How would you interpret this?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Candeh15 on Monday, January 17, 2011 and has 17 replies.
I ask because I am guilty of twisting things around in my head and over-analyzing them to death. So sometimes it's easier for me to get outside input before I jump to conclusions.
Quick synopsis: Me + Aquaguy have a serious connection; something that's not really easy to explain. When we are together it's magnificent. Anyway, we had a brief text conversation last night (I won't type it word for word).
He said that he had been doing a lot of thinking and said to me that he thought I was one of the most genuinely sweet girls he had met in a long time, maybe ever. However, because he was graduating this semester and had a lot of planning to do and such, he was in no position to get involved in anything too serious. He reassured me that this didn't mean that he didn't want to know me, but that he didn't want to lead me into thinking he wanted something else.
I told him I understood his predicament and that I wasn't upset (well, I wasn't TOO upset, just a little disappointed), but that I truly respected him for being honest with me (since guys in the past were prone to just disappearing). I told him that I was still incredibly grateful for having met him. He told me he felt the same and that he really appreciated that I understood. He also said that he definitely wanted to get to know me better and still wanted to keep in touch. I told him that I thought he was an amazing guy, probably the first I met in years and that I would love to still keep in touch with him as well. He also said that we still needed to go dancing and that he could party with his friends at my school.
So my question is, am I being put into the friend zone or something like that? The whole situation itself makes me a little sad, only because I know we have plenty of potential, but as one would have it, life and obligations are always an issue. However, I am not too broken up about it only because I do have so much respect and care for him.
Quick synopsis: Me + Aquaguy have a serious connection; something that's not really easy to explain. When we are together it's magnificent. Anyway, we had a brief text conversation last night (I won't type it word for word).
He said that he had been doing a lot of thinking and said to me that he thought I was one of the most genuinely sweet girls he had met in a long time, maybe ever. However, because he was graduating this semester and had a lot of planning to do and such, he was in no position to get involved in anything too serious. He reassured me that this didn't mean that he didn't want to know me, but that he didn't want to lead me into thinking he wanted something else.
I told him I understood his predicament and that I wasn't upset (well, I wasn't TOO upset, just a little disappointed), but that I truly respected him for being honest with me (since guys in the past were prone to just disappearing). I told him that I was still incredibly grateful for having met him. He told me he felt the same and that he really appreciated that I understood. He also said that he definitely wanted to get to know me better and still wanted to keep in touch. I told him that I thought he was an amazing guy, probably the first I met in years and that I would love to still keep in touch with him as well. He also said that we still needed to go dancing and that he could party with his friends at my school.
So my question is, am I being put into the friend zone or something like that? The whole situation itself makes me a little sad, only because I know we have plenty of potential, but as one would have it, life and obligations are always an issue. However, I am not too broken up about it only because I do have so much respect and care for him.
*sigh* Aquas
They don't like leading people on. It's true.
Be grateful you got a little explanation.
He means well by it.
They don't like leading people on. It's true.
Be grateful you got a little explanation.
He means well by it.
Posted by brianafay
*sigh* Aquas
They don't like leading people on. It's true.
Be grateful you got a little explanation.
He means well by it.
Oh yeah, I'm grateful. I've had too many guys just not do that.
I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to treat him now.
Posted by Candeh15Posted by brianafay
*sigh* Aquas
They don't like leading people on. It's true.
Be grateful you got a little explanation.
He means well by it.
Oh yeah, I'm grateful. I've had too many guys just not do that.
I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to treat him now.click to expand
Keep on treating him like you always have.
Just don't have any expectations of him. Let it be what it is.
Aquas can be really unpredictable from experience.
You'll think everything is fine...things will be going great, they act like they're in love, they want to spend all their time with you, they're so considerate and thoughtful, it's pretty damn close to perfection....
Then one day you notice them withdrawing...you ask if everything's ok, what's on their mind.
In summary, they say "lets just be friends." You are puzzled, you say ok, but ask why the sudden change of heart.
Their answer: "I changed my mind."
OH REALLY? *punches something*
Lol yep.
I guess what I'm saying is...he was considerate to let you know from the jump.
Because if he would have just drug it out and a couple months down the line told you he really doesn't have time for it...you'd be crushed.
He'll be a good friend to you though. They always are
Because if he would have just drug it out and a couple months down the line told you he really doesn't have time for it...you'd be crushed.
He'll be a good friend to you though. They always are
Posted by brianafayPosted by Candeh15Posted by brianafay
*sigh* Aquas
They don't like leading people on. It's true.
Be grateful you got a little explanation.
He means well by it.
Oh yeah, I'm grateful. I've had too many guys just not do that.
I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to treat him now.
Keep on treating him like you always have.
Just don't have any expectations of him. Let it be what it is.
click to expand
I can do certainly do that; I guess we'll just see down the line. I have no doubts that he'd be a good friend. One of my closest guy friends is an aqua. This guy's change isn't completely surprising to me, but I do appreciate that he told me now rather than later.
<"`dbk`e.
<"`dbk`e.
I actually didn't say I was grateful, lol. I just checked and it was a lot simpler than that. I think I just put that here when I was trying to remember what I said back to him. I was just like, "I think you're a great guy and I'm glad I got to meet you." And honestly, I do believe that.
And as I was thinking about it, I do realize I kind of have to put myself into reverse, and I think that's what was making me upset, only because I find it difficult sometimes to be in one mindset and have to change it when I'm not ready too. I will consider all of this. And I'm not at all disappointed if we're just friends. I even told him we'd be good friends. I'm great friends with aquas, and they are incredibly loyal. But I thank you for the advice, and I'm going to evaluate things. I'm actually feeling better about it all.
And as I was thinking about it, I do realize I kind of have to put myself into reverse, and I think that's what was making me upset, only because I find it difficult sometimes to be in one mindset and have to change it when I'm not ready too. I will consider all of this. And I'm not at all disappointed if we're just friends. I even told him we'd be good friends. I'm great friends with aquas, and they are incredibly loyal. But I thank you for the advice, and I'm going to evaluate things. I'm actually feeling better about it all.
He was dead serious. He was telling you the truth. He wanted you to read between the lines so that you wouldn't have to guess where things was going, since he's probably sure that's what you're used to.
But I like that he isn't completely closed minded to things going further if such a thing were to ever happen. Ya know how some guys are, they'll tell you that a relationship is NEVER going to be in the cards no matter how much they end up liking you. And man oh man that sucks when someone is completely closed minded to the possibility of things going further persay chemistry were to happen.
I know how you feel. On 1 hand, you can't knock him for being honest b/c his honesty possibly spared/saved you from future heartbreak, BUT on the other hand you never really forget what you really want. And you can't help but to be disappointed when you FINALLY like someone only to find out that they don't want the same things as you. It's only natural to feel a little disappointed, especially if you have no control.
If you can continue to be his platonic friend w/o allowing more of your feelings to get involved, I say go for it. You should not only take in what he said intellectually but also psychologically/emotionally, so that you have to constantly remind yourself that no matter how much more you end up liking him, the outcome might still be the same: no relationship.
But hey, if you can do it, good for you. But you've got to be honest with yourself. It's kind of hard to control your feelings when you really really admire someone. It's only natural to keep liking them more & more. But in situations like this, you really can't allow yourself to do so b/c then you'll look like the girl who "didn't listen," and/or the girl who blindly kept chasing after something when someone told you not to.
I guess you've just got to be honest with yourself about things. Aquas are tricky. They'll leave the door slightly open to the possibility of things going further in the future, BUT the door is slightly cracked. Not all the way closed but then again, no where near open either. It's the luck of the draw. Maybe things will change later on, & if they do, hopefully you guys CAN be together or take things further b/c atleast you would have gotten to know eachother more by then.
But I like that he isn't completely closed minded to things going further if such a thing were to ever happen. Ya know how some guys are, they'll tell you that a relationship is NEVER going to be in the cards no matter how much they end up liking you. And man oh man that sucks when someone is completely closed minded to the possibility of things going further persay chemistry were to happen.
I know how you feel. On 1 hand, you can't knock him for being honest b/c his honesty possibly spared/saved you from future heartbreak, BUT on the other hand you never really forget what you really want. And you can't help but to be disappointed when you FINALLY like someone only to find out that they don't want the same things as you. It's only natural to feel a little disappointed, especially if you have no control.
If you can continue to be his platonic friend w/o allowing more of your feelings to get involved, I say go for it. You should not only take in what he said intellectually but also psychologically/emotionally, so that you have to constantly remind yourself that no matter how much more you end up liking him, the outcome might still be the same: no relationship.
But hey, if you can do it, good for you. But you've got to be honest with yourself. It's kind of hard to control your feelings when you really really admire someone. It's only natural to keep liking them more & more. But in situations like this, you really can't allow yourself to do so b/c then you'll look like the girl who "didn't listen," and/or the girl who blindly kept chasing after something when someone told you not to.
I guess you've just got to be honest with yourself about things. Aquas are tricky. They'll leave the door slightly open to the possibility of things going further in the future, BUT the door is slightly cracked. Not all the way closed but then again, no where near open either. It's the luck of the draw. Maybe things will change later on, & if they do, hopefully you guys CAN be together or take things further b/c atleast you would have gotten to know eachother more by then.
It is a little harder to just switch to his platonic friend; generally for me to be able to do that, I have to be away from the person for a little so that I have time to "get over" the person per se. However, you know when certain people come into your life and they just kind of make an impact or something like it? I'm willing to try to be his platonic friend and get to know him still. It's a little easier to do that since we don't get to see each other very often. I will still be evaluating things, but I still appreciate all of the advice.
Hey hey, I get it. I understand where you're coming from.
It's easy to settle for "platonic" when it's with someone you're really not all that into. But oh man, why does it always have to be the guys that we actually REALLY like that end up being commitment phobes OR the ones who have this long list of excuses for why they can't commit?!! It's never the ugly or annoying ones that aren't ready for relationships--they're usually the ones ready to jump all in! It's always the ones we FINALLY like (some of us are a little more picky than others) that we can never really have in the way we want! Dammit!
I agree that distance at this point will really help. You not having a choice but to NOT be around him as much as you're used to really helps b/c it forces you to experience him in your life at a distance. And hey, after awhile, you'll get used to all of this & it'll be alot easier for you to deal with the slight rejection (if it's even rejection at all).
Just keep your cool. I'm sure you won't, but just in case you find yourself wanting to slip up, make sure he NEVER sees you sweat. When a man tells you that he's not ready, he's immediately expecting understanding & patience from the other person. He doesn't want to see you sad, resentful, bitter or angry b/c it'll only turn him off more.
The problem is that so many guys use the same lines he did when they're really just jerking your chain & trying to have their cake & eat it too. BUT some guys use that same line even if that's NOT their intention. Sometimes they really ARE serious when they tell you that a future is serious. The challenge is in trying to figure out which type of guy he is.
It's easy to settle for "platonic" when it's with someone you're really not all that into. But oh man, why does it always have to be the guys that we actually REALLY like that end up being commitment phobes OR the ones who have this long list of excuses for why they can't commit?!! It's never the ugly or annoying ones that aren't ready for relationships--they're usually the ones ready to jump all in! It's always the ones we FINALLY like (some of us are a little more picky than others) that we can never really have in the way we want! Dammit!
I agree that distance at this point will really help. You not having a choice but to NOT be around him as much as you're used to really helps b/c it forces you to experience him in your life at a distance. And hey, after awhile, you'll get used to all of this & it'll be alot easier for you to deal with the slight rejection (if it's even rejection at all).
Just keep your cool. I'm sure you won't, but just in case you find yourself wanting to slip up, make sure he NEVER sees you sweat. When a man tells you that he's not ready, he's immediately expecting understanding & patience from the other person. He doesn't want to see you sad, resentful, bitter or angry b/c it'll only turn him off more.
The problem is that so many guys use the same lines he did when they're really just jerking your chain & trying to have their cake & eat it too. BUT some guys use that same line even if that's NOT their intention. Sometimes they really ARE serious when they tell you that a future is serious. The challenge is in trying to figure out which type of guy he is.
Oh yeah. If he had been ANYONE else, I would have been able to brush it off, no sweat. It's always the special ones who come in like some unannounced tornado, toss you all about, and rather than stick around to cause more damage, it moves on, lol. It just leaves you all mixed up, but at the same time, it was probably one of the most exhilarating experiences you've had in a long time.
I've been definitely working on keeping my cool, despite these random moments where I'm up and then I'll be entirely down. I know he's a special one only because I wouldn't have lingered on this so much. But like you said, the distance is helping, as well as work and getting ready for the semester to start up again. Being busy is actually the reason why I understand why he can't jump into anything serious because I know what he has planned for himself; and to be honest, my intuition kicked in, and I knew it was either going down a serious path or we were going to have to halt it altogether.
I don't think he is a phony jerk that is just using the same lines to get out of a serious thing. He really is the type who means what he says, and like I said, I already knew he was going to be busy with things. The fact that he seemed open about being around me, whether it happens a lot or not, made me feel like he wasn't trying to get out of things. While it still makes me feel a little upset, I have more respect for him for being upfront now than telling me like two months later.
I've been definitely working on keeping my cool, despite these random moments where I'm up and then I'll be entirely down. I know he's a special one only because I wouldn't have lingered on this so much. But like you said, the distance is helping, as well as work and getting ready for the semester to start up again. Being busy is actually the reason why I understand why he can't jump into anything serious because I know what he has planned for himself; and to be honest, my intuition kicked in, and I knew it was either going down a serious path or we were going to have to halt it altogether.
I don't think he is a phony jerk that is just using the same lines to get out of a serious thing. He really is the type who means what he says, and like I said, I already knew he was going to be busy with things. The fact that he seemed open about being around me, whether it happens a lot or not, made me feel like he wasn't trying to get out of things. While it still makes me feel a little upset, I have more respect for him for being upfront now than telling me like two months later.
I would respect his honesty as well, but I would probably let him go seeing as though you have feelings for him. Its never a good idea to be 'friends' with a guy you really want more from.
Plus, you usually have better chances of getting what you want when you do that. Not a good idea to be too convenient, for anyone really.
I have a hard time buying the whole 'I'm too busy/too hurt from past relationships' stuff guys throw at the 'really nice' girls. He might have really believed that when he said it, but I think when a woman truly sweeps a guy off his feet, there's not much stopping him.
Plus, you usually have better chances of getting what you want when you do that. Not a good idea to be too convenient, for anyone really.
I have a hard time buying the whole 'I'm too busy/too hurt from past relationships' stuff guys throw at the 'really nice' girls. He might have really believed that when he said it, but I think when a woman truly sweeps a guy off his feet, there's not much stopping him.
Yeah well hey that happens.
Sometimes women like to think that if a guy isn't ready, it must be b/c of something SHE personally did/said wrong. And that's not always the case. With some men/people in general, you can do everything RIGHT & sweep them off their feet, BUT if they're not ready, or if they're not emotionally available, it really won't matter. And that's what sucks.
Sometimes women like to think that if a guy isn't ready, it must be b/c of something SHE personally did/said wrong. And that's not always the case. With some men/people in general, you can do everything RIGHT & sweep them off their feet, BUT if they're not ready, or if they're not emotionally available, it really won't matter. And that's what sucks.
And I believe you. Sometimes you can tell when a guy really is genuine. It may sound like a bunch of bull to outsiders but sometimes you just know that someone really IS being really when they say they're not ready and/or that a future MAY (keyword) be possible.
But still, we can give someone credit for being honest & all, BUT it never really makes us feel better since technically, we're still NOT getting the ultimate outcome we desired. Yeah yeah yeah he was honest when he could've lead you on, BUT it still sucks though that he's not available in that way. It's like dammmitttt! lol
But still, we can give someone credit for being honest & all, BUT it never really makes us feel better since technically, we're still NOT getting the ultimate outcome we desired. Yeah yeah yeah he was honest when he could've lead you on, BUT it still sucks though that he's not available in that way. It's like dammmitttt! lol
Posted by krysrenee7
Yeah well hey that happens.
Sometimes women like to think that if a guy isn't ready, it must be b/c of something SHE personally did/said wrong. And that's not always the case. With some men/people in general, you can do everything RIGHT & sweep them off their feet, BUT if they're not ready, or if they're not emotionally available, it really won't matter. And that's what sucks.
Oh yeah, I've learned this over time. It's little like the luck of the draw.
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