Do you need closure?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by DMV on Tuesday, July 17, 2012 and has 17 replies.
what say you
Not always
Not everyone can provide closure for various reasons. Sometimes one has to do it themselves.
No. When it's right it works, when it doesn't let it go and fight Mr. Right!
Signed Up: Sep 10, 2010
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4684 · Topics: 51
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4684 · Topics: 51
What is the point of a failed relationship if you don't get any feedback on what you did wrong?
How does one improve and learn and do better next time if you don't know how you fcucked it up this time?
How does one improve and learn and do better next time if you don't know how you fcucked it up this time?
I'd like closure if someone has left, however, that isn't in my control so I've learnt to carry on regardless...
TBH if I didn't choose to end the relationship then even getting closure from them wouldn't help. Chances are I'd want to discuss the points and try to overcome them or work on them.
You just have to except that one of you isn't into it...that's life!
TBH if I didn't choose to end the relationship then even getting closure from them wouldn't help. Chances are I'd want to discuss the points and try to overcome them or work on them.
You just have to except that one of you isn't into it...that's life!
Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
What is the point of a failed relationship if you don't get any feedback on what you did wrong?
How does one improve and learn and do better next time if you don't know how you fcucked it up this time?
Don't assume you've done something wrong...you just don't fit that other person for whatever reason. It could be something totally stupid like leaving the toilet seat up and they just can't deal with it or lots of stupid little things that grate them...or they could very easily just not want you forever...
Posted by sweethearts
I'd like closure if someone has left, however, that isn't in my control so I've learnt to carry on regardless...
TBH if I didn't choose to end the relationship then even getting closure from them wouldn't help. Chances are I'd want to discuss the points and try to overcome them or work on them.
You just have to except that one of you isn't into it...that's life!
Oh SH, why'd ya have to say that lol
Sorry BS, it's the truth!
People come here complaining that they weren't dealt with fairly and they want to understand why the other partner left such an awesome relationship blah blah blah when in reality they want to know how to fix it because they weren't the ones that chose to give up on it. It's not closure they want, that won't help them to move on. That's the excuse to try and revive or bend down to accommodate the other person. Done it myself, mostly it doesn't work and even if it does it's only temporary...
If not,
What is the definition of "closure"?
People come here complaining that they weren't dealt with fairly and they want to understand why the other partner left such an awesome relationship blah blah blah when in reality they want to know how to fix it because they weren't the ones that chose to give up on it. It's not closure they want, that won't help them to move on. That's the excuse to try and revive or bend down to accommodate the other person. Done it myself, mostly it doesn't work and even if it does it's only temporary...
If not,
What is the definition of "closure"?
Signed Up: Sep 10, 2010
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4684 · Topics: 51
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4684 · Topics: 51
Posted by sweetheartsPosted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
What is the point of a failed relationship if you don't get any feedback on what you did wrong?
How does one improve and learn and do better next time if you don't know how you fcucked it up this time?
Don't assume you've done something wrong...you just don't fit that other person for whatever reason. It could be something totally stupid like leaving the toilet seat up and they just can't deal with it or lots of stupid little things that grate them...or they could very easily just not want you forever...click to expand
Ok, so why can't they just say that?
"Thanks for all the great sex Rnap. You are a loyal supportive sex maniac and you always have my back - I just can't be with someone like that forever. I want to marry a crazy cookie monster who fights with me, disrespects my job but likes my pay packet because it means she can quit work."
Just say it ad let me move on to a guy who DOES want a loyal sex maniac forever, instead of wandering around wondering what the fcuck I did (or wasn't doing.)
Because I stupidly think if we get along famously and the sex is outta this world then we are onto something special.....but it ain't necessarily so. And if it's not then I think some sort of explanation is a reasonable request before you disappear off the the Island of Lost Lovers.
Be honest. Communicate. Pretty simple really. And saves a lot of grief.
Of course if I am being unreasonable I stand to be corrected, as always.
**Finally he did tell me I had done nothing wrong. I felt so much better knowing that I had not committed some dumbass offence (I am an Aries and this is one of our special powers - offending others with no idea it happened) and we are on the way to being neat friends now. All good.
Posted by sweethearts
Sorry BS, it's the truth!
People come here complaining that they weren't dealt with fairly and they want to understand why the other partner left such an awesome relationship blah blah blah when in reality they want to know how to fix it because they weren't the ones that chose to give up on it. It's not closure they want, that won't help them to move on. That's the excuse to try and revive or bend down to accommodate the other person. Done it myself, mostly it doesn't work and even if it does it's only temporary...
If not,
What is the definition of "closure"?
Yeah it's the truth. As for the definition of closure, it's bringing to a conclusion or resolution. But that can swing one way or the other. The truth is relationships end and can't be fixed because men and women can't move past their personal crap. They go through life claiming to want love yada yada but then constantly do stuff that dooms the good thing they had. The biggest being not accepting fault for your own actions and changing to make the relationship work. The second being sticking to "your guns" and not compromising with the other person to make it work. It's the time old problem. Then they come on here seeking "answers" to a problem they already know. While you can try to rekindle the relationship, ultimately if you, or both of you aren't mature enough to change and grow then it's pointless. If the other person isn't willing but you are, I suggest you not waste your time waiting for them. If it meant to be, it will happen. If not, find someone who can truly accept you for who you are...faults and all. Until then, use your time to eliminate what you know is wrong with you.
Not speaking to you personally SH.
@RNAP
I agree. I wish people would just be honest and open about what went wrong between us, but I've just accepted that people simply aren't going to do it. Either they don't want to hurt you or cause more damage or they simply don't give a damn about how you feel and could care less about you or being friends. If they want to hold a grudge, not open up, or give it a shot, ultimately that's on them. I accept responsibility for what I do in relationships, and make amends, but I can only speak for myself. Things can change, but you can always find someone who is open and honest, uses wisdom and good judgement in communication, and is willing to put the past behind them and work it out.
I agree. I wish people would just be honest and open about what went wrong between us, but I've just accepted that people simply aren't going to do it. Either they don't want to hurt you or cause more damage or they simply don't give a damn about how you feel and could care less about you or being friends. If they want to hold a grudge, not open up, or give it a shot, ultimately that's on them. I accept responsibility for what I do in relationships, and make amends, but I can only speak for myself. Things can change, but you can always find someone who is open and honest, uses wisdom and good judgement in communication, and is willing to put the past behind them and work it out.
If not,
What is the definition of "closure"?
Yeah it's the truth. As for the definition of closure, it's bringing to a conclusion or resolution. But that can swing one way or the other. The truth is relationships end and can't be fixed because men and women can't move past their personal crap. They go through life claiming to want love yada yada but then constantly do stuff that dooms the good thing they had. The biggest being not accepting fault for your own actions and changing to make the relationship work. The second being sticking to "your guns" and not compromising with the other person to make it work. It's the time old problem. Then they come on here seeking "answers" to a problem they already know. While you can try to rekindle the relationship, ultimately if you, or both of you aren't mature enough to change and grow then it's pointless. If the other person isn't willing but you are, I suggest you not waste your time waiting for them. If it meant to be, it will happen. If not, find someone who can truly accept you for who you are...faults and all. Until then, use your time to eliminate what you know is wrong with you.
+1 BS, I see you have learnt Grasshopper
Posted by sweethearts
If not,
What is the definition of "closure"?
Yeah it's the truth. As for the definition of closure, it's bringing to a conclusion or resolution. But that can swing one way or the other. The truth is relationships end and can't be fixed because men and women can't move past their personal crap. They go through life claiming to want love yada yada but then constantly do stuff that dooms the good thing they had. The biggest being not accepting fault for your own actions and changing to make the relationship work. The second being sticking to "your guns" and not compromising with the other person to make it work. It's the time old problem. Then they come on here seeking "answers" to a problem they already know. While you can try to rekindle the relationship, ultimately if you, or both of you aren't mature enough to change and grow then it's pointless. If the other person isn't willing but you are, I suggest you not waste your time waiting for them. If it meant to be, it will happen. If not, find someone who can truly accept you for who you are...faults and all. Until then, use your time to eliminate what you know is wrong with you.
+1 BS, I see you have learnt Grasshopper
just got caught in the matrix there for a sec lol. I'm getting my swag backPosted by sweethearts
If not,
What is the definition of "closure"?
Yeah it's the truth. As for the definition of closure, it's bringing to a conclusion or resolution. But that can swing one way or the other. The truth is relationships end and can't be fixed because men and women can't move past their personal crap. They go through life claiming to want love yada yada but then constantly do stuff that dooms the good thing they had. The biggest being not accepting fault for your own actions and changing to make the relationship work. The second being sticking to "your guns" and not compromising with the other person to make it work. It's the time old problem. Then they come on here seeking "answers" to a problem they already know. While you can try to rekindle the relationship, ultimately if you, or both of you aren't mature enough to change and grow then it's pointless. If the other person isn't willing but you are, I suggest you not waste your time waiting for them. If it meant to be, it will happen. If not, find someone who can truly accept you for who you are...faults and all. Until then, use your time to eliminate what you know is wrong with you.
+1 BS, I see you have learnt Grasshopper
just got caught in the matrix there for a sec lol. I'm getting my swag back
Is the person there?
If the answer is "no" .. then that is your closure.
People who say they need closure .. then proceed to say that they need to vent how they feel to the other person ABOUT that person ... so, in reality, they aren't looking for closure, they are looking for a loophole to wiggle back in. These sentimentals things are said to that person with an anticipation of being regarded as special again, and having the relationship go back to the way it was.
If a person really wanted closure ..... then they wouldn't have a need to continue talking/thinking about the other person.
If the answer is "no" .. then that is your closure.
People who say they need closure .. then proceed to say that they need to vent how they feel to the other person ABOUT that person ... so, in reality, they aren't looking for closure, they are looking for a loophole to wiggle back in. These sentimentals things are said to that person with an anticipation of being regarded as special again, and having the relationship go back to the way it was.
If a person really wanted closure ..... then they wouldn't have a need to continue talking/thinking about the other person.
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