How to beat family gossip when it's about you?

I haven't figured it out yet and it's that time of year. 😢

you just simply say as directly as you can



"stop, talking about me"

and if they say but... you say "No."

Create a diversion

start a rumor about some other family member, something juicy

Lol, I need one of those sweaters

I bet this is your Sag Moon speaking. Like "I want them to see me already as a hero".

My advice : let them talk. don't be so small to depend on their recognition.

As long as you know you're doing the best you can, there's nothing to worry about.

Posted by tomhardysfirecrotch
Cast a spell on the weakest member. Turn him/ her against the others. Turn them against him/her. Buy them nice xmas gifts.

rofl

If you have nothing to hide, then it's not a problem. Let them talk. Hold your head high and let it slide. When they see it doesn't bother you, they'll move on to talk about someone else.

Or, if you get asked a personal question, ask a personal question right back without answering.
Nosy relative 'Are you dating anyone?'
You: 'When's the last time you had sex?'
See how fast the retreat! lol!

Or start asking their advice on whatever question they ask you.
Them: How's your job going?
You: I'm trying to get a promotion any advice.
Sure, it may be boring, but they'll feel valued and respected because you asked their opinion. They'll think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread.


Most importantly though, people ask because they care. They are trying to get to know you. Especially if you're young and they're older. They're trying to get to know the adult you. It's hard for older relatives to get through that transition of kid you and the adult you. They know there's a generation gap and they are just looking for something to talk about and really that's all it is. They don't know what else to say, so they ask questions. It feels intrusive, yes, but perhaps come up with some good subjects to talk about before they have to resort asking questions you think are too personal. You'll find they don't have a need to ask.

Or first thing when you walk through the door:
I'm not dating anyone. My grades are fine. My job is going well. So there. All questions answered, so you don't have to ask.

They'll get the hint.

Unless you're the black sheep of the family, then wear your freak flag proudly!! 😄

wtf —


so, you have no power? ... your worth is dependent upon another?

How sad for you.

Instead of worrying about what they think ... you should be worrying about what you think about yourself, because from where I observe, it looks like your value is up in the air, for whomever feels like taking a swing.

and that ^^^ doesn't seem to an issue for you.


Your only issue I can detect here is that you want to know how to play a game better.


Alright then, if you insist on playing games with them, rather than realize that the directions you follow are the ones you told yourself to do ....

I'll tell you how to beat them in the game: nobody gives a fuck

Posted by Gemican01
P when will you realize no one takes your advice seriously on here??

She does bring up a valid point, though. Why are their opinions so important to her?

"how much is it?"

when I don't want to give people factual info I give them some poetical/philosophical stuff. If she asks how much you say "definitely too much.". or so much that they can pay their rent: people help people.

Ok, that sounds rude. But I'm a Sag. I don't have to be polite. I don't build an image so it cannot be ruined over night. (like it happened for Bill Cosby)

Who the hell cares what they think?

Posted by Gemican01
Lolol gotta love the sag. ... And you know I will have to try to say something like this next time...

I'm glad that you're glad. 😉

Grandma needs some scotch. You're going to offend no matter what. Stand up for yourself but in an assertive way. If you've already done that then keep ignoring. Even with family you need boundaries. That is not an exception.

Speaking from experience. For some reason my job has people wondering why I don't fly in to family holiday dinners in my helicopter. My brother just tells everything I'm made of gold because I have a desk job. Yeah ok. Uncle Sam and bills get most of it but thanks for playing. Aquarius dudes have the craziest imagination.

*tells everyone. eh whatever you get me.

used to be the one in the hot seat when there is a family gathering being the only one left not married and a child in tow. it used to bother me so much then I decided I don't give a crap.

I just stopped attending gatherings - birthdays, weddings, thanksgiving, Christmas , funerals everything. I celebrate christmas, new year, thanksgiving all by myself and my daughter and it is much more peaceful more relaxing and fun.

The oldies do get angry but thats the reason I move far far far away from them in the first place, just dont want to be bothered with their nosy drama.

solved the problem to me 😄

I can say something like, "Don't let it bother you," but oh let's be human for a second!

There's nothing wrong, uncommon or unusual about it negatively affecting a person who's being put down by their own family or someone they love. Being stabbed in the back or the target for attacks is not something that everyone can just 'shake off' all b/c doing so sounds good.

My advice is to consider why they feel the way they do. Do their words have merit? Do you only feel they're wrong, not b/c they really are, but b/c your ego/pride/denial won't allow you to see the truth? Are they right, but just using the wrong tone or going about speaking their feelings in the wrong way? Is the gossip coming from 1 person who's trying to recruit others to spread the gossip too? Are they totally F'ing wrong all across the board?

Sometimes people that are upset with you just want you to acknowledge that they have some valid reasons for being upset with you. Sometimes they don't want to right-fight with you and just want you to be open to having a conversation instead of you just shutting down and pulling the "You're just a hater" card. Sometimes you've gotta grow up & remember that there's no such thing as 100 people and no gossip lol Gossip will happen, even b/w the best of friends. That's human nature. That's in every family.

And then other times, you've gotta put your foot down by going to the original source, telling them how their gossiping about you makes you feel and ask them to stop. Sometimes having the courage to confront them shocks them b/c most people who hate conflict would rather put their tail b/w their legs & never say anything, which of course gives the gossiper an extra incentive to go even harder.

Sometimes you've just gotta say, "Look, say it to my face. If that's how you feel, tell me so we can personally duke it out. If you can't, then I'm no longer interested in a relationship with you until you can respect my wishes." You'd be surprised at how vindicated & unaffected you'd feel/be after getting that off your chest. Standing up for yourself has a magical way of making it so that you suddenly no longer give 2 sh**ts about people or what they have to say. But you probably won't feel that carefree w/o 1st standing up for yourself.

As they say, if you can't change something, you can at least change the way you react to it.

Are they paying your bills? If yes..too bad and suck it up.

If not...who gives a rats ass?