how long after a date to contact someone?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Europesaggy on Saturday, July 13, 2013 and has 25 replies.
Suppose you want to act kind of cool, but not ?_bercool. So you want to let someone know you'd like to see them again, without seeming to eager or needy. How long after a date can you contact someone without seeming the clingy needy type?
lol starlover. So how long should I wait for him to contact me?
Until he does...
aaaaah sweethearts... don't tease me.
I mean, what is acceptable and when is he being an ass?
How many dates? How long has it been? Why do you feel like he's being An ass?
Hey dj smile
She says he's a fish ..you might have more info
Hi DJ! yes, it's the fish. I am honestly trying too keep in mind the advices and views given on here. So that's why I am asking. Don't want to give too much, want to learn and protect myself. But dang it's hard!
Ahh-- you're a Saggie. smile Sit tight.
And what Starlover said bears repeating:
"Oh my dear, no more than a week ~ unless he is gagggggin to see you, send him on his sweet way
~ next ~ !"

@ Montgomery, yeah saggy... not very famous for being patient lol
Posted by cowpuncher
Posted by starlover
(((ladies)))
NEVER EVER wait around for a man
okay?
Winking
xx


Likewise... Gents - Don't be jerked around or led on a leash... or expected to be the only one who puts for *any* effort early on.
Speaking as a guy, I just have no time or desire to play this tired old waiting game song and dance about contact. What a waste of time. There are a million more important things to worry about than who passes a note to whom first in 8th grade study hall folks.
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Amen!
My man reminds me I just need to be me... he'll just be him.
No chasing, no waiting, just is what it is (was).
Albeit he said it's a marathon, not a sprint...
If the date is in the night, maybe I send her a text message the next day, if the date was on day light I wait until the night, because if you are in damn love where's the need to wait?
On the other side, if I think that woman is not for me I evade her like poison.
Posted by Caplove
I don't know. If you like the guy and had a nice date, I don't think there's anything wrong with sending a "thank you" text to let him know you had a fun time and enjoyed his company. smile I did this when I genuinely liked the guy and if he doesn't call/text back THEN I have my answer. I just keep it lighthearted and fun and not serious.
Guys need some encouragement as well and it can be hard for them to pluck up the courage to ask for dates. I guess you just have to go with your gut because everyone's different.


I agree.
It's always polite to reach out right after the date and thank them and let you know you had a good time. I'm talking that night or the next day - it's just good manners. It also gives you an opportunity to let them know you'd be willing to see them again. Men appreciate encouragement, like caplove said.
Then, sit and wait for them to contact next. I'm big on having the guy do most of the contact first and the girl contacting first about every 4th or 5th time.
Posted by Nicrobliz
Posted by Europesaggy
Suppose you want to act kind of cool, but not ?_bercool. So you want to let someone know you'd like to see them again, without seeming to eager or needy. How long after a date can you contact someone without seeming the clingy needy type?


But you're 40 years old...
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What does age have to do with anything??
Yes, we should be more confident and sure of ourselves at our ages and games shouldn't factor in. But you have to admit there is still a protocol to dating. And at our age group it is probably more confusing about following proper protocol because we have the old school ways in which we grew up versus the new ways which we are having to learn (well, I did after divorce). The men are either REALLY old school or very new age. It's hard to know what to expect and what they expect.
Posted by truecap
Posted by Nicrobliz
Posted by Europesaggy
Suppose you want to act kind of cool, but not ?_bercool. So you want to let someone know you'd like to see them again, without seeming to eager or needy. How long after a date can you contact someone without seeming the clingy needy type?


But you're 40 years old...


What does age have to do with anything??
Yes, we should be more confident and sure of ourselves at our ages and games shouldn't factor in. But you have to admit there is still a protocol to dating. And at our age group it is probably more confusing about following proper protocol because we have the old school ways in which we grew up versus the new ways which we are having to learn (well, I did after divorce). The men are either REALLY old school or very new age. It's hard to know what to expect and what they expect.
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Thx for the support. And yes indeed, we are in between old school ways and new ways. Very confusing sometimes.
Posted by Nicrobliz
Even if dating protocol is prevalent today, everyone has their own individual take on it. No-one's a mind reader, so all you have is intuition and personal experiences to fall back on.
By the age of 40, one would think that most people wouldn't need to ask a question that most twenty-somethings ponder over constantly (and understandably).



One would think somebody should not judge so easily of how somebody should be by the age of 40.
At least I don't pretend to be a know-all and totally self-assured pretender. Yes, I do have uncertainty about some things. I'm happy to have them. It's only human you know.
End of rant. *Gets off soap box*
Back to topic.

Happy for you that you know the whole truth and nothing but the truth. For you the truth is that a 40 year old woman should not bother about the question at topic. Fine. But that is just your opinion which you are entitled to, and it's only your truth. I would have been fine with accepting that opinion if you would have brought it in a non-judgemental way. It's the tone that makes the music ( literally translated from french c'est le ton qui fait le musique). And apparently you prefer to lash out. Which I think is totally unnecessary, I prefer a level of politeness, even in cyber space.



Posted by Nicrobliz
Even if dating protocol is prevalent today, everyone has their own individual take on it. No-one's a mind reader, so all you have is intuition and personal experiences to fall back on.
By the age of 40, one would think that most people wouldn't need to ask a question that most twenty-somethings ponder over constantly (and understandably).



Well, after a 20 year marriage, it's difficult to know the protocol when you haven't dated for 20+ years. Things change. Times change. What worked when you were 20, doesn't necessarily work when you're 40. Basically, if you're out of practice, you just don't know what is expected.
Posted by Nicrobliz
Posted by Europesaggy
I would have been fine with accepting that opinion if you would have brought it in a non-judgemental way. It's the tone that makes the music ( literally translated from french c'est le ton qui fait le musique). And apparently you prefer to lash out. Which I think is totally unnecessary, I prefer a level of politeness, even in cyber space.



If a 40 year-old woman can't understand that being natural is the best approach, while acknowledging that the success of a date is in no way dependent upon when she contacts the man, she's truly a lost cause.
But you continue strategising and plotting like a silly little girl...

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Nicro, Why didn't you just nicely say "being natural is the best approach...success..." instead of ranting at her like that?
Bitter much?
Why couldn't
I think 3 days would be max for me.
If he calls after a week, I'd assume he couldn't find anyone better and reminds himself that I might be good for a booty call.
Posted by Nicrobliz
Posted by Europesaggy
One would think somebody should not judge so easily of how somebody should be by the age of 40.
At least I don't pretend to be a know-all and totally self-assured pretender. Yes, I do have uncertainty about some things. I'm happy to have them. It's only human you know.
End of rant. *Gets off soap box*
Back to topic.



We were always on topic - *you* just can't deal with it...
Hence your rant where, like a typical woman who felt she has been wronged (or judged), you twist things to make *yourself* look better. dxp is rife with such examples, and it's rather sad when some female members get all defensive about certain truths they prefer not to face up to. *shrugs*
We all have uncertainties, even myself. However, at 40, a certain degree of maturity is naturally expected, whether you like it or not. And I'm not referring to the superficial aspects most people place far too much importance on, such as job position, wealth and property/car ownership. This is all about a genuine character-building form of maturity that money can't buy.
Whatever happened to common sense, eh?
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Since you are not 40, you can possibly not know how one is or not is.
Wish for yourself that you figure your shit by then.
thx to the people who support me on here.
As far as Nicro is concerned. I'm done with him. The poor man is too full of himself. He can't help it, but I won't engage in any further convo with him.
All's well that end's well.
As far as my date is concerned, I don't give him another thought. Experiencing and learning!
*ends* not end's...

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