honesty

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by virtuousvirgo83 on Thursday, September 1, 2011 and has 14 replies.
I want a real intimate relationship but my honestt/reality keeps men so distant from me.. things could be going well then boom!!! They seem to get uncomfortable.. is there a balance that i am missing... i cant help my direct approach!!!!! :-/
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Looking back, what kind of convos are you having with these guys that you notice they always end up running away?
Is it a particular subject you're discussing or is it how (your tone) you're saying it?
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You probably come off as too aggressive. Possibly in a more masculine way and some men want someone... softer.
This could be a learned cultural thing. Most black and latina girls I know are really feisty and blunt.
You might wanna tone it down and leave some mystery or keep weeding through them til you find someone who can handle you.
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Posted by ninjamu
This could be a learned cultural thing. Most black and latina girls I know are really feisty and blunt.
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Whoa! You're pulling the race card.
Some women PERIOD can be feisty & blunt. It's not a "race" thing. It's an aspect of some people's personalities
Plus, there's nothing wrong with being blunt or even fiesty. For every 5 guys who hate that, there are another 10 guys who love it & will actually be turned on more by it
If "blunt/feisty" is who you are, own/embrace that. Don't change that. Just find that balance. Don't be too passive but then again don't go to the other extreme & be too aggressive either. Find the middle ground
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Being direct is who i am this has nothing to do with race/culture it helps me to stay in reality.... i prefer to be dealt with directl
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Posted by virtuousvirgo83
I want a real intimate relationship but my honestt/reality keeps men so distant from me.. things could be going well then boom!!! They seem to get uncomfortable.. is there a balance that i am missing... i cant help my direct approach!!!!! :-/




"This thing you want that you think you want, you don't want."
-Keanu, "Street Kings"
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Be glad because they wouldn't be able to handle you in the long run. I find it best to be your true self right from the start. Wish more people were like that, it would save a hell of a lot of time.
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Posted by LoveBucket
Hun, it's not your honesty and bluntness that's sending these guys running for the hills. There's something about you that's sending them off and running, but you can rest assured it's not your honesty and bluntness. So if that was your worry, then worry no more!! smile


I agree. I think everyone can appreciate honesty.
Maybe it's in how/the tone you're saying things that are turning them off.
I'm very blunt & non-chalant too but I know how to tweak that depending on the person I'm dealing with. Some can take it more than others.
Again, maybe it's WHAT you're actually discussing with these guys that's causing them to be turned off
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I agree with the poster above, nothing wrong with being honest, it's just that some people are more sensitive than others so if you use the same direct approach to all of them, some might find it offensive. I don't think it has anything to do with race, but cultural thing might contribute? Or even the way you were raised in the family?
My suggestion is to try gauging how well the other person will take it before you actually say it. Believe it or not, some men are more sensitive than others and they might not like abrasiveness and brashness in a woman. Not saying that you should change or not be yourself, but the capability of being more diplomatic will always help you in life. IMHO.
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Maybe it's not your bluntness that keeps guys away ... maybe it's your slutiness

You did just make a post, like yesterday, talking about having sex with a guy .... and it apparantly was just a guy because here your talking about how you can't find a man.

If you go about having sex with men that easy ... then the reason they likely run away from you is because they're not looking to have a respectful and trusting relationship with someone that slutty.
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Look the men that like blunt women or the so called independent women trust me lady's you don't want them. I have mostly guy friends and they tell me they like those type of women because its a challenge to them and they want to break them down like a dog. So thats why a lot of blunt women get the crazy guys the nice husband type is not going to deal with all that bs he is going to think to him self this bitch is crazy.
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by virgoking
Look the men that like blunt women or the so called independent women trust me lady's you don't want them. I have mostly guy friends and they tell me they like those type of women because its a challenge to them and they want to break them down like a dog. So thats why a lot of blunt women get the crazy guys the nice husband type is not going to deal with all that bs he is going to think to him self this bitch is crazy.


No, they just don't want to deal with too much bs.
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At the end of the day its bs and a guy who knows his worth is not going to deal with it. Women don't like hearing that but when they understand this the better their life will be.
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
blunt + break them down like a dog is total opposites fwiw.
Blunt = open, honest and direct
break down = games, subterfuge and bs.
That would be my take on it anyways.

The problem with blunt its open to interpretation example people who called them self's blunt. Would see some one with a big mole on their face and say hey you should get rid of that mole. Now maybe thats true but because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it. The problem with the so called blunt people they think if its true than its fare game to say. Not caring about the other persons feelings I had this talk with my mother leo she lives off this principal same reason why she is single to this day.
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I think having a balance might be the way to go...
I'm quite blunt at times but I try to balance it a bit because in reality people do and will see this forthright approach as rude...it's true...even if your intentions are not to hurt or anything it will come across that way because everyone feels things differently...
Blunt can also be seen as more masculine trait...for a woman anyway I'm sure...
So it's not to say change who you are...but access your approach... sometimes the bluntness can cause negative outcomes and this may be why guys don't stick around...they are looking for a more softer side to you...bring this out more...
of course there are guys that like this blunt type approach from a woman but my guess is they are the loud in your face type anyway...the one that does it himself...
So if things aren't working for you...try a different direction...you can tame down certain aspects of your personality...yes yes don't change who you are...but sometimes in life if things keep going wrong ..then try a new way...
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