The feelings. Its hard to love without attachment but simple attachment isn't intense for me. The feelings see fleeting and soft. Love for me is intense. Its kinda overwhelming and either warm or hot.

1 year

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LuckyLibra7

@LuckyLibra7

Signed Up: Mar 13, 2023
Comments: 393 · Posts: 748 · Topics: 14

You must love in a way that the other person feels free.

Love is letting the person go if they want to leave and not despising them for it.

Anxious, Avoidant Attachments etc is the opposite of all this. A healthy relationship is two individuals with Secure Attachments.

Signed Up: Feb 23, 2013
Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84

Posted by TxOgal
Posted by saggurl88
Attachment- Do you love what they do for you

Love- Do you love how they make you feel

It's only that their presence comforts me and their absence is painful.

It's funny that I can't tell, they get on my nerves alot.
click to expand

Them getting on your nerves is a you problem lol

Are they purposely trying to hurt you?

Are they getting on your nerves because they aren't doing what you want?

Figure out what is bothering you so much about them and talk to the person.

Annoyances like that can either be a control thing on your side or a red flag thing on theirs if the person is playing games and maliciously trying to hurt you.

Lots of times people also get attached with games when we are left wanting more.

When people are breadcrumbed, it feels so good to have a little bit of time to be in their presence, but crappy when they don't have the time for a person.

Signed Up: Aug 02, 2014
Comments: 177 · Posts: 2392 · Topics: 92

Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..

This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care

click to expand

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.

To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.

Sorry for the long response

Signed Up: Apr 10, 2023
Comments: 1148 · Posts: 1649 · Topics: 25

If you can't tell the difference then you know the answer.

Signed Up: Feb 23, 2013
Comments: 22238 · Posts: 25616 · Topics: 84

Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..
This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care
click to expand

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.

To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.

Sorry for the long response

click to expand

So you're the one doing the bread crumbing!

How are you sick for days without saying a word? I can see maybe a day, but multiple days and you know he expects decent communication?

That's low effort on your part. But if he can't accept it then you guys aren't very compatible anyways.

There are certain signs that expect some sort of daily communication, even a "I'm Sick" text real quick, so at least if you ignore them, they get it. But radio silence? Come on.

Signed Up: Aug 02, 2014
Comments: 177 · Posts: 2392 · Topics: 92

Posted by saggurl88
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..
This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care
click to expand

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.

To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.

Sorry for the long response

So you're the one doing the bread crumbing!

How are you sick for days without saying a word? I can see maybe a day, but multiple days and you know he expects decent communication?

That's low effort on your part. But if he can't accept it then you guys aren't very compatible anyways.

There are certain signs that expect some sort of daily communication, even a "I'm Sick" text real quick, so at least if you ignore them, they get it. But radio silence? Come on.
click to expand

I wasn't ignoring him. He didn't even ask or striked any conversation and he knew I was sick cause I told him that

Signed Up: Nov 05, 2019
Comments: 415 · Posts: 2797 · Topics: 27

Posted by TxOgal
What makes the difference to you?

Lol

when you can't shake it.

even if you guys have issues your overall feelings don't change.

You care for them for who they are personality characteristics etc....

rather then what they do for you or you them.

My favorite, When you grumble but still do it for them.

Highly territorial feels you have to keep in check.

Personally,

As someone with Taurus personality traits and placements,

when I share things that are important to me without a second thought.

Bit of a Minimalist so what I do have and attached to, I'm protective of.

Many bad experiences.

My quite time, mug from my girls from fathers day, and financial stuff comes to mind.

Signed Up: Mar 13, 2023
Comments: 393 · Posts: 748 · Topics: 14

Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..
This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care
click to expand

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.

To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.

Sorry for the long response

click to expand

This seems like a thread more so for you than him.

You know his communication style and you understand he likes to briefly touch base once a day. But because he's in the chasing position, you pull back and go silent. He becomes perturbed and then you question if he's interested.

Rinse & repeat.

Your actions reflect he's more invested than you are.

Signed Up: Aug 02, 2014
Comments: 177 · Posts: 2392 · Topics: 92

Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..
This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.

To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.

Sorry for the long response
click to expand

Were you vocal about not wanting to be bothered when you're sick or you just expected him to get that?
It seems like you two have communication issues

click to expand

Actually I wouldn't mind if he asked about me while I'm sick.. It is him blaming me for not checking on him is what bothered me. Like, if I crossed his mind, why didn't he just text me? why is he waiting for me to do that? and if I don't, he gets grumpy and acts like I'm falling short. I even texted him when I travelled back and that was a few days after telling him I'm sick and him going silent, and he didnt make any effort to talk. He didnt even ask me if I got any better or if I travelled back (and he knew when I'm travelling) and a week later when he decided to chat (and still blaming me for not contacting him) his response is that I was not making room for conversation.. (it is really always my fault? lol) mind you I talk more about my life than he ever does and he still finds me the secretive one

yeah we do have communication issues you're right about that

Signed Up: Aug 02, 2014
Comments: 177 · Posts: 2392 · Topics: 92

Posted by LuckyLibra7
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..
This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care
click to expand

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.
To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.
Sorry for the long response
click to expand

This seems like a thread more so for you than him.

You know his communication style and you understand he likes to briefly touch base once a day. But because he's in the chasing position, you pull back and go silent. He becomes perturbed and then you question if he's interested.

Rinse & repeat.

Your actions reflect he's more invested than you are.
click to expand

I don't understand why would he be perturbed?

Signed Up: Aug 02, 2014
Comments: 177 · Posts: 2392 · Topics: 92

Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..
This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.
To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.
Sorry for the long response
click to expand

Were you vocal about not wanting to be bothered when you're sick or you just expected him to get that?
It seems like you two have communication issues
click to expand

Actually I wouldn't mind if he asked about me while I'm sick.. It is him blaming me for not checking on him is what bothered me. Like, if I crossed his mind, why didn't he just text me? why is he waiting for me to do that? and if I don't, he gets grumpy and acts like I'm falling short. I even texted him when I travelled back and that was a few days after telling him I'm sick and him going silent, and he didnt make any effort to talk. He didnt even ask me if I got any better or if I travelled back (and he knew when I'm travelling) and a week later when he decided to chat (and still blaming me for not contacting him) his response is that I was not making room for conversation.. (it is really always my fault? lol) mind you I talk more about my life than he ever does and he still finds me the secretive one
yeah we do have communication issues you're right about that
click to expand

Who initiates conversations more often you or him?
Cause for me it seems like it's him and that's why he's upset, cause if it's not and expects you to then he's entitled and immature.
click to expand

It's the same from both sides, sometimes I do n sometimes he does. He thinks he does it more often than me though (which is strange cause usually I'm the one who starts a conversation when he only sends an emoji with no words and he does that so often that it seems lazy from his side) n the thing is when he does, most of them start by something like.. what about you ignoring me (even though I didn't ignore him, it could be that I spent a busy day and he sends me that like midday)

Signed Up: Mar 13, 2023
Comments: 393 · Posts: 748 · Topics: 14

Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LuckyLibra7
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by LaGenereuz
Attachment there's a pattern you keep getting attached to
Love you're attached to the genuine care provided by your partner

Spot on about genuine care..
This is what made me wonder if it's only attachment, because I didn't feel the genuine care
click to expand

What does he do or doesn't that makes you think he does not care
click to expand

We are not in a relationship though but it seemed like it's leading to one, but it seems that it's only attachment. He gets annoyed when a day goes by without talking to him, so I was traveling and got sick so I've gone quiet for a couple of days, then he sent me a grumpy text asif I done him wrong, instead of asking how I'm doing or why I've gone silent. I let him know that I'm sick, he only asked about me the other day like just how r u? but then nothing the following week, even he knew I was traveling back n he didn't check on me at all, and this is not what bothered me actually, but what bothered me is when he decided to ask about me he blamed me for being closed off and not giving room for conversation (asif he doesn't get how it is like when one is sick). I expressed that this upset me, n he gave an insincere apology, and then he just gone silent again for days.
To me, if I knew a friend (let alone a close friend) is sick, I'd make sure they feel cared for, not just blame them for not checking on me.. this doesn't sound like genuine care to me. Specially that recently he always has the same attitude when I go a day or 2 without texting him first.
Sorry for the long response
click to expand

This seems like a thread more so for you than him.

You know his communication style and you understand he likes to briefly touch base once a day. But because he's in the chasing position, you pull back and go silent. He becomes perturbed and then you question if he's interested.

Rinse & repeat.

Your actions reflect he's more invested than you are.

I don't understand why would he be perturbed?
click to expand

I don't think he knows where he stands with you.. This would also explain him thinking you're secretive.

You have probably figured him out by this point which is why you don't share the same level of curiosity for what he has going on.

Signed Up: Jan 19, 2013
Comments: 1552 · Posts: 9503 · Topics: 11

He sounds like someone doing a slow fade: minimum effort, hypocritical demands and eager to blame you for the pettiest things.

What love or attachment...? More like coward's tactic!

Signed Up: Aug 02, 2014
Comments: 177 · Posts: 2392 · Topics: 92

Posted by DMV
Is the attachment unhealthy?

Does the attachment cause you not to go to work? Ignore friends n family?

No it doesn't.. but their absence makes me frustrated

IReallyAteMyGrandmaInMonkeyTown

@IReallyAteMyGrandmaInMonkeyTown

Signed Up: Feb 23, 2023
Comments: 50 · Posts: 179 · Topics: 15

If you have kids and debt together then it's an attachment (99% ) of people on the planet.

If you are losing weight then it's love.

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