Help need advice!

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by MissD312 on Thursday, April 11, 2013 and has 28 replies.
Hello everyone... I am in need of a little advice. First I am A Pisces female and I have been dating a male Libra. It would have been a year but we recently departed. At first my Libra guy was the best I have dealt with by far. He did so much for me. He remodeled my whole house using only his money. He constantly did things like this for me without me asking! In the beginning of our relationship he kept pushing me to open up more and talk about my feelings. This was something I wasnt use to doing because one thing for sure I knew men are not comfortable with talking about feelings. So anyway I had gotten use to tellin him exactly how I felt. He was so loving and understanding. He taught me so much. He never misled me or to my knowledge he has never lied to me. Slowly things started gettin more serious for me. I fell deeply in love with him. Then I experienced his first disappearing act! He went a whole weekend not answering my calls and just straight up ignoring me. I was so lost! I was so hurt and didnt understand where I went wrong. So finally he calls and tells me he was just with his kids and I should stop feeling like every action is about me but that it wasnt geared towards me. I thought that was a little selfish. So when I felt upset about something a couple of weeks later that had nothing to do with him, I too retreated for a couple of days and reappeared saying the exact same thing! Let's just say the very thing I was to not take personal he took personal even tho I told him it had nothing to do with him. But anyway to make a very long story short.... A couple of weeks ago I gave my Libra guy an ultimatum.. Reason being is we would have been going a year strong and he has slacked up so much with his time. He just wasnt making the time for me. Yet I kept holding on asking, and pleading for more of his time. He wanted me to believe that he loved me but he was hardly comin around. He would always look at me smiling saying you are so beautiful. But yet he wouldnt make time. So i gave him the ultimatum. I said if you know you cant give me what I want then dont be selfish. Walk away. He said that he really couldnt give me the time I wanted at the time but that he loved me and didnt want me to leave but he said that I should never put a face on happiness. Meanin never let one person be responsible for my happiness. So of course we kind of departed thinkin it was over. I was so sad I texted him that I was so crushed. He texted back sayin dont be baby
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And we will be ok.. So I decided to go back on my ultimatum and just forget about it. I just wanted him in my life. I thought he would be happy that I decided to stay. Instead he said he didnt like how I made him feel by threatening to leave him. It wasnt meant to be a threat though it was how I really felt. So later he started acting very different. He started avoiding me through all causes.. He had to bring me money for something he puts the money in my car instead of comin into my house. I thought that was strange. Then he would never talk to me on the phone for any period of time. He would constantly get off the phone with me. So finally I got upset and flipped out and told him he dont have to call or see me anymore I dont care. He texted back why the temper tantrum now?? I was so hurt he acted as if he didnt care. Finally I asked him should I move on? Of course he didnt answer back. So I told hom I loved him he was the best thing that happened to me and that I was out of his life. I then changed my number and blocked him from all social sites so that I wouldn't have to bear the pain of him ignoring me. Will he ever come back? I have decided not to chase him but to just leave it alone. Im so hurt though. Help anyone! Please. Sorry for such a long.story.
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First of all, I think Pisces and Libra are very compatiable, and I like their connection. Accepting that the world doesnot revolve around your specific relationship will help you to relax a little. Things aren't always in our control. The universe needs the opportunity to flow through your relationship and you will need to trust the outcome. It seems that you two are on a journey together.
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Thanx for ur advice Ariessweetness. I must say we were on a journey we were learning so much from each other. We learned how to meditate together and he even told me he had never experienced a love like I had given him. I love him so much. All I can do is relax and let the universe handle it. Thanks again!
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My Dear MissD312...
First... I hope that you have learned to never NEVER give anyone an ultimatum... it is nothing more than a power demonstration... which love is not.
Second... I would say he made an accurate assessment of you... that you had been making him responsible for YOUR happiness. This is too much to place on any one person... he was loving you in HIS way... which may not have been YOUR way. When he WASN'T making time for you... how often were you actually seeing him ? What would have been enough time ?
Third... his avoiding you might have been mostly to steer clear of confrontation... I am just guessing... but toward the end, were you proving yourself to be a bit on the high maintenance side ?
Fourth... you changed your number... deleted him from social networking sites... so that YOU wouldn't have to bear him ignoring YOU ?!! How is he supposed to contact you now ? You acted on an emotional response... never do anything so drastic without first setting the anger aside and putting a little thought into it. Perhaps he just wanted to answer you a little later... when it was more convenient for him... you probably didn't know what he was doing at that moment... and it would seem that he was always having to reassure you, which can be very tiring.
So... NOW you are HERE... wondering if he will come back. Put yourself in HIS position for a moment... would YOU come back ?
I am not sure when all of this took place... but you are going to have to give him some time. It is probably going to be you that will need to contact him first... but give it maybe 2-3 weeks so that both of you (mainly you), can speak in a more rational tone. You see... on his side, he probably thinks that he cannot please you... asking himself what the point is. I am sure he knows that your number changed... taking it as though you never want to see him again.
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You must now (in 2-3 weeks) lure him to neutral ground... just asking if the both of you can talk. Don't add him back to the social networking sites... maybe at a later date when he asks. Meet him... you are probably going to have to apologize for being so 'pushy', that you should have given him more time to answer your questions. You are going to have to say that you were wrong... and that you understand why he seemingly ignored you. Tell him how you feel... what you were feeling... keep this meeting short of an hour... and make sure to give him your telephone before you leave... but don't write to him until he writes to YOU ! Yes... you are going to have wait for him... it will be a good lesson in patience on your part.
It sounds like it was a good relationship... and I hate to see good things go to waste. Don't force it... just let it flow.
All my hopes... and let me know if you need anything more.
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Never EVER EVER EVER give anyone, especially a MAN an ultimatum!! That is like a death wish on the relationship!!! Forcing someone to do something is so selfish.
what is his venus sign?
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Posted by David13
My Dear MissD312...
First... I hope that you have learned to never NEVER give anyone an ultimatum... it is nothing more than a power demonstration... which love is not.
Second... I would say he made an accurate assessment of you... that you had been making him responsible for YOUR happiness. This is too much to place on any one person... he was loving you in HIS way... which may not have been YOUR way. When he WASN'T making time for you... how often were you actually seeing him ? What would have been enough time ?
Third... his avoiding you might have been mostly to steer clear of confrontation... I am just guessing... but toward the end, were you proving yourself to be a bit on the high maintenance side ?
Fourth... you changed your number... deleted him from social networking sites... so that YOU wouldn't have to bear him ignoring YOU ?!! How is he supposed to contact you now ? You acted on an emotional response... never do anything so drastic without first setting the anger aside and putting a little thought into it. Perhaps he just wanted to answer you a little later... when it was more convenient for him... you probably didn't know what he was doing at that moment... and it would seem that he was always having to reassure you, which can be very tiring.
So... NOW you are HERE... wondering if he will come back. Put yourself in HIS position for a moment... would YOU come back ?
I am not sure when all of this took place... but you are going to have to give him some time. It is probably going to be you that will need to contact him first... but give it maybe 2-3 weeks so that both of you (mainly you), can speak in a more rational tone. You see... on his side, he probably thinks that he cannot please you... asking himself what the point is. I am sure he knows that your number changed... taking it as though you never want to see him again.


Co sign every last word!!!
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Posted by Leeeebra
You should move on, Libras never go back on their rock solid decisions. You will be wasting your life waiting for him. and it would be no one's karma but your own. This is the last bit of real truth I can offer you, good luck.

Not true... I've had more than one come back again and again. You Venus-ruled people are easy to get ! Oh wait ! Winking
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Posted by David13
You must now (in 2-3 weeks) lure him to neutral ground... just asking if the both of you can talk. Don't add him back to the social networking sites... maybe at a later date when he asks. Meet him... you are probably going to have to apologize for being so 'pushy', that you should have given him more time to answer your questions. You are going to have to say that you were wrong... and that you understand why he seemingly ignored you. Tell him how you feel... what you were feeling... keep this meeting short of an hour... and make sure to give him your telephone before you leave... but don't write to him until he writes to YOU ! Yes... you are going to have wait for him... it will be a good lesson in patience on your part.
It sounds like it was a good relationship... and I hate to see good things go to waste. Don't force it... just let it flow.
All my hopes... and let me know if you need anything more.

Thanx for all the advice you are so right about everything. I am really sad about this one. Its never hard for me to get over anyone but its hard this time. We really had a great friendship. But I will give it a couple of weeks and try to reach out to him then. Thanx again.
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Posted by Lenore0908
I think the relationship had potential. You just got scared that he would abandon you, and any decision made from fear is usually tthe WRONG one.
Love can be scary sometimes, but a lot of the fears are irrational and not based in reality. But to love you have to get past those moments of intense fear.
As a heads up, PMS can enhance those feelings of anxiety and fear.


^^^Agreed !!!^^^
Another way to look at it. Before you act out on an emotion... you should first try to consider if your action or reaction is based on that of 'love' or 'fear'... which is easier said then done as feelings cannot be controled. The heart and the mind are always battling inside most of us. How many times have we said or done something to another impulsively (heart) ? Followed by our second guessing of those actions shortly after with... 'that was stupid !' (mind). The heart wants what it wants... the mind only knows reason... it is the paradox within us all. I am a proponent of following one's heart... letting the heart decide and telling the mind to get us there.
Every emotion is based on one of these two... 'love' and 'fear':
LOVE................FEAR
serenity............anxiety
happiness..........sadness
joy...................anger
caring...............control
trust.................shame
compassion........depression
truth.................guilt
contentment...... confusion
satisfaction.........loneliness
gratitude............inadequacy
hope..................hurt
This list is not exhaustive by any means... but those based on LOVE will serve us... while those based on FEAR will defeat us.
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Posted by Lenore0908
I think the relationship had potential. You just got scared that he would abandon you, and any decision made from fear is usually tthe WRONG one.
Love can be scary sometimes, but a lot of the fears are irrational and not based in reality. But to love you have to get past those moments of intense fear.
As a heads up, PMS can enhance those feelings of anxiety and fear.


This was very true! Because of the way he has just walked out of everyone elses lives I have always feared that he would do the same to me. So he kind of still did it. I still have yet to learn how to love without fear.
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Posted by David13
Posted by Lenore0908
I think the relationship had potential. You just got scared that he would abandon you, and any decision made from fear is usually tthe WRONG one.
Love can be scary sometimes, but a lot of the fears are irrational and not based in reality. But to love you have to get past those moments of intense fear.
As a heads up, PMS can enhance those feelings of anxiety and fear.


^^^Agreed !!!^^^
Another way to look at it. Before you act out on an emotion... you should first try to consider if your action or reaction is based on that of 'love' or 'fear'... which is easier said then done as feelings cannot be controled. The heart and the mind are always battling inside most of us. How many times have we said or done something to another impulsively (heart) ? Followed by our second guessing of those actions shortly after with... 'that was stupid !' (mind). The heart wants what it wants... the mind only knows reason... it is the paradox within us all. I am a proponent of following one's heart... letting the heart decide and telling the mind to get us there.
Every emotion is based on one of these two... 'love' and 'fear':
LOVE................FEAR
serenity............anxiety
happiness..........sadness
joy...................anger
caring...............control
trust.................shame
compassion........depression
truth.................guilt
contentment...... confusion
satisfaction.........loneliness
gratitude............inadequacy
hope..................hurt
This list is not exhaustive by any means... but those based on LOVE will serve us... while those based on FEAR will defeat us.
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You are a very wise person! I have been reading all kinds of books since being with him such as the five love languages, the seat of the soul, the untethered soul and many others. We have both been thru the Trancesedental meditation courses together. He said he had never experienced a love like I have given him before. But im still not understanding how is it so easy to walk away from me if we have both shown each other so much love! I did reach out to him last night. I called him from my new number. Of course he didnt answer so i texted him saying it was me and will he call me please. He texted back a couple of hours later askin was I ok. I texted back sa
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He didnt like how I did him after all the love. I said I was so sorry for acting off of pure emotions. I explained to him that he meant the world to me and that I loved him dearly.It was rather late so I didnt expect a text back. But I havent heard from him since that text but im not going to pressure him. I will let him come around when he is ready. Thanks for all the advice David you are the best! You all have helped me through this Winking
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Posted by Lenore0908
It probably wasn't easy to.walk away, but he felt hurt that you couldn't trust him and he was scared he couldn't make you happy.
And making you happy would have helped him to feel like a man.
Having your trust lets him feel like a man, but not having it takes that away from him.
And every man wants to feel like a,man.


You are so right thx for taking the time out to help me. Im now just giving him space if he decides to come back then I will welcome him with open arms. But if not im going to let it go. Im not going to apply any pressure to him.
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Posted by MissD312
He didnt like how I did him after all the love. I said I was so sorry for acting off of pure emotions. I explained to him that he meant the world to me and that I loved him dearly.It was rather late so I didnt expect a text back. But I havent heard from him since that text but im not going to pressure him. I will let him come around when he is ready. Thanks for all the advice David you are the best! You all have helped me through this Winking

Well... I would have waited A LITTLE longer, but you did very well... so no harm done ! Winking And the fact that he asked if you were all right is a good sign. So sit back and relax... do some things for you... ZEN ! Winking Breathe in, breathe out. Patience !!!
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Posted by MissD312
Posted by Lenore0908
It probably wasn't easy to.walk away, but he felt hurt that you couldn't trust him and he was scared he couldn't make you happy.
And making you happy would have helped him to feel like a man.
Having your trust lets him feel like a man, but not having it takes that away from him.
And every man wants to feel like a,man.


You are so right thx for taking the time out to help me. Im now just giving him space if he decides to come back then I will welcome him with open arms. But if not im going to let it go. Im not going to apply any pressure to him.
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THIS is the right attitude ! smile
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Posted by David13
Posted by MissD312
Posted by Lenore0908
It probably wasn't easy to.walk away, but he felt hurt that you couldn't trust him and he was scared he couldn't make you happy.
And making you happy would have helped him to feel like a man.
Having your trust lets him feel like a man, but not having it takes that away from him.
And every man wants to feel like a,man.


You are so right thx for taking the time out to help me. Im now just giving him space if he decides to come back then I will welcome him with open arms. But if not im going to let it go. Im not going to apply any pressure to him.

THIS is the right attitude ! smile
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Update: After sending him two long text messages responding to his message which stated " I dont like how you did me after all the love " I explained to him that I was very sorry for acting out of emotions and that I was truly wrong for changing my number on him. I also stated that I love him and feared losing his friendship and he meant the world to me. So... He didnt reply and on top of that, I woke up the next morning to see that he has now blocked me on facebook. So im done with it. I'm not reaching out anymore. He has the oppurtunity to reach out when he is ready. If he doesnt then I hope all is well with him. I am moving on. I have learned alot from him and this situation. There is no love lost but I cant keep the chase going. Yeah I made a mistake no one is perfect. I plan to grow from this experience and only do better. Thanx again for all the advice.
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Posted by David13
Posted by MissD312
He didnt like how I did him after all the love. I said I was so sorry for acting off of pure emotions. I explained to him that he meant the world to me and that I loved him dearly.It was rather late so I didnt expect a text back. But I havent heard from him since that text but im not going to pressure him. I will let him come around when he is ready. Thanks for all the advice David you are the best! You all have helped me through this Winking

Well... I would have waited A LITTLE longer, but you did very well... so no harm done ! Winking And the fact that he asked if you were all right is a good sign. So sit back and relax... do some things for you... ZEN ! Winking Breathe in, breathe out. Patience !!!
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Lol I wish I would have read this earlier for now all I can do is sit back and wait. But I will be focused on me and bettering my life. Not so much on him anymore...
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Posted by MissD312
Posted by David13
Posted by MissD312
He didnt like how I did him after all the love. I said I was so sorry for acting off of pure emotions. I explained to him that he meant the world to me and that I loved him dearly.It was rather late so I didnt expect a text back. But I havent heard from him since that text but im not going to pressure him. I will let him come around when he is ready. Thanks for all the advice David you are the best! You all have helped me through this Winking

Well... I would have waited A LITTLE longer, but you did very well... so no harm done ! Winking And the fact that he asked if you were all right is a good sign. So sit back and relax... do some things for you... ZEN ! Winking Breathe in, breathe out. Patience !!!

Lol I wish I would have read this earlier for now all I can do is sit back and wait. But I will be focused on me and bettering my life. Not so much on him anymore...
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Done with it huh... it is never THAT easy. I am sure your heart will be going back and forth for some time. Don't give in to the temptation to reach out... nothing good can come from it until there has been enough 'quiet' time.
So... if you should suddenly feel compelled to contact him... DON'T ! DON'T DO ANYTHING until you have received my blessing ! Winking Got it ? NOTHING ! N-O-T-H-I-N-G ! This goes for if he contacts you as well... NO response... none. N-O-N-E ! NO, NOTHING, and NONE are your favorite words now ! Got it ? No, really... GOT IT ?!!
YOU my dear... are GROUNDED for 3-1/2 weeks ! This includes NO talking about him with people he knows, NO 'accidental' meetings... and NO stocking... oops... I meant drive-bys... women don't stock... they just do drive-bys. Winking
He must see you as dropping off the face of the earth now. HE doesn't believe that YOU can do it ! HE is certain that he will hear from YOU in another day or so ! Prove him wrong... convince him with your silence that you are just fine without... even if it may not be the truth. Be strong MissD312... YOU can DO THIS !!!
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*without HIM*
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Posted by David13
*without HIM*

LOL David you are so funny!! But very helpful!! But damn it I always manage to read your comments to late!!! Ok so this is what happened today! He texted me this morning asking am I awake. I texted back... (yeah I know kill me now)! LOL.. But I texted back about 2hrs later with a one word text saying "Yeah"... And guess what no response back from him... So I deleted his number and didnt say another word. I refuse to keep this craziness up. Now I feel like he is toying with me and I am losing interest by the minute! I have to value myself way more then this! But I will make sure I check my updates from you daily before I do anything! I will follow all directions! Winking
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Posted by Lenore0908
Hey, well at least he contacted you. This is AFTER he blocked you from facebook. SO, that means you are still in the door.
Just give him some space, he will come around. But move on with your life in the meantime. Just keep doing your thing. The fact that you've read many books and worked on yourself means you are way ahead of most women. You are a catch. That was a great and heartfelt apology. I have a feeling it's not over between you two.
Next time, don't break up with him just because you are upset, don't change your number and don't cut him off as if he meant nothing to you. HE HAS FEELINGS TOO!! Remember that!

I definitely will not be going that route again! Lol! I have def learned from this experience. However I can't but to feel that he is toying with me emotionally. He knew that I would be happy to hear from him so when he texted asking if I were awake, he knew he still had me . Because he didn't respond back after I texted back. So im going to follow through with Davids advice. He wont be hearing from me in about 3 weeks. Im sure I probably wont be as interested by then. I tend to lose interest kind of fast. So if he falls by the waste side before the three weeks are up, then BYE BYE it was nice knowing you! I will not do another lap running behind ANY man Winking
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Posted by MissD312
Posted by David13
*without HIM*

LOL David you are so funny!! But very helpful!! But damn it I always manage to read your comments to late!!! Ok so this is what happened today! He texted me this morning asking am I awake. I texted back... (yeah I know kill me now)! LOL.. But I texted back about 2hrs later with a one word text saying "Yeah"... And guess what no response back from him... So I deleted his number and didnt say another word. I refuse to keep this craziness up. Now I feel like he is toying with me and I am losing interest by the minute! I have to value myself way more then this! But I will make sure I check my updates from you daily before I do anything! I will follow all directions! Winking
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Keep in mind, that you have no idea what he was REALLY doing while you waited for his sms... maybe he was waiting for your answer for an hour and 55 minutes... but then HE fell asleep again... maybe his phone died... maybe he was at a funeral... maybe he was in jail... face it... YOU don't REALLY know ! By the way... answering 'yeah' is just an answer... it required no response anyway.
You just deleted his number from your phone right ? You didn't change your number again ?!!
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Posted by David13
Posted by MissD312
Posted by David13
*without HIM*

LOL David you are so funny!! But very helpful!! But damn it I always manage to read your comments to late!!! Ok so this is what happened today! He texted me this morning asking am I awake. I texted back... (yeah I know kill me now)! LOL.. But I texted back about 2hrs later with a one word text saying "Yeah"... And guess what no response back from him... So I deleted his number and didnt say another word. I refuse to keep this craziness up. Now I feel like he is toying with me and I am losing interest by the minute! I have to value myself way more then this! But I will make sure I check my updates from you daily before I do anything! I will follow all directions! Winking

Keep in mind, that you have no idea what he was REALLY doing while you waited for his sms... maybe he was waiting for your answer for an hour and 55 minutes... but then HE fell asleep again... maybe his phone died... maybe he was at a funeral... maybe he was in jail... face it... YOU don't REALLY know ! By the way... answering 'yeah' is just an answer... it required no response anyway.
You just deleted his number from your phone right ? You didn't change your number again ?!!

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Wow you sound like him! He thinks the same way as far as to what he could have really been doing, and saying yeah required no answer back. So with that being said im going to have to look within and see how to change my thought process on assuming. I really assumed he just wanted to make sure im still hanging on. Hummmm... Thx for that David..
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Oh and didnt change my number again.. Im not doing that anymore.
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Posted by tiziani
Yeah, I am sorry to say you have activated the side of a Libra that seeks nothing but revenge and vindication in the time they make for you, if they even make that time in the first place. We do not respond well to threats, and this is when you get the bad side of us that no longer has your best interests at heart even if we have a smile on our face.
We take the time we spend on people as very meaningful to us, and people are walking out of our lives all the time.

In fairness to you, I can see how he was careless with your feelings. It's never cool to take a Pisces feelings for granted since they can move and make your world with them.
Stranger things have happened in life then a couple recovering from disagreements like this though. Just give it time and maybe some lessons will come out of it that you will be look back and laugh on when ready.

That was beautifully said... I appreciate that. But at the same time if it has come to this then I will def walk away. There isnt a revengful bone in my body. So if he is set out to be devious then I dont care to make it work. Thinkin back he did tell me he would go to extreme measures to get someone back if they have wronged him. I thought that was kind of creepy being that I never seen that side of him. He knows I love him deeply. He has told me on so many occasions that he strongly feel the love I have for him. So it would hurt deeply if he is being deceitful to so call teach me a lesson.
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Posted by tiziani
Apologies for the long response, I'm obviously a big fan of these two signs Tongue

There is absolutely no need for apologies on the long response! I am very pleased that you have taken the time out to share your thoughts and knowledge on the subject. I have learned that my actions were now very wrong. I have threaten to walk away on several occasions. I only did this to get him to pay attention to what I was begging for. Which was to spend more time with me. I do know now that; that was very immature. But I knew of no other way then.

We both read the five love languages together, my love language is quality time and his is acts of service. Now I would make sure I would try to prefect his love language. I wanted to be sure that I loved him the way HE felt loved. Although he was the one whom suggested that I read the book, he still didnt do what it took to love me the way I felt loved. Now dont get me wrong he has done a number of things for me in which I most definitely appreciated! However I am not a materialistic person. I would give all the material things back and would be more happier with just him. I adored him. It was as if I believed HE put the stars in the sky! Not comparing to God of course... But you get it Lol.
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