Dont Get It...

Ok, so last night I was celebrating for my birthday with a friend. The real birthday party will be this weekend with my female friend from highschool coming down. Her birthday is today. Since we both have birthdays at the beginning of the week (which sucks btw) the party is moved to the weekend.

Anyway as usual, for this sag mooner am veering off point. My friend asked me to bring my astrology chart book with me. I did. While we are sitting at the bar, a smoking hot jennifer connelly look alike sat next to us with her friend.

Me and my friend kept talking with the usual injokes and asides. He's a sag, btw. Man, I swear all my close male friends are always on that sag tip LOL

I didnt bother approaching her since a.) this is a bar and figured her defenses would be up b.) shes hot and theres no chance in hell she would go for my pale ass.

Anyway after a few minutes she approached me asked, what the book was. Explained it to her, and she asked me to look up her chart. I did and turns out she had a sun in aries with moon in leo. She's 32 years old. I thought that would be the end of the conversation, but she kept talking to me. Carrying the conversation and touching me from time to time.

We seem to be hitting it off real well. She's single which gobsmacked me considering how attractive she was. My night just got a whole lot better finding that out. She asked about the dvd. Told her it was a birthday present frommy sag buddy. She wished me a happy birthday and asked how old I turned.

I told her 29 years old. Right after that, her interest in me seemed to drop immediately. The conversation from her end got less quickly. I carried it putting some humor in to keep things light. But she excused herself and friend and wished me a fun birthday.

I was speechless and frustrated. Why the ageism? I understand if I had been 21, but she is only 3 years older than me. That is why I get majorly pissed off when women complain about men dating younger women. What the hell else am I supposed to do, when you wont give guys close to your age the time of day?

Women tend to go for older men, it's how it's been for so long, so I guess most just flow with that. In my case I always have the hardest time connecting with younger women, I gel better with older ones. At the end it's not really the amount of years that woman has that matters but the life in those years. I've met older women that were so immature, I couldn't believe it. I also met younger ones, who were more together than a lot of older women. If she cut you off for age alone, I say it's quite superficial, I'm not sure it's something you would like to deal with. She might have save you a lot of troubles by cutting you off. You should be thanking her.

mmm, yeah, she may like older men cuz she may be under the impression that a man older than she is more interested in a real, long-term relationship. she's fooling herself in thinking that she could find that at a bar (not saying that u couldn't, but generally speaking, bars tend to mostly serve the purpose of being a meat market) but she may think that u still being in ur 20's might only want a piece of ass and nothing more.

i am currently dating a man 3 years younger than myself and i have no problems! i'll admit, after finding out his age at first i noticed i was slightly discouraged. i think it's because i was used to being with a guy slightly older than myself (and by that i mean a mere 2-4 years). i wasn't looking for a LTR but i thought i may have more in common with, and the maturity level of, a man a little older than myself. i still gave him a shot and he's turned out to be one of the most mature men i've dated! he is hands down the best lover and the most openly communicative out of the partners i've had. fwiw, i LOVE the men in their late 20's-mid-30's. those are my favorite ages in a guy!

she after a quid or two, get a grip mate she can clean you out

Raysheart, I definately understand where you are coming from. I can connect with younger women, due to staying young at heart. But the problem with younger women in early to mid 20's is there a huge difference between intellectual maturity and EMOTIONAL maturity. When I dated my infamous cap ex, she was four years younger than me. Very intelligent for her age, but later on I discovered thats all she was.

She was 19 when we went out and acted it emotionally. I agree there are a lot of women our age who have the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. But I do think the ratio is higher for emotional immaturity with women in the early mid 20's range from personal experience.

I have no issues dating a younger woman casually, just not exclusively. Just because they go through more changes than us men do.

Yeah, Ninja, I agree. I think its crap because Im 29, not 25. I dont mind being alone necessarily. But the problem is this being the south, 30ish women who are single have become an endangered species. So I feel the pressure to find that rare single 30 year old who doesnt have kids. Even if she's not relationship material its just much easier. Women my age tend to play less games, and are not as uptight unlike younger women.

Let it be, I'll tell you why men think this way. You may not know, but I'm a redhead. Not really a red head right now since the top of my head is bleached blonde and has a lot of spikes. So I guess that makes me a blonde redhead so to speak. Anyway when a guy is just plain red hair without dye, attractive women tend to look the other way 90% of the time.

Because most attractive women (or the ones in my town anyway) are looking for that tall dark, spanish italian type. Even if they are not and go with an average looking guy its usually for an ulterior motive. At least the women in my town. Basically the average man they're dating has wealth, social status - (in a band, manager of a club, club promoter, drug dealer).

There is some decent looking guys in my town, but not the (omg I want to f--k the Twilight dude) type. So attractive women here hold out just to meet the stud. Actually I consider my town to be way more shallow than LA.

I never got why men complain about getting dates in LA. Its usually cause they make the dumb mistake of trying to pick up girls in clubs down there. And guess what, most attractive women in la go to clubs for the attention and validation for the ego. To b

I've done pretty well for myself out there. Met some extremely attractive single women who were actually interested in . Unlike the same ones in my town.

Then again I think it comes down to a few things. One, I meet women there during the day while out and about. Two, every woman who liked me in la had been living there a few years.

Since LA is full of model guys, women when they first move to the city go on a tear. But after a while, be it consistant bad sex, boring personalities, or rampant cheating, the attractive ones there get burnt out.

So if they meet an average looking guy who has personality and is laidback, chances are he is going to be more attractive then a lot of the model looking dudes.

But since there is a scarcity of the studs in my town, women here are more picky.

BTW James tate I have no idea what you are talking about LOL

i think he's saying be careful because she wanted your money. 😉

as for the rest of this thread............................*headdesk*

Oh ok, gotcha Ok head desk cause I ramble and meander like usual? 😉

you do ramble a lot but i can deal with that because it's interesting rambling.

there were two comments that led to the headdesk:
1.) that a hot chick wouldn't bother with your pale ass. maybe this was a joke. if it was serious, then my head hurts right now.
2.) that women in their early 20s are emotionally immature. 😐

she is after your money dude

Flying...

My only comment is who cares that she didn't take interest? Who cares what caused her to pull back?


I say this because.. you need confidence. Period. your comment about your pale ass... lol cute but that shows you have no/little confidence which for most women is extremely attractive. Most "attractive" (which is all relative to perception) men exude confidence and women are drawn in. Then.. you end up realizing the confidence is only 1/4 inch deep and there's nothing more to thme but surface beauty.

Now take a man that has much more to offer, the confidence in themselves.. and you get a winner!

KNOW YOUR WORTH and BELIEVE in your worth. If you do that and gain some confidence, women will respond.

Focusing and getting angry is only going to add fuel to your fire and make you pull back and respond less.

This is funny to me, and i can't beleive i'm confessing to this.. but yes i watch that reality show where the geeks were paired up with with babes and crap and it was h ilarious to watch. But the reality of it was so on point. All this show did (besides teh occassional humiliation of these guys) was give them confidence in themselves. Changed their lives... and it made them more atttractive.

Just my lil 2 cents.

My .02 the last person I was "dating" was 10 years younger than me and was hands down smart, sex and uber confident. I'm in my 30's and if I ever do date again he will most assuredly be younger.

See where my mind is, that "sex" should have been "sexy". OY!

FB80 you yourself have just made a whole lot of assumptions on women in certain age groups about maturity levels both emotionally and intellectually, are you generalising or have you given these women a chance and found this to be so??

You say in your experience....maybe this women also has in her experience dealt with 20 something year olds that where only after a fun time and she herself knows what she wants and has decided from your age you dont fit. Things may have been different if you had asked for her number or persude her in some fashion...but you didnt...

I have myself made assumptions about what a guy may want from me upon first meeting them by there age etc but if they were to persue me and there was some form of attraction there, I'd certainly give them a shot.

She is 32 and probably looking to settle down and have a family. Heard you were 29 and figured you weren't there yet.

So much to respond here to. And so much misunderstanding caused on my part.

Since I wrote that post half-awake, let's do some clarification. I dont necessarily mean emotional maturity in the conventional sense per se in regards to women in their early -mid 20's. As I put in a different post, people go through so many changes in their 20's

Basically you're made of clay, easily molded without any concrete cement. I could tell countless stories of fellow 29 year olds telling me how much of an idiot they were at 22. Thinking they had their sh-t together when they didnt necessarily. Hey, I felt the same way.

I look back on those early-mid twenties period with complete embarassment. At the time I thought I was mature for my age when in all honesty, that was not the case. What you want out of love, and a career goes into extreme overhaul every inch of your 20's. It constantly changes. Although I have seen this occur more with women than men.

Babygrl, I appreciate what you are saying. I care because after a while it gets old after a while hearing women bi--h about us dating younger ones. When they have men their own age, or close to it right in front of them. But they choose to pretend we're not here. I would have been fine with it if my age had been 22 when she blew me off. But I am 29 and she's 32 so the age difference is mularky due to me being at the end of the 20's.

I agree confidence is important with attraction to women. However, easier said than done. See you as a woman, get it WAY easier in the dating game. All you girls have to do is look physically attractive. You dont have to approach men being attractive. You dont have to have personality being attractive when sing. You dont have to even be intelligent being attractive and single.

But that is all men's fault. A majority of us are f----ing cowards. Cause of the fear of being alone or never getting sex again. We have the same standards as women but put it to the side cause of previous factors mentioned. Difference with women, is a guy not only has to be good looking, he needs the gift of gab.

A guy has to make himself unique and interesting in conversation. Which can be extremely difficult given all the schmucks you all talk to during the day. Babygrl, I have a exercise for you. Next you go to a bar (has to be a straight one BTW) or are out during the day, approach the most attractive girl you see. To be continued

Attempt to hold a conversation with her for at least 7 — 10 minutes. Then try to get her number. Now you dont have to call her or anything. Just make the attempt. And repeat this exercise 3 more times with other women. And come back with a field report of your experiences.

Sweethearts, I have made these assumptions based on my experiences with younger women. I've dated many a younger woman in my time. I gave these girls a chance and they never failed to show their true age at some point.

But there is nothing wrong with them being their age. They are supposed to be that way. The more people in their 20's attempt to act like an olde radult, the more they end up not being one.

Cause usually you get cases where women and men tried to grow up too fast. And up having major emotional issues by the time 30 comes around.

Now the men and women who stayed single, went out and had casual sex with a decent number of people (providing they are being safe of course) traveled the world, and had fun, were more likely to settle down when 30 hit.

Unlike the ones who busted their a-- through college without really dating, lack of real travel, and settled down with only the 1st or 2nd person they were in a relationship with,

I understand her perspective in dealing with 20 somethings in the past. But it's not like Im 26/ Im 29. When you are about to hit 30, everything starts coming into focus so to speak. You finally start to get a definite grip on what you want out of life.


—It's proven fact that guys mature slower than girls! I dunno about when you get to your late 20's and early 30's though.??


Spoken like a true woman in her early 20's Nuff said. 😉


But anyway I'm over this whole situation. And have just accepted the fact I may not be able to date someone my age ever again. Unless I got rich and could move far, far away from the south.

"Attempt to hold a conversation with her for at least 7 — 10 minutes. Then try to get her number. Now you dont have to call her or anything. Just make the attempt. And repeat this exercise 3 more times with other women. And come back with a field report of your experiences."

That would completely suck! Plus, I'm one of those people that if I am not interested, I am going to nip it in the bud w/in 0-2 min. No use wasting anybody's time; especially mine. I have girlfriends who will talk to guys for an hour at a bar/club/meeting spot and even go out on a date (which is ok, because sometimes first impressions may NOT be good, and you want to give them a chance). Then a month later they are complaining about how to get rid of this guy. I'm like, "Ummm yeah, you've gone on like 4+ dates with this guy, and talk to him hours on the phone— You didn't know before a MONTH IN, that you weren't interested??" They laugh and are like, "Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Yeah, sorry, I just don't believe in wasting anybody's time ... life is too short and valuable, in my opinon to waste it.

FB80, I hear what you are saying on the dating front, and it is a hard proposition for a guy because they DO (typically) have to be the ones to step up and talk to the woman first; however, I've seen women in varying forums who have talked to and engaged the men first! I was out for dinner w/a female friend of mine, and she bought a guy a drink and had it sent to him. It was well received, and they have been chatting ever since (about 3 months), but he travels for business and lives far away from her, but she risked it, and it worked out. I've known other women who have almost stalked guys, and it wasn't pretty. But to them, they are going for what they want; regardless if society says men are to approach the woman, blah, blah, blah, they are doing it their way. I'm like, "GO for it!" I'm not doing it, but I'm not going to stand in their way of doing whatever they feel they need to do to get a date or a man 🙂 To each his/her own!

As for the "popularization" of older women dating younger men. I don't necessarily see it has a popularization, but more of exploring options that may have never even come to their mind before. In our society, it has always been acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman. In some respects people will have not so nice comments about those 70+ men w/20+ year old women, but more often than not, if the man is 5, 10, 15 year olde

(cut off) - if the man is older in our society (in the past) that was ok and even acceptable, but god forbid a woman date a younger man, she is named a "Mrs. Robinson," "Cougar," etc. With that being said, more women are open to it, including myself, as I was NEVER into younger men until I turned 30, then I have been approached by men 21-27 on a constant basis. While I didn't actively search them out, they were ALWAYS popping up around me and asking me out, and I finally said, "What the hell." I'm glad I did, as it was something I NEVER saw myself doing. I don't think people need to be bound by societal standards, if they want to date someone younger/older, they should, if a woman wants to ask a guy out on a date, she should. Just because everything doesn't fit into everyone's idea of right and wrong behaviors doesn't mean there is anything wrong with doing what feels right for YOU!

" Raysheart, I definately understand where you are coming from. I can connect with younger women, due to staying young at heart. But the problem with younger women in early to mid 20's is there a huge difference between intellectual maturity and EMOTIONAL maturity. When I dated my infamous cap ex, she was four years younger than me. Very intelligent for her age, but later on I discovered thats all she was.

She was 19 when we went out and acted it emotionally. I agree there are a lot of women our age who have the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. But I do think the ratio is higher for emotional immaturity with women in the early mid 20's range from personal experience.

I have no issues dating a younger woman casually, just not exclusively. Just because they go through more changes than us men do. "


I see ... but then again, how much of that maturity and immaturity depends solely on age? Also how much of the maturity/immaturity definition comes from you? I personally think maturity is gained through understanding of what you've experienced and experience to me is how you dealt with what you have gone through. So the amount of years you've lived on this earth alone, can't determine whether you'll be mature or not.

Even though in your eyes what came up is that women in that group of age are more mature and as per your experience it showed to be true but I think that what got them to be more mature is the amount of things they've gone through mixed with how they've dealt with what they've gone through and not because of how long they've been alive.

Falling into statistic can be quite tricky when it comes to assessing people and even worst for future life partners because so many things can make people act a certain way. I say whatever it is, never loose your ability to read. Try not to have a strong solid preconceived opinion before getting to someone or a situation, because these can make you miss out on something special.

* And have just accepted the fact I may not be able to date someone my age ever again. Unless I got rich and could move far, far away from the south.

Oh pish posh. That is male mythology. Don't believe a word of it. Nothing pisses a decent girl off than that attitude. I've actually had guys come up to me and say if they made more money they would date a girl like me. WTF? That is pretty offensive!

I've dated rich guys. I've dated poor guys. If I like you, I like you. That is the way 95% + women work.

The truth is you will probably have to wait till you are about 32 for the 30 year olds to start taking you seriously. Why? I have no idea. But mark my words, that is when they will start evaluating you as a potential partner. UNLESS you do something right away that lets them know you are serious and even then I think it would be an upward battle. Women in their 30s, who want families, don't want to waste a lot of time "trying things out". (Usually, they have been in relationships where the guy knew he would never marry her but was never told that, and well have probably spent a lot of time "trying things out" and are sick of it.) They usually end up marrying guys much older, in their 40s, because those guys are usually serious and want to get married.

I have a smokin' hot friend, who is an engineer, makes great money, very intelligent, incredible well travelled, bright, fun .... she just married a guy who is about to turn 50. Mainly because he wanted to get married quick, within three months, and she had her two long term bfs do the "I'm not sure" after several years. After two very broken hearts, she figured she much rather go with the guy who knows what he wants ... HER.

She is but one example.

So yes, your age is against you. Much like it is against a 38 year old single woman who always wanted kids. Fortunately for you though, time is very much in your favour and chances are you will meet someone. For the 32 yr old females, they are looking at that 38 and cringing because they know they can't afford two years of "trying things out" with no ring at the end.

I thought all of this was pretty obvious, but perhaps it isn't. It simply boils down to this, for the 32 yr old female, the 29 yr old man is a risk.

* I personally think maturity is gained through understanding of what you've experienced and experience to me is how you dealt with what you have gone through. So the amount of years you've lived on this earth alone, can't determine whether you'll be mature or not.

There is a contradiction within your assessment Ray. How can you reflect on your experience and gain wisdom, when you have no experience to reflect on? 😉

Little Sparrow - Because time alone does not guarantee level of experience - time is really a very basic and rough guide only...Some people will go through alot in a very short space of time...Other people's challenges in life are very spaced out. Just as, some people learn very quickly from their experiences and move on, while other people fail to learn the lesson, causing them to repeat similar cycles over and over thus taking up alot more time. At least, that is my understanding of what Ray was getting at 🙂

"There is a contradiction within your assessment Ray. How can you reflect on your experience and gain wisdom, when you have no experience to reflect on?"

Every living being has Experience but ... only experience in what they've been through and how they've dealt with what they've been through. Basically one can only be experienced at things they have gone through and nothing else. So the experience is how they've dealt with what they have gone through. So every living being has Experience to reflect on and gain understanding from but ... the understanding that will come out of it, is not guaranteed Maturity.

A 26 year old who spent the last 10 years of her life handling situations in her life properly, will most likely be more mature than a 36 year old who spent the last 20 years of her life, handling situations in her life poorly. So both individuals have Experience, something that they can reflect on and gain understanding but ... experience at how they've dealt with what they have gone through and even though the 36 year old have more years in her life, being that she handled her life poorly in those years, her maturity level will mostly likely be poor. The 26 year old has less years in her life but being that she handled the life in those years properly. Her maturity level will most likely be better.

That's also only my personal opinion. It's based of my understanding of situations I've dealt with in my personal life, just like most of my posts. Things could have shown differently on your side. It's possible.

" time alone does not guarantee level of experience "

Yeah that's basically what I meant. 🙂

This conversation can go on and on in every direction because it's based off of what each person or people in their lives have experienced. It isn't easier being a 29 year old man or a 36 year old woman. Either one actually sucks in the dating world.

Men have these ideas of women - women have their ideas of men. It's that simple. The trick is not letting the reject of some ruin your initiative for the future! That's how i approach every situation i'm in. Especially in the dating world. I'm not this fine 36 year old, i'm chunky.. got some cushin for some pushing. but you think i let that stop me in any way? If i did i would die alone. Do i lose confidence over it? Absolutely not. Just because i'm not the body type of one doesn't mean someone else would pass it up. I radiate confidence because i beleive in the type of woman i am and i'm a damn good woman. If that isn't enough then you don't deserve what i have to offer anyway. So yes, i know rejection and it isn't so easy for women either. some make reference for woman who are money hungry, well how about them men that are looking for Kare Moss?

This is why i say who cares to what those individual women think. They abviously weren't it for you... keep moving along. And honestly, the last place i look for a man is in the bar.

I found, better dating experiences come from places you go of common interest. If your interest is in being at the bar, that should be what your expectation is.

again, more gem rambling. lol

and that was Kate Moss.. Monday morning, my fingers aren't working as fast as my mind was thinking..