
aries9118
@aries9118
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2


Posted by aries9118
... and you freaks that want to live life "in the moment" should all go to your own island and have one big orgy! and lastly, labels are just what they are. they describe exactly what something is. some of us without ESP need that. just my opinion...

Posted by ellastar
Hi. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years (almost exactly to the date). For probably 8+ months, sex has been very infrequent and I'm not challenged by him intellectually. In fact he is really quiet. We don't even have many conversations that I don't start and pursue (but he can be surprisingly insightful and funny when we do.) and I usually feel like I am the one being lame when I try to introduce a new topic or pursue a long conversation. I really think it is over for me, but he is the sweetest boyfriend I have ever had. So caring and dear.
Basically, I can relate to him so well, but I just don't want to be in this relationship anymore. IT'S BORING. I feel super bitchy, but I can't shake the feeling that I need to get out before I feel permanently obligated to continue (Although I kind of already do.I'm 25. He's 30).





Posted by aries9118
.... i get tired of reading that kinda shit on here ....















Posted by seraphPosted by aries9118
i truly wish i could "get down" with the no expectation thing. but don't you expect...let's say...for example...a doctor in the emergency room to help you stop bleeding to death? that's a patient/doc relationship. are you saying damnata, that you don't expect anything from anyone?click to expand
Big difference between expectations related to certain services rendered, and expectations regarding relationships, and others things which may or may not be completely transitory and changeable.
There are expectations . . . and then there is dependence, and the completely unnecessary, wasteful, and injurious (to yourself and others) mental and emotional imbalances (we can call it "distress") that come from predicating your own peace of mind on specific sets of external conditions. In brief, if you are unable to provide for yourself that which you expect from others - that is, provide for yourself those things which would create equanimity in your life even in the presence of challenge and discomfort - then you'll doom yourself to constant dissatisfaction and second-guessing. And this doesn't apply just to relationships but to virtually every single aspect of your life.
You can only control someone else so much, but you are *very much* in control of YOU. And being "in the moment" is something that 99.9% of typical Western white-bread culture can barely achieve. For instance, try sitting still for 30 minutes while focusing comfortably on something without allowing other thoughts to interfere. You won't last 20 seconds. This is but one of *many* examples of how our minds are conditioned toward unhealthy habits. We can't even get comfortable *with ourselves*. There's always an unquenchable need for external conditions to line up just so. But these, of course, are always changeable, transitory. You're hanging your emotional hat on a massive set of variables.
So when you say "NORMAL person" in your OP . . . understand that it's *not* "normal" in the slightest. It's your warped social and emotional conditioning at play. The typical approach to relationships and social interaction in modern material culture has mental imbalance at its basis. Most people tend to enter into relationships when their relationships with their own selves is anything but healthy



Posted by xtina
^^^ Oh I said I think will go over her head.

Posted by aries9118Posted by xtina
^^^ Oh I said I think will go over her head.
xtina, this does not insult me. as yes, life is simple and i am not here to become a philosopher or "fool anyone". and i agree that one should not expect another to "complete" them and fix his/her problems. but one should have standards as to what they will and will not accept and hold to it. call it a label or whatever you will.click to expand


Posted by aries9118
nobody is worried about what others can do for them. the point was...if someone treats you like shit today, and is nice to you tomorrow...dont live in the NICE moment and just "be" and enjoy it. You should recall how they treated you and the words they already spoke to you. PUT A LABEL on that person as an asshole. THat's what i'm saying. and if the doc at the e.r. let you bleed to death, i'm sure your family would get a lawyer who could put a LABEL on that hospital as well.


Posted by tiki33
LOL@and someone responds with some bullshit like..."stop putting labels on it and just BE in the moment"...
Nemesis right...
"and if someone breaks up with you and continues to contact you...NO! don't live in the damn moment. Tell that asshole to stop calling you. They don't get his/her cake and eat it too!"
+1 I agree with this message


Posted by xtinaPosted by aries9118
nobody is worried about what others can do for them. the point was...if someone treats you like shit today, and is nice to you tomorrow...dont live in the NICE moment and just "be" and enjoy it. You should recall how they treated you and the words they already spoke to you. PUT A LABEL on that person as an asshole. THat's what i'm saying. and if the doc at the e.r. let you bleed to death, i'm sure your family would get a lawyer who could put a LABEL on that hospital as well.
That is sad that you lack any kind of empathy at all. Have you ever worked a hard day in your life? Now imagine a doctor working 60+ hours a week seeing hundreds of patience a day. Trying their best to help everyone. And by mistake or lack of energy they don't get to you. Dr regardless of their title, position, job whatever are STILL A HUMAN BEING LIKE YOU. They are not MACHINES in which you can push to produce an infinite amount of work on. Everybody has their breaking point. Want to be treated with respect and well... well sorry honey that respect is given it's earned. It's not an entitlement it's a privilege. Put yourself in someone elses shoes for once. The world does not revolve around you. You are no one. No one cares.click to expand

Posted by xtinaPosted by aries9118
nobody is worried about what others can do for them. the point was...if someone treats you like shit today, and is nice to you tomorrow...dont live in the NICE moment and just "be" and enjoy it. You should recall how they treated you and the words they already spoke to you. PUT A LABEL on that person as an asshole. THat's what i'm saying. and if the doc at the e.r. let you bleed to death, i'm sure your family would get a lawyer who could put a LABEL on that hospital as well.
That is sad that you lack any kind of empathy at all. Have you ever worked a hard day in your life? Now imagine a doctor working 60+ hours a week seeing hundreds of patience a day. Trying their best to help everyone. And by mistake or lack of energy they don't get to you. Dr regardless of their title, position, job whatever are STILL A HUMAN BEING LIKE YOU. They are not MACHINES in which you can push to produce an infinite amount of work on. Everybody has their breaking point. Want to be treated with respect and well... well sorry honey that respect is given it's earned. It's not an entitlement it's a privilege. Put yourself in someone elses shoes for once. The world does not revolve around you. You are no one. No one cares.click to expand

Posted by Montgomery
Surely we all understand the difference between reasonable and unreasonable expectations.
😐

Posted by aries9118Posted by Montgomery
Surely we all understand the difference between reasonable and unreasonable expectations.
😐
we should hope. and the original post i read i think was maries 101 on the pisces board...but this kind of advice is all over, everywhere, so i'm not surprised it's in another post as well.click to expand

Posted by Montgomery
Surely we all understand the difference between reasonable and unreasonable expectations.
😐

Posted by aries9118
i truly wish i could "get down" with the no expectation thing. but don't you expect...let's say...for example...a doctor in the emergency room to help you stop bleeding to death? that's a patient/doc relationship. are you saying damnata, that you don't expect anything from anyone?



Posted by DamnataPosted by aries9118
i truly wish i could "get down" with the no expectation thing. but don't you expect...let's say...for example...a doctor in the emergency room to help you stop bleeding to death? that's a patient/doc relationship. are you saying damnata, that you don't expect anything from anyone?
are you serious with this post?
doctor => social security=> service => expectations
people = people = gray scenarios => no expectations.
To elaborate on my point further..yes we should strive to have no expectations.
In the scenario in that thread..a relationship ends, the other party downgraded to being a friend...unless they ask for sex..that IS a friendship and not something else.
You are free to do whatever you want in this life but understand there are consequences always.
Let's say you engage in a fwb, yes I won't talk you out of it because it is YOUR right to experience YOUR life, create YOUR own environment.
FWB is a typical problem for people with expectations...fuck someone with no strings attached if you want to..but don't go around expecting a relationship. Just do it if you feel like it in the moment but understand and accept if the expectation of a relationship falls through.
Same with having sex early on in a relationship...do it, but again do it because it's according to how you feel and what you want to experience..not because it's a purpose or a means of securing something, anything.
There is no security when it comes to life...none. Be confident in who you are and act accordingly and you will see life bending for your will because YOU create it.
I have no idea how to make it any more clear than this. I will defer to Seraph's post on expectations.click to expand


Posted by Damnata
No one strings you along because it's your choice to follow up or not.
People don't actually string other people along, they take you on a ride because they can sense you don't have boundaries. To talk about someone "stringing you along" = you have no direction and are defaulting to their will.
People can agree on where it's going without any labels.
I am in contact with my Aries Ex daily..we broke up but it's the same as when we were dating. Except sex/any kind of intimacy. We have the same vibe because we both care about each other but a relationship isn't doable anymore at this point.
I am not stringing him along, he isn't stringing me along.
He will face when he meets another, I will probably fade as well but what we have and what we share won't go away.


Posted by MontgomeryPosted by aries9118Posted by Montgomery
Surely we all understand the difference between reasonable and unreasonable expectations.
😐
we should hope. and the original post i read i think was maries 101 on the pisces board...but this kind of advice is all over, everywhere, so i'm not surprised it's in another post as well.
Ohhh-- sorry.
Now I have go look that one up. :/
click to expand




Posted by rockyroadicecream
Yeeah, blame it on the current trend of taking no accountability in life and wanting to live in lala land about everything.
People want to live in a fantasy that caters to them and drag others in. It's pretty ridiculous. The rest of the sane people have to deal with these asshats.

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who the hell do these people think they are making normal people feel like they shouldn't have expectations of relationships/friendships?? just be in the moment—? maybe if you are on a vacation and meet a lover...maybe if you are in a club and are making out with someone just for fun....maybe if..well you get the idea..
but why would a NORMAL person not have expectations of someone if they are in a relationship or friendship? that's the definition of a relationship/friendship, isn't it....that one can depend on certain things expected of a relationship/friendship. and if someone breaks up with you and continues to contact you...NO! don't live in the damn moment. Tell that asshole to stop calling you. They don't get his/her cake and eat it too!
and you freaks that want to live life "in the moment" should all go to your own island and have one big orgy! and lastly, labels are just what they are. they describe exactly what something is. some of us without ESP need that. just my opinion...