Do You Keep Quiet

What you keep quiet, or say something if one of your best friends was being cheated on?
I have a long-time friend who is seeing someone, and that "Someone" has admitted to me he's only with him for his money, he couldnt care less about him!! and i know he plays around.
How do i find a way of breaking it gently without sounding awful.
I cant just sit back and say nothing, he's been a good friend and confidante to me over the years.
The hardest part is, hes really happy, the other guy is obviously a "master manipulator"
I dont know what to do!!

EWE!! Good Luck with that. But i'm one of them friends that will TELL YOU. the bad part of that, is sometimes, they don't want to know. But i would rather someone tell me, then me going on like i didn't know and then be mad at you cuz i thought you were my friend, and i expect my friends to look out for me.

But like i said, i have told a friend something and next thing you know i'm the bad guy. So... its not a good postition to be in 😢

Best of luck with what you decide to do.

I personally would not say anything......believe me your friend will find out....i had a girlfriend and her boyfriend was flirting with me.....thinking about her and our friendship I told her....you know what? he told her I was flirting with him and she believed him! I said never again....things have a way of working themselves out.....besides he probably wouldnt believe you anyway...

Been here, done this and the two "friends" which were sisters, cheated on their husbands and i could raise hairs w/some of what one did, anyway, both really.......one is still married and the other is divorced and her x comes and hits it when he wants and she is remarried, so, with that said, i never told and i carried guilt and twenty years later, they obviously didn't care or want to know.......and let me tell ya, one of the two, she was a "BAD!" cheater, bad it tell ya, bad!

I would tell, however when I start the conversation like I've done before is ask. "would you like to know if your man is cheating on you, if a close friend knew and had evidence?" You need evidence, the source, a number or a definite way to catch this person in the act, to were your friend could see it for themselves. The only thing here is its a toss up on the response you'll get after the fact. It'll either be good or bad. If it's good, you have a true friend. If it's bad, you still have a friend but there response is likely to shield themselves from embarrassment. It has nothing to do with you at all, they may have an attitude. Remember it has nothing to do with you, it's just the way they are dealing with it. If your sincere & your only trying to protect your friend things will work out in the end. Also don't get your feeling wrapped up in this, because you'll only be offended if it turns out bad. If your dealing with this on a mature level, then the outcome shouldn't matter if your a true friend. Because in your heart; you know you've done the right thing! Take time, think about it; since you know the both of them get them all together; let them both take it at face value. However be sensitive to both, it doesn't matter who is wrong... Let me know how it goes! Take care & you'll be fine.

The thing is:
ive been in this situation before with someone else and i "DID" tell them, and the friendship was somehow never the same.
Dont want to make the same mistake again.

i wouldn't say anything.

more likely than not, the friend knows. whether or not they choose to believe or acknowledge it is a different matter.

one thing i know, is to stay out of ppl's relationships, no matter if they suggest otherwise. if you really do "give it to them straight", you'll be blamed for something, or accused of being envious.

Ha !

I personally will like to be told cos if I found out my friend knew and kept it --- I'll go ape-shit on them more than my cheating partner...

That said - if it's a guy friend, I'll definitely tell them, won't think about it much.

If it's a female friend, I probably will sleep on it - happened once and it ruined the friendship - happened to her again, just didn't say anything.
Most girls I know will not listen --- they'll turn it around on you or something 😕

SS accused of being envious. exactly ! If you're single, you want their man, if you're in a relationship, you want one like theirs so must be envy ! phsss

Ive decided: im not gonna say anything!!
that way , the friendship will still be in tact when the inevitable happens.
Ill just have to pretend i knew nothing about it.
Im still the guys mate, and still will be "After"

Friends protect friends ... define what is protection.

Protection from being screwed over?
Protecting his heart from being hurt, if he really loves this guy?

Whatever is in his best interest ... is your job as a friend to protect.

If your decision is based on your benefit ... where you stand after-the-fact ... then you're not really his friend, because you thought more of yourself, then you did his best interest.

this isn't about you .. it's about him

Thats what i feel, its just that i was placed in the same situation not long ago and told the "Cheated On" person, and although i was proved right, somehow the friendship was never the same.
Maybe im apprehensive in case this friendship goes the same way

At this rate, im gonna have no friends left LOL

Best interest doesn't necessarily equate to telling him about his boyfriend ... you said your friend was very happy with this man.

So, if your friend is indeed happy, then best interest for him is a consideration of his feelings of where he wants to be in HIS life.

It's like this .... just because you see this guy as WRONG for him, doesn't mean he is .. and you are basing what your friend should, or should not know about this man, according to YOU think is wrong.

Do you see what I mean when I say .. this isn't about you .. it's about him? What is in his best interest, what will make him happy, what is right for him.

If being with this guy is right for him ... that it doesn't matter what you think about him, even if he's the biggest scoundrel on earth in your eyes .... these are his eyes, not yours.

So, back to full circle .... whatever is in the best interest of your friend, to protect his heart, is the job of a true friend.

There's a way to tell your friend that you love him, and only want for him to be happy, and hug him and tell him, you just want to do for him what makes him feel loved and happy, and not to hurt his feelings.

Tell all those things, so that he knows there is "something" heavy that's making you say these endearing things to him .... but, never tell him what this "something" is, because what this "something" is isn't the issue here .. the cheater isn't the issue .. the issue is your friends emotional well-being and what is right for him.

Then, if and when the day ever comes that your friend finds out the truth about his boyfriend .... you can pick up right where you left off, and tell him you just wanted him to be happy, he seemd so happy with this man, and you didn't want to interfere with his happiness. Your friend will understand because he would know you were protecting his heart, not trying to hurt his heart.


If you are indeed his friend ..... then whatever you do has to be for his benefit, and his benefit alone.

so dog you think with everything p said...will your friend understand if you did tell him...only you would know because its your friend...will he jump to conclusions and go off the deep end? Or will he calmly say thanks for telling me?

I might do something
like this-

send a little note asking the cheated on person to get tested regularly for STD's
because their partner is a dog.

I TOLD HIM !!!!

I didnt need to worry, he knew, I said "what are you gonna do" he said "ill deal with it in my own way"
"Pheew" One friendship still in tact :-)

Thanks P-Angel