How can I gain independence and distance myself from toxic family members?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by TurquoiseRose on Thursday, January 16, 2020 and has 7 replies.
I am 24 years old and have tried working for eight years despite me having an Auditory Processing Disorder and ADD. This only affects my ability to cognitively function fully. It affects my attention span, short term memory, my ability to process and hold information I hear. This has caused me a lot of anxiety on the job which affects my work performance. I have had at least eleven jobs these past eight years but most of them only lasted short term for a few weeks or few months except for one that lasted two years because I had Vocational Rehabilitation Services before while working part time. I was living on my own for years since I've graduated high school but have been homeless off and on because I can't gain stable income. I am now staying with my grandparents because I am seperated going through a divorce. My grandmother is forcing me to apply for disibility but I don't know if I want it because I know SSI can be a long process and I can't bear staying with family much longer. My family is not supporting my idea to work or go to get vocational training, to gain new skills, or get Vocational Services again and everyone refuses to help me. No one is on my side or is willing to hear me out. Most of my family are control freaks, dominating and overbearing. I can't make any decisions on my own regarding my life or think for myself while staying with my grandmother if I try to she gets angry or offensive. My grandmother forces me to eat meat and other meat products sometimes when I'm a vegetarian. I can't pick out any of my clothes or wear my hair the way I want. She forces ideas, opinions and hobbies upon me that I don't like. All I want is to be my own person and live an independent life. I have been depressed months now and I feel more worthless overtime because I have no income no ability to go anywhere but stay in a dark room like I have nothing to live for. I'm isolated from everyone I know including my friends and other family because my grandparents stay in a town now far from the city with no access to other transportation unless my grandparents can take me somewhere. I feel that I am dependent on my grandparents and family financially but I don't want to feel that way. It makes me uncomfortable. I have a four year old son who is depending on me and it makes me feel worse.
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Why aren’t you looking for a job that’s physically demanding and not mentally demanding? This would work all care of most of your disability issues.

PE teacher, EMT, Police officer. Something like this for a long term career, working in hotels or grocery stores short term because the money is decent and can get you a start to be independent and you’re not doing the same thing daily.

You have a child, so you really just can’t pick up and go unless you leave your kid with your parents or grandparents.

You can’t wear what you want and you can’t even style your hair how you want and you have a child as well that needs taking care of. 😕

I can see why your depressed. The only thing to do is to actively change your life style and work towards a better one. Things don’t fall in your lap. You have to make it happen, one step at a time.

So unless you’re gonna become codependent on a man and have him take care of you and your child, so you can move out, you’re gonna need to come up with a plan to get a job you can do, that will make you more independent.

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Take baby daddy to court and collect child support.

Talk to your friends about temporarily renting a room from them.

If your in the US look into your states child care subsidies.

There is no easy answer or quick fix here. But you need to take steps to build the life you want.
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Maybe try and find a online support group with the same disabilities as you and talk to them about what they do to cope with the disability when it comes to work, family etc.

I get it tho...part of you doesn't want to go against the grandparents probably for fear they will kick you out and if you have no means of transportation and are dependant on them taking you everywhere really does limit you and that can be extremely frustrating and depressing. You might have to get more creative with ways of gaining your independence while being under their thumb.

Saggurl has a good suggestion on finding something more physical on the job front than mental. Maybe try and see a therapist...they maybe able to help you with other things or get you the resources needed.
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My son is ADHD, is 24 and moved out last August. You know he has a lot of trouble in some jobs but he is working at one that he does really well at now. It makes all the difference.. he has two roommates so it’s affordable. The disability just means you have to adjust and find your way. Yes your way not theirs. Parents mean well but they can’t do it for you, they just aren’t you. Do what it takes to move out, and be independent.
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Saggurl88- His father and I have shared custody of our son so it makes things a little easier. We each have him three and a half days out the week. I have done retail jobs in grocery stores, clothing stores and fast food restaurants. The majority of my jobs were housekeeping in nursing homes, hotels and hospitals. All of these jobs were challenging for me because they were very fast paced. Fast food restaurants were the worst because the job relied heavily on verbal communication and focus. I have a severe processing disorder and it's hard for me to work in jobs that are loud, fast paced and require alot of verbal communication. My longest job was almost three years housekeeping at a nursing home but I was working part time and the building was very small so it wasn't as much demand. Vocational Rehabilitation Services also helped them make accommodations for me.
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You will definitely need to first find a job you can do and then you can begin your journey to move forward - once that is established, prepare your plan of attack. Smile and nod and do what you have to do to work all you can and still keep the little guy happy and you well rested; take the BS is what I'm saying all the while saving and saving until you can afford to get your own digs even if it's renting a small cheap place. Keep organized and try to continue to move forward as you check on all social services that could help you. If you're credit is good and you have your ideal situation job, use it lightly as needed until you get through the move. Will the child's father help you at all ? What about his parents ? Do you have a good relationship with them ? Do they have an extra room ? Sorry
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