If a man doesn't contact in one week...

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by truecap on Monday, January 12, 2015 and has 68 replies.
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...then he's asking to be dumped.
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then he's not interested".
Per Steve Harvey on his talk show today. He was giving advice to one of his viewers. Told the girl the guy didn't care about her and wanted to keep her on the line for the possibility of sex. He said if a man was interested in more with her, there was no way he would wait a week to contact her.
Steve was decoding texts for her. The girl said the guy waited a week to contact her after sex. She said 'Seriously? You've haven't contacted me in a week". Guy said "Seriously? I've been busy with work". Girl said "I don't want to get hurt, I think we should keep this in the friend zone". Guy said "It would be very hard for me to just be friends with you".
Steve said "this guy is dirt and is only keeping you on the line for sex".
*applauds*
I had to share since there are so many threads where women are saying they haven't heard from their guy in one week, two weeks, one month, and more.
Steve made a very valid point.
So, guys, what are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree?
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whose this guy to me?
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I had typed all that out and the first post went blank on me. Had to start over. lol!!
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Posted by Undine
...then he's asking to be dumped.


Yep.
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Posted by SingASong41
With no valid reason?
Forget him. Not worth the time. He's not that into you.


Yep!
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He wrote that in his book. I disagree on a few points. Alot of guys like that 2 week holding period. Also, Id be a bit creeped out if a guy called me quickly.
its just me tho. i cant be rushed and i need to hunt and fantasize about him. I need to feel a bit of a longing.
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It makes me sad on here when girls are saying 'he hasn't contacted me in a month, does he still like me?'. Sad, very, very sad.
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Posted by aurora
Disagree. He is gay or dead Big Grin


lol!
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Posted by truecap
It makes me sad on here when girls are saying 'he hasn't contacted me in a month, does he still like me?'. Sad, very, very sad.


thats because they have no lives! They harp on one man and are so devastated when he hasnt called.
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truecap, I follow most of your posts you always have such smart things to say and find myself nodding in agreement so take what I say with a grain of salt.
SOMETIMES, some men go thru a period of withdrawel after connecting on a date, right before committing themselves to a lady sometimes its before sex or after sex, or when they are thinking of getting closer etc. Its called the Rubber Band Theory. Men are From Mars Women are From Venus talks about this quite extensively. During this time a guy freaks out a bit and needs space. Can last up to 2 weeks or sometimes a bit longer. The worst thing a woman can do is freak out and chase him. That's a big No No. Eventually they do bounce back (like a rubberband) if they are feeling you.
Some books tell you to wait before responding, some tell you to be there when he bounces back etc.
Whatever you decide to do, Ive noticed this pattern in ALL my close relationships and it usually lasts less than 2 weeks.
Any more time than it borders on the extreme of disrespectful.
The absolute worst thing you can do is throw a hissy fit when they return, which they always do.
If this is a habit then they're probly just not that into you like Steve Harvey states but if it happens once or very few times around important connections then probably its due to fear.
Men secretly fear losing their freedom and when they bond with a woman they lose not only their freedom but their testosterone levels drop and their oxytocin levels increase it can be quite traumatic for many personality types, especially macho or player types. Their inner yearning for freedom can be compared to our inner yearning for relationship. This is why its never smart to chase a man, let them do the chasing.
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Wasn't Steve Harvey married like twice or three times? Anyway I read his book once and I disagreed with it on a lot of points.
My answer: I don't assume. I reach out. (if this is a guy I am dating and we're both on the same page that we are actually dating)
He doesn't respond, I reach out again one week after that. If he doesn't respond to me, I will not think about it further. If he reaches out, I will listen to what he has to say. At this point I will be lukewarm though about the entire situation. It's not a challenge for him to win me back but I take a lot of steps back and treat it as casual.
There's a lot of scenarios branching out in my head all the time so I try my best not to assume.
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I'm also a mutable sign so I give a lot of leeway for "life getting in the way" scenarios. Because it happens to me all the time.
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Posted by Damnata
I'm also a mutable sign so I give a lot of leeway for "life getting in the way" scenarios. Because it happens to me all the time.


word up. i forget to call my mother back sometimes. what makes u think, youre higher than her?
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You just cannot bring up the concept of "Time" with any of the four mutables or we'll look at you funny.
It's incredibly relative for us.
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Posted by PVandJellay
Was he in a coma for a week? Hospital?


Just the fact that you are considering these scenarios (even sarcastically Tongue) shows me mutables allow room for life happening. Tongue
I've seen a lot of mutables go "Fuck him. I don't give a shit" but then when the person reappears we are willing to understand if something truly got in the way.
This being said, in my 2 longterm relationships they did contact me every day. But if they hadn't..I would still not assume the worst.
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Posted by truecap
then he's not interested".
Per Steve Harvey on his talk show today. He was giving advice to one of his viewers. Told the girl the guy didn't care about her and wanted to keep her on the line for the possibility of sex. He said if a man was interested in more with her, there was no way he would wait a week to contact her.
Steve was decoding texts for her. The girl said the guy waited a week to contact her after sex. She said 'Seriously? You've haven't contacted me in a week". Guy said "Seriously? I've been busy with work". Girl said "I don't want to get hurt, I think we should keep this in the friend zone". Guy said "It would be very hard for me to just be friends with you".
Steve said "this guy is dirt and is only keeping you on the line for sex".
*applauds*
I had to share since there are so many threads where women are saying they haven't heard from their guy in one week, two weeks, one month, and more.
Steve made a very valid point.
So, guys, what are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree?


Yes and no. I think it depends on the stage of the relationship (prior to dating vs several dates under your belt) and the other circumstances that may be involved. In general, "I'm busy at work" isn't a good excuse imo, especially if she has been making attempts to contact him. No one works 24 hours 7 days a week, so a return call is the courteous thing to do if the interest is there.
What is worst, after a week of no contact he's sending a text vs calling? Boy bye.
If he's out of the country for work or managing family issues it can be excused, but anything else smell like BS to me and I wouldn't waste my time anymore.
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ive learned on DXP time and time again. People make time for what they want.
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Posted by DMV
He wrote that in his book. I disagree on a few points. Alot of guys like that 2 week holding period. Also, Id be a bit creeped out if a guy called me quickly.
its just me tho. i cant be rushed and i need to hunt and fantasize about him. I need to feel a bit of a longing.


Isn't that his point though? He's putting her on hold. If you like someone, you know. Men included.
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by DMV
He wrote that in his book. I disagree on a few points. Alot of guys like that 2 week holding period. Also, Id be a bit creeped out if a guy called me quickly.
its just me tho. i cant be rushed and i need to hunt and fantasize about him. I need to feel a bit of a longing.


Isn't that his point though? He's putting her on hold. If you like someone, you know. Men included.
click to expand


no. im not being put on hold like its a bad thing. i dont mind giving a guy my number and him waiting 2 weeks to initially call me.
hes being patient and not creepy, imo. ive had guys call the same day. no difference down the line with those that waited..
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Posted by PVandJellay
...why does it take a week to respond to a simple message? I will initiate a text or phone call. If it takes a week to respond to a single message, then I'll assume I'm an option, not a priority. In which case, I will continue vetting my other options as well. To be honest I tend to lose interest quickly without continuous contact. And if he's meandering because he's trying to get his feelz under control, why is that my problem? If he's indecisive and isn't sure he wants to be in a relationship, then maybe he shouldn't be in one right now, atleast not with me.


+1
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Posted by truecap
It makes me sad on here when girls are saying 'he hasn't contacted me in a month, does he still like me?'. Sad, very, very sad.


A month? There are a few "woe is me-ing" over 3+ months of silence. Like wth? Why would anyone find that acceptable behaviour from someone.
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Posted by DMV
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by DMV
He wrote that in his book. I disagree on a few points. Alot of guys like that 2 week holding period. Also, Id be a bit creeped out if a guy called me quickly.
its just me tho. i cant be rushed and i need to hunt and fantasize about him. I need to feel a bit of a longing.


Isn't that his point though? He's putting her on hold. If you like someone, you know. Men included.


no. im not being put on hold like its a bad thing. i dont mind giving a guy my number and him waiting 2 weeks to initially call me.
hes being patient and not creepy, imo. ive had guys call the same day. no difference down the line with those that waited..
click to expand


I misunderstood. I thought you meant if a man was dating a woman and waiting for 2 weeks in between each interaction.
I'll leave it there and keep my business off the board.
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Posted by Damnata
You just cannot bring up the concept of "Time" with any of the four mutables or we'll look at you funny.
It's incredibly relative for us.


I may question the purpose of your existence, but you hit the mark with what you said.
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Posted by truecap
The girl said the guy waited a week to contact her after sex.




why is the responsibility exclusively his?
Seems to me like that is a lot of expectation for a girl who isn't lifting her finger to contact him.
So, if she didn't contact him, and he contacted her in a week ... then that makes him better than her.
He contacted after a week ... she didn't at all.
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by PVandJellay
...why does it take a week to respond to a simple message? I will initiate a text or phone call. If it takes a week to respond to a single message, then I'll assume I'm an option, not a priority. In which case, I will continue vetting my other options as well. To be honest I tend to lose interest quickly without continuous contact. And if he's meandering because he's trying to get his feelz under control, why is that my problem? If he's indecisive and isn't sure he wants to be in a relationship, then maybe he shouldn't be in one right now, atleast not with me.


+1
click to expand



yup.
it isn't his responsibility but why would you want to bother with a wishy washy guy like that especially if you know you want commitment.
i guess it has to be SAID even in the early stages...
but sometimes, i notice that women will WAIT because they cant get that same feelng from another guy.
i mean, another guy can give you full time commitment but there's NO Chemistry and no "OOMPH"
forget it. better to be single. Chocolate and cookies probably give off more sexual Chemistry for them.
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Posted by Rambunctious76
Posted by truecap
It makes me sad on here when girls are saying 'he hasn't contacted me in a month, does he still like me?'. Sad, very, very sad.


I often wonder about that. Maybe they have tons of fucks to give. I certainly don't.
click to expand


It's because a lot of women are in a rush and settle too quickly.
"OMG SOMEONE IS INTERESTED IN ME!!!ONE. I CANNOT PASS THIS UP FOR I WILL BE FOREVER ALONE IF I DON'T."
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Posted by SagTheArcher17
Posted by Damnata
You just cannot bring up the concept of "Time" with any of the four mutables or we'll look at you funny.
It's incredibly relative for us.


I may question the purpose of your existence, but you hit the mark with what you said.
click to expand


^hahaha. You have a cool sense of humor, Sag.
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Posted by CocoKat
truecap, I follow most of your posts you always have such smart things to say and find myself nodding in agreement so take what I say with a grain of salt.
SOMETIMES, some men go thru a period of withdrawel after connecting on a date, right before committing themselves to a lady sometimes its before sex or after sex, or when they are thinking of getting closer etc. Its called the Rubber Band Theory. Men are From Mars Women are From Venus talks about this quite extensively. During this time a guy freaks out a bit and needs space. Can last up to 2 weeks or sometimes a bit longer. The worst thing a woman can do is freak out and chase him. That's a big No No. Eventually they do bounce back (like a rubberband) if they are feeling you.
Some books tell you to wait before responding, some tell you to be there when he bounces back etc.
Whatever you decide to do, Ive noticed this pattern in ALL my close relationships and it usually lasts less than 2 weeks.
Any more time than it borders on the extreme of disrespectful.
The absolute worst thing you can do is throw a hissy fit when they return, which they always do.
If this is a habit then they're probly just not that into you like Steve Harvey states but if it happens once or very few times around important connections then probably its due to fear.
Men secretly fear losing their freedom and when they bond with a woman they lose not only their freedom but their testosterone levels drop and their oxytocin levels increase it can be quite traumatic for many personality types, especially macho or player types. Their inner yearning for freedom can be compared to our inner yearning for relationship. This is why its never smart to chase a man, let them do the chasing.


It's good to get another point of view.
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Posted by Damnata
You just cannot bring up the concept of "Time" with any of the four mutables or we'll look at you funny.
It's incredibly relative for us.


Lol!
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by DMV
He wrote that in his book. I disagree on a few points. Alot of guys like that 2 week holding period. Also, Id be a bit creeped out if a guy called me quickly.
its just me tho. i cant be rushed and i need to hunt and fantasize about him. I need to feel a bit of a longing.


Isn't that his point though? He's putting her on hold. If you like someone, you know. Men included.
click to expand


That "holding period" feels lke a game to me. So I think those guys that do that are players.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by truecap
The girl said the guy waited a week to contact her after sex.




why is the responsibility exclusively his?
Seems to me like that is a lot of expectation for a girl who isn't lifting her finger to contact him.
So, if she didn't contact him, and he contacted her in a week ... then that makes him better than her.
He contacted after a week ... she didn't at all.
click to expand


I don't know. I may be old school, but I think they man should do most of the contacting. Especially after she has given her body to him for the first time. Besides, it would feel needy if she contacted him.
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Posted by tiziani
Steve Harvey and coaches of his kind just try to box eomen all into the classic mould of a passive woman who should wait for life to come to her. They also always work on the assumption everyone is looking for a long term relationship, to live in together and get married.
Same thing with Evan Katz and a lot of dating coaches online.
Don't get me wrong, good sometimes at what they do when it's relevant to the audience they want.
But try and explain to them that some women seek relationships only for sex, or only want a boyfriend and their own separate hone not a husband, or even the existence of Tinder app (you know where women... shockingly... actually initiate contact for what they want Scared ) and watch the Harveys of this world malfunction right in front of your face. Does not compute.
In gemeral the women who are divorced single mothers just get screwed by all this advice. They are the ones who everyone would pretend rather didn't exist. Not every time, but often enough.
If you're relatively young, unmarried with no dependents use the time and the advantage you have wisely. The world and the dating market caters to you. Enjoy it.


I think women who seek out their advice actually ARE looking for a long term relationship.
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Posted by tiziani
In gemeral the women who are divorced single mothers just get screwed by all this advice. They are the ones who everyone would pretend rather didn't exist.


Are you saying that divorced, single mothers are less valued than younger women with no dependents?
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by Rambunctious76
Posted by truecap
It makes me sad on here when girls are saying 'he hasn't contacted me in a month, does he still like me?'. Sad, very, very sad.


I often wonder about that. Maybe they have tons of fucks to give. I certainly don't.


It's because a lot of women are in a rush and settle too quickly.
"OMG SOMEONE IS INTERESTED IN ME!!!ONE. I CANNOT PASS THIS UP FOR I WILL BE FOREVER ALONE IF I DON'T."
click to expand


True. lol!
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Posted by truecap
Posted by tiziani
Steve Harvey and coaches of his kind just try to box eomen all into the classic mould of a passive woman who should wait for life to come to her. They also always work on the assumption everyone is looking for a long term relationship, to live in together and get married.
Same thing with Evan Katz and a lot of dating coaches online.
Don't get me wrong, good sometimes at what they do when it's relevant to the audience they want.
But try and explain to them that some women seek relationships only for sex, or only want a boyfriend and their own separate hone not a husband, or even the existence of Tinder app (you know where women... shockingly... actually initiate contact for what they want Scared ) and watch the Harveys of this world malfunction right in front of your face. Does not compute.
In gemeral the women who are divorced single mothers just get screwed by all this advice. They are the ones who everyone would pretend rather didn't exist. Not every time, but often enough.
If you're relatively young, unmarried with no dependents use the time and the advantage you have wisely. The world and the dating market caters to you. Enjoy it.


I think women who seek out their advice actually ARE looking for a long term relationship.
click to expand


And Steve is trying to teach them how to weed out the ones who are not looking for a relationship so they can find a man who is also looking for a relationship.
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Posted by tiziani
Posted by truecap
Posted by tiziani
In gemeral the women who are divorced single mothers just get screwed by all this advice. They are the ones who everyone would pretend rather didn't exist.


Are you saying that divorced, single mothers are less valued than younger women with no dependents?


They are certainly less catered to by dating gurus.
In general any woman who's marriage/commitment averse seems to be a dating coach's worst nightmare.

Strange because obviously divorced women have a lot of disposable income

/drumroll
click to expand


I guess they think we've learned our lessons in relationships and should get it by now. lol!
Truth is, some of those women are harder and bitter and I'm sure they don't want to mess with them. But a lot of divorced women are not bitter and excited about getting back out there.
Now, there's a market for that. I was married 20 years, dating is a lot different now than it was 20 years ago. Things change, technology and ways of contact have changed, people have changed. There should be someone coaching women on how to re-enter the market. Some are naive and need to learn how to navigate, some are bitter and need to learn not to be, some are screwing it up because they should really be alone for awhile, some just want to play and sow some oats, some are too eager to find another husband. There's definitely a market for the divorced women. Yet the variables are too vast, so they can't stick to their robotic "rules" and "canned" advice.
And, lol! at the disposable income. There is some truth there.
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Well, my personal thoughts is if I dated a man for a while, then had sex and he ignored me for a week, I would feel insulted and hurt. And there's no way, I would contact him begging for his attention.
My personal rule of thumb is two weeks before I wrote them off for good. But the red flag would be raised and it's pretty difficult to get past red flags because more walls would be up.
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Posted by tiziani
Steve Harvey and coaches of his kind just try to box eomen all into the classic mould of a passive woman who should wait for life to come to her. They also always work on the assumption everyone is looking for a long term relationship, to live in together and get married.
Same thing with Evan Katz and a lot of dating coaches online.
Don't get me wrong, good sometimes at what they do when it's relevant to the audience they want.
But try and explain to them that some women seek relationships only for sex, or only want a boyfriend and their own separate hone not a husband, or even the existence of Tinder app (you know where women... shockingly... actually initiate contact for what they want Scared ) and watch the Harveys of this world malfunction right in front of your face. Does not compute.
In gemeral the women who are divorced single mothers just get screwed by all this advice. They are the ones who everyone would pretend rather didn't exist. Not every time, but often enough.
If you're relatively young, unmarried with no dependents use the time and the advantage you have wisely. The world and the dating market caters to you. Enjoy it.


Yet another post where Tiz thinks he knows what it's like to be a woman in dating.
(Also riddled with drunk typos...)
Across the board, the advice given applies to most women because when women are seeking advice in dating, it's usually because they are suffering from the same situations over and over. The same bs lines, scenarios, and behavior.
Harvey is calling it like he sees it because he's been that guy and he's also seen it happen all too often with women. I'd be more inclined to believe guys who used to do such shit over the delusional who live with the heads in the clouds about what's really going on.
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Posted by truecap
Posted by P-Angel

why is the responsibility exclusively his?
Seems to me like that is a lot of expectation for a girl who isn't lifting her finger to contact him.
So, if she didn't contact him, and he contacted her in a week ... then that makes him better than her.
He contacted after a week ... she didn't at all.


I don't know. I may be old school, but I think they man should do most of the contacting. Especially after she has given her body to him for the first time. Besides, it would feel needy if she contacted him.
click to expand


As he should. It's a way to protect her, ESPECIALLY if sex has occurred. There are too many shady guys out there who will capitalize on a woman showing her interest first. Overall, most dating beliefs/myths work against women- lots of double standards.
However, if a female feels comfortable enough to initiate contact first, just to feel out the response, by all means. It's not something women SHOULDN'T do by all means necessary. If her feelers are adept enough at picking up bs in the situation, she can do so. But unfortunately, a lot of women are swept up in the bs myths of dating- all that supposed "grey area" with guys that really doesn't exist. This is why you see so many "I'M SO CONFUSED" posts. That said, generally, women need to hold off and let HIM show HER what his intent is after sex if she's not sure where she stands with him. Remember a LOT of guys date to get laid. A lot of women date to find a mate.
But I wouldn't expect a user, who clearly hates women on DXP, to understand the current dating trends, tbh. I'm beginning to believe that P is a misogynist, tbh. She has no problem hating on and pinning blame on women, no matter what the situation.
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""If a man doesn't contact in one week..."
1.) If it was after sex yea..you are nothing more than a piece
2.) If just after a date...give him the benefit of the doubt
Women who choose to have sex with a man immediately, don't have a right to question why he hasn't called in a week, especially when they couldn't take the time to wait to have sex and question his intentions and confirm those intentions.

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Posted by tiziani
The thing about those women posting he isn't contacting her in a month, is you often have to scroll tp page 2 for the other shoe to drop. There's oftem more to the story.

^^^^ frequently observed behavior!
This is why P-Angle's template match those cases so often.
Those women are not honest to themselves or to that boy. Nor to us.
In my experience if a woman needs to ask for advice regarding her dating stuff, she's lost the case anyway.
You can ask what should you wear, where should you meet, which gift. But "should I stay or should I go"? That only shows:
1. either you have low EQ,
2. or you just want to stay a little bit longer. Because he is not in your league and you are happy to have access to his world anyway. And by talking to other people about your X-ship you extend the time.
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I'm married to the man who took a week to call.
So, I don't know.
Never gave relationships much real practical forethought. I would just fall off into one. And, I used them to love out fantasies for the most part.
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If I like you, I like you, no matter the social conventions and definition. When I don't want to do it anymore, for whatever reason or feeling, I don't.
I like pleasure, the giving and receiving.
I'm a "blink" type person and feel it has served me well.
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Posted by truecap
.... if I dated a man for a while, then had sex and he ignored me for a week, I would feel insulted and hurt.




In the Opening of this thread, it doesn't state that this woman had been dating this man for a while.
with all the women who have responded, they do so from a mindset that a relationship was being made and it get reiterated by every person answering.
When in reality, the scenario wasn't clarified ... it could have just been a random fuck for alls the viewing audience knows.
In any event ... I find it completely irrational that just because a woman fucks this guy, that now he has the burden of providing her with emotional security.
If this is true for women and they believe that a guy they fuck owes her ... then she's whoring.
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Posted by VenusAquarius
I'm married to the man who took a week to call.
So, I don't know.
Never gave relationships much real practical forethought. I would just fall off into one. And, I used them to love out fantasies for the most part.


me too, my partner did have times where he freaked out a bit but I was and am confident in his love towards me and so I didn't freak out, I just stayed cool and was understanding. The overall tone of the relationship while we where dating was respectful and loving, I never second guessed his feelings towards me. He was and is a gentleman I make sure to give him the space he needs. I do want to state that there is a HUGE difference between a man getting emotionally close and taking distance to breathe before charging ahead and a man who is just not that into you (or) possibly playing a game by disasppearing and starting up with other women, disappearing reappearing trend (this gaming technique is called "Spinning Plates"
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you can google it go to Rational Male website, its done deliberately to keep women chasing.
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very popular technique where I live, Im amazed at how many women are dumb enough to fall for it.
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No, the show didn't state how long she had been dating the guy. So you're right there. If it were a sex on the first date kind of thing, then he doesn't owe her anything.
My statement was based on the fact that I would date a guy for a while before sex. And I would let him to be the one to make the first contact afterward. Emotional security? Perhaps, can't argue that it wouldn't give me a sense of security, because it would, but for me, it's more about dignity and self respect. If it happens, it happens, but I'm not going to go chasing him down begging for attention. It's just my personal thoughts on it.
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