if actions really do speak louder than words
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by txtbukariesgirl on Wednesday, January 26, 2011 and has 7 replies.
then what do you do when a guy calls, txts, wants to spend time with you (no booty), but yet says he can't be in a committment with you? all the actions are correct. but words are opposite.
It could mean that you're only seeing half the actions...
In this case, trust the words.
In this case, trust the words.
Posted by txtbukariesgirl
then what do you do when a guy calls, txts, wants to spend time with you (no booty), but yet says he can't be in a committment with you? all the actions are correct. but words are opposite.
I say you are confused.
For you to say all actions are correct .. you mean for you to have what you want them to be.
I'm unclear why anyone **looking at Capgirl above** would make the suggestion that he's giving you mixed signals ... because I don't see mixed signals. What I do see is that you have an expectation of what you want them to mean and so have made a decision, and now expect him to act upon what you anticipate.
Why don't you try peeling away your expectations, and letting him open up to you as he feels comfortable doing ....
I mean for fucks sake .. this is about a man to whom you haven't even gotten close enough to sleep with and ALREADY the only thing on your mind is commitment?
Give the man a fucking break .... and back off, you barely even know him if you can't decipher his signals yet, and here you are upset because he isnt' committing.
**** shakes head ****
first of all, the question wasnt for my self, and secondly, sex was involved prior to the "no committment" statement. after that, she stopped sleeping with him. he still comes around. i think kali is right, in that he just may want to be friends.
and thanks everyone thus far for commenting.
Well a person's actions are not only about what they will & can do, it's also about what they WON'T do. Sometimes a person's lack of action speaks louder than anything they actually are doing or whatever it is they're saying.
In your case, if he's not willing to commit then you need to back off like yesterday! Don't argue with a man who says he's not ready for commitment. If there's 1 thing most men are actually HONEST about, it's when they say they don't want a relationship. They'd have absolutely NO reason to kid/joke about that. When they say that, they mean it.
He might be investing so much energy into you b/c hey, that's what some people do. They'll play house or go about things as if they were already in a relationship, but yet when it's time for the conversation about commitment, they always come up short. So if there's anything you oughta be paying attention to & zooming in on, it oughta be his LACK of action.
It doesn't take much energy/effort to text someone, hang out with them, or even spend a bunch of money on them. None of thsoe things actually require real emotions, feelings or commitment. What really matters is a man's ability to make sure that his actions match up with his words. And if they don't match up, RUN!
In your case, if he's not willing to commit then you need to back off like yesterday! Don't argue with a man who says he's not ready for commitment. If there's 1 thing most men are actually HONEST about, it's when they say they don't want a relationship. They'd have absolutely NO reason to kid/joke about that. When they say that, they mean it.
He might be investing so much energy into you b/c hey, that's what some people do. They'll play house or go about things as if they were already in a relationship, but yet when it's time for the conversation about commitment, they always come up short. So if there's anything you oughta be paying attention to & zooming in on, it oughta be his LACK of action.
It doesn't take much energy/effort to text someone, hang out with them, or even spend a bunch of money on them. None of thsoe things actually require real emotions, feelings or commitment. What really matters is a man's ability to make sure that his actions match up with his words. And if they don't match up, RUN!
Wake up honey. Some men will spend every ounce of their energy, time, & money on you & yet you NOT mean a thing to them. It's called, "getting the benefits" of being in a relationship w/o actually being in 1. And I'm sure you didn't sign up for a "pretend" or fantasy relationship. I'm sure you want the REAL thing.
And just b/c he hasn't had sex with you yet or asked you for it doesn't mean that sex isn't 1 of his top priorities. While he's waiting for you to get comfortable enough to give it up to him, he might be getting laid by other chicks on the side. But of course you wouldn't know that b/c the whole time you'd have your head in the clouds & allowing him to grow more & more comfortable.
Men aren't dumb..they know that if they act as if they're already in a semi-relationship with you, that you'll eventually end up associating your feelings with sex & giving it up to them. And if sex is not what they want, it still sucks b/c in the end you'll realize that you put all of that work/energy into a something that will never be a dream come true for you. It'll all be a waste time--99% of the time it is.
It doesn't matter why he's not ready. All that matters is that he isn't. And by the time he actually is ready, you'll either be long gone by then OR so whipped, he might not even respect you by the time he's finally ready--and I say that b/c men pay attention to YOUR ability to listen. If he tells you that he doesn't want commitment & yet you STILL continue to entertain him in certain ways, he's going to naturally assume that you must be ok with no-strings-attached relations. And if that's NOT the message you want to send to him, make sure YOUR actions are matching up with your inner desires/words & run like hell!
And just b/c he hasn't had sex with you yet or asked you for it doesn't mean that sex isn't 1 of his top priorities. While he's waiting for you to get comfortable enough to give it up to him, he might be getting laid by other chicks on the side. But of course you wouldn't know that b/c the whole time you'd have your head in the clouds & allowing him to grow more & more comfortable.
Men aren't dumb..they know that if they act as if they're already in a semi-relationship with you, that you'll eventually end up associating your feelings with sex & giving it up to them. And if sex is not what they want, it still sucks b/c in the end you'll realize that you put all of that work/energy into a something that will never be a dream come true for you. It'll all be a waste time--99% of the time it is.
It doesn't matter why he's not ready. All that matters is that he isn't. And by the time he actually is ready, you'll either be long gone by then OR so whipped, he might not even respect you by the time he's finally ready--and I say that b/c men pay attention to YOUR ability to listen. If he tells you that he doesn't want commitment & yet you STILL continue to entertain him in certain ways, he's going to naturally assume that you must be ok with no-strings-attached relations. And if that's NOT the message you want to send to him, make sure YOUR actions are matching up with your inner desires/words & run like hell!
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