He blame me for his problems with his female BF
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by FoxyLau on Friday, April 11, 2014 and has 3 replies.
Whoa whoa whoa! TIME OUT!!!
First of all, ALL of you have problems with setting boundaries. It's no wonder this situation has become 1 big mess!
HE needs to man up & understand that a man can't have 2 main women in his life. He can have multiple women in his life that he considers important (mom, best friend & girlfriend) but they can't all equally have his undivided attention. Unrealistic. And the min. he tries being a Houdini, THIS is the kinda mess that happens. No woman is gonna wanna play the side chick role to her man's best friend, female or not. If he's gonna give someone he's NOT committed to the power to run the relationship that he actually IS committed to you in, then he needs to do everybody a favor & be with HER, not you.
SHE needs to know her place & to not be so selfish. If he can't be her friend & have a girlfriend at the same time, then they're not truly real friends. If he can't be loyal to 2 people he considers important, then 1 of them has to go. She feels entitled to his undying loyalty & undivided attention b/c this is probably NOT the 1st time he's given her the impression that her word/feelings trumps the feelings of everyone else. Once again, HIS fault.
YOU need to take responsibility in this as well b/c you chose to continue seeking a relationship with him even AFTER knowing they both had issues with boundaries from the very beginning. Own that. The minute you agreed to sign up for a 1-sided relationship is the minute you lost your ability to complain about getting something you signed up for. If you continue allowing this, then YOU are teaching them both how to treat you. All the complaining in the world won't change if you go back to him & continue playing side piece to another woman.
Leave him. The title doesn't make you any better or more special than his best friend if SHE is the one who's getting his undivided loyalty. He's basically in a relationship with 2 people. Don't like it? LEAVE. I highly doubt he will do anything about this b/c he hasn't even acknowledged his wrongs (you can't change what you don't acknowledge) + you're most likely NOT the 1st relationship she's ruined, so what makes you think your love & endless efforts for respect will change him now?
RUN! Run far away!
First of all, ALL of you have problems with setting boundaries. It's no wonder this situation has become 1 big mess!
HE needs to man up & understand that a man can't have 2 main women in his life. He can have multiple women in his life that he considers important (mom, best friend & girlfriend) but they can't all equally have his undivided attention. Unrealistic. And the min. he tries being a Houdini, THIS is the kinda mess that happens. No woman is gonna wanna play the side chick role to her man's best friend, female or not. If he's gonna give someone he's NOT committed to the power to run the relationship that he actually IS committed to you in, then he needs to do everybody a favor & be with HER, not you.
SHE needs to know her place & to not be so selfish. If he can't be her friend & have a girlfriend at the same time, then they're not truly real friends. If he can't be loyal to 2 people he considers important, then 1 of them has to go. She feels entitled to his undying loyalty & undivided attention b/c this is probably NOT the 1st time he's given her the impression that her word/feelings trumps the feelings of everyone else. Once again, HIS fault.
YOU need to take responsibility in this as well b/c you chose to continue seeking a relationship with him even AFTER knowing they both had issues with boundaries from the very beginning. Own that. The minute you agreed to sign up for a 1-sided relationship is the minute you lost your ability to complain about getting something you signed up for. If you continue allowing this, then YOU are teaching them both how to treat you. All the complaining in the world won't change if you go back to him & continue playing side piece to another woman.
Leave him. The title doesn't make you any better or more special than his best friend if SHE is the one who's getting his undivided loyalty. He's basically in a relationship with 2 people. Don't like it? LEAVE. I highly doubt he will do anything about this b/c he hasn't even acknowledged his wrongs (you can't change what you don't acknowledge) + you're most likely NOT the 1st relationship she's ruined, so what makes you think your love & endless efforts for respect will change him now?
RUN! Run far away!
Posted by duchessedenemours
You can either accept the situation or leave. But constantly making him choose is only going to drive him away further and faster.
Posted by duchessedenemours
You can either accept the situation or leave. But constantly making him choose is only going to drive him away further and faster.click to expand
I HIGHLY disagree with this. He'd have a lot of nerve to guilt her for wanting to address & fix something that actually IS wrong. It's not like she's nitpicking or making something out of nothing. Her complaints are 110% valid.
If the relationship falls apart, it's b/c of the person not listening & respecting the boundaries needed to make it work, and NOT b/c of the person coming forward to acknowledge the fact that boundaries are being crossed to begin with.
She wouldn't even have to make him choose in the 1st place if he understood boundaries & if he required/demanded his outside friends to respect his girlfriend & their relationship.
Should she constantly give him ultimatums? Well no. Leaving & dealing with the heartbreak is a lot less stressful than staying in a 1-sided selfish situations that are draining, selfish, demeaning & most likely to continue being all of those negative things the longer time goes on.
Simply feeling like friends are more important than your partner is NOT a free pass to disrespect them for your friends OR to let your friends disrespect them. If your loyalty is NOT ever with your partner then there is no need for a relationship. PERIOD.
People don't get in relationships to play 2nd fiddle to someone else. They get in them for the fun, the loyalty & the euphoria in knowing that there's 1 person in the world who loves putting them on a pedestal, when they could've chosen a million other people to make feel that level of special. A relationship void of self-awareness, respect, accountability, loyalty & boundaries is a relationship bound for DISASTER! It completely defeats the purpose of being in a relationship if the relationship is NOTHING like how a REAL relationship should be lol
so she kind of set yall up? set-up. she still cares about him.
the two of you will drive him crazy. I don't know you, but come on, this entire situation is abnormal, and you have to make sure you are not sticking it out to "win" over her.
she probably now see you as a threat, so she's trying to get you out, he could very well be clueless to it all, and you are probably trying to show her that you now have power over him or the relationship. A bigg mess, mostly between you and the ex smh.
the two of you will drive him crazy. I don't know you, but come on, this entire situation is abnormal, and you have to make sure you are not sticking it out to "win" over her.
she probably now see you as a threat, so she's trying to get you out, he could very well be clueless to it all, and you are probably trying to show her that you now have power over him or the relationship. A bigg mess, mostly between you and the ex smh.
Leave Your Feedback
We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.
Related Topics
Hi. I am really confused. We are both in college he is a libra male and I am a scorpio woman. I always catch him Lookin
@Misosoup
Joined: Apr 11, 2014 · Topics: 1 · Posts: 5
...even through the highs and lows. I can almost tear up right now..I love my moods..love them. https://www.youtube.c
@Damnata
Joined: Feb 11, 2010 · Topics: 473 · Posts: 38715
Let me start off by saying my first week of school I made a happy accident. This guy I clearly mistook him for someone
@aries89dc
Joined: Mar 27, 2014 · Topics: 15 · Posts: 131
Here's my titty pic for admission into the man cave -
@truecap
Joined: Jan 25, 2012 · Topics: 685 · Posts: 20090
I literally hate mine.. Aries Sun + Gemini Moon + Pisces Venus + Cancer Ascendant? I didn't deserve to me punished
@Aries04
Joined: Jan 10, 2012 · Topics: 23 · Posts: 290
How's life?
@LunarMaiden
Joined: Mar 10, 2012 · Topics: 154 · Posts: 9227
Is it too early to start seeing the effects of the Grand Cardinal Cross? Seems like when I look around at other peop
@truecap
Joined: Jan 25, 2012 · Topics: 685 · Posts: 20090
Anyone seen this? What are your thoughts? http://banbossy.com
@christinelovessnickers
Joined: Mar 05, 2013 · Topics: 147 · Posts: 2089
My mum, a Filipina with Chinese-Spanish ancestry, forced me at a young age to memorize all the Chinese zodiacs. I memori
@firebunny
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 · Topics: 1686 · Posts: 16295
I'm an aquarian woman, and recently got chatting to a taurus guy online. He would message me a lot, flirt a hell of a lo
@puglovexo
Joined: Apr 11, 2014 · Topics: 3 · Posts: 9