Chickpeas
@Chickpeas
8 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 140 · Topics: 6
Husband Cheating ?
Why do you think he's cheating?
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
Posted by libralotusHis behaviour changed these past few weeks.... i sensed.
Why do you think he's cheating?
More distant and the way he looked at me on saturday night when we went out for dinner.
I can't explain what kind of look was that.
Then tonight; when I said I did not feel like eating; he just said ok bye and went out to get his own dinner.
Usually he either coaxed the hell out of me or brought something home.
None, he just ate out by himself.
Posted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
Posted by ChickpeasHe shouldn't of came back if you're that paranoid. Let the man eat some food...Posted by libralotusHis behaviour changed these past few weeks.... i sensed.
Why do you think he's cheating?
More distant and the way he looked at me on saturday night when we went out for dinner.
I can't explain what kind of look was that.
Then tonight; when I said I did not feel like eating; he just said ok bye and went out to get his own dinner.
Usually he either coaxed the hell out of me or brought something home.
None, he just ate out by himself.
click to expand
Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
click to expand
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
Posted by ChickpeasPosted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
click to expand
If you're that suspicious then follow him?? Idk what to tell you. Maybe he just likes the damn food.
Posted by CookieoMost of the time he is quite evasive especially these past few weeks.
When his behavior changes it can be because of different things. Talk to him. He is your husband is he not?
I feel like I can't talk to him anymore; He didn't like it.
Today, I called him and again he won't picked up few times until I picked up when he rang.
He got really short with me when I was a bit distress because my car service fees was considerable sum.
It made me feel very sad so i said ok, have a good day and solved whatever car issues myself.
He is very busy recently with his work that I understand... but there is something else different.
Colder, more distant.
When the instinct scream, it is usually true.
I agree to trust your gut instinct
But also consider other reasons for him acting distant. Are you needy? Do you call him a lot for little, unnecessary things? He may just be getting annoyed and in need of a some space.
Try hanging back for awhile. Don't call him all day and be happy to see him when he comes home.
Start a new hobby. Go visit a friend for coffee and give him alone time in the house. He will love you even more
But also consider other reasons for him acting distant. Are you needy? Do you call him a lot for little, unnecessary things? He may just be getting annoyed and in need of a some space.
Try hanging back for awhile. Don't call him all day and be happy to see him when he comes home.
Start a new hobby. Go visit a friend for coffee and give him alone time in the house. He will love you even more
Posted by libralotusI don't see any point following or confronting him if he cheats.Posted by ChickpeasPosted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
If you're that suspicious then follow him?? Idk what to tell you. Maybe he just likes the damn food.
click to expand
Really I just would like some proof if he is though so I will just leave, no drama.
Though to get the proof; must I snooped ? I hate doing that too.
Affections cannot be forced or manufactured; either there or no longer there.
I just wish he would tell me if he wants to be with someone else. I said this to him before.
Just tell me and I will understand, just please don't cheat on me.
Do not like going through these feelings at all.
I sincerely hope I am wrong
Posted by compy
When the instinct scream, it is usually true.
That is what I am afraid of.
Betrayal hurts the most.
Just tell me the truth up front; I can take it.
Posted by ChickpeasSounds extremely fishy to be honest. You dont need logical reasons when your gut tells you something is off! ALWAYS go after your gut feeling.Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
click to expand
The only mature and helpfull advice is to confront him with YOUR feelings and fears. Don't make it about him probably cheating, make it about how YOU feel insecure cause of this, this and this and how YOU feel seperated and lonely because of his actions and change in behavior!
Be honest about what you think and feel but try to start the discussion with YOUR feelings. That might bring you further than directly blaiming him. You have to make clear that you trust him enough to start this difficult topic although you know he might get angry. Afterall you two are married and not just some couple who come and go as they please.
Good luck!
Posted by Deedee86I don't think I am needy; He said himself I am quite independent.
I agree to trust your gut instinct
But also consider other reasons for him acting distant. Are you needy? Do you call him a lot for little, unnecessary things? He may just be getting annoyed and in need of a some space.
Try hanging back for awhile. Don't call him all day and be happy to see him when he comes home.
Start a new hobby. Go visit a friend for coffee and give him alone time in the house. He will love you even more
Usually I don't call him at all unless it's emergency or some serious issues and he calls me everyday and he does pick up the phone anytime I rang.
I have been away last month for 3 weeks visiting my parents then when I get back; I have been out and about with meeting and exercise. So he had a lot of alone time then I guess ?
When I said I will not be home after work last week for 2 days ; he quickly ask what day and did not ask me why. Again I rang him then and he's not picking up again.
I am honestly tired of this ... writing it out makes things clearer i guess.
I've seen friends and even my own mom get that feeling and was so sure, and once they found out they were so right. It's scary.... intuition. What's done in the dark always comes to light. Find a way to get proof before confronting him. You don't want do say ,"you're cheating" and have no proof. That'll give him more of a reason to grow distant and an excuse for him to use that you don't trust him every time you bring it up. But if you get tangible proof (phone records, text, credit card statements) then I'd ask him what's going on first to see if he'll be honest. If he doesn't then I'd be like "then why did I find this text that said abc?"
Posted by aquarius_manPosted by Chickpeas
I think or suspect that my husband might be cheating on me..... I am not sure.
Currently it's making me feeling very sick in the stomach and I can't stop crying but I don't want to do anything rash like confronting him with no proof.
What should I do ?
You need to confront him. By your description, he looks like he's got something on his mind. Either he's cheating on you, or considering it, or getting ready to leave you. His behavior seems suspicious and you have every right to be worried.
click to expand
How do I confront him though ?
Just " Hey, Are you cheating on me ? "
I do find it very suspicious; especially when he said that it might do me good to do "Walk About" ..
just packed up and leave, search for oneself kind of thing. This happened on Friday Night.
Posted by AquaNextDoorThank you. He is quite closed off at the moment; I don't know talking to him will yield much.Posted by ChickpeasSounds extremely fishy to be honest. You dont need logical reasons when your gut tells you something is off! ALWAYS go after your gut feeling.Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
The only mature and helpfull advice is to confront him with YOUR feelings and fears. Don't make it about him probably cheating, make it about how YOU feel insecure cause of this, this and this and how YOU feel seperated and lonely because of his actions and change in behavior!
Be honest about what you think and feel but try to start the discussion with YOUR feelings. That might bring you further than directly blaiming him. You have to make clear that you trust him enough to start this difficult topic although you know he might get angry. Afterall you two are married and not just some couple who come and go as they please.
Good luck!click to expand
I tried talking to him last 2 weeks; it was really just a strange feeling I had about him, just sadness welling up and feeling melancholy for no reason, perhaps subconsciously I feel like he's pulling away.
Posted by Wineaux15
I've seen friends and even my own mom get that feeling and was so sure, and once they found out they were so right. It's scary.... intuition. What's done in the dark always comes to light. Find a way to get proof before confronting him. You don't want do say ,"you're cheating" and have no proof. That'll give him more of a reason to grow distant and an excuse for him to use that you don't trust him every time you bring it up. But if you get tangible proof (phone records, text, credit card statements) then I'd ask him what's going on first to see if he'll be honest. If he doesn't then I'd be like "then why did I find this text that said abc?"
This is the crazy part; though we are husband and wife; our life is so separated.
I have access to none of you described.
His phone is registered with his brother Business plan.
His phone also recently has password.
No access to his email either.
Posted by aquarius_manPosted by Chickpeaswhat sign is your man> what sign are youPosted by aquarius_manPosted by Chickpeas
I think or suspect that my husband might be cheating on me..... I am not sure.
Currently it's making me feeling very sick in the stomach and I can't stop crying but I don't want to do anything rash like confronting him with no proof.
What should I do ?
You need to confront him. By your description, he looks like he's got something on his mind. Either he's cheating on you, or considering it, or getting ready to leave you. His behavior seems suspicious and you have every right to be worried.
How do I confront him though ?
Just " Hey, Are you cheating on me ? "
I do find it very suspicious; especially when he said that it might do me good to do "Walk About" ..
just packed up and leave, search for oneself kind of thing. This happened on Friday Night.
exactly how you confront someone - hey, i noticed things haven't been very well between us in the past few weeks - is there something on your mind you d want to share with me? coz you re driving me insane with your behaviour. and after a few mumbled responses from him, charge: 'do you have someone else?' do you still love me? are you cheating on me? what is going on?'
click to expand
Perhaps we leave out the astrology sign out yet at this stage;
I took your advise and talked to him , broaching the issues delicately and literally just toeing around it.
Not mentioning anything about cheating. Just ask if he has anything in his mind etc since he's different etc
and he was still not giving much out.
He mentioned about issues that I am aware of; his work, his business with his brother, his looming paper, and some pressure other minor pressure.
Then I asked if he has been eating well since he's so busy and where he has been dining.
He lied.......
Posted by Arielle83
theres no point in confronting because when ppl feel backed into a corner they lash out and deny and will call u crazy or blame u.
i think lay low a bit longer...just be observant
trust your intuition though, but wait a bit
because you aren't confident yet in asking him...
so you also feel like he might not be...
just don't change your behaviour but look at his...
write it down
I agree.
Won't be asking or doing anything at this stage;
He can leave if he wants to though, At this stage I do not want to do this anymore; it's not worth it.
It's very taxing and costs me a lot of emotional damage to this point.
I asked him if I behave like him, what will happen to our marriage.
He said there will be no marriage left
Posted by julietteeWe have been together and married for 15 years.
You sound like you know this man for 3 months.
Troll!!!
Too long I guess.
Of course, as others have said, trust your intuition...if you feel something is not right, you're probably right ...
But try not to jump to conclusions just yet - consider there could be other reasons things don't feel right.
Maybe he's going through something he feels like he can't burden you with ?
Maybe he's got his man period?
But try not to jump to conclusions just yet - consider there could be other reasons things don't feel right.
Maybe he's going through something he feels like he can't burden you with ?
Maybe he's got his man period?
Have a friend call him and do a 'Ryan's roses' senerio.
Wow yeah women take notes... try to be on the same phone plan with your man and help out with sorting the credit card bills and stuff or like help set up email alerts for credit card activity and disguise it as making sure yall can catch fraudulent charges. That's my future approach tbh. Stay woke and armed in subtle helpful ways ^_^
Posted by Astrology101And once you have the proof don't let him know you know. Just take it to a divorce attorney and take him for everything. Then give me half —
Hire a PI.
Sounds far-fetched but you can't get the proof yourself. So it should be that.
Posted by Astrology101Yep. Let's see if the side chick really loves him if he's broke as a joke.Posted by LadyNeptuneIf he's cheating. ..rip his heart out through his pockets. Ding ding ding.Posted by Astrology101And once you have the proof don't let him know you know. Just take it to a divorce attorney and take him for everything. Then give me half —
Hire a PI.
Sounds far-fetched but you can't get the proof yourself. So it should be that.click to expand
So really, if you think about it, your doing him a favor. Your helping him find out if his side action is really ride or die. Your like a his guardian angel. Lmao
Posted by Astrology101Its this thing Ryan seacrest does on his morning radio show. He (actually one of the girls there) calls the person in question of cheating and tells them they are a new florist shop in their area and as a promotion they are giving away free roses free of charge to advertise.Posted by LadyNeptuneWhat's a ryan roses scenario tho?
Have a friend call him and do a 'Ryan's roses' senerio.click to expand
All they need from him/her is a name and message to put on the card and where to deliever. The person then outs themselves right there on the air.
If he is cheating, just remember thats about him and not you. I made that mistake once, that I thought I did something to contribute to it, ya know - that was bullshit, it was all about him. So let me save you the therapy.
@astrology101
Posted by LadyNeptuneBoom.
Have a friend call him and do a 'Ryan's roses' senerio.
Posted by Astrology101lol I know right! I think he knew exactly who was calling.Posted by LadyNeptuneThat went downhill.
@astrology101click to expand
This only will work if op doesn't live in la and her hubby isn't a Ryan fan.
He's not cheating, just tired of your sh*t. lol. Your actions can tempt him into cheating though.
Take his phone while he's asleep... —
Posted by brianafayLMAO @ Man Period. Thanks for the laugh ! I missed laughing and my standard craziness.
Of course, as others have said, trust your intuition...if you feel something is not right, you're probably right ...
But try not to jump to conclusions just yet - consider there could be other reasons things don't feel right.
Maybe he's going through something he feels like he can't burden you with ?
Maybe he's got his man period?
He is definitely going through something...
Part of me think " Dig it coz he's your hubby and you care about him"
Another part think " Nah, couldn't be bother. He can do whatever he wants and I have other things to do"
Posted by ChickpeasWell there's no point in accusing him of cheating if you have zero proof of infidelity. Communication is key in any relationship, so first you'll need to talk to him. Let him know that he's been distant and you'd like to know why. If he's evasive or annoyed by this, then you know something is off. At that point you have a few options.Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
click to expand
The first option is to see what he's up to yourself. You already know where he's grabbing lunch. It may be worth your while to "have lunch" at the same location with one of your friends one day.
The second option is to hire a private investigator to do the dirty work for you. That way your "snooping" is less obvious (albeit more costly). Either way the P.I will give you the proof you need OR wind up with nothing.
The third option is to go with your gut and leave. The fact that your husband may not be communicating with you is a huge problem by itself. If he can't talk to you, then your relationship won't stand the test of time. If you're unhappy, you don't need "proof" of infidelity to walk away.
Before you go through with any of this though, try to figure out rationally what could be going on with him first. He may not be cheating, but it sounds like he's not entirely present with you. Sometimes it takes a woman threatening to leave before a man realizes his mistakes in a relationship. Be sure to communicate with him first though before doing anything drastic.
Posted by LadyNeptuneLOL !! You guys are funny.Posted by Astrology101Yep. Let's see if the side chick really loves him if he's broke as a joke.Posted by LadyNeptuneIf he's cheating. ..rip his heart out through his pockets. Ding ding ding.Posted by Astrology101And once you have the proof don't let him know you know. Just take it to a divorce attorney and take him for everything. Then give me half —
Hire a PI.
Sounds far-fetched but you can't get the proof yourself. So it should be that.
So really, if you think about it, your doing him a favor. Your helping him find out if his side action is really ride or die. Your like a his guardian angel. Lmaoclick to expand
I won't find anything on him though.... not that I am going to.
He is very very very secretive.
Posted by toobaI know... that's why I decided not to snoop... apart from looking at his expense book.
If you're looking to find something on him while "snooping," you're already asking for trouble.
Talk to him.
The relationship is between the two of you, not you + him + some random online community.
The distrust itself is quite damaging on its own.
But there isn't much I can do if he doesn't want to talk and be honest.
Posted by ChuckcemChuckcem, I agree with all you've written above.Posted by ChickpeasWell there's no point in accusing him of cheating if you have zero proof of infidelity. Communication is key in any relationship, so first you'll need to talk to him. Let him know that he's been distant and you'd like to know why. If he's evasive or annoyed by this, then you know something is off. At that point you have a few options.Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
The first option is to see what he's up to yourself. You already know where he's grabbing lunch. It may be worth your while to "have lunch" at the same location with one of your friends one day.
The second option is to hire a private investigator to do the dirty work for you. That way your "snooping" is less obvious (albeit more costly). Either way the P.I will give you the proof you need OR wind up with nothing.
The third option is to go with your gut and leave. The fact that your husband may not be communicating with you is a huge problem by itself. If he can't talk to you, then your relationship won't stand the test of time. If you're unhappy, you don't need "proof" of infidelity to walk away.
Before you go through with any of this though, try to figure out rationally what could be going on with him first. He may not be cheating, but it sounds like he's not entirely present with you. Sometimes it takes a woman threatening to leave before a man realizes his mistakes in a relationship. Be sure to communicate with him first though before doing anything drastic.click to expand
With the 1st option; he only wrote certain cuisine restaurant, no name, no address, but it's the same cuisine, and I know he went to to the same one. I was thinking of checking it out but there were few in the vicinity of his work.
With the 2nd option; I prefer not to go down this path. I do not want to snoop for evidence.
With the 3rd option; I am very partial to this option at this stage.
I supposed I might just explain it now; He is a Military Lawyer and also Accountant.
I feel like I am already breaching his privacy but it seems like necessary information.
Confidentiality and secrecy is part of his work I understand but this is just too much.
The other day, He asked if I intend to hurt him. I don't even know where to start with that.
I was speechless, how on earth did he come to that thought ?
I sincerely care about him, though it has been a very difficult marriage.
Posted by ChickpeasSounds like he's either paranoid or has some deeper issues. Did you ask him what he meant by that question?Posted by ChuckcemChuckcem, I agree with all you've written above.Posted by ChickpeasWell there's no point in accusing him of cheating if you have zero proof of infidelity. Communication is key in any relationship, so first you'll need to talk to him. Let him know that he's been distant and you'd like to know why. If he's evasive or annoyed by this, then you know something is off. At that point you have a few options.Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
The first option is to see what he's up to yourself. You already know where he's grabbing lunch. It may be worth your while to "have lunch" at the same location with one of your friends one day.
The second option is to hire a private investigator to do the dirty work for you. That way your "snooping" is less obvious (albeit more costly). Either way the P.I will give you the proof you need OR wind up with nothing.
The third option is to go with your gut and leave. The fact that your husband may not be communicating with you is a huge problem by itself. If he can't talk to you, then your relationship won't stand the test of time. If you're unhappy, you don't need "proof" of infidelity to walk away.
Before you go through with any of this though, try to figure out rationally what could be going on with him first. He may not be cheating, but it sounds like he's not entirely present with you. Sometimes it takes a woman threatening to leave before a man realizes his mistakes in a relationship. Be sure to communicate with him first though before doing anything drastic.
With the 1st option; he only wrote certain cuisine restaurant, no name, no address, but it's the same cuisine, and I know he went to to the same one. I was thinking of checking it out but there were few in the vicinity of his work.
With the 2nd option; I prefer not to go down this path. I do not want to snoop for evidence.
With the 3rd option; I am very partial to this option at this stage.
I supposed I might just explain it now; He is a Military Lawyer and also Accountant.
I feel like I am already breaching his privacy but it seems like necessary information.
Confidentiality and secrecy is part of his work I understand but this is just too much.
The other day, He asked if I intend to hurt him. I don't even know where to start with that.
I was speechless, how on earth did he come to that thought ?
I sincerely care about him, though it has been a very difficult marriage.
click to expand
Posted by ChuckcemPosted by ChickpeasSounds like he's either paranoid or has some deeper issues. Did you ask him what meant by that question?Posted by ChuckcemChuckcem, I agree with all you've written above.Posted by ChickpeasWell there's no point in accusing him of cheating if you have zero proof of infidelity. Communication is key in any relationship, so first you'll need to talk to him. Let him know that he's been distant and you'd like to know why. If he's evasive or annoyed by this, then you know something is off. At that point you have a few options.Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
The first option is to see what he's up to yourself. You already know where he's grabbing lunch. It may be worth your while to "have lunch" at the same location with one of your friends one day.
The second option is to hire a private investigator to do the dirty work for you. That way your "snooping" is less obvious (albeit more costly). Either way the P.I will give you the proof you need OR wind up with nothing.
The third option is to go with your gut and leave. The fact that your husband may not be communicating with you is a huge problem by itself. If he can't talk to you, then your relationship won't stand the test of time. If you're unhappy, you don't need "proof" of infidelity to walk away.
Before you go through with any of this though, try to figure out rationally what could be going on with him first. He may not be cheating, but it sounds like he's not entirely present with you. Sometimes it takes a woman threatening to leave before a man realizes his mistakes in a relationship. Be sure to communicate with him first though before doing anything drastic.
With the 1st option; he only wrote certain cuisine restaurant, no name, no address, but it's the same cuisine, and I know he went to to the same one. I was thinking of checking it out but there were few in the vicinity of his work.
With the 2nd option; I prefer not to go down this path. I do not want to snoop for evidence.
With the 3rd option; I am very partial to this option at this stage.
I supposed I might just explain it now; He is a Military Lawyer and also Accountant.
I feel like I am already breaching his privacy but it seems like necessary information.
Confidentiality and secrecy is part of his work I understand but this is just too much.
The other day, He asked if I intend to hurt him. I don't even know where to start with that.
I was speechless, how on earth did he come to that thought ?
I sincerely care about him, though it has been a very difficult marriage.
click to expand
He is indeed very paranoid and I know he's been hurt before in relationship and also other few things that scars him emotionally.
I did ask and he didn't answer... just looked at me and looked away.
I have learn not to ask him questions when he said anything. He clammed up Fast.
Of course there were days when he seemed happy and ok.
Then the days when out of the blue, he said I am the only thing that he treasure in life.
Then he behaved in a cold and cruel manner , clammed up again.
I am no sunshine myself all the time though so now and then I did erupt.
Posted by ChickpeasThis marriage sounds like it has deeper problems than potential infidelity. If you can't have a simple conversation with your husband, maintaining your relationship will be very difficult. It's time to take a hard look at what's happening and what's making you happy. Sit your husband down and try having an honest heart to heart. If he's not open to doing this, then you'll need to decide if sticking with him is worth it.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by ChickpeasSounds like he's either paranoid or has some deeper issues. Did you ask him what meant by that question?Posted by ChuckcemChuckcem, I agree with all you've written above.Posted by ChickpeasWell there's no point in accusing him of cheating if you have zero proof of infidelity. Communication is key in any relationship, so first you'll need to talk to him. Let him know that he's been distant and you'd like to know why. If he's evasive or annoyed by this, then you know something is off. At that point you have a few options.Posted by libralotusPosted by Chickpeas
My Thought process are so fucked ! Pardon the crass language.
I am so not thinking straight.
And my heart rate just go up to 120, my hands are shaking and I feel really awful.
Maybe it's PMS, but I had it few days back. Does it still affect my hormone or mood or whatever there is ?
so you have no logical reason to assume he's cheating?
What would be logical reason ??
I did go through his pocket expense book just now;
He had been having lunch at the same restaurant everyday for weeks and months.
And recently he never picked up the phone whenever I called him especially during lunch time.
He always call me back later and didn't pick up the phone.
The first option is to see what he's up to yourself. You already know where he's grabbing lunch. It may be worth your while to "have lunch" at the same location with one of your friends one day.
The second option is to hire a private investigator to do the dirty work for you. That way your "snooping" is less obvious (albeit more costly). Either way the P.I will give you the proof you need OR wind up with nothing.
The third option is to go with your gut and leave. The fact that your husband may not be communicating with you is a huge problem by itself. If he can't talk to you, then your relationship won't stand the test of time. If you're unhappy, you don't need "proof" of infidelity to walk away.
Before you go through with any of this though, try to figure out rationally what could be going on with him first. He may not be cheating, but it sounds like he's not entirely present with you. Sometimes it takes a woman threatening to leave before a man realizes his mistakes in a relationship. Be sure to communicate with him first though before doing anything drastic.
With the 1st option; he only wrote certain cuisine restaurant, no name, no address, but it's the same cuisine, and I know he went to to the same one. I was thinking of checking it out but there were few in the vicinity of his work.
With the 2nd option; I prefer not to go down this path. I do not want to snoop for evidence.
With the 3rd option; I am very partial to this option at this stage.
I supposed I might just explain it now; He is a Military Lawyer and also Accountant.
I feel like I am already breaching his privacy but it seems like necessary information.
Confidentiality and secrecy is part of his work I understand but this is just too much.
The other day, He asked if I intend to hurt him. I don't even know where to start with that.
I was speechless, how on earth did he come to that thought ?
I sincerely care about him, though it has been a very difficult marriage.
He is indeed very paranoid and I know he's been hurt before in relationship and also other few things that scars him emotionally.
I did ask and he didn't answer... just looked at me and looked away.
I have learn not to ask him questions when he said anything. He clammed up Fast.
Of course there were days when he seemed happy and ok.
Then the days when out of the blue, he said I am the only thing that he treasure in life.
Then he behaved in a cold and cruel manner , clammed up again.
I am no sunshine myself all the time though so now and then I did erupt.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneYou know talk show bits like this are scripted, right?Posted by Astrology101Its this thing Ryan seacrest does on his morning radio show. He (actually one of the girls there) calls the person in question of cheating and tells them they are a new florist shop in their area and as a promotion they are giving away free roses free of charge to advertise.Posted by LadyNeptuneWhat's a ryan roses scenario tho?
Have a friend call him and do a 'Ryan's roses' senerio.
All they need from him/her is a name and message to put on the card and where to deliever. The person then outs themselves right there on the air.click to expand
Not that it's not a bad idea to nail dude with, but these scenarios are made up.
http://gawker.com/5779701/your-favorite-wacky-morning-radio-show-is-a-festival-of-lies
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