Dilemma99
@Dilemma99
4 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 55 · Topics: 3
He offered to go take care of his ex who has fallen ill,an ex that he wanted to marry?
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Posted by ImperfectStorm
Hmmmm. Well he obviously still loves her. I know it’s probably uncomfortable or painful for you but at the same time, it shows that he has a good heart.
How is it obvious?
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStorm
Hmmmm. Well he obviously still loves her. I know it’s probably uncomfortable or painful for you but at the same time, it shows that he has a good heart.
How is it obvious?click to expand
Because you don’t treat someone like that unless you love them. He’s even reassuring her parent!!! I’d only do that for the man I love. He feels an obligation to her due to that.
Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStorm
Hmmmm. Well he obviously still loves her. I know it’s probably uncomfortable or painful for you but at the same time, it shows that he has a good heart.
How is it obvious?
Didn’t we go through this in your last thread? 🤔
You can always ask him if you need confirmation, but I think the writing is on the wall, ma’am. I think you are taking this situationship for more than what it actually is.click to expand
I just figured if he wanted to be with her he would be already
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStorm
Hmmmm. Well he obviously still loves her. I know it’s probably uncomfortable or painful for you but at the same time, it shows that he has a good heart.
How is it obvious?
Didn’t we go through this in your last thread? 🤔
You can always ask him if you need confirmation, but I think the writing is on the wall, ma’am. I think you are taking this situationship for more than what it actually is.
I just figured if he wanted to be with her he would be alreadyclick to expand
Sounds like he’s trying to be, so it is indeed time to talk and see where he’s at emotionally. I have ex’s I would truly drop everything to help if they truly needed it, but they are few and far between. You need to find out if he just has love for her or is still in love with her. The latter is a problem even if he stays with you—he’d need to work that shit out first on his own for me to want to try for a relationship with him afterwards.
Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStorm
Hmmmm. Well he obviously still loves her. I know it’s probably uncomfortable or painful for you but at the same time, it shows that he has a good heart.
How is it obvious?
Didn’t we go through this in your last thread? 🤔
You can always ask him if you need confirmation, but I think the writing is on the wall, ma’am. I think you are taking this situationship for more than what it actually is.
I just figured if he wanted to be with her he would be already
Didn’t you say in a previous thread that she won’t take him back?click to expand
She eventually took him up on his offer to come take care of her. Isn’t that her trying to get back with him?
Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStorm
Hmmmm. Well he obviously still loves her. I know it’s probably uncomfortable or painful for you but at the same time, it shows that he has a good heart.
How is it obvious?
Didn’t we go through this in your last thread? 🤔
You can always ask him if you need confirmation, but I think the writing is on the wall, ma’am. I think you are taking this situationship for more than what it actually is.
I just figured if he wanted to be with her he would be already
Didn’t you say in a previous thread that she won’t take him back?
She eventually took him up on his offer to come take care of her. Isn’t that her trying to get back with him?
NO. 🤨click to expand
Well y’all are saying he wants to be with her because he offered to come take care of her so why isn’t accepting it the same thing?
ughhh...if his ex has ANY sort of access to him.YOU RUN
Posted by ImperfectStormTheir backstory:
-together for 2 years
-wanted to marry her
-they broke up in late November
-they don’t follow each other on social media; I’ve seen him check her profile and stories a quite a few times.
Their breakup: They had an argument, broke up, she slept with someone while broken up, he asked her and she told him the truth, he didn’t handle it well according to him, so she kicked him to the curb. He said that she left him.
In your words.
He wanted to marry her. She slept with someone else. He didn’t take it well but wanted to work things out. She left.
He also asked you to remove a photo from him off of your social media about a month ago and told you that you are just friends (per your previous post), and meanwhile was watching her stories
I am not trying to be mean but why don’t you just ask HIM? He probably has already been up front with you and told you “what to make of all this”, but my spidey senses tell me you are in a wee bit of denial about this situation .
Well I’ve been posting us and he hasn’t had an issue with it so doesn’t that mean his feelings have changed for me?
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStormPosted by Dilemma99Posted by ImperfectStorm
Hmmmm. Well he obviously still loves her. I know it’s probably uncomfortable or painful for you but at the same time, it shows that he has a good heart.
How is it obvious?
Didn’t we go through this in your last thread? 🤔
You can always ask him if you need confirmation, but I think the writing is on the wall, ma’am. I think you are taking this situationship for more than what it actually is.
I just figured if he wanted to be with her he would be alreadyclick to expand
If I recall, she didn't want to be with him. Huge difference.
Posted by Dilemma99
We started seeing each other in February. He lives 10 hours away but his family lives in the same city as me. He came up to be with his family that he hasn’t seen in almost 6 months for Mother’s Day. He is planning on staying for 2 weeks, so we’ve made plans to see each other a few times while he’s visiting his family.
Anyways his ex girlfriend fell ill and I overheard them talking on FaceTime at 7 am yesterday. I heard him say I can come take care of you if you want. She said it was nice but she wouldn’t want to take time away from being with his family. After they get off the call he sends her a voice message saying, “if you start to feel worse or don’t get better soon let me know and I’ll come back to take care of you”. I saw her response that said, “aww you’re so sweet I’ll definitely let you know”. Well later that day she told him she’d take him up on his offer. He told her he’d keep her posted because he planned on being out here for 2 weeks. Then I saw that her mom texted him saying she appreciated him coming to take care of her. Her mom told him that she didn’t know he was visiting family so not to worry about it and to enjoy his summer. I saw that he replied to her mom with, “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better”.
Their backstory:
-together for 2 years
-wanted to marry her
-they broke up in late November
-they don’t follow each other on social media; I’ve seen him check her profile and stories a quite a few times but I chalked it up to curiosity because it’s normal to be curious about an ex
-no children
- the 10 hour drive is back to where he lives. He and the ex live in the same city.
-her family is 2 hours away
-I don’t know exactly what’s wrong but I overheard her say something about being in a lot of pain because of her kidneys and she recently got out of he hospital
-Their breakup: They had an argument, broke up, she slept with someone while broken up, he asked her and she told him the truth, he didn’t handle it well according to him, so she kicked him to the curb. He said that she left him.
I’m not sure what to make of this?
So are we just going to skip over the fact that the only way you could know this info is if you were eavesdropping and snooping in the man's phone to be able to overhear this and read his messages?
Secure people don't feel the need to snoop....
The fact that this man is suppose to be spending time with you, yet is face timing his ex, making plans to travel outside of town to be with her all the while you're chilling in the corner eavesdropping says a lot. All of this at 7am no less when he should be warm and toasty next to you until he needs to start his day...Hmph.
What to make of this: if he takes care of her well enough that she forgives him, don't expect him to resume what he has going on with you.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by Dilemma99
We started seeing each other in February. He lives 10 hours away but his family lives in the same city as me. He came up to be with his family that he hasn’t seen in almost 6 months for Mother’s Day. He is planning on staying for 2 weeks, so we’ve made plans to see each other a few times while he’s visiting his family.
Anyways his ex girlfriend fell ill and I overheard them talking on FaceTime at 7 am yesterday. I heard him say I can come take care of you if you want. She said it was nice but she wouldn’t want to take time away from being with his family. After they get off the call he sends her a voice message saying, “if you start to feel worse or don’t get better soon let me know and I’ll come back to take care of you”. I saw her response that said, “aww you’re so sweet I’ll definitely let you know”. Well later that day she told him she’d take him up on his offer. He told her he’d keep her posted because he planned on being out here for 2 weeks. Then I saw that her mom texted him saying she appreciated him coming to take care of her. Her mom told him that she didn’t know he was visiting family so not to worry about it and to enjoy his summer. I saw that he replied to her mom with, “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better”.
Their backstory:
-together for 2 years
-wanted to marry her
-they broke up in late November
-they don’t follow each other on social media; I’ve seen him check her profile and stories a quite a few times but I chalked it up to curiosity because it’s normal to be curious about an ex
-no children
- the 10 hour drive is back to where he lives. He and the ex live in the same city.
-her family is 2 hours away
-I don’t know exactly what’s wrong but I overheard her say something about being in a lot of pain because of her kidneys and she recently got out of he hospital
-Their breakup: They had an argument, broke up, she slept with someone while broken up, he asked her and she told him the truth, he didn’t handle it well according to him, so she kicked him to the curb. He said that she left him.
I’m not sure what to make of this?
So are we just going to skip over the fact that the only way you could know this info is if you were eavesdropping and snooping in the man's phone to be able to overhear this and read his messages?
Secure people don't feel the need to snoop....
The fact that this man is suppose to be spending time with you, yet is face timing his ex, making plans to travel outside of town to be with her all the while you're chilling in the corner eavesdropping says a lot. All of this at 7am no less when he should be warm and toasty next to you until he needs to start his day...Hmph.
What to make of this: if he takes care of her well enough that she forgives him, don't expect him to resume what he has going on with you.click to expand
So you’re saying it would be different if he had done this if I wasn’t around?
He's interested in someone else & hes single so if your feelings are hurt, you haven't done enough to keep a man
Posted by xiongmaoPosted by Dilemma99Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by Dilemma99
We started seeing each other in February. He lives 10 hours away but his family lives in the same city as me. He came up to be with his family that he hasn’t seen in almost 6 months for Mother’s Day. He is planning on staying for 2 weeks, so we’ve made plans to see each other a few times while he’s visiting his family.
Anyways his ex girlfriend fell ill and I overheard them talking on FaceTime at 7 am yesterday. I heard him say I can come take care of you if you want. She said it was nice but she wouldn’t want to take time away from being with his family. After they get off the call he sends her a voice message saying, “if you start to feel worse or don’t get better soon let me know and I’ll come back to take care of you”. I saw her response that said, “aww you’re so sweet I’ll definitely let you know”. Well later that day she told him she’d take him up on his offer. He told her he’d keep her posted because he planned on being out here for 2 weeks. Then I saw that her mom texted him saying she appreciated him coming to take care of her. Her mom told him that she didn’t know he was visiting family so not to worry about it and to enjoy his summer. I saw that he replied to her mom with, “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better”.
Their backstory:
-together for 2 years
-wanted to marry her
-they broke up in late November
-they don’t follow each other on social media; I’ve seen him check her profile and stories a quite a few times but I chalked it up to curiosity because it’s normal to be curious about an ex
-no children
- the 10 hour drive is back to where he lives. He and the ex live in the same city.
-her family is 2 hours away
-I don’t know exactly what’s wrong but I overheard her say something about being in a lot of pain because of her kidneys and she recently got out of he hospital
-Their breakup: They had an argument, broke up, she slept with someone while broken up, he asked her and she told him the truth, he didn’t handle it well according to him, so she kicked him to the curb. He said that she left him.
I’m not sure what to make of this?
So are we just going to skip over the fact that the only way you could know this info is if you were eavesdropping and snooping in the man's phone to be able to overhear this and read his messages?
Secure people don't feel the need to snoop....
The fact that this man is suppose to be spending time with you, yet is face timing his ex, making plans to travel outside of town to be with her all the while you're chilling in the corner eavesdropping says a lot. All of this at 7am no less when he should be warm and toasty next to you until he needs to start his day...Hmph.
What to make of this: if he takes care of her well enough that she forgives him, don't expect him to resume what he has going on with you.
So you’re saying it would be different if he had done this if I wasn’t around?
No, I think PR's saying that...at 7 am, instead of being warm in bed with you until he needs to get up, he's face timing his ex.
She's likely more important to him than you for that to happen.click to expand
I know what she means. I’m just curious to know...if I hadn’t been around him and he was at home by himself would you all still be saying the same thing?
Posted by Dilemma99
So you’re saying it would be different if he had done this if I wasn’t around?
No. I believe he would have offered to go take care of her regardless of your presence. The fact that he didn't care that you were there, within earshot, in bed waiting, and he was spending time that should be spent with you (since you don't get to see each other often), making plans to be elsewhere says a lot.
I mean putting the white cape that this dude is wearing aside for a minute, very few people would drop everything for an ex, with the exceptions of ex couples that share children because after all, this is the mother/father of their child(ren) and if there is no reason for animosity, they see the value in helping out as much as possible for the benefit of the child. This isn't that type of situation.
The man was kicked to the curb. He's currently miles away visiting family he hasn't seen in 6 months. He was even told by his ex's mother, "no need to come". Yet here he is making it a priority to take care of his ex when she has family to do so if there was truly no one else to help. The fact that both the ex and her mother said he should (or could) stay where he is suggest that it isn't all that serious (aside from some pain and discomfort?). I mean that is what love looks like. Period. When someone makes you a priority.
You said you've been seeing each other since February...okay. If I recall that mainly consisted of you jumping on a plane and hanging out with his friends once. His effort thus far has been making plans to see you "a few times" while on a two week trip---because his family happens to be close to where you live. Would he be there otherwise? Or would you still be flying to go see him?
Genuine gesture or not, dude is trying to mend bridges with this Leo. If he succeeds, well I guess we will have another thread asking us what that all means as well...
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by xiongmaoPosted by Dilemma99Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by Dilemma99
We started seeing each other in February. He lives 10 hours away but his family lives in the same city as me. He came up to be with his family that he hasn’t seen in almost 6 months for Mother’s Day. He is planning on staying for 2 weeks, so we’ve made plans to see each other a few times while he’s visiting his family.
Anyways his ex girlfriend fell ill and I overheard them talking on FaceTime at 7 am yesterday. I heard him say I can come take care of you if you want. She said it was nice but she wouldn’t want to take time away from being with his family. After they get off the call he sends her a voice message saying, “if you start to feel worse or don’t get better soon let me know and I’ll come back to take care of you”. I saw her response that said, “aww you’re so sweet I’ll definitely let you know”. Well later that day she told him she’d take him up on his offer. He told her he’d keep her posted because he planned on being out here for 2 weeks. Then I saw that her mom texted him saying she appreciated him coming to take care of her. Her mom told him that she didn’t know he was visiting family so not to worry about it and to enjoy his summer. I saw that he replied to her mom with, “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better”.
Their backstory:
-together for 2 years
-wanted to marry her
-they broke up in late November
-they don’t follow each other on social media; I’ve seen him check her profile and stories a quite a few times but I chalked it up to curiosity because it’s normal to be curious about an ex
-no children
- the 10 hour drive is back to where he lives. He and the ex live in the same city.
-her family is 2 hours away
-I don’t know exactly what’s wrong but I overheard her say something about being in a lot of pain because of her kidneys and she recently got out of he hospital
-Their breakup: They had an argument, broke up, she slept with someone while broken up, he asked her and she told him the truth, he didn’t handle it well according to him, so she kicked him to the curb. He said that she left him.
I’m not sure what to make of this?
So are we just going to skip over the fact that the only way you could know this info is if you were eavesdropping and snooping in the man's phone to be able to overhear this and read his messages?
Secure people don't feel the need to snoop....
The fact that this man is suppose to be spending time with you, yet is face timing his ex, making plans to travel outside of town to be with her all the while you're chilling in the corner eavesdropping says a lot. All of this at 7am no less when he should be warm and toasty next to you until he needs to start his day...Hmph.
What to make of this: if he takes care of her well enough that she forgives him, don't expect him to resume what he has going on with you.
So you’re saying it would be different if he had done this if I wasn’t around?
No, I think PR's saying that...at 7 am, instead of being warm in bed with you until he needs to get up, he's face timing his ex.
She's likely more important to him than you for that to happen.
I know what she means. I’m just curious to know...if I hadn’t been around him and he was at home by himself would you all still be saying the same thing?click to expand
What he said was pretty straightforward. Not sure what he might have said if you weren't around, besides "I miss you and want to be with you..."?
Do you honestly think he no longer has feeling for her? And he is just being nice? Given the history. I'm genuinely curious.
Posted by Dilemma99
So you’re saying it would be different if he had done this if I wasn’t around?
Also, to be even more clear, if he had done/said all these things when you weren't around, it would only make him somewhat dishonest. I say somewhat because from what you've shared so far the man has been pretty upfront with you.
The fact that he said it in front of you is just him staying true to who he is, and it highlights his lack of commitment to whatever you feel you are building with him. You're not on the same page. Or chapter...
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by Dilemma99
So you’re saying it would be different if he had done this if I wasn’t around?
No. I believe he would have offered to go take care of her regardless of your presence. The fact that he didn't care that you were there, within earshot, in bed waiting, and he was spending time that should be spent with you (since you don't get to see each other often), making plans to be elsewhere says a lot.
I mean putting the white cape that this dude is wearing aside for a minute, very few people would drop everything for an ex, with the exceptions of ex couples that share children because after all, this is the mother/father of their child(ren) and if there is no reason for animosity, they see the value in helping out as much as possible for the benefit of the child. This isn't that type of situation.
The man was kicked to the curb. He's currently miles away visiting family he hasn't seen in 6 months. He was even told by his ex's mother, "no need to come". Yet here he is making it a priority to take care of his ex when she has family to do so if there was truly no one else to help. The fact that both the ex and her mother said he should (or could) stay where he is suggest that it isn't all that serious (aside from some pain and discomfort?). I mean that is was love looks like. Period. When someone makes you a priority.
You said you've been seeing each other since February...okay. If I recall that mainly consisted of you jumping on a plane and hanging out with his friends once. His effort thus far has been making plans to see you "a few times" while on a two week trip---because his family happens to be close to where you live. Would he be there otherwise? Or would you still be flying to go see him?
Genuine gesture or not, dude is trying to mend bridges with this Leo. If he succeeds, well I guess we will have another thread asking us what that all means as well...click to expand
Hmm I kind of see what you’re saying.
I just figured since he told her mom , “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better” that he wasn’t him making her a priority because he’s basically saying I’ll take care of her when I get back since I don’t plan on cutting my trip short. That’s still making her a priority?
Since I’m in it I’m having a hard time understanding, obviously...
Posted by Lib1994
He's interested in someone else & hes single so if your feelings are hurt, you haven't done enough to keep a man
You seriously blaming this young girl for not being able to “keep” a shady seesawing fool?
Posted by xiongmaoPosted by Dilemma99Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by Dilemma99
So you’re saying it would be different if he had done this if I wasn’t around?
No. I believe he would have offered to go take care of her regardless of your presence. The fact that he didn't care that you were there, within earshot, in bed waiting, and he was spending time that should be spent with you (since you don't get to see each other often), making plans to be elsewhere says a lot.
I mean putting the white cape that this dude is wearing aside for a minute, very few people would drop everything for an ex, with the exceptions of ex couples that share children because after all, this is the mother/father of their child(ren) and if there is no reason for animosity, they see the value in helping out as much as possible for the benefit of the child. This isn't that type of situation.
The man was kicked to the curb. He's currently miles away visiting family he hasn't seen in 6 months. He was even told by his ex's mother, "no need to come". Yet here he is making it a priority to take care of his ex when she has family to do so if there was truly no one else to help. The fact that both the ex and her mother said he should (or could) stay where he is suggest that it isn't all that serious (aside from some pain and discomfort?). I mean that is was love looks like. Period. When someone makes you a priority.
You said you've been seeing each other since February...okay. If I recall that mainly consisted of you jumping on a plane and hanging out with his friends once. His effort thus far has been making plans to see you "a few times" while on a two week trip---because his family happens to be close to where you live. Would he be there otherwise? Or would you still be flying to go see him?
Genuine gesture or not, dude is trying to mend bridges with this Leo. If he succeeds, well I guess we will have another thread asking us what that all means as well...
Hmm I kind of see what you’re saying.
I just figured since he told her mom , “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better” that he wasn’t him making her a priority because he’s basically saying I’ll take care of her when I get back since I don’t plan on cutting my trip short. That’s still making her a priority?
Since I’m in it I’m having a hard time understanding, obviously...
He's not cutting his trip short, likely because he's visiting his family during those 2 weeks. It's probably not because of you.click to expand
I see...would you still say he’s making a priority since he’s not cutting his trip short then?
Op he will never leave her. She is apart of him. She probably does know about you and he is the one making the decision to be there for her. They will most likely be friends for life.
Posted by Dilemma99
Hmm I kind of see what you’re saying.
I just figured since he told her mom , “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better” that he wasn’t him making her a priority because he’s basically saying I’ll take care of her when I get back since I don’t plan on cutting my trip short. That’s still making her a priority?
Since I’m in it I’m having a hard time understanding, obviously...
Hmph. You're very cut and dry in the way you think about things, however I'm beginning to understand how you're processing this. After all, action > words, which I understand very well. So let's roll with it....
Let me answer your question with two questions. Do you believe that if she had said, "please come now" he wouldn't have cut his trip short and left to go tend to her needs? How does that change your perspective of the situation after answering that question?
What you're reading as "I'll take care of her when I get back. Let me enjoy my time with Dilemma99" (e.g. "I'll be back in a week or so...")
I read as: Mommsie/ex saying "don't make a big deal about it" and him not wanting to push it because he is an ex after all so it will look out of place, yet reassuring them he will be there soon enough to make sure she's well taken care of. The way you've written it, the man offered to come take care of her despite being there with family and she was the one that told him not to cut his trip short, so he was basically going to cut his trip short.
The point is he offered and was willing to jump to her aid vs just saying "oh you're not feeling well, that sucks. Feel better soon!" That is what shows that he is making her a priority.
As for having a hard time understanding, fair enough, I can understand being caught up and how that clouds the mind. May I ask why you're so invested in this man? Are there not any good looking men, closer to home, with less baggage that you can develop a thing for?
If you want a relationship with him you guys should maybe be able to communicate clearly, if a relationship starts with hidden things it’s already not a good start.
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
Posted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
I thought he was trying to be a good friend.
I do know last month his friends sent him a screenshot of her dating profile. He in turn sent the screenshot to his ex and said he hopes she finds what she’s looking for. So I thought that was him being supportive of her
Posted by cake
What does she have?
I’m not sure but I do know that she was in a lot of pain, it has something to do with her kidneys, and she recently got out of the hospital.
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
I thought he was trying to be a good friend.
I do know last month his friends sent him a screenshot of her dating profile. He in turn sent the screenshot to his ex and said he hopes she finds what she’s looking for. So I thought that was him being supportive of herclick to expand
Oh my! Wrong, wrong. Listen, if you do not want to be left with your broken heart, drop him. And better before his trip to ex. All that is messy, red flags all over it and you deserve better.
Posted by goldenfishPosted by Dilemma99Posted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
I thought he was trying to be a good friend.
I do know last month his friends sent him a screenshot of her dating profile. He in turn sent the screenshot to his ex and said he hopes she finds what she’s looking for. So I thought that was him being supportive of her
Oh my! Wrong, wrong. Listen, if you do not want to be left with your broken heart, drop him. And better before his trip to ex. All that is messy, red flags all over it and you deserve better.click to expand
So he wasn’t being supportive? :/
Posted by Moloko_vellocet
Op he will never leave her. She is apart of him. She probably does know about you and he is the one making the decision to be there for her. They will most likely be friends for life.
Awwwww.... beautifully said
Posted by UndinePosted by Moloko_vellocet
Op he will never leave her. She is apart of him. She probably does know about you and he is the one making the decision to be there for her. They will most likely be friends for life.
Awwwww.... beautifully saidclick to expand
That’s the thing though...they can’t stand each other. They broke up due to constant fighting and never getting along. I’m sure they care about each other but she’s a part of him? Doubt it since they don’t get along at all.
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by goldenfishPosted by Dilemma99Posted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
I thought he was trying to be a good friend.
I do know last month his friends sent him a screenshot of her dating profile. He in turn sent the screenshot to his ex and said he hopes she finds what she’s looking for. So I thought that was him being supportive of her
Oh my! Wrong, wrong. Listen, if you do not want to be left with your broken heart, drop him. And better before his trip to ex. All that is messy, red flags all over it and you deserve better.
So he wasn’t being supportive? :/click to expand
No, he was not. His text "he hopes she finds what she’s looking for" means "I am right here, I calmed down and ready for compromise". You sound like a good person, please, do not let this idiot bring you down. Best move now in a calm, but cold manner thank him for the time together, but say that you do not appreciate exes and as you can not tolerate this behavior you two are better off as friends. No drama, just be firm. I do not know your living situation - you live together or not? If not, so much easier. If yes, well, sill state your intentions and say you are not going to wait for him when he is back from ex.
Posted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
She's not his SO! She's his pussy on call, and he never promised her a proper relationship.
She knows he is emotionally unavailable and has been in love with the other woman for the whole time, yet she doesn't "understand" what this means. Is asking us how is it possible that this man doesn't love, or even like her.
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by UndinePosted by Moloko_vellocet
Op he will never leave her. She is apart of him. She probably does know about you and he is the one making the decision to be there for her. They will most likely be friends for life.
Awwwww.... beautifully said
That’s the thing though...they can’t stand each other. They broke up due to constant fighting and never getting along. I’m sure they care about each other but she’s a part of him? Doubt it since they don’t get along at all.click to expand
It does't mean a thing. Some people prefer an intense, passionate relationship. Anything else is just meh...
Posted by UndinePosted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
She's not his SO! She's his pussy on call, and he never promised her a proper relationship.
She knows he is emotionally unavailable and has been in love with the other woman for the whole time, yet she doesn't "understand" what this means. Is asking us how is it possible that this man doesn't love, or even like her.click to expand
Okay, I did not know the whole story, but still my advice is valid. Walk your fine ass out the door in case of any slightest mention of ex (unless you deal with a guy with kids)!
Posted by goldenfishPosted by Dilemma99Posted by goldenfishPosted by Dilemma99Posted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
I thought he was trying to be a good friend.
I do know last month his friends sent him a screenshot of her dating profile. He in turn sent the screenshot to his ex and said he hopes she finds what she’s looking for. So I thought that was him being supportive of her
Oh my! Wrong, wrong. Listen, if you do not want to be left with your broken heart, drop him. And better before his trip to ex. All that is messy, red flags all over it and you deserve better.
So he wasn’t being supportive? :/
No, he was not. His text "he hopes she finds what she’s looking for" means "I am right here, I calmed down and ready for compromise". You sound like a good person, please, do not let this idiot bring you down. Best move now in a calm, but cold manner thank him for the time together, but say that you do not appreciate exes and as you can not tolerate this behavior you two are better off as friends. No drama, just be firm. I do not know your living situation - you live together or not? If not, so much easier. If yes, well, sill state your intentions and say you are not going to wait for him when he is back from ex.click to expand
Thanks, no we don’t. I live 10 hours away. He and his ex live in DC.
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by UndinePosted by Moloko_vellocet
Op he will never leave her. She is apart of him. She probably does know about you and he is the one making the decision to be there for her. They will most likely be friends for life.
Awwwww.... beautifully said
That’s the thing though...they can’t stand each other. They broke up due to constant fighting and never getting along. I’m sure they care about each other but she’s a part of him? Doubt it since they don’t get along at all.click to expand
That’s what he says to keep you in bed. You really don’t know what’s going on between them, but it sounds like they can’t stop caring. They don’t need to be a couple to care.
Posted by UndineWait, you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....Posted by goldenfish
Huge red flag. All kind of exes in the life of your SO is a red flag. You must talk to him or cut him off without even talking, because what to discuss here? I mean, would you consider it normal if you go to take care of your ill ex while being with someone else? Think about it.
She's not his SO! She's his pussy on call, and he never promised her a proper relationship.
She knows he is emotionally unavailable and has been in love with the other woman for the whole time, yet she doesn't "understand" what this means. Is asking us how is it possible that this man doesn't love, or even like her.click to expand
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?click to expand
I read that. I think he has you in his bed cause he wants pussy and you want him. But you aren't the one he wants in his future. She is. Look how caring he is towards her.
You guys are meeting up with his friends and it looks like he's moving on, but privately, outside of his friends eyes, you have seen for yourself that he clearly isn't- with his sneakiness to keep up with her and find out how she is and if he can come be with her by her side.
You are the one hoping for him and he knows it. He's treating you like an option and you're accepting it. You should try and think of him in a friendship way, but of course you're probably in love with him because he doesn't want you.
Works every time.
Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
I read that. I think he has you in his bed cause he wants pussy and you want him. But you aren't the one he wants in his future. She is. Look how caring he is towards her.
You guys are meeting up with his friends and it looks like he's moving on, but privately, outside of his friends eyes, you have seen for yourself that he clearly isn't- with his sneakiness to keep up with her and find out how she is and if he can come be with her by her side.
You are the one hoping for him and he knows it. He's treating you like an option and you're accepting it. You should try and think of him in a friendship way, but of course you're probably in love with him because he doesn't want you.
Works every time.click to expand
Thanks for the honesty. So just confirm, you’re saying he doesn’t have feelings for me?
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
I read that. I think he has you in his bed cause he wants pussy and you want him. But you aren't the one he wants in his future. She is. Look how caring he is towards her.
You guys are meeting up with his friends and it looks like he's moving on, but privately, outside of his friends eyes, you have seen for yourself that he clearly isn't- with his sneakiness to keep up with her and find out how she is and if he can come be with her by her side.
You are the one hoping for him and he knows it. He's treating you like an option and you're accepting it. You should try and think of him in a friendship way, but of course you're probably in love with him because he doesn't want you.
Works every time.
Thanks for the honesty. So just confirm, you’re saying he doesn’t have feelings for me?click to expand
How would I know that?
You would be able to know by pulling back and seeing if he keeps up with you.
Possibly faking a little tummy ache on the trip or just a headache in general, to see how caring he is. Which he probably would brush over and wouldn't be as attentive to you as he is to her.
Would it even matter though?
You are more invested in him, then he is in you- This is the problem. Men need to have more of an investment in a women in order for relationships to work usually.
Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
I read that. I think he has you in his bed cause he wants pussy and you want him. But you aren't the one he wants in his future. She is. Look how caring he is towards her.
You guys are meeting up with his friends and it looks like he's moving on, but privately, outside of his friends eyes, you have seen for yourself that he clearly isn't- with his sneakiness to keep up with her and find out how she is and if he can come be with her by her side.
You are the one hoping for him and he knows it. He's treating you like an option and you're accepting it. You should try and think of him in a friendship way, but of course you're probably in love with him because he doesn't want you.
Works every time.
Thanks for the honesty. So just confirm, you’re saying he doesn’t have feelings for me?
How would I know that?
You would be able to know by pulling back and seeing if he keeps up with you.
Possibly faking a little tummy ache on the trip or just a headache in general, to see how caring he is. Which he probably would brush over and wouldn't be as attentive to you as he is to her.
Would it even matter though?
You are more invested in him, then he is in you- This is the problem. Men need to have more of an investment in a women in order for relationships to work usually.click to expand
Well I asked because you said he wants pu $ $ y from me.
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
I read that. I think he has you in his bed cause he wants pussy and you want him. But you aren't the one he wants in his future. She is. Look how caring he is towards her.
You guys are meeting up with his friends and it looks like he's moving on, but privately, outside of his friends eyes, you have seen for yourself that he clearly isn't- with his sneakiness to keep up with her and find out how she is and if he can come be with her by her side.
You are the one hoping for him and he knows it. He's treating you like an option and you're accepting it. You should try and think of him in a friendship way, but of course you're probably in love with him because he doesn't want you.
Works every time.
Thanks for the honesty. So just confirm, you’re saying he doesn’t have feelings for me?
How would I know that?
You would be able to know by pulling back and seeing if he keeps up with you.
Possibly faking a little tummy ache on the trip or just a headache in general, to see how caring he is. Which he probably would brush over and wouldn't be as attentive to you as he is to her.
Would it even matter though?
You are more invested in him, then he is in you- This is the problem. Men need to have more of an investment in a women in order for relationships to work usually.
Well I asked because you said he wants pu $ $ y from me.click to expand
Oh. Well you're around him and are familiar, since he goes in between you and her. It's comfort and keeps you both busy. Not all men like having sex with tons of different women.
The thing you should be worried about is you being heartbroken if she decides she wants him back. She kicked him to the curb and he's patiently on standby while getting girlfriend privilege's from you.
You should have a solid conversation of where you stand with him and cut him off for good until he is ready to just be with you.
After the trip, of course 😄
Have some fun and treat him in a friendly way and not in a heart eyes way.
You two are friends with benefits, so treat him like that.
Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
I read that. I think he has you in his bed cause he wants pussy and you want him. But you aren't the one he wants in his future. She is. Look how caring he is towards her.
You guys are meeting up with his friends and it looks like he's moving on, but privately, outside of his friends eyes, you have seen for yourself that he clearly isn't- with his sneakiness to keep up with her and find out how she is and if he can come be with her by her side.
You are the one hoping for him and he knows it. He's treating you like an option and you're accepting it. You should try and think of him in a friendship way, but of course you're probably in love with him because he doesn't want you.
Works every time.
Thanks for the honesty. So just confirm, you’re saying he doesn’t have feelings for me?
How would I know that?
You would be able to know by pulling back and seeing if he keeps up with you.
Possibly faking a little tummy ache on the trip or just a headache in general, to see how caring he is. Which he probably would brush over and wouldn't be as attentive to you as he is to her.
Would it even matter though?
You are more invested in him, then he is in you- This is the problem. Men need to have more of an investment in a women in order for relationships to work usually.
Well I asked because you said he wants pu $ $ y from me.
Oh. Well you're around him and are familiar, since he goes in between you and her. It's comfort and keeps you both busy. Not all men like having sex with tons of different women.
The thing you should be worried about is you being heartbroken if she decides she wants him back. She kicked him to the curb and he's patiently on standby while getting girlfriend privilege's from you.
You should have a solid conversation of where you stand with him and cut him off for good until he is ready to just be with you.
After the trip, of course 😄
Have some fun and treat him in a friendly way and not in a heart eyes way.
You two are friends with benefits, so treat him like that.click to expand
Thanks. I guess it’s just hard to reconcile the fact that has feelings for me but then hearing from you all that he’s going to break my heart because in my mind I thought him having feelings for me meant something.
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88Posted by Dilemma99Posted by saggurl88
This dude sounds like he's biding his time until she takes him back. Like he goes back and forth with you, because you make sure to be present in his life and are blind to him wanting her.
You're selling yourself way short, by accepting these crumbs.
I’ll paste what I said earlier
you don’t think he even likes me? We’re going on a mini getaway though....
we’re in Chattanooga and he got a hotel room in Atlanta for us (2 hours away) and we’re meeting up with some of his friends. Doesn’t that sound like he likes me?
I read that. I think he has you in his bed cause he wants pussy and you want him. But you aren't the one he wants in his future. She is. Look how caring he is towards her.
You guys are meeting up with his friends and it looks like he's moving on, but privately, outside of his friends eyes, you have seen for yourself that he clearly isn't- with his sneakiness to keep up with her and find out how she is and if he can come be with her by her side.
You are the one hoping for him and he knows it. He's treating you like an option and you're accepting it. You should try and think of him in a friendship way, but of course you're probably in love with him because he doesn't want you.
Works every time.
Thanks for the honesty. So just confirm, you’re saying he doesn’t have feelings for me?
How would I know that?
You would be able to know by pulling back and seeing if he keeps up with you.
Possibly faking a little tummy ache on the trip or just a headache in general, to see how caring he is. Which he probably would brush over and wouldn't be as attentive to you as he is to her.
Would it even matter though?
You are more invested in him, then he is in you- This is the problem. Men need to have more of an investment in a women in order for relationships to work usually.
Well I asked because you said he wants pu $ $ y from me.
Oh. Well you're around him and are familiar, since he goes in between you and her. It's comfort and keeps you both busy. Not all men like having sex with tons of different women.
The thing you should be worried about is you being heartbroken if she decides she wants him back. She kicked him to the curb and he's patiently on standby while getting girlfriend privilege's from you.
You should have a solid conversation of where you stand with him and cut him off for good until he is ready to just be with you.
After the trip, of course 😄
Have some fun and treat him in a friendly way and not in a heart eyes way.
You two are friends with benefits, so treat him like that.
Thanks. I guess it’s just hard to reconcile the fact that has feelings for me but then hearing from you all that he’s going to break my heart because in my mind I thought him having feelings for me meant something.click to expand
This is common and what emotions do, what they are for.
Of course from the way he is treating you when you guys are alone or with friends, it seems like he cares.
He probably does, he's human and not a robot.
But you also have to take into account how much he cares. Him caring for someone else and valuing someone else more then he values and cares for you is where the conflict come in.
You deserve a man who cares for you the same way he cares for her.
He won't transfer it over to you, because you aren't that valuable to him yet.
The only real way to know your value to him is to actually leave him alone and see if he chooses you, once you have had a talk and told him what you expect in a relationship from a man who is supposed to love you.
That you want a man who will treat you a certain way, it doesn't have to be him though- let him know that, and that should be ok. You really have to be willing to walk away and stop playing tug of war and trying to win.
It doesn't really matter what he choses to do for/with his ex.
He's told you repeatedly where you stand and the place you hold in his life.
He sees you as a friend and convenient booty call.
He's told you repeatedly where you stand and the place you hold in his life.
He sees you as a friend and convenient booty call.
Posted by Dilemma99
he sends me a text saying that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on social media down (from the week we spent together)
Posted by LadyNeptune
It doesn't really matter what he choses to do for/with his ex.
He's told you repeatedly where you stand and the place you hold in his life.
He sees you as a friend and convenient booty call.Posted by Dilemma99
he sends me a text saying that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on social media down (from the week we spent together)click to expand
But that’s changed. I’ve been posting videos of us on my stories. Just the other day he posted a picture of his sister and his mom and tagged them. I haven’t met them yet but I added his sister on social media and she followed me back so aren’t these all really good signs?
Posted by Dilemma99Posted by LadyNeptune
It doesn't really matter what he choses to do for/with his ex.
He's told you repeatedly where you stand and the place you hold in his life.
He sees you as a friend and convenient booty call.Posted by Dilemma99
he sends me a text saying that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on social media down (from the week we spent together)
But that’s changed. I’ve been posting videos of us on my stories. Just the other day he posted a picture of his sister and his mom and tagged them. I haven’t met them yet but I added his sister on social media and she followed me back so aren’t these all really good signs?click to expand
Good signs of what?
Unless he tells you he sees you in a relationship light nothing has changed. Being sm friends with his sister isn't going to magically convince him to make you his gf.
In fact brace yourself for him to tell you to unfriend her and not to reach out to his family if past events are anything to go off of.
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https://youtu.be/VglEhRRl62o
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I saw this shared on Insta
Anyways his ex girlfriend fell ill and I overheard them talking on FaceTime at 7 am yesterday. I heard him say I can come take care of you if you want. She said it was nice but she wouldn’t want to take time away from being with his family. After they get off the call he sends her a voice message saying, “if you start to feel worse or don’t get better soon let me know and I’ll come back to take care of you”. I saw her response that said, “aww you’re so sweet I’ll definitely let you know”. Well later that day she told him she’d take him up on his offer. He told her he’d keep her posted because he planned on being out here for 2 weeks. Then I saw that her mom texted him saying she appreciated him coming to take care of her. Her mom told him that she didn’t know he was visiting family so not to worry about it and to enjoy his summer. I saw that he replied to her mom with, “ I’ll be back in a week or so and will do whatever I can to make sure she’s okay and feeling better”.
Their backstory:
-together for 2 years
-wanted to marry her
-they broke up in late November
-they don’t follow each other on social media; I’ve seen him check her profile and stories a quite a few times but I chalked it up to curiosity because it’s normal to be curious about an ex
-no children
- the 10 hour drive is back to where he lives. He and the ex live in the same city.
-her family is 2 hours away
-I don’t know exactly what’s wrong but I overheard her say something about being in a lot of pain because of her kidneys and she recently got out of he hospital
-Their breakup: They had an argument, broke up, she slept with someone while broken up, he asked her and she told him the truth, he didn’t handle it well according to him, so she kicked him to the curb. He said that she left him.
I’m not sure what to make of this?