He's just NOT that into you..

I know it's been said before but honestly if you are in a situation and you are second guessing whether this guy wants you or not, GO AND SEE THE MOVIE!!!! It's a great girlie flick and it really starts to put things into perspective. You see both sides when the guy wants a girl and quite clearly when he doesn't and why she makes assumptions...

Sometimes we can want all we like but you cant make someone love you and why waste your time on someone who doesn't even give you or your feeling a second thought! SWALLOW THAT LUMP,HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND DON'T LOOK BACK LADIES!!

Should be Great Balls!!!! You have sex ont he brain buddy! lol~

When you are in the situation I guess we are clouded and cant see the FOOLS we are making of ourselves...BUT maybe watching this movie can make us at least stop for a second and assess the situation long enough to NOT do the silly things we do!

Like DONT under any circumstances pick up your mobile and start texting when you've been drinking!!!!

And learn to handle rejection because that will be the key to moving on...it is after all only one person's rejection, it doesn't diminish your value as an awesome person. And as they say when one door closes another will truely open and generally for the better!

It maybe just a little patience is needed!

A review (which I thought was spot on) of the book !..I haven't read it or ever had the desire to. You should just know when a man is into you..he will make the effort and you should reciprocate it..

"This book very much stays on the surface of relationships. It generalises that all men treat women badly until they find 'the one'. I for one value decency and wouldn't want to be with someone who I knew treated people badly. So he cheated on every other girlfriend but it's ok because I'm the one...I don't think so!
If you are not happy with any aspect of your boyfriends behaviour, then the answer is that he is simply 'not that into you'. This goes for everything and no matter at what stage you are into the relationship. Whether he cheats or simply forgets to call you, all is defined as equally bad behaviour, showing that he is 'not that into you' and the books solution is to dump him and find someone who shows you on a daily basis how much he loves you. Greg's definition of this is that he should be showering you with gifts and writing poetry and generally be perfect in every way.

Yes, it might be pretty obvious that he is not that keen if you had just started dating someone who wasn't calling or making much effort. But if you are already in a serious realtionship and it happens, there could be a whole number of reasons and the sensible thing would be to talk to him about it!

Neither women nor men are so perfect and this book scarcely touches on fundamental factors that make relationships work such as communication, the ability to compromose, compatibility, commitment etc. This book implies that it is up to him to put in all the effort. All the female seems to be required to do is to lavish the attention and read his signals to decide whether or not he is 'into you' and therefore whether you should continue with him or not.

Relationships take work from both sides. How our partner treats us and behaves in the relationship is significant and it is important that we are aware of this and don't make compromises on what is truly unacceptable to us but it is really unrealistic, as this book suggests, to expect our partner to behave perfectly all the time.

What is of value here, apart from the humour, is that we should set standards for ourselves and be aware of what is important to us and what we are willing to compromise on and not.

However, there are far more useful books written by relationship experts who know what they are talking about"

I take it that we are in fact talking about the beginning of a relationship or first date or two or before it's stated that you are in fact "IN A RELATIONSHIP" with this person. Reading the threads through here most in doubt are at this stage, given there are the odd one that may have been dating casually for 3 years! So we aren't talking about people in "commited relatioships" because once there is an established commitment why would you be asking if he is into you or not?

It's for people (generally women) who are asking, Why he isn't doing what we want him to do like pay some attention, make the moves etc...and to stop reading into his actions what we want to believe. It's the COLD,HARD TRUTH of the matter...if he aint calling maybe it's because he doesn't want to!


One of the first things pointed out in the movie is of a little boy and girl in a sandpit together and she was being nice to him and he got up and shoved her...

When she went crying to her mother, her mother told her he hit her because he really likes her...now how many girls have had that said to them and say it to their kids and also believe it to be true—

"and to stop reading into his actions what we want to believe. It's the COLD,HARD TRUTH of the matter...if he aint calling maybe it's because he doesn't want to!"

Absodamnlutely! I love that (generally speaking) women friends can come up with some of the best excuses for the poor behavior of men. It just means we are creative when dealing with rejection..lol. Just kidding (a little), but seriously, if someone is truly into you, there is typically no question. If a guy wants to talk to you, he will call you. If he wants to see you, he will drive (sometimes hours and miles) to see you. If they are busy, they CAN shave 2 minutes to send a text message or call to say they were "just thinking of you." Nobody's time is so tight that they don't have 1 minute to send a text or make a call...period. But, I have a lot of female friends who make excuse after excuse for someone not calling them for weeks and months.

women friends can come up with some of the best excuses for the poor behavior of men

@ USCgal:

that's exactly what the movie highlights amongst others...the truth hurts and who likes to intentionally hurt their best mate....soooo what do we do? We drag out the Inevitable and she gets more hooked and more hurt in the long run!

I hope mine and all your friends are "cruel to be kind" in future...

@ OFA

once again if he is your bf then i dont think it necessarily applies as much because he's obviously "in to you" as he's made that commitment, he just needs training on how to treat his lady (namely YOU!) Yep I would certainly slam the butter out of him too! lol

^lol

I wish women would all see it and take its advice.
aahahahaharhar, i mean hear hear women

You cant take everything from the book as gospel but the main points have to be appreciated is what I'm trying to get at and most have picked up on.

As GB says, dont chase but leave a little bait...if he doesn't take the bait....well you know the line by now!!! 😉

In fact the more you say it to yourself or out loud the more you take on board the rejection and except it...

I know, I'm feeling it and doing it and it's getting easier!

Yeah GB I'd hate to be a guy, i see them get rejected all the time when they approach someone. I always try to be polite even when I'm not interested because I feel it's taken them alot of guts to come up and ask or try and make conversation. My gf's slam me for being too nice because they say I'm leading them on.....so even a women can't win!

Damned if you do and Damned if you dont!

@ Sweethearts -- I totally got your point. Obviously, your comments were not directed at those in relationships, because (presumably) they are past the initial dating stages. I'm kind of old school about dating (in some repects), because I just don't believe in calling guys (which now days includes, texting and emailing, and any other forms of contact that I would be initiating). If a guy calls me, of course I'll call him back. I don't like to play games, but in the real world, unfortnately, dating is a big game sometimes. One of my girlfriends does the mirroring type of thing with guys she is dating - if they are all into her, then she is all into them. If they start to pull away, she pulls even farther. She (and myself included) hate rejection, and she feels that if she mirrors their actions, then she can gauge where the relationship is headed. She met someone now that she's been dating for almost a year, and he is all about her. While their relationship isn't perfect, he immediately got that she was going to put in as much or as little work as he put in the relationship, and since he really digs her, he goes all out, and in turn, she goes all out for him too. Also, she was clear with him that she was dating other guys, because she wasn't going to limit herself and be waiting around for him to decide what he wanted. He put an end to that after about six months, because he proved to her he was INTO only her.

WOW, mirror effect! Never really thought about that. Sounds like a plan to me.

the last guy I was with was all over me, he got my number and rang me but he wanted me to also call or text him whenever i wanted. I, like you, think it's them that should call because I want to know that they are truely into me.

Funny enough when he saw me, he was oh so into me but if I was out of sight then I was out of mind too...then if I called he didnt always return those calls or texts. So I was at a complete lose as to what was going on. Needless to say I ended it because, wasn't easy and I think about him still but I know I'm worth so much more.

That's a great piece of advise for girls like me. I have been in a similar situation and God knows why I'd put down my self respect and call him and text him even though he seemed so disinterested and it would be a slap in the face. I guess its just that when they know that we really like them and we are willing to be there and work it out, they start taking us for granted and wanna play around more. 'Cos they know that we will stick by no matter what.. Such men are sick. And I also remember how I would get drunk or do drugs and start texting him.. Shucks.. Can't believe I did that for some asshole. So yeah its really important to maintain our self respect and move on. Thanks everyone who posted here and Thank you "Sweethearts"

I'm unclear why women have to be told this .. why is a book or movie required to gain self-respect?


wtf?


In any situation in life that requires involvement with other people, such as friends, family, co-workers, or even random people on the sidewalk ... we KNOW that a certain criteria of treatment is a requirement ... so what? once you like a guy, you suddenly become stupid, or what?

Ph puhhhlease Zen, you try having all your damn friends complain about why isn't this guy calling? And why doesn't he want to get serious— And Why this, why that!!! It drives me insane having to explain the same...thing...over...and...over...again!!

first moons OFA, then second, because it's all theoretical... you're trying to predict what's on somebody else's mind that you don't even know or have never met...
The point is dealing with the insecure feeling of why you can't kick the focker in the arse and move along? ok that sounds too easy 🙂 but love a good arse kicking and storming out though

hahahaha yea sorry I didn't read this last page why is a book or movie required to gain self-respect?
it's a common theme, counsellours counsel you via books, hell people come on to dxp for different insights or gain confidence to make moves which amazes me!.... bottom line is no matter how you read or hear about it never drop your instinct or common sense, it is the only protection we have...

Confidence is like butter, it melts away when the heat is on

"Confidence is like butter, it melts away when the heat is on"

Word Zen. Also you aren't BORN a certain way, it takes time and life experiences. I wasn't always a confident person, but as I got older and lived life, I realized what was good (for me) and what was bad (for me). Respect is crucial, cause if you don't have it for yourself, you damn sure won't get it from someone else.