to divorce him years ago, but stayed with him because you didn't want to hurt him. You have made it known in the message boards that you want to divorce him. Well, you're getting what you wanted... It is what you attracted in your life. I am not sure why you are now contradicting what you wanted and blaming it on depression...
Ok the reason I put him down is because of the years of arguments and the unresolved issues as a result. All the issues both his and mine get dumped in me to deal with, while he carries on happily. I get the entire burden to shoulder on my own.

This in turn makes me forget all the things I love about him. Which now I am sadly remembering.


I Wanted divorce for a while because I was very unhappy. In the end I couldn't do it because I still loved him and didn't and do not want to have to share our little girl.

Sadly I have ended up very upset and screwed up over the whole situation. The Last 3 years have been a bloody emotional mess!

I just want my family x it's what I love x


If you put him down to us, I can only imagine what he went through with you. When an Aries argues, we do not hold on to it, we let it go. That is why he is able to carry on happily. I think we need the same from a partner... To be able to let go of old arguments... Not to hold on to them.


Sometimes, we have to lose things or people to appreciate them. Otherwise, we take them for granted.
I have to disagree. Totally.

First of all he put ME down constantly but I don't even know where or how or when it started. All I remember is feeling very got at; that I cannot do any5hing right in his eyes and I'm always doing something wrong.

I never ever treated him like this. I loved him for who he was whereas he only seemed to love me when I do things his way.


Anyway, top of that, you said that Aries let old arguments go.

Well not my husband! He will accuse me of going on about the past where things he's said/done have hurt me BUT will then go on about the past too!!?! Where I have hurt HIM!

Sorry but that's hypocritical! And...he is riddled with double-standards!

He even brings up things from other arguments in the past! Clearly he has Not let things go

😣😣
It takes two to tango, so take responsibility for YOUR part of the demise of YOUR relationship. Are you also able to see yourself in the descriptions that you have put on him? Such as...

"Need to be right"


Also, couples that are together act alike and even look alike after a while.

I do realise my part. Trust me. I do.

Why do you think I have posted on here? I'm feeling awful and want to talk about it and hopefully get some advice, or maybe someone has been through this and come out the other side happy.
Whatever you do, don't beg or plead for him to come back. Give yourself some space to step back to get yourself in order to talk to him. Let him know that you want to try to work it out with him. Hopefully, he will want the same thing. You two have been together for so long that it would be worth putting in the effort to make it work rather than throwing it all away. I haven't been in your situation.. I don't have kids and if someone breaks up with me, that's it. I don't try to get back with them, I just move on and keep it moving. But I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope it works out for you...
click to expand
Thanks for being understanding x

I'm the same as you; meaning that if I didn't have kids or wasn't married, if someone breaks up with me, that's it for me too.

But I am married and I have a lovely little girl, so easier said than done.
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I haven't read the entire thread, but I thought you've been wanting to divorce this man for years now? Confused at the change of wanting him now that he's left.




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I think you should really let him find happiness, while you do the same.
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I actually know several couples...whose partner refused to break up with them



One mate ...his cancer bf broke up with him because the cancer was depressed but my mate asked to give it a go again cuz he missed him.


My leo mate she is with an Aqua she has depression


My sag cousin was depressed ...his cancer lady stood by him


My Aries mate had it ..his sag stayed with him

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Posted by MyStarsShine
And what kind of a question is this


WHY WERE YOU DEPRESSED?!



There are lots of reasons people become depressed....after having a baby, when family or friends pass over, loss of home, loss of job, loss of a pet, end of a love relationship, abusive relationships, children leaving home


and more




Hi..


I was depressed for alot of those reasons you mentioned. But it was a case of Too Much Too Soon.

I had a baby in March 2014. At the same time my husband was forcing a house move. I didn't want to move. He wanted a bigger house, I wanted to stay put, until I was ready.


He started arguing with me; putting pressure on me to move; and finally threatened me with leaving me if I didn't move house with him. This was during the first 3 months of my Maternity leave. I was hormonal, sleep-deprived and vulnerable. I just wanted him to look after me while I went through this massive change emotionally and psychologically, and while recovering from a caesarian.

Once we moved to the house that HE chose, and I didn't like and told him, I was Angry with him, and myself.

Our little girl was 7 1/2 months once we moved so in that time, it was a big emotional & mental upheaval fighting with him, while just trying to be a new mum.

So there we were in a new house which was bigger and in a housing estate, and made me feel isolated. Boxes everywhere in every room and I had been arguing with him about wanting to stay where we were and just be mummy. Now I felt all over the place outside (our life in boxes), as well as inside.
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Posted by pooface222
I have had a very severe depression which started about 3 years ago but only got really bad over the last year. And now very very bad earlier this year.

And sadly I have destroyed my marriage as a result! My marriage was difficult anyway as my husband doesn't ever communicate. It caused me to stop communicating too.


However he finally tried to fix things last year. He finally started trying! But as he was trying, I was so Angry lonely and frustrated that I started destroying our relationship at the same time he was fixing It!

Now he is divorcing me. We have a child of 3 and I am devastated!

I still love him and I don't want divorce! I want our little family!

I can't stop crying!

He moved out 2 months ago too and won't tell me where he is living!

I have finally woken up to what I have done and it's killing me.

Anyone ever had this happen to them?
People will blame break ups on depression. It's never one person or one problem.


It's not just you ..or even him. It's both of you and your dynamic. I don't know that you can fix it.


I am sorry though. You might have to accept it.
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Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
And what kind of a question is this


WHY WERE YOU DEPRESSED?!



There are lots of reasons people become depressed....after having a baby, when family or friends pass over, loss of home, loss of job, loss of a pet, end of a love relationship, abusive relationships, children leaving home


and more




Hi..


I was depressed for alot of those reasons you mentioned. But it was a case of Too Much Too Soon.

I had a baby in March 2014. At the same time my husband was forcing a house move. I didn't want to move. He wanted a bigger house, I wanted to stay put, until I was ready.


He started arguing with me; putting pressure on me to move; and finally threatened me with leaving me if I didn't move house with him. This was during the first 3 months of my Maternity leave. I was hormonal, sleep-deprived and vulnerable. I just wanted him to look after me while I went through this massive change emotionally and psychologically, and while recovering from a caesarian.

Once we moved to the house that HE chose, and I didn't like and told him, I was Angry with him, and myself.

Our little girl was 7 1/2 months once we moved so in that time, it was a big emotional & mental upheaval fighting with him, while just trying to be a new mum.

So there we were in a new house which was bigger and in a housing estate, and made me feel isolated. Boxes everywhere in every room and I had been arguing with him about wanting to stay where we were and just be mummy. Now I felt all over the place outside (our life in boxes), as well as inside.
click to expand
It sounds like a whole lot more than depression was going on.
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Cont'd..

But Post Message too soon!


I felt trapped. And lonely. He carried on as if everything was normal with no idea how I felt..no recollection of the arguments or the impact of the huge upheaval both inside and out.

He's Controlling, manipulating and belittling too.


I just carried on being mummy and doing a few hours work a week.

But what I didn't realise was what was going on inside me. I was getting depressed and I didn't know it.

In top of that my husband's mother got terminal cancer so he shut down on me. And I had shut down on him.

So..a new baby, a house move, husband's mum dying, and a controlling husband who refused to support me emotionally.


Everything in my life got on top of me and i guess i collapsed under it all.

So here I am..
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Posted by LittleFairy
Posted by pooface222
Posted by MyStarsShine
And what kind of a question is this


WHY WERE YOU DEPRESSED?!



There are lots of reasons people become depressed....after having a baby, when family or friends pass over, loss of home, loss of job, loss of a pet, end of a love relationship, abusive relationships, children leaving home


and more




Hi..


I was depressed for alot of those reasons you mentioned. But it was a case of Too Much Too Soon.

I had a baby in March 2014. At the same time my husband was forcing a house move. I didn't want to move. He wanted a bigger house, I wanted to stay put, until I was ready.


He started arguing with me; putting pressure on me to move; and finally threatened me with leaving me if I didn't move house with him. This was during the first 3 months of my Maternity leave. I was hormonal, sleep-deprived and vulnerable. I just wanted him to look after me while I went through this massive change emotionally and psychologically, and while recovering from a caesarian.

Once we moved to the house that HE chose, and I didn't like and told him, I was Angry with him, and myself.

Our little girl was 7 1/2 months once we moved so in that time, it was a big emotional & mental upheaval fighting with him, while just trying to be a new mum.

So there we were in a new house which was bigger and in a housing estate, and made me feel isolated. Boxes everywhere in every room and I had been arguing with him about wanting to stay where we were and just be mummy. Now I felt all over the place outside (our life in boxes), as well as inside.
It sounds like a whole lot more than depression was going on.
click to expand
Very perceptive if you. Correct! x
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Posted by lnana04
I haven't read the entire thread, but I thought you've been wanting to divorce this man for years now? Confused at the change of wanting him now that he's left.




Hi x

I have been depressed. Once you read the entire thread it may make more sense.

My depression has been destructive. My husband offered no support. I tried being supportive of him but was hard when I got nothing back.

He is also controlling hence why I wanted to leave him before I was pregnant.

Anyway, my depression deepened and I didn't even notice! Too busy with motherhoid and qork etc. But as time went by I fell apart inside.


So to explain..the depression was like a Dementor from the Harry Potter films. This big black scary thing destroying me. And my marriage fkr the last 2years.

I've now woken up and gave had therapy this year. Sadly I've woken up to find my marriage is destroyed and now my heart is broken..

Hope that explains it x
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Posted by LittleFairy
Posted by pooface222
I have had a very severe depression which started about 3 years ago but only got really bad over the last year. And now very very bad earlier this year.

And sadly I have destroyed my marriage as a result! My marriage was difficult anyway as my husband doesn't ever communicate. It caused me to stop communicating too.


However he finally tried to fix things last year. He finally started trying! But as he was trying, I was so Angry lonely and frustrated that I started destroying our relationship at the same time he was fixing It!

Now he is divorcing me. We have a child of 3 and I am devastated!

I still love him and I don't want divorce! I want our little family!

I can't stop crying!

He moved out 2 months ago too and won't tell me where he is living!

I have finally woken up to what I have done and it's killing me.

Anyone ever had this happen to them?
People will blame break ups on depression. It's never one person or one problem.


It's not just you ..or even him. It's both of you and your dynamic. I don't know that you can fix it.


I am sorry though. You might have to accept it.
click to expand
It's an interesting one. I think we can fix it. Once a relationship hits rock-bottom the only way is up. It's whether or not both parties want to.

We both finally know that COMPROMISE is key. I tried to tell him this year's ago but he wouldn't engage and just argued instead.

For the last 2 yrs or so, he tried to get me to compromise but this time, I wouldn't. Too depressed.

But now that we BOTH know what it takes, I feel we can start again.
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Posted by Sodapop
What about therapy? Medication? Counseling? Why give up so fast? I would get some friends and family who you both respect involved in the matter and try to put some sense into the both of you.
Trust me. I really want to. But I think it's gone too far down the path of destruction! However I don't give up easily..
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