I'm a sagittarius woman & I'm dating a cancer man

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by sagittarius843 on Saturday, May 18, 2013 and has 47 replies.
We started off as friends. Then we became really close friends that hung out every weekend and talked all the time via text. I broke up with my ex, which I dated for 15 months, to be with him. We started officially dating on March 1st, even though we knew we strongly liked each other before then. This past week, things have been weird. Last weekend he was busy and didn't text me at all. Then the week started and I guess he was still busy working and he didn't text me at all again although he'd call at night but our communication skill would be rather boring and just blank. In school when we saw each other, he'd act so dull and it really started to bother me because I'd always be so happy to see him even if it's in school. I confronted him about all this Wednesday night through the phone and he responded angrily back to me saying he's only been busy this past week and he's tired in school and he just said a lot of rude things. I felt awful inside. Then Thursday came and we didn't really speak although he called me at night and we kinda talked but it was still eh. Then Friday came and we were both so awkward in school and he told me he is mad at me and I asked why and he said he'd tell me after school --- which he did. He said some guy came up to him in his gym class and asked why he's been ignoring me. My boyfriend thought I've been telling this guy stuff about him when I never was. People just notice things in school because he doesn't even try to talk to me, it's bad. And then I felt sad but I got home Friday around 3:30 and I got a text from him saying we should take a break because he obviously has some problems that he needs to work on and that he's not mature enough to give me the relationship that i deserve. And that he apparently wasn't treating me the way I deserve to be treated. and then he went on saying maybe we're better off as friends than dating. and he said sorry that this has to happen but it does and it's something that can't be talked about -- it just has to happen. And I spent all Friday night crying in my room and I'm so sad today and hurt and I don't even know what to do. I know he said a break and some time to work things out and all that .... but I just don't know because I don't think things are that bad that we need a break. And also, my mom and his mom are good friends and she came over last night and my mom talked to her and his mom was saying that she knows he has some problems with his attitude and moods and I don't know.
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I just don't know what could be wrong with him. I love him so much and we're so close and we have an amazing, special relationship. He makes me so happy and I just don't know if he means a real break or if he doesn't want to be together anymore. I'm confused and I don't like this at all. I've tried texting him a few times and I've gotten no reply except for a "No thanks" to one message where I asked if he wants to come and eat pizza with his family and mine at his river house because I was out in the boat today with my family and his parents were out there too. I love him so very much and I cannot let him go. What is going on?
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I don't want to keep bothering him and I'm not going to but I need to talk to him about things because this is hurting me too much.
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We started off as friends. Then we became really close friends that hung out every weekend and talked all the time via text. I broke up with my ex, which I dated for 15 months, to be with him. We started officially dating on March 1st, even though we knew we strongly liked each other before then. This past week, things have been weird. Last weekend he was busy and didn't text me at all. Then the week started and I guess he was still busy working and he didn't text me at all again although he'd call at night but our communication skill would be rather boring and just blank. In school when we saw each other, he'd act so dull and it really started to bother me because I'd always be so happy to see him even if it's in school. I confronted him about all this Wednesday night through the phone and he responded angrily back to me saying he's only been busy this past week and he's tired in school and he just said a lot of rude things. I felt awful inside. Then Thursday came and we didn't really speak although he called me at night and we kinda talked but it was still eh. Then Friday came and we were both so awkward in school and he told me he is mad at me and I asked why and he said he'd tell me after school --- which he did. He said some guy came up to him in his gym class and asked why he's been ignoring me. My boyfriend thought I've been telling this guy stuff about him when I never was. People just notice things in school because he doesn't even try to talk to me, it's bad. And then I felt sad but I got home Friday around 3:30 and I got a text from him saying we should take a break because he obviously has some problems that he needs to work on and that he's not mature enough to give me the relationship that i deserve. And that he apparently wasn't treating me the way I deserve to be treated. and then he went on saying maybe we're better off as friends than dating. and he said sorry that this has to happen but it does and it's something that can't be talked about -- it just has to happen. And I spent all Friday night crying in my room and I'm so sad today and hurt and I don't even know what to do. I know he said a break and some time to work things out and all that .... but I just don't know because I don't think things are that bad that we need a break. And also, my mom and his mom are good friends and she came over last night and my mom talked to her and his mom was saying that she knows he has some problems with his attitude and moods and I don't know.
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I just don't know what could be wrong with him. I love him so much and we're so close and we have an amazing, special relationship. He makes me so happy and I just don't know if he means a real break or if he doesn't want to be together anymore. I'm confused and I don't like this at all. I've tried texting him a few times and I've gotten no reply except for a "No thanks" to one message where I asked if he wants to come and eat pizza with his family and mine at his river house because I was out in the boat today with my family and his parents were out there too. I love him so very much and I cannot let him go. What is going on?
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I don't want to keep bothering him and I'm not going to but I need to talk to him about things because this is hurting me too much.
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We started off as friends. Then we became really close friends that hung out every weekend and talked all the time via text. I broke up with my ex, which I dated for 15 months, to be with him. We started officially dating on March 1st, even though we knew we strongly liked each other before then. This past week, things have been weird. Last weekend he was busy and didn't text me at all. Then the week started and I guess he was still busy working and he didn't text me at all again although he'd call at night but our communication skill would be rather boring and just blank. In school when we saw each other, he'd act so dull and it really started to bother me because I'd always be so happy to see him even if it's in school. I confronted him about all this Wednesday night through the phone and he responded angrily back to me saying he's only been busy this past week and he's tired in school and he just said a lot of rude things. I felt awful inside. Then Thursday came and we didn't really speak although he called me at night and we kinda talked but it was still eh. Then Friday came and we were both so awkward in school and he told me he is mad at me and I asked why and he said he'd tell me after school --- which he did. He said some guy came up to him in his gym class and asked why he's been ignoring me. My boyfriend thought I've been telling this guy stuff about him when I never was. People just notice things in school because he doesn't even try to talk to me, it's bad. And then I felt sad but I got home Friday around 3:30 and I got a text from him saying we should take a break because he obviously has some problems that he needs to work on and that he's not mature enough to give me the relationship that i deserve. And that he apparently wasn't treating me the way I deserve to be treated. and then he went on saying maybe we're better off as friends than dating. and he said sorry that this has to happen but it does and it's something that can't be talked about -- it just has to happen. And I spent all Friday night crying in my room and I'm so sad today and hurt and I don't even know what to do. I know he said a break and some time to work things out and all that .... but I just don't know because I don't think things are that bad that we need a break. And also, my mom and his mom are good friends and she came over last night and my mom talked to her and his mom was saying that she knows he has some problems with his attitude and moods and I don't know.
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I just don't know what could be wrong with him. I love him so much and we're so close and we have an amazing, special relationship. He makes me so happy and I just don't know if he means a real break or if he doesn't want to be together anymore. I'm confused and I don't like this at all. I've tried texting him a few times and I've gotten no reply except for a "No thanks" to one message where I asked if he wants to come and eat pizza with his family and mine at his river house because I was out in the boat today with my family and his parents were out there too. I love him so very much and I cannot let him go. What is going on? I don't want to keep bothering him and I'm not going to but I need to talk to him about things because this is hurting me too much.
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It looks like he can't read between the lines!
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What do you mean?
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i think its good he kind of knows that hes not ready.... young cancer men are really too immature for early relationships. let him be...he will come back when he is ready.
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I'm so sorry to hear this. Check this out. I'm a Cancer and one of my dearest friends is a Sagittarius girl. Here's the relevance. I do consider myself transgender so I date women. And she treats me that way. She is straight so I'd never ask her out. Okay with that being said, we have the closest relationship. I love her to my Moon and bck and there's probably nothing that girl wouldn't do for me, and if I were a guy, shed be my girl. I'm sure this guy really loves you. It sounds like he may be hiding something that you don't know abt. And of course he hasn't yet grown into his huge emotions yet. You have one huge advantage. You two are friends and friends talk about love and relationships lol. So if you could just think back to his dating history and see is there a reason for this behavior. I'll tell you another thing. There is great attraction between Sagi gal and moon boy but I always see it go back too many times. I'll share something else too. There is a streak in the Sagi female that sorta scares crabs. Y'all are sexy women and everyone knows it. He may be a bit insecure about something? Idk but usually Cancers don't know how to handle or take a Sagittarius woman. But I hope you two work it out I really do bcz I knw u love himsmile
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Ur situation somehow reminds of mine. Its bad to hear this from urs..I know how u feel atm..bet ur trying to understand what is going on,,why he acted like that ,,why he didnt even reply ur msg most of the time?? Am I right???
U have done many things so far I reckon..even tried to initiate the convo with him but he seems to retreat himself...let him do it...if his mom already told u hes got problems with his mood and behaviour atm...then let him sort things out by himself...we cant do anything...do u reckon the more u try to do thing for him,,for this relationship, the more u get hurt urself??
Maybe he knows and reckons u love n care for him,,but he just ignores them all. Back off from him and let him initiate the convo with u.
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Thanks guys! I'm not sure if he really broke up with me, because I know he said a break and some time away from each other, blah blah. Which sucks because I'm not really into the whole taking breaks things. I think if we're having problems or if he is, then we should be able to talk about it and make things better... on Facebook it says he's still in a relationship but he just removed my name from it. I'll type out the message he sent me on Friday evening:
"Brooke there is no way to put this nicely so I'm not going to bother sugar coating it. We need to just give each other some space and some time and just take a break from all this. Its not that I don't care about you because I do its just that I obviously have some problems that I need to work on and I guess I'm just not mature enough to give you the relationship that you deserve. I just need to figure my stuff out because I apparently wasn't treating you how you deserve to be treated. Maybe we just better as friend because I've been told many times that I'm just a better friend than boyfriend. I'm sorry, but this isnt something that is going to be talked about it just needs to happen but I'm sorry it has to Brooke.
My phone is about to die and it won't be charged this weekend."
I've been sad, I feel terrible still. I love him and I cannot see myself without him. When we first started talking, we instantly became so close. He even told his friends how amazing he thinks I am and he'd ditch friends for me. We'd sit on my golfcart all night and talk about everything. I know we have something special and I really hope he doesn't just leave me like this because I know we could work out.
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& with his past relationships, he had one girlfriend. She's younger than him and they dated for not even one month. They didn't do anything --- not even hold hands. They are next door neighbors but she turned out to be an obsessive girlfriend with crazy issues. I think he feels bad for how he treated me this past week but I don't see he'd want any of this.
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every saggi girl i have dated has been damaged goods one way or the other.
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I was just calling and everything because I was confused and I'm not going to try and call anymore or anything, but I'm not like her. But I know what you're saying and thank you so much
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so I did something wrong?
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and he just messaged me on facebook saying "I'm sorry."
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Expect this behavior every few months, ending with "I'm sorry."
Wash, rinse, repeat. Push, pull, push.

Good luck Sag. smile (I've been there.)
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Posted by Wynter
Expect this behavior every few months, ending with "I'm sorry."
Wash, rinse, repeat. Push, pull, push.

Good luck Sag. smile (I've been there.)




Who said something about damaged goods Sags?
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Still no phone call.
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He'll call, next couple of days.
Just relax and do other stuff.
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i dated a few saggis and the thing i noticed with them was that either they were carrying loads of emotional baggage from their past relationships which hadnt yet left their hearts and minds and they couldnt trust any man after that experience. they were so moody with meltdowns atleast once a week and rambles about " i cant trust any man anymore!!! in any walk of life..blah blah blah"... its a turnoff. sometimes i think they are most nostalgic and attached then we cancerians.
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He did say I worry too much. And I heard today from a friend that he was talking to this chick about me saying I'm overly attached.
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^^ overly attached O_0 that would've pissed me off. I would be like negro you dumped me and didn't give me any say so, or even give me a chance to speak...and i'm too attached?? HA! I'd show him... the next time he tried to reach out to me i'd give him straight up short answers and silent treatment. Nothing upsets me more in a relationship then a guy trying to play me like i'm sooooo gone over him.
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Yeah, haha. Idk, I just want him to call me because every time I start to think about him and everything, I get a sick feeling in my stomach and I hate being sad Sad
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^^^ Hi! Sag843 you dont have to be sad. The guy has probably never received that kind of attention before. You appear to be very intense with your feelings and some people dont know how to handle that. This guy sounds like he's just feeling himself from all the attention. Stop paying attention to him and put that attention on youself and enjoy life..life is too short to be holding back for bs. Maybe he's the type that likes drama and to be treated like crap in order to feel loved. Whatever is his reason...he has a right to it,but it is not your responsibility...you're only responsible for yourself. Let him pull his boot straps up and man up. And if he doesnt...oh well his loss and someone elses gain.

You get me Winking

Good luck girly

Piggy
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Ahhh, thanks guys! Still no contact though.
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how long does it take for them to talk to you first? we've recently been in a fight and having trust issues and all that. i've done all i can to try and talk to him but he won't talk back to me. i've told him how i feel and he knows i'm in pain right now and that i love him to death. i don't want him to leave me. we've been dating for almost a year.
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hey thanks. i guess it's kind of hard for me to do that since my rising is in gemini and they're all about communication. i mean, we've been through things like this before and he's always came back around. it's really tough being with a cancer man.
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he also just texted me for the first time today saying "Hey". I'm debating whether or not to reply?
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Posted by scorchedearth
don't play games. if you want to talk to him then talk to him. if you try to play emotionally manipulative games with a cancer you're more than likely going to lose because they got that shit on lock.
say hi back. keep it casual. don't unload on him emotionally. smile


Ok, being that you accused me of being a creepy sort and the modern Genghis Khan, I have to *reluctantly* agree on this point.
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Why does the introduction to this thread sound like an AA meeting?
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Posted by LunarMaiden
Why does the introduction to this thread sound like an AA meeting?


They pretty much all sound that way.
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Just be calm.
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Posted by sagittarius843
he also just texted me for the first time today saying "Hey". I'm debating whether or not to reply?


If you're over the bs then reply back. Even with some xoxoxox
NO GAMES.
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My boyfriend is a Cancer and there are a few things I learned about him that make him completely different from other guys I dated:
Once you are in a relationship they LOVE attention, calls, texts, etc They get offended when you don't contact often.
The only time when the above is not true is when you hurt them and they are taking their time getting over it. When this happens don't chase, don't get mad for the lack of attention but do check on him from time to time to let him know you care.
They are very sensitive, be careful what you say and how you say it, they do get offended easily especially at the beginning when they might not get your humor... (I am a dark humored sarcastic Libra and this caused endless fights at the beginning)
Once they are committed to you they are very loyal, any issues with trust coming from you, especially if they are unfounded and coming from your insecurities rather than hos actions will hurt him deeply, sometimes it coild be a deal breaker.
Even if you guys are getting over a fight, when he texts or calls, do not play games, EVER they are crazy intuitive and no matter how well you think you are playing it, they will see it for what it is and loose respect towards you.
When distant, leave them alone but make sure you apologize if it's your fault and always check on them and show them you love them with actions more than with words, affection goes a long way smile
Good luck!!
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They get into these very dark moods, especially when they feel hurt, it takes a long time for them to get over it, I am lucky because my crab can be ery very mad at me but never stops communicating, i can feel he is being distand and cold but he does not dissappear on me. Patience is the key, make sure he knows you care but at the same time take advantage of his distance and go out with friends, enjoy your life, when mine gets moody I try to act even more happy and upbeat than usual, that shows him that I will not let his moods affect me, I think it takes some of the pressure off of them...
They don't get moody on purpose, it just happens and then suddenly they go back to their old loving caring selves...
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Posted by caster721
Posted by Dafna79
My boyfriend is a Cancer and there are a few things I learned about him that make him completely different from other guys I dated:
Once you are in a relationship they LOVE attention, calls, texts, etc They get offended when you don't contact often.
The only time when the above is not true is when you hurt them and they are taking their time getting over it. When this happens don't chase, don't get mad for the lack of attention but do check on him from time to time to let him know you care.
They are very sensitive, be careful what you say and how you say it, they do get offended easily especially at the beginning when they might not get your humor... (I am a dark humored sarcastic Libra and this caused endless fights at the beginning)
Once they are committed to you they are very loyal, any issues with trust coming from you, especially if they are unfounded and coming from your insecurities rather than hos actions will hurt him deeply, sometimes it coild be a deal breaker.
Even if you guys are getting over a fight, when he texts or calls, do not play games, EVER they are crazy intuitive and no matter how well you think you are playing it, they will see it for what it is and loose respect towards you.
When distant, leave them alone but make sure you apologize if it's your fault and always check on them and show them you love them with actions more than with words, affection goes a long way smile
Good luck!!


I wish i get myself a Dafna79 Big Grin
click to expand


Awwwww thanks!!!
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Why are all the women interested in the limp fags (no disrespect to gays) who can't seem to be able to act like a man?
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silentkiller you are being obsessed.
You need to LET GO and move on! STOP TRYING, obviously it's not working out.
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Posted by incandescentcancer
Why are all the women interested in the limp fags (no disrespect to gays) who can't seem to be able to act like a man?


I blame it on that "Twilight" show.
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Posted by silentkiller
I don??t know incandescentcancer - scared of the real deal maybe? On the verge of something good and afraid to admit, that it??s never gonna happen? Mislead by mixed signals? Bad selfesteem? As many reasons as there are unhappy or confused women I guess...



I don't understand all this analysis, I don't even bother doing these things. When I like a woman I chase her down...that's all. It may or may not work but that's ok with me.
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Posted by silentkiller
It??s unny you say this - I??ve over analyzed everyting, untill I got royaly fucked by a guy wo said one thng and meant another and basically has no integrity at all. So I stopped and looked at actual actions ad ofcours actual Words. Then came cancer guy with all his indiscrete ways and all the advice on here about cancers being insecure......
It??s not easy out there is all I can say now, but good attitude on you. Hopefully it??ll get you exsactly what you want.


Trust your initial gut feel about a person and never try to convince yourself the other way around. If you try that,not many people can fuck you over. Good luck!
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To OP, please accept my apologies for responding specifically to silent killer. I have been following her posts for several months. Time to intervene.
I will try to keep this simple.
For starters, silentkiller, let the guy go. At this point, attempting to be his friend is futile and useless--because YOU will find yourself in a same cycle in a month, three, five months from now: analyzing, overanalyzing---your mind going into an overdrive dissecting his actions, behavior: "do I have a chance with him? What should I do--respond to him or not?"
Why would you even want to have any contact with him? Be his friend? To increase your chances of getting back in his good graces? The dynamic between you two, based on what you described, NOW sounds tainted. From there, it sounds like it's going to be a future development of a toxic relationship.
Why would you do this to yourself? Don't you think you deserve better than this bullshyiet?
Move on. Start clean with a new slate. With a different guy.
I get that the break-up was all a misunderstanding (him seeing you hugging someone else, etc..)--but really, why are/were you WASTING your time/energy trying to figure this guy out for months??! I personally think it's reasonable to question/ponder and reflect on what happened--but only to a reasonable extent.
Please stop beating this. Charley the horse is dead. Just to be clear: let the chap go and work on yourself. You cannot control others, just only yourself. This obsession you have been exhibiting is not healthy and if not appropriately addressed, have this thing (obsessive-compulsive disorder) in control, it can become extremely destructive. What I find most disconcerting is it appears that you're not simply getting it.
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Posted by silentkiller

I get it: I??m obsessed! I need to let it go and get over it and get a life and all that jazz. But I can??t control my emotions for fucks sake! I can??t look at Things rationally, I can??t just turn Things off. The only thing I can do is not lie to myself about still having feelings for someone.
Just be thankfull I didn??t come here, when I was a teenager and crazy obsessed with a band or with a guy at my school, who??m I never talked to but thought about and talked about and wrote about in my journal constantly. Big Grin To all you normal or more normal people: I??ve actually come a really long way. I would make the per


When was the last time you had contact with this guy? As long as you have contact with him, you WILL have a harder time of letting him go. This will only fuel your obsession.
How much time are you spending, on a daily basis, thinking about him? By thinking about this guy, how much is it taking away from your ability to work/perform at work, school, whatever---in life? And really, are you truly thinking about him? Or are you obsessing of ways to bring him back to you, to have some power and control in regards to the fate of this relationship with him?
Personally, I think it's admirable of you that you're willing to admit that there's a unhealthy obsessive thing going on and intellectually, you know it's the right thing to let him go. It truly takes a strong person to do this.
Have you thought about meeting with a trained licensed therapist to collaboratively work on the meaning of letting go, as well as a strong need to control...and possibly, abandonment issues? It sounds as though this Cancer guy may represent something to you, something in your past--or the sudden break-up without a proper closure in your eyes may be triggering something. That is something I recommend that you explore with a therapist, assuming if you want to pursue this option.
Though you may think you're not capable of "turning things off," I strongly believe that by working with someone who is competent and truly knows what he/she is doing, you can, in time, will learn how to effectively manage this---and will know how, when to pull back whenever you are in a relationship and feel that a certain level of intensity appears to be getting out of control.
Now silentkiller, I have to boot myself off this board and give the thread back to OP.
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