How Is Your Relationship With Dad?

I think that relationship totally sets you up for how you will view men for you rest of your life. Mine was abusive in every way and has made hate men most of my life.

All I ever wanted was one of those dads from Tv. And not even just that but I've seen it real life. Dads that hug their daughter, tell her she is smart and can be anything she wants, tells her she is worthy of things, she is beautiful, its protective, shows up, cares.


I know there are good men out there that are like that to their daughters, wives, or girlfriends.


And if you experienced that consider yourself very lucky. God has truly blessed you because It does NOT happen for everyone.


I know the same can be said for men and their mothers. But I'm taking about dads because I'm a girl.


Anyway, sometimes I worry those scars are permeant. At this tender age of 23 I feel like just giving up on being able to like men.


It's like I mostly like to admire them more from afar than up close. It's easier. Sometimes, I feel it may always be that way. Hope not who knows.


What are about you?

*** sorry about typos its hard on a phone

My Dad is someone I can be proud of and someone I can't be proud of. My mother would always assure me that my dad loves us/me. My fondest memory of him was when I was still 3-5 when he was still there for me. He was the father who stood by me whether I'm wrong or right. My mom says I'm a daddy's girl and I'm his favorite too. After that I can no longer feel him. Absent as always busy busy busy. Ask me what is a father? My answer would be "ATM machine". When there's an ATM, there is a father. I don't have a clear picture of what father is. I want to have a father, that's all I know.

Hi everyone. Well i for one cant really say that i have a good relationship with my dad . I love him to pieces but now that Im older and have my own children and have to be mom and dad for them Ive come to realize that sometimes we come to resent a lot of things our parents do. I was raised in a home with 5 men. My dad and 4 brothers and instead of being treated like the princess because i was the only girl i was raised just as hard as the boys. I never recieved hugs or praise or even made to feel beautiful by my father in short my dad is quite emotionaly detached and very verbaly abusive. Which maybe had an affect as to the men ive chosen in my life. But in his defense he was a very good provider , worked 3 jobs to be able to keep a roof over our heads,clothes on our back , and food in our stomachs. All in all we have to realize that in the end we are the ones who make the choices in our lives and from my own expiriences ive come to learn that i really cant blame my father for everything. Because ultimately I made the bad choices not him. And maybe you just havent found that one beautiful spirit that will lift you and make you think twice about men.

Posted by Sag89

I think that relationship totally sets you up for how you will view men for you rest of your life.

Indubitably


The ones who celebrate a good relationship with Dad, usually end up successful in life with their own relationships.

For the ones who had a bad relationship .... the hope becomes - once maturity hits, the person gains some control over themselves so they can make a difference in their lives, rather than end up being a 40 year old and still bitching about how unfortunate they were.

The average person doesn't have the guts to actually stfu about it ... and DO something to improve themselves. Nope .. they usually end up warping their own kid's perception because they can't accept the fact that what it takes is for them to get over themselves .... most people have zero interest in actually helping themselves.

AND ... a child needs a mother figure also, to be mentally and emotionally healthy.


For this reason, I believe that a gay couple (either genders) shouldn't be able to raise a child. I believe children NEED both gender figures. Singles parents in the world bother me a lot, and hopefully their children get a lot of extended family time.

Personally, I had a great relationship with my father. He was very male, and the leader of the family. I like that. I didn't know it then, but, now as I see it, I like that he was in charge of the family ... he was very loyal and protective of us.

I have one child, he's Scorpio .... however, I didn't give birth to him.

In 1972 I got butchered by an abortion doctor and was never able to carry a baby .... my son came to me from an abused home, where he was starved and neglected, and unloved. We were very fortunate to find each other, and saved each others lives.

he needed a mommy to take care of him ... I needed a child of my own


We are tight, an unbreakable bond to this day.

Actually, maybe it was '73

Posted by cunninglinguist

Posted by P-Angel

AND ... a child needs a mother figure also, to be mentally and emotionally healthy.


For this reason, I believe that a gay couple (either genders) shouldn't be able to raise a child. I believe children NEED both gender figures. Singles parents in the world bother me a lot, and hopefully their children get a lot of extended family time.

I don't agree that gay couples can't encompass both gender "roles", but I do agree with the first of what you wrote.

My relationship with my mother was terrible, and I think that's why I feel like the odd one out when with other women. I'm working on it though - mainly by observing how normal women act so that I can assimilate better.

I have an Aquarius rising though, so I don't know if fitting in per se is in the cards for me.

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The evidence still remains to be seen ... we'll have to wait another couple generations to see how people turn out, since it's a new fad for homosexuals to adopt. Look at the example posted in here where a woman was raised by all males .... emotional nurturing was severely neglected.

I don't like the way women act, at all .. and I had an amazing relationship with my mother (Aqua). Women today have serious princess entitlement issues, and obvserving their behavior turns my stomach most of the time. I go out of my way to not be like them.

Thanks for the replies everyone. Interesting to hear others relationships.

My dad is my father because not only does he loves mom, but the reason he stood loyal to his family is because he didn't have a father with his mom raising him, his brothers and sisters alone... and he knew how we would feel if there wasn't a father in my brother's life & my life. I don't know who my grandpa is.

The relationship with my dad is over protective yet it is for safety. Thank you, grateful and blessed to have a father to this day

P-angel, I'm sorry that happened to you. That's horrible.
But I'm glad you found your son.

I have 2 dads- a biological father who was non-existent in my life and a step father who raised and adopted me.

At first i was scared of him when my parents first got married. But I had a great relationship with my dad growing up, especially during my hs years. He and I just get each other, we are a lot alike personality wise. He gives good advice, and is very caring.

I really am very independent so I don't see my parents a lot, but when I do see them we enjoy each others company.

I like my Dad... he wasn't a father but he is a very colourful character. He's a Sag. My Mom never talked bad about him and it wasn't until I was an adult that I learned what he was all about. Lots a skeletons in my family closet.

I would dream and pretend that my Dad lived far away and was very important. We saw him maybe once or twice a year. He always showed up in a nice car wearing really nice clothes. Me and my brother idolized him.

I found out he actually lived 10 minutes away by bike. I would ride by his house all the time trying to catch a peek of him. One day I got up the nerve to go knock on his door and his gf let me in and we had a nice visit. He had so many records! I tried to go back a second time but they told me this wasn't my home and I shouldn't come back. I never told anyone about that... and would still ride by every now and then until I realized that they had moved.

I went to stay with him one time when I was about 10 and he took me on a 15 hour road trip. Turns out he was delivering a large amount of weed and smoked the whole way with the window down a crack. The memories of that trip are kinda blurry now that I think about it :/

I would say it's great. I admire him, and respect him a lot. He is a very strong personal, hard worker, great provider, and protector. I can talk to him about anything, and am closer to him than anyone else in my family, outside of my child. I consider him a friend also, and really genuinely like his company and am proud to have him for a father and make sure he knows I love him, and he is appreciated. Even as a grown woman, I'm still a daddy's girl.. He's not affectionate, or mushy but he has a way to show his love. I'm not so mushy or affectionate either but recently I have started telling him I love him, at least in cards and holidays, just to make sure he does know.

It hasn't really influenced or effected my relationships, and to some extent it's BS that it does. I haven't sought out men like him, or met all prince charmings because I have a fantastic father. I've still met some fucked up men, and I've met some gentlemen as well... What I look for or chose has nothing to do with who my father is.

Posted by P-Angel

AND ... a child needs a mother figure also, to be mentally and emotionally healthy.


For this reason, I believe that a gay couple (either genders) shouldn't be able to raise a child. I believe children NEED both gender figures. Singles parents in the world bother me a lot, and hopefully their children get a lot of extended family time.

What about the dozens of children who have two fathers, two mothers, just a father or just a mother that are successful, happy and healthy? What about the dozens of children who have one dad and one mom, who are married to each other, and end up unsuccessful, unhappy and unhealthy? It is NOT about the GENDER of the parent FIGURE. It is about the QUALITY of the parent FIGURE. A nurturer does not equal female and a provider does not equal male, or whatever stereotypical personality traits you wanna assign to each gender. A parent figure can also be both.
Your assumption that children raised by a single parent are not mentally and emotionally healthy is insulting and suggests ignorance of judging everyone to be like the one or few people they know that have similar backgrounds.

Posted by P-Angel

Singles parents in the world bother me a lot, and hopefully their children get a lot of extended family time.

🙂

Posted by follealicat

Posted by P-Angel

Singles parents in the world bother me a lot, and hopefully their children get a lot of extended family time.

🙂

click to expand

There is no way that a single parent can give all the social/emotional support that a child requires. Children NEED extended family circles in situations like that. Fathers, uncles, aunts, grandparents even cousins. They need a community. Positive male and female interaction.

If you are a single parent... doesn't mean you aren't doing a good job. But if you are doing a great job... you'd understand that well rounded, healthy relationships with both sexes is important and it doesn't have to be biological.

I work with a few same sex couples who have children and they are very, very aware of this fact. They make sure to have role models of both genders in their children's lives.

Posted by follealicat

It is NOT about the GENDER of the parent FIGURE.

Yep, it sure is about the gender of the parent

Posted by lonesag80

I was raised in a home with 5 men. My dad and 4 brothers and instead of being treated like the princess because i was the only girl i was raised just as hard as the boys. I never recieved hugs or praise or even made to feel beautiful by my father in short my dad is quite emotionaly detached

And if it's the opposite, a boy child being raised by all females ... then he becomes a sissy.


They NEED both genders as influence .... to become mentally and emotionally healthy adults.

My relationship with my selfish father didn't change how I view other men. It actually affected how I view children.

My emotionally distant Mother—the victim of her own life—didn't change how I view other women. It actually drove me to be aware of myself—my own life—that I am the only one who decides if I can be happy.


Makes me wonder how I would've turned out had they not been the way they are. When I look back on the days before the abuse I received began to take its toll I was a rather unique child that went off on my own...I guess "path" is a good word—which I guess was why I had to have been "corrected" so much by my father.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by lonesag80

I was raised in a home with 5 men. My dad and 4 brothers and instead of being treated like the princess because i was the only girl i was raised just as hard as the boys. I never recieved hugs or praise or even made to feel beautiful by my father in short my dad is quite emotionaly detached

And if it's the opposite, a boy child being raised by all females ... then he becomes a sissy.


They NEED both genders as influence .... to become mentally and emotionally healthy adults.

click to expand

Ooooh wow. a sissy... really?! mkay, bye bye.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by follealicat

Posted by P-Angel

Singles parents in the world bother me a lot, and hopefully their children get a lot of extended family time.

🙂

There is no way that a single parent can give all the social/emotional support that a child requires. Children NEED extended family circles in situations like that. Fathers, uncles, aunts, grandparents even cousins. They need a community. Positive male and female interaction.

If you are a single parent... doesn't mean you aren't doing a good job. But if you are doing a great job... you'd understand that well rounded, healthy relationships with both sexes is important and it doesn't have to be biological.

I work with a few same sex couples who have children and they are very, very aware of this fact. They make sure to have role models of both genders in their children's lives.

click to expand

My point is that I support same sex couples adopting because if they are loving and supportive, the child will be just fine. There are actual issues to address, like abuse going on in millions of homes, instead of picking at this bullshit psychology, which bigots use to tear children away from loving homes. There has never been nor will be a standard formula to create a healthy and happy child. It's different for everyone.I really wish there was a person who was raised by a same sex couple who could share their story here. Frankly this is kind of a waste of my time and I'm done debating. I've said my piece. There will probably be just as many fucked up kids from same sex couple homes as there already are from opposite sex couple homes for the past million years.

My dad has always been a part of my life...but not really...if that makes sense?
My parents were teen parents...16 and 17...I respect that he stood up like a man and didn't run from his responsibilities like some do, but I can't say he was that loving affectionate dad to me.

He has always provided for us...we never wanted/needed anything that he didn't make sure we had.
That's how he knew to be a dad, and that's how he showed he loved us I guess. If he didn't he wouldn't have stuck around? (He's an Aqua)

We don't have much of a relationship. Past a certain age he hardly interacted with me or my sister...unless it was to discipline us, and even then that was scarce.
I can probably count on my hands the number of times we had an actual heart to heart kind of conversation, or he hugged me, or told me he was proud of me, or anything nice really. :/

For most of my life I couldn't imagine going anywhere alone with my dad because I know he probably wouldn't say a fucking word to me the entire time. Honestly. It was that bad.
Things have improved in the past couple of years...but I still feel like I hardly know him.

But tbh I do not resent him. I let it go a longggg time ago. It just is what it is.
I don't think it has effected me that much in terms of personal relationships either...
Luckily my mom is warm, loving person...and we also had the most awesome grandparents any kids could ask for...so I think I turned out ok.

I don't place my personal value on my father's inability to show me love and affection.
I never felt like I wasn't worthy...I felt more sorry for him that he's so emotionally challenged.