i'm with the band... but i'm no groupie!
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by ninjamu on Saturday, July 4, 2009 and has 3 replies.
i sort of have a love-type dilemma.
a couple of months ago i met a man at work. it took him about a month to even talk to me, and when he did, he asked me to watch him and his band perform. i go and check them out and i instantly hit it off with all of them. since i am also involved with music and the performing arts we have gotten together often to collaborate and bounce ideas off each other. i regularly attend their practice/jam sessions and they ask for my input.
a couple of weeks ago i started noticing that they have all been getting friendly towards me and it seems to have surpassed the normal comfort level. what sucks is that i find them all attractive... except the guy from work. he's been increasingly become leery of me hanging around him and the band. the last couple of times he's made up some pretty lame excuses. he's also asked me out on a date. the bass player has become very touchy-feely and relentlessly texts me to ask me if i'm showing up to band practice. one of the guitarists, who is married, keeps trying to get me alone and away from the others to just "talk". when we do talk it is often centered around relationships and me. the drummer seems to be the only one that doesn't seem interested in me until he drinks.
i feel like i'm starting to cause problems and tension amongst them. i'm not sure what to do because we have already made some pretty hefty agreements to help each other out with our projects. i haven't done anything to provoke the behavior. i'm not especially flirtatious or anything. actually, with them, i'm quite the opposite. most of the time i get down to business. i've only hung out with them a couple of times where we were just goofing off.
any ideas on how to get a handle on this situation without having to drop our plans?
a couple of months ago i met a man at work. it took him about a month to even talk to me, and when he did, he asked me to watch him and his band perform. i go and check them out and i instantly hit it off with all of them. since i am also involved with music and the performing arts we have gotten together often to collaborate and bounce ideas off each other. i regularly attend their practice/jam sessions and they ask for my input.
a couple of weeks ago i started noticing that they have all been getting friendly towards me and it seems to have surpassed the normal comfort level. what sucks is that i find them all attractive... except the guy from work. he's been increasingly become leery of me hanging around him and the band. the last couple of times he's made up some pretty lame excuses. he's also asked me out on a date. the bass player has become very touchy-feely and relentlessly texts me to ask me if i'm showing up to band practice. one of the guitarists, who is married, keeps trying to get me alone and away from the others to just "talk". when we do talk it is often centered around relationships and me. the drummer seems to be the only one that doesn't seem interested in me until he drinks.
i feel like i'm starting to cause problems and tension amongst them. i'm not sure what to do because we have already made some pretty hefty agreements to help each other out with our projects. i haven't done anything to provoke the behavior. i'm not especially flirtatious or anything. actually, with them, i'm quite the opposite. most of the time i get down to business. i've only hung out with them a couple of times where we were just goofing off.
any ideas on how to get a handle on this situation without having to drop our plans?
In my opinion this situation will always be troublesome. They are the type of men that they are and you're woman. They'll treat you in that sense, they'll treat the way they treat women in that position. Speaking of handling the situation without dropping your plan. I assume you're referrring to your artistic plan with them. I personally don't think they'll ever value you enough in that sense, for the the simple fact that your artistic expertise is not what brought you in initially. You were brought in as a spectator and you sticking around brought you to sort of a groupie status.
that is so freaking lame and disheartening. don't get me wrong i appreciate the input! i just had some major plans in motion with these guys and it makes me sad to fall to a lower rung on my achievement ladder. their music fits so perfectly into the background of my film... ugh! maybe if i just call them out and confront the situation? i can't do it in a group setting but whenever i get them alone? i'm grasping at straws here... blah
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