FWB with my best friend

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Suzeej616 on Monday, January 20, 2014 and has 18 replies.
I am a Gemini needing some help and understanding on a Leo that I've worked closely with and best friends with for the last 9 years. About 5 months ago we decided to advance our friendship into a friends with benifits situation. Prior to then we had a sexting session a couple times but because we worked so closely together, he never wanted us to date. I no longer work there and that's when it progressed into fwb. Here's where I need all your Leo help... I'm pretty sure he has started dating someone this past week. We know everything about each other and he had just told me that he has felt very close to me for several years now and can tell me things that no one else knows. We wanted to make sure that our new fwb situation never came in between our friendship. In the beginning he would text me all day about work and then sexting what he wants to do to me, that he wants me again ect. The sex is amazing for both of us! He's said that he hasn't had much success in the sex area with other women because they could never keep up with him or they are dead fish and that he never knew what he was missing with me for 9 years! He said he can count on one hand how many good BJ's he's had and I am the best. Now...here's where I'm confused. If we are so close and have such a great connection, why wouldn't he want me as his girlfriend? He has 2 very busy sons that he has 50% of the time plus is very involved in their school and doesn't introduce women he dates to them so I know he doesn't date much and when he does date it doesn't last long due to his busy schedule. I'm an attractive, funny, smart woman and do not understand! Our great sex has put the cherry on top and I was kinda surprised when he started dating someone cuz I figured great sex and a best friend...I'd be in! Are those 2 things not enough for a Leo man to go for it? I'm sorry this is so long...I'll answer any questions you guys have! thank you!
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He doesnt see you as a girlfriend material for him. But your good enough to be fwb. He has criteria just like anyone. He sees something in the other women that he doesnt see in you. We all think were the bees knees, but we cant force anyone to be with us.
it happens
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Thanks guys for commenting! Is that the difference between men and women? Or is it a Leo thing? How can you have a best friend, and be good enough for sex but not a relationship? I guess that's what I don't understand. I know Leo men have high standards... We had both been on an almost 2 year dry spell and it sounded good! smile
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Cowpuncher: thank you! We both agreed that if we started dating someone that we would tell eachother and stop the benifits part. I had also asked him once, just making sure we kept everything open, if now that we took it a step further with the sex, if he ever thought about becoming more. It was a general question because we had been talking about a mutual friend we have who dates a lot of girls and we said it kinda sucks to not have someone to go out on the town with. So I asked just in case he WAS feeling differently. He said he liked it just the way it is.
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Posted by Suzeej616
Thanks guys for commenting! Is that the difference between men and women? Or is it a Leo thing? How can you have a best friend, and be good enough for sex but not a relationship? I guess that's what I don't understand. I know Leo men have high standards... We had both been on an almost 2 year dry spell and it sounded good! smile


no, its a criteria thing, not a man woman thing. Some people are for this and some are for that. Not a sign thing. He was looking for something more in a mate that he couldnt find within you. Not your fault.
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Cowpuncher: how do you think one can be best friends with someone and be the best sex he's had but doesn't want a relationship? I haven't talked to him for several days, he started pulling away last week which made it obvious that he was talking to someone new along with the other things I noticed in him just being his best friend. So I haven't brought it up and probably won't. I was just going to act really busy and be my happy go lucky self but also not inquire about seeing him.
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Well, stranger things have happened with fwb. But for it to turn into a full blown relationship is slim. This is not advised.
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What he said ^
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Thanks all! I have already decided that I wouldn't continue as a fwb with him...it was alright with me to "try" it out and in a sense I've conquered the wondering thoughts I always had with him! But I also know that for the last 9 years he has probably dated a handful of women all that don't last more than a couple months if that! They have to be VERY independent and willing to not see him very often and willing to let his boys be first and not them. He has set nights and weekends for his boys but he is SO involved that any day of the week they could have something with school, soccer, football ect and he will be there for them. So...knowing this new one won't last either I know he will come calling and I won't give that part up. Thanks again guys!
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Thanks again! Cowpuncher: you are absolutely right and I won't wait around but it saddens me if our friendship gets hurt in the process. You mentioned having several fwb situations...this is my first one and have known him for 9 years! How do they normally happen?
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I hope you don't think him not wanting as a gf has anything to do with you.

You're job and life isn't to be someone for other people to tolerate. You be YOU.
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Oh honey, you basically opened the door for him to view you as a sex toy and not a relationship.
The sexting was the first telltale sign. If a guy is pushing for sex/anything sexual without any type of wooing involved to begin with, he does not respect you much and definitely doesn't see you as relationship status. Your biggest mistake was allowing the sexting to happen.
Nothing is wrong with fwb, but don't expect anything more to come of it. It's basically a free pass for guys to get sex without any sort of commitment.
I also find it rather sad that you think that equating a good blowjob is some sort of sign of respect or has any significance in the relationship. Your head is in the clouds and you have set yourself up for an emotional trainwreck, passenger count- you.
You either need to nip this in the bud and no more sex for freeloader (one whom you clearly want more with), or tell him what you want from him now.
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Posted by Suzeej616
Thanks all! I have already decided that I wouldn't continue as a fwb with him...it was alright with me to "try" it out and in a sense I've conquered the wondering thoughts I always had with him! But I also know that for the last 9 years he has probably dated a handful of women all that don't last more than a couple months if that! They have to be VERY independent and willing to not see him very often and willing to let his boys be first and not them. He has set nights and weekends for his boys but he is SO involved that any day of the week they could have something with school, soccer, football ect and he will be there for them. So...knowing this new one won't last either I know he will come calling and I won't give that part up. Thanks again guys!


Uh, this is a pretty big red flag.
This guy is gonna be a bachelor for awhile. His priorities are a bit too skewed for relationship material. No wonder he opted for a fwb.
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Sag89 you are sweet! Thank you!
Rockyroad your second comment sounds more like him than your first comment does about me. But I do understand that all you know is what I wrote down and not the basis of the last nine years. smile I don't think that a good BJ equates to a great relationship...but I do think that there aren't many men who would be that open about things he's been open with me about.
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I think you're naive about that one.
You're digging to find indicators that he has deeper feelings for you. We've all done it at some point and time, but you should probably recognize that's what's happening here.
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Posted by Suzeej616
... best friends with for the last 9 years.
About 5 months ago we decided to advance our friendship into a friends with benifits situation.




That is not advancing a friendship ... it is retarding a friendship.
Instead of having all these excuses, and in protecting his honor every time someone gives you sound advice ... you should probably make the decision to check yourself instead.
That is ... if you think you are capable of facing truths ... which looks doubtful.
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You have a FWB relationship. A friendship. You should have known that would end when one of you started dating someone.
Be happy for your friend that he has found someone that makes him happy.
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Posted by truecap
You have a FWB relationship. A friendship.


ugh..^^ This is what's crazy!
I have older brothers, and some VERY close male friends. When this subject comes up, ALL of them will tell you a FWB is NOT a friendship. In fact ALL of them say it's a piece of ass and nothing more. Don't any of you have male friends or brothers??? If a good male friend (let alone one you've known for years) wants to fuck you, he's not a friend. Friends don't use up women like dogs. PERIOD.
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