Help....looking to divorce my husband and become a single mother...any advice out there?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Cake_Anyone on Sunday, May 28, 2017 and has 12 replies.
Hi
Not sure how to start as this is my first post but I will give you a bit of background and go from there.... So please bare with me, this might be a long post.
Met in 2008, got swept off my feet as he was a little older, drove a car, had his own life, was a breath of fresh air compared to my previous relationship. Got married in 2010. Anyways so for the last 4ish years I've been really unhappy. My husband is so scared of upsetting me he lies, goes along with things just to make me happy. He never used to wash (he did when I first met him but he changed), he still doesn't take any pride in himself so I went off him. I got fed up with trying to get him to change his hygiene ways and so sex is very scarce. I only do it now as wife duties but the last time was months ago, I can't actually remember when it was and I've faked it for years
There's obviously lots more to this but I have recently realised I have no feelings for him and I now need to do something about it. We have a child together and I'm concerned he may turn nasty, although he's never laid a finger on me or our little one or else he would get a shock.
Not really sure what the point is to this post but that's my situation, any other single parents? Any advice on divorce?
Scared for the future, but longing to be happy
Not sure how to start as this is my first post but I will give you a bit of background and go from there.... So please bare with me, this might be a long post.
Met in 2008, got swept off my feet as he was a little older, drove a car, had his own life, was a breath of fresh air compared to my previous relationship. Got married in 2010. Anyways so for the last 4ish years I've been really unhappy. My husband is so scared of upsetting me he lies, goes along with things just to make me happy. He never used to wash (he did when I first met him but he changed), he still doesn't take any pride in himself so I went off him. I got fed up with trying to get him to change his hygiene ways and so sex is very scarce. I only do it now as wife duties but the last time was months ago, I can't actually remember when it was and I've faked it for years
There's obviously lots more to this but I have recently realised I have no feelings for him and I now need to do something about it. We have a child together and I'm concerned he may turn nasty, although he's never laid a finger on me or our little one or else he would get a shock.
Not really sure what the point is to this post but that's my situation, any other single parents? Any advice on divorce?
Scared for the future, but longing to be happy
This might sound kinda silly or obvious but did you try telling him how you feel? Maybe turn the post you just wrote into a letter and give it to him. Like a warning sort of speak.
Also, if you find you cant change him maybe try changing yourself. Nobody is perfect and you have to accept that. But then again it depends on how much wrong you see in him.
Also, if you find you cant change him maybe try changing yourself. Nobody is perfect and you have to accept that. But then again it depends on how much wrong you see in him.
Thank you for your replies. He does walk on eggshells with me and I hate it. I don't want him walking on eggshells around me.
He was bullied really badly as a child throughout school and then during his apprenticeship and so he never feels he is good enough in anything he has ever done through our whole relationship/marriage. I have always tried to support him and I've always tried to boost him but I guess having done that for so long and waiting for a difference for so long I just got fed up with trying. I no longer try, which I know sounds bad but I feel like I should let him go because it's not fair on him to feel this way and I should be able to accept him for the way he is but I feel like I no longer can.
When I first met him, I fell in love with him because he was lovely, he treated me amazingly, I loved the way he looked, the sound of his voice, how he knew so much and we would talk for hours.
Now I really don't want to keep hearing his voice, he goes on about things in so much detail and I just can't be arsed to listen.
I have told him how I feel, so many times over the years. If I say something about the way he dealt with something (like our littlen) he just says either "I won't deal with him, I'll just let you do it" or "well you tell me who you want me to be".... My reply is that I want him to be his own person, but I don't want to tell him who to be....
Sorry this is all jumbled up and I probably sound horrible (I feel horrible) but I honestly don't want to be a horrible person. I just want the both of us to be happy and I feel like maybe I am part of he cause to how he is and so if I let him go he would be better without me. He would find someone who wants to be intimate with him.
He was bullied really badly as a child throughout school and then during his apprenticeship and so he never feels he is good enough in anything he has ever done through our whole relationship/marriage. I have always tried to support him and I've always tried to boost him but I guess having done that for so long and waiting for a difference for so long I just got fed up with trying. I no longer try, which I know sounds bad but I feel like I should let him go because it's not fair on him to feel this way and I should be able to accept him for the way he is but I feel like I no longer can.
When I first met him, I fell in love with him because he was lovely, he treated me amazingly, I loved the way he looked, the sound of his voice, how he knew so much and we would talk for hours.
Now I really don't want to keep hearing his voice, he goes on about things in so much detail and I just can't be arsed to listen.
I have told him how I feel, so many times over the years. If I say something about the way he dealt with something (like our littlen) he just says either "I won't deal with him, I'll just let you do it" or "well you tell me who you want me to be".... My reply is that I want him to be his own person, but I don't want to tell him who to be....
Sorry this is all jumbled up and I probably sound horrible (I feel horrible) but I honestly don't want to be a horrible person. I just want the both of us to be happy and I feel like maybe I am part of he cause to how he is and so if I let him go he would be better without me. He would find someone who wants to be intimate with him.
Sometimes a good break can do the trick. If you two cut off contact with eachother for a week or two you will start to realize what you liked about eachother when you start missing eachother. You'll be left with those good memories you cooked up together and it can renew the relationship. Id say give everything a try before you let eachother go.
We had a break, kind of. He stayed away for 2wks but I didn't miss him. The first day was a shock but then I started to dread his return :/
OP, you were in delusion when you married, you had this pedestal up...and then the pedestal went down..you saw him for the stinky way he can't shower and not have sex and it bursted your bubble.
you can't live with that.
try to find a group of single mothers program, i'm sure there's plenty? go online and find some in your community.
I was just reading on the news that "Water Mitty," guy, Sag sun/Pisces moon/Gemini Rising, married to a Leo sun (don't know her chart)
were together for 17 years and divorced. jeeeez.
everyone was shocked!! cause they all thought he was one of the secret marriages that lasted in Hollywood.
but sources say it's because the Leo sun wife was fed up with his criticism, or rather his need for controlling her, to do certain things?
like stay skinny ect.
i'll look for the source again.
http://starcasm.net/archives/370509
you can't live with that.
try to find a group of single mothers program, i'm sure there's plenty? go online and find some in your community.
Posted by Rindaroo
Sometimes feelings comeback in a marriage. Have you tried counseling? Has he been depressed? The lack of washing makes me wonder. Write it down if you can't talk about it.
I was married for 17 years. You know I really think it's good to try everything before you leave, especially when there is a child involved.
I was just reading on the news that "Water Mitty," guy, Sag sun/Pisces moon/Gemini Rising, married to a Leo sun (don't know her chart)
were together for 17 years and divorced. jeeeez.
everyone was shocked!! cause they all thought he was one of the secret marriages that lasted in Hollywood.
but sources say it's because the Leo sun wife was fed up with his criticism, or rather his need for controlling her, to do certain things?
like stay skinny ect.
i'll look for the source again.
http://starcasm.net/archives/370509
kind of reminds me of Gavin Rossdale's Gwen Stefani's way in their marriage, that he wanted her to stay skinny and wear make up in bed, always looking beautiful.
he too has Capricorn and Sagittarius in the chart. Hmmm this is interesting.
some men are very controlling..they have a "set" way their women should be, and a woman has to adhere to that until death. ugh.
edit
naw. probably not a placement thing...
don't want men with sag and cap in their charts getting upset.
but it is interesting to see if all these men with that in their charts want a "set" type of woman so they MUST remain like that or else!!
he too has Capricorn and Sagittarius in the chart. Hmmm this is interesting.
some men are very controlling..they have a "set" way their women should be, and a woman has to adhere to that until death. ugh.
edit
naw. probably not a placement thing...
don't want men with sag and cap in their charts getting upset.
but it is interesting to see if all these men with that in their charts want a "set" type of woman so they MUST remain like that or else!!
Posted by CaramelizedCoffeeTo be honest I'm not sure what they are... How would I find out?
what are your sun/moons
curious
and gross on the bad hygiene, no thank you, that would be an automatic bye.
Posted by Cake_AnyonePosted by CaramelizedCoffeeTo be honest I'm not sure what they are... How would I find out?
what are your sun/moons
curious
and gross on the bad hygiene, no thank you, that would be an automatic bye.click to expand
https://cafeastrology.com/free-natal-chart-report.html
Posted by Wineaux15Thank you, I don't understand what info that gave out but thanks for sending the linkPosted by Cake_AnyonePosted by CaramelizedCoffeeTo be honest I'm not sure what they are... How would I find out?
what are your sun/moons
curious
and gross on the bad hygiene, no thank you, that would be an automatic bye.
https://cafeastrology.com/free-natal-chart-report.htmlclick to expand
Posted by MiZLeoShe might aswell leave and turn to hooking as a temporary financial solution, that at least would be more respectable
Make sure you're financially sound before making that decision. Start saving like you're single and need to pay rent(see what the avg rent rate is in your area) put away at least 1-2 months of rent away and don't touch it.
Posted by enfant_terribleThis actually made me laugh out loud. If I was that sort of person I reckon that would be easy money nowadays :pPosted by MiZLeoShe might aswell leave and turn to hooking as a temporary financial solution, that at least would be more respectable
Make sure you're financially sound before making that decision. Start saving like you're single and need to pay rent(see what the avg rent rate is in your area) put away at least 1-2 months of rent away and don't touch it.click to expand
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