Help!! relationship in dire need of advice - Arabic women/men please read for helping me.
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by virgo29 on Tuesday, May 30, 2023 and has 5 replies.
This is a long story but I will try my best to get to the point as I need advice. Please be kind.
5 year relationship with a son, we've had our ups and downs. He is from Jordan(Muslim) and I am Indian (Hindu)
We had a huge blow out about two months back he said he didn't think I loved him and was tired of fighting so he called his family back home and asked them to arrange a marriage.
So they did find a girl, the families got involved and now two weeks later while they are in the "talking stage" as he is here with in Canada as I am they made this plan to engage in three months and marry in a year.
Two weeks and he told me and he says he cant get out of it because he involved his family.
He said he really thought I did not love him but I do and I want to make a life with him. He says he's in love with me and now he's in this with her and can't get out (not to mentioned her dad has money and will secure him for life, which has was abandoned by parents so he has been inner void for this stability) of it as it will tarnish and family will not talk to him again.
Yesterday he was here and we were crying together and today. We spent both days together in this. He played with our son and he is heavily confused so I gave him space tonight because he said he does not know what to do.
Please help how can I get him out of this without it harming him or his family reputation. Is there a way without hurting his families honour? What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this.
I've even gone to the extent to tell him I would be his 2nd wife ( yes I love him this much) but he is afraid to even mention that.
We talked about having another child, spend the year together and see but how can he guarantee me anything. I told him waiting a year to break it off is much worse and now would be the time but again What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this without hurting his families honour.
We are desperately looking for help here.
5 year relationship with a son, we've had our ups and downs. He is from Jordan(Muslim) and I am Indian (Hindu)
We had a huge blow out about two months back he said he didn't think I loved him and was tired of fighting so he called his family back home and asked them to arrange a marriage.
So they did find a girl, the families got involved and now two weeks later while they are in the "talking stage" as he is here with in Canada as I am they made this plan to engage in three months and marry in a year.
Two weeks and he told me and he says he cant get out of it because he involved his family.
He said he really thought I did not love him but I do and I want to make a life with him. He says he's in love with me and now he's in this with her and can't get out (not to mentioned her dad has money and will secure him for life, which has was abandoned by parents so he has been inner void for this stability) of it as it will tarnish and family will not talk to him again.
Yesterday he was here and we were crying together and today. We spent both days together in this. He played with our son and he is heavily confused so I gave him space tonight because he said he does not know what to do.
Please help how can I get him out of this without it harming him or his family reputation. Is there a way without hurting his families honour? What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this.
I've even gone to the extent to tell him I would be his 2nd wife ( yes I love him this much) but he is afraid to even mention that.
We talked about having another child, spend the year together and see but how can he guarantee me anything. I told him waiting a year to break it off is much worse and now would be the time but again What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this without hurting his families honour.
We are desperately looking for help here.
It is not the same in all Arab regions, I do not come from one that forces arranged marriages.
So, I'm not sure if my answer would be of any help. All I'm thinking is he did this by himself, noone forced him to call his parents. And if he is a man of control of his life, he should be free to continue this or put a stop to it. It is really his problem not yours, and he should be the one coming up with a solution, not you. Let him be the man you want, don't try to fix his mistakes, his own choices.
Sorry if my words seem harsh, it is only the truth, really hope things work out for you, good luck x
So, I'm not sure if my answer would be of any help. All I'm thinking is he did this by himself, noone forced him to call his parents. And if he is a man of control of his life, he should be free to continue this or put a stop to it. It is really his problem not yours, and he should be the one coming up with a solution, not you. Let him be the man you want, don't try to fix his mistakes, his own choices.
Sorry if my words seem harsh, it is only the truth, really hope things work out for you, good luck x
You were together 5 years, you had a child and he rushed off to get married?
This man is wildly emotionally immature. His duty is to you and his child. He plays victim to his choices, or lack of choices. And now you want to help him sort it through.
I m sorry, this must be incredibly painful emotionally. But this is not a "man" but an adult boy who refuses to deal with the conflict, take responsibility for his life or really choose what he wants.
He is people pleasing by not being completely honest with you, and keeping your hopes up. While playing his family by semi cooperating with their desires. Not fully choosing a side.
My dear, you are worthy of so much more. And while you may love him, please do not give into his codependent behavior. If you really want him to succeed then let him live with his choices. Hopefully being uncomfortable and unhappy will force him to finally take charge.
This man is wildly emotionally immature. His duty is to you and his child. He plays victim to his choices, or lack of choices. And now you want to help him sort it through.
I m sorry, this must be incredibly painful emotionally. But this is not a "man" but an adult boy who refuses to deal with the conflict, take responsibility for his life or really choose what he wants.
He is people pleasing by not being completely honest with you, and keeping your hopes up. While playing his family by semi cooperating with their desires. Not fully choosing a side.
My dear, you are worthy of so much more. And while you may love him, please do not give into his codependent behavior. If you really want him to succeed then let him live with his choices. Hopefully being uncomfortable and unhappy will force him to finally take charge.
Honestly he's so immature. Running to his family asking them to arrange a marriage with another girl when he has a child with you. When it comes to him I feel like you make your choices, now deal with the consequences. Too bad that you and your child have to suffer the consequences of his immature actions.
Posted by virgo29I don't care for how religions go against their very nature with dogma and other forced cultural restraints.
This is a long story but I will try my best to get to the point as I need advice. Please be kind.
5 year relationship with a son, we've had our ups and downs. He is from Jordan(Muslim) and I am Indian (Hindu)
We had a huge blow out about two months back he said he didn't think I loved him and was tired of fighting so he called his family back home and asked them to arrange a marriage.
So they did find a girl, the families got involved and now two weeks later while they are in the "talking stage" as he is here with in Canada as I am they made this plan to engage in three months and marry in a year.
Two weeks and he told me and he says he cant get out of it because he involved his family.
He said he really thought I did not love him but I do and I want to make a life with him. He says he's in love with me and now he's in this with her and can't get out (not to mentioned her dad has money and will secure him for life, which has was abandoned by parents so he has been inner void for this stability) of it as it will tarnish and family will not talk to him again.
Yesterday he was here and we were crying together and today. We spent both days together in this. He played with our son and he is heavily confused so I gave him space tonight because he said he does not know what to do.
Please help how can I get him out of this without it harming him or his family reputation. Is there a way without hurting his families honour? What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this.
I've even gone to the extent to tell him I would be his 2nd wife ( yes I love him this much) but he is afraid to even mention that.
We talked about having another child, spend the year together and see but how can he guarantee me anything. I told him waiting a year to break it off is much worse and now would be the time but again What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this without hurting his families honour.
We are desperately looking for help here.
If you intend to play that game, I would arrange a meeting with a ?Ilam?( Islamic priest) for advice. Basically get church backing and instructions. If you are both unwilling to break with tradition then work within it by using it. Go through the steps laid out by the priest. Don't know if you can just go, only him, or both to the meeting. I assume both would increase the view of your sincerity.
Should you choose to break from tradition, like most second and third generation immigrants to western countries, then be prepared to create your own family and life from scratch... together.
There is always a choice. It's the law of the universe. Therefore God. Choose.
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