Finding another mate after your partner dies

How many of you would probably feel guilty if you felt the urge to get another companion after your partner/spouse died? I get that you should move on (or even heal, if possible) emotionally/psychologically, BUT could you honestly say that you'd probably end up re-marrying or looking for love again afterwards?

I know you can never say never b/c we "never" know who we'll become or where we'll be in the future or if certain situations were to happen.

But for real...I'm not gonna lie...if I was married for 20+ years & yet my husband died, I'd have a hard time finding someone else. Yeah yeah I know people are gonna say, "He'd want you to find someone b/c he wouldn't want you to be alone" but still, I can completely understand why some people remain single (meaning they never get re-married) again after losing a spouse. I can only imagine the guilt they might feel. And I think I might be 1 of those people, God forbid something were to ever happen to my husband.

This guy at my church just lost his wife of 20+ years to Cancer. He told us all that he'd not only NEVER get with another woman (sexually, emotionally, etc.) but that he'd always consider himself still married to his deceased wife even though she was no longer living. I thought wow! Now THAT'S love!

I guess the same logic can apply to a widow that would to a regular ole single un-married person. Being single isn't all that bad. Just b/c you're single (either by choice or by circumstance) doesn't mean that something is wrong with you or that you can't move on from a past relationship. Point is, some widows like to remain single b/c they literally don't want to feel like they have to fall in love again just to feel "normal," & I completely understand that logic just like a non-widowed single person would.

I can't lie...Even if I did want to move on to go find someone else, I'd probably feel super guilty for lusting over someone or engaging in sexual relations with them! Almost like I'd be worried that my angelic husband in heaven would be looking down on me with his arms crossed, shaking his head in disgust!

People always say that you should never start a new relationship unless you're completely past/over old ones, but in a widow's case is it even possible to fully be "over" someone you've loved for so long? Is it even possible NOT to compare your deceased partner to all the new prospects? Do those same rules apply? Is it just as much a bad thing for a widowed person to still be in love or have tremendous love for their ex, even if their ex is deceased? I mean think about it..

There is a wonderful elderly gent here in town. Kind, and sweet. We chat at the post office on occasion. And one day he took my hand and told me he was counting down the days to be reunited with his wife. Yes, I wept. It was beautiful and so sad the missing and the love he had and has for her.

I do not know how I could remarry after losing a beloved husband. There would be no replacing him. I'd mourn him deeply and miss him always. Every day. I may after a very long time have a companion. Because another human and contact is so important. But I'd more than like never give my last name over. That one I'd keep. It would be in my head that what is and was mine is husband. And those would be some awfully large shoes to fill.

Yes, I probably would find someone else. I'd always love the one that died also. But I have a lot of love to give.

I have a gf that lost her childhood sweetheart to cancer 2 years ago, they were together over 20 years, remarried before he died and had a 2nd honeymoon. they also have two children together. She is still young in her mid 40's and within a year she was dating again and now living with another man very similar to her husband.

She simply just couldn't be alone...it's been rough and she has had a lot of people putting in their 2 cents worth including her children but she has chosen to live her life the way she wants. The man that she is with is a lovely guy and he takes back seat still to the husband as he lives in their home with the 2nd full sized wedding picture displayed in the living room, associates with their friends that are always remembering him and even has his ashes in the same room that they sleep in!!

She just simply cant be on her own, some people are like that... she is very happy and has something to live for again?


I on the other hand lost the person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with...although I have moved on and had other partners, I have not stayed with anyone for any length of time and I'm doubtful that I will find someone again. I don't need someone to make me feel whole, if they should come around I hope that I aren't too closed off to recognise him.

It really comes down to the person in question, some people just have to have someone and others are quite happy and alright on their own. In my world, of the people I know that have lost to death it's a 50/50 thing as to whether they have moved on or stayed single and waited for their loved ones.

I would remarry or stay single depending on how much i loved the individual....but Id never love anyone more than I love myself...

I'm a widow... and though he was my very best friend and left some pretty big shoes to fill... and I miss him terribly and at times it's a sudden kick to the stomach... I'm definitely open to remarrying. But it took years to find the one who measures up. And I know my Tommy would be happy and proud - he LOVED me, he only ever wanted my happiness.

My Libra's Dad died 5 years ago... Libra's Mom has not been on a single date, has turned down several suitors, and is not interested in it at all. She says there's no one else like him, and she's glad she had him for so long.

I always wait 4 to 5 weeks after killing one before I move on.

Posted by james tate
I always wait 4 to 5 weeks after killing one before I move on.

LOL!

My good friend just lost her husband of 11 years 3 weeks ago. She knows it will take some time to absorb it all, but she's told me she intends to eventually seek a partner because she doesn't want to live her life alone.

I think I would feel the same way, but it's hard to know. It's hard to even imagine losing him in the first place.

What people don't understand very well
is in death you loose the person but the relationship is still there.
Everything that you and that person had together is still there for you.
But there is no tomorrow.

nope. i wouldnt be able to live without my heart.

Posted by james tate
What people don't understand very well
is in death you loose the person but the relationship is still there.
Everything that you and that person had together is still there for you.
But there is no tomorrow.

I think this is exactly how I'd feel. IF my parent dies, they don't stop being my parent just b/c they're no longer living. No one can replace anyone whose ever died. Sure, you can move on and/or heal, but anytime someone/something is lost BEFORE the end or breakup was official, there's always that nagging feeling within you that reminds you that technically the relationship never dies just b/c the person might've 😢

I'm all for someone moving on though. Moving on emotionally/psychologically/spiritually so that they won't allow their partner's death to consume them and/or turn them into a bitter, lonely & cold individual. That's never good. I think healing is always the best policy regardless of the heartbreak or loss.

But I don't think you have to get into another relationship just to find happiness again. If the same rings true for people who are single & who are told that having a man/woman won't complete them or make them happy, then how can the same not ring true for those who have lost their partner? "Replacing" your partner or getting under a new 1 won't necessarily make you feel better or make you happy, especially if your reasoning for moving on has NOTHING to do with you actually admiring/loving the next person.

I'm never for people purposely getting in new relationships all just for the sake of having someone, whether you're single or widowed. If you're widowed & are gonna get into another relationship, the same rules apply to you like they would everybody else. Make sure the other person actually has a CHANCE to have your heart vs. sharing it with someone else.

Do I think people should feel guilty? Nah.
If the love between you and said person was real, I would imagine that said person wants you to be happy first and foremost.

As for myself, I don't think I'll cross that bridge. I imagine that if I end up with someone that I actually marry / bond for life / whatever you want to call it, that if she were to die, I would mourn losing her for the rest of my days.

It is because of this that I will probably end up a bachelor for life.

There's no place for guilt.

I look at it like this, if I was dying I would want my partner to move on after a mourning period of around 2 years...therefore I think should it be the other way around I would probably live by that. However in reality I know it would take longer for me to in fact put it to practice.