IN LAWS

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by minnieroger on Monday, May 5, 2014 and has 56 replies.
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Just be cordial when you do meet them. But avoid them at all cost if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your man. And don't say anything bad about them infront of your spouse because blood IS thicker than water. Plus you don't want to be that girl that came & polluted the whole family.
My brother & mother in-law hated me with passion. And I hated them back!! But I never caused any drama, I avoided them like a plague & you know what that did? It made my husband love me even more. They said ugly things about me INFRONT of him, I said the same ugly things but not in infront of him...I DID IT INFRONT OF MY FRIENDS. Play the game right Winking
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You don't have to like them & they don't have to like you. You all just have to find a way to co-exist in his life without making him feel like a pawn or something that gets pulled in all directions.
I know quite a few people that don't get along with the families they married into. But many of them do it wrong, they try to manipulate the spouse into turning against their family. That's not right imo. Everybody deserves to have a good relationship with their own family. Relationships end but family ties shouldn't. At least not over something like that. That's stupidity & evil.
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lol bloody Asian!!
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Rice is soooooo cheep, you no be so mean and love her and her family long time Tongue
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Hahaha,
staaay single you funny fuck!
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Posted by WaterCup
Just be cordial when you do meet them. But avoid them at all cost if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your man. And don't say anything bad about them infront of your spouse because blood IS thicker than water. Plus you don't want to be that girl that came & polluted the whole family.
My brother & mother in-law hated me with passion. And I hated them back!! But I never caused any drama, I avoided them like a plague & you know what that did? It made my husband love me even more. They said ugly things about me INFRONT of him, I said the same ugly things but not in infront of him...I DID IT INFRONT OF MY FRIENDS. Play the game right Winking



you're fucked up
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Posted by minnieroger
... his dad was at the door and he started saying some things to my bf infront of me, like here you come still with her, this is not a hotel..etc.
Honestly I felt so UGH out of place, embarrassed, hurt and like I was truly not wanted there.




If your boyfriend is going to allow another to disrespect you ... then he will allow himself to do it also, if the time comes that his heart changes.
It is your responsibility to teach someone how to treat you. It is your responsibility to protect your partner. If he were to be treated that way in front of your family - it would be your duty to stand up for him and not allow your family to disrespect him.
The fact that he did not do that, and the fact the he let a year slip by and never approached the topic with his father is a red flag waving = he won't face his father on an issue.

so, what the fuck are you going to do when a REAL issue arises? ... because clearly, your boyfriend isn't going to stand up.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by WaterCup
Just be cordial when you do meet them. But avoid them at all cost if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your man. And don't say anything bad about them infront of your spouse because blood IS thicker than water. Plus you don't want to be that girl that came & polluted the whole family.
My brother & mother in-law hated me with passion. And I hated them back!! But I never caused any drama, I avoided them like a plague & you know what that did? It made my husband love me even more. They said ugly things about me INFRONT of him, I said the same ugly things but not in infront of him...I DID IT INFRONT OF MY FRIENDS. Play the game right Winking



you're fucked up
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Geez, thanks Big Grin
Instead of psycho analysing, how about you put your more than half a century of years on Earth to good use & give this poor girl some wise + dusty words of advice. Huh? I sure would love to hear something from the year "too old" BC smile
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Posted by minnieroger
my bf's "friend" told my father in law that i slept with him





It's noted here that you didn't put the word "ex" in front of friend ... which is an indicator that this guy is still your bf's friend.
If you'd stay with a guy, to even become an official girlfriend, when he allows people to disrespect you ... then you're probably ghetto, and actually getting off of the drama.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by minnieroger
... his dad was at the door and he started saying some things to my bf infront of me, like here you come still with her, this is not a hotel..etc.
Honestly I felt so UGH out of place, embarrassed, hurt and like I was truly not wanted there.




If your boyfriend is going to allow another to disrespect you ... then he will allow himself to do it also, if the time comes that his heart changes.
It is your responsibility to teach someone how to treat you. It is your responsibility to protect your partner. If he were to be treated that way in front of your family - it would be your duty to stand up for him and not allow your family to disrespect him.
The fact that he did not do that, and the fact the he let a year slip by and never approached the topic with his father is a red flag waving = he won't face his father on an issue.

so, what the fuck are you going to do when a REAL issue arises? ... because clearly, your boyfriend isn't going to stand up.
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"Another"? It is NOT "another", it is HIS PARENT! Don't know which cave you were raised in but one's parents should be given total respect & not to be confronted over some girl. Are you kidding me? Plus this dad has all the right to not like her because of the rumours. He is doing what ANY caring parent would do & that is to protect their child. We don't know if what the other said is true or false, but there's no smoke without fire. People don't just wake up & decide to defame someone's character over nothing unless 1. they're getting even over what the other has done to them or 2. it's actually true.
What has he to gain? It's not like the boyfriend is royalty or that this chick is some irresistable piece of creation that no man could afford to lose. Get real.
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I actually don't believe this story.
Your bf's friend went to your bf's father to say that? I don't see that happening unless this person is full of drama. For a guy to randomly go to another guy's dad and say that? I don't see it happening. Maybe if he had legit concern about you and even then...
If however, he did go..then your boyfriend is also full of drama by corelation.
Now I wonder in what environment this played out. Is it a different culture?
Something doesn't add up in my mind.
"this is not a hotel" => this comment makes me believe you stay at their place a lot of time. By doing so, you surely would have run into his dad. You mentioned you met your bf when you were out, and he invited you over to smoke so..maybe his dad has a problem with people smoking in his house or overstaying their welcome?
I'm sorry if I got this wrong but I think a lot of detail is left out by the OP.
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I thought about that, also.
I'm thinking that maybe she did fuck the friend.
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Posted by minnieroger
.... i would see his dad at times but i never really got a real introduction, i never really knew why, until we had that talk well anyways about 4months later ...




What talk?
You didn't know why you were never introduced to his father until after you had a talk about it ... so does this mean you never heard what the dad said to you?
You are going off of what your boyfriend says? ... and he would actually tell you shitty things people say about you?
There's red flags all over the place here ... why can't you see them?
If your boyfriend isn't going to stand up to people on your behalf, and if he's going to let his family talk about you, and most importantly, if he is going to repeat to you the gossip they say about you ... then he isn't a keeper.

You don't know that, though ... you have to be told.
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Posted by WaterCup
Just be cordial when you do meet them. But avoid them at all cost if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your man. And don't say anything bad about them infront of your spouse because blood IS thicker than water. Plus you don't want to be that girl that came & polluted the whole family.
My brother & mother in-law hated me with passion. And I hated them back!! But I never caused any drama, I avoided them like a plague & you know what that did? It made my husband love me even more. They said ugly things about me INFRONT of him, I said the same ugly things but not in infront of him...I DID IT INFRONT OF MY FRIENDS. Play the game right Winking


I mean I actually like them, his mom, and brothers, sisters, its just his dad I don't really talk to..But of course I never try or really have anything bad about them to say to him, that would be incredibly rude and my bf would not stand it.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by minnieroger
... his dad was at the door and he started saying some things to my bf infront of me, like here you come still with her, this is not a hotel..etc.
Honestly I felt so UGH out of place, embarrassed, hurt and like I was truly not wanted there.




If your boyfriend is going to allow another to disrespect you ... then he will allow himself to do it also, if the time comes that his heart changes.
It is your responsibility to teach someone how to treat you. It is your responsibility to protect your partner. If he were to be treated that way in front of your family - it would be your duty to stand up for him and not allow your family to disrespect him.
The fact that he did not do that, and the fact the he let a year slip by and never approached the topic with his father is a red flag waving = he won't face his father on an issue.

so, what the fuck are you going to do when a REAL issue arises? ... because clearly, your boyfriend isn't going to stand up.
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Okay so maybe I should have included that he did in fact stand up for me right there and then, he told him i am his gf, and not just some random. He told his dad he had to apologize to me, but like another person said its his dad and his house he has the right to say what he has to say, that is what i told my bf.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by minnieroger
my bf's "friend" told my father in law that i slept with him





It's noted here that you didn't put the word "ex" in front of friend ... which is an indicator that this guy is still your bf's friend.
If you'd stay with a guy, to even become an official girlfriend, when he allows people to disrespect you ... then you're probably ghetto, and actually getting off of the drama.
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Yes i am ghetto and I would snatch your weave up in a second.
How does ghettoness have anything to do with that?!
anyways, yes ex friend, he is no longer in the picture and he was really more his brothers friend but obv my bf kicked it with him too
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Posted by minnieroger
Okay so maybe I should have included that he did in fact stand up for me right there and then, he told him i am his gf, and not just some random. He told his dad he had to apologize to me, but like another person said its his dad and his house he has the right to say what he has to say, that is what i told my bf.




This ^^^^ is likely utter bullshit .. because you already said this ....

Posted by minnieroger
I mean I actually like them, his mom, and brothers, sisters, its just his dad I don't really talk to..But of course I never try or really have anything bad about them to say to him, that would be incredibly rude and my bf would not stand it.

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Posted by minnieroger
anyways, yes ex friend, he is no longer in the picture and he was really more his brothers friend but obv my bf kicked it with him too




You're just making shit up as you go, based off of responses.
the only thing obvious is that you're full of bullshit
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Posted by Damnata
I actually don't believe this story.
Your bf's friend went to your bf's father to say that? I don't see that happening unless this person is full of drama. For a guy to randomly go to another guy's dad and say that? I don't see it happening. Maybe if he had legit concern about you and even then...
If however, he did go..then your boyfriend is also full of drama by corelation.
Now I wonder in what environment this played out. Is it a different culture?
Something doesn't add up in my mind.
"this is not a hotel" => this comment makes me believe you stay at their place a lot of time. By doing so, you surely would have run into his dad. You mentioned you met your bf when you were out, and he invited you over to smoke so..maybe his dad has a problem with people smoking in his house or overstaying their welcome?
I'm sorry if I got this wrong but I think a lot of detail is left out by the OP.


He was SO full of drama, they called him woofer cause he talked so much bs and what he said is completely false, but i don't expect you to believe me, i met them both the same day i was attracted to my bf from day one, i only seen that guy as a friend and i actually thought he was really cool i think the only reason why that guy said that was because i would kick it with him and my girls a bit more then i kicked it with my bf at first then i started to kick it with my bf and him and i started kicking alot more then we kicked it with anyone else and that comment bf nd i started out as fwb so that is why his dad said that comment, i would never see him since he would be working and i would leave b4 he came but then i started to stay over alot..
i wanted to make it short thats why.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by minnieroger
anyways, yes ex friend, he is no longer in the picture and he was really more his brothers friend but obv my bf kicked it with him too




You're just making shit up as you go, based off of responses.
the only thing obvious is that you're full of bullshit
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kick rocks then!! the fuckkkk you don't have to comment or believe anything i say. Yes i left out alot, but that is only to make it short.
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LMAO @ the weave comment.
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I would actually like and want to get along with my in laws. But im seeing that maybe that might never be the case. Or maybe in the future.
why? because i hid the og post? i will unhide it
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Posted by minnieroger
I would actually like and want to get along with my in laws. But im seeing that maybe that might never be the case. Or maybe in the future.
why? because i hid the og post? i will unhide it



Yeah, keep thinking positive thoughts. What's your sign & your man's? Just curious.
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I smell sadge & aries
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hes a water sign but not pisces, hes a scorp and im leo/virgo cusp
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Yeah, no way is this for real.
Good luck with..whatever you're trying to accomplish here.
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If he's a Scorpio, maybe he sensed you were into his friend? You met both at the same time so he could've easily assumed that.
And then he made up the story about his dad and this guy to see how you react...and also for him to have a way to back out when the thing he has with you gets serious.
"So, we've been dating for a while. What's the next step?"
"You know we cannot get there babe..my family doesn't like you"
If so..smooth guy.
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I was so sure he was aries because of what you said, that he told you what they said about you. My aries ex-husband did that. Anyways, good luck with your situation & if you're indeed innocent, then I hope it clears out soon.
Side note, scorps can be very suspicious. Most of the time it's all in their heads so I could imagine what he might be thinking with the rumour the other is spreading. Rumour to a scorp = potential evidence. So don't give him more reasons to distrust you. Stay faithful smile
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Um okay? like I told you and p.angel you don't have to comment or believe anything. All I wanted was decent advice on my situation and I thought giving a lil bit of a back story would help but obv I was wrong.
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No need to get defensive. We can all be wrong about it. smile
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1. It's disrespectful to walk into someone's home & not speak to them. And if you don't like them or feel that it's mentally impossible to speak, then don't go to their home.
2. Realistically, every single family member/friend of your partner won't like your relationship. They should/will however respect it, if anything out of respect for their son, daughter, etc. who's dating you.. Huge difference. If they refuse to respect you & hurl insults to you directly, then it's up to your man to put a stop to that either by refusing to take you over there OR by putting some distance b/w him & his father until his father gets the point that he won't tolerate someone disrespecting you either.
3. If this "friend" really did tell your man's dad that you slept with him or whoever else outside of your man, then I'm not understanding why those guys are still friends?! For this "friend" to set off a firestorm that affects all 3 of you (you, him, & his parents) to the point that it is interfering with the peace in the relationship (big deal), then your boyfriend is a wussy for maintaining a friendship with him.
If he wants to keep this "friend," that's fine, but the least he can do is demand that this "friend" admit to his dad that the rumor wasn't true. That & apologize to all 3 of you for causing so much drama. If your boyfriend won't do any of that then you need to remember red flags like this in case you're thinking of settling down with him long-term. If he doesn't nip things in the bud out of respect for you now, he probably won't later...huge problem.
4. The best way to deal with an enemy is to smile. If what they're saying about you isn't true, then there's no need for you to shut down or go about things in a way that they perceive to be guilt. Again, if you don't care how they feel, then keep avoiding them. But don't be the girlfriend that gives her man's parents the silent treatment in THEIR home & expect for their admiration of you to increase. Won't happen.
The solution to this problem primarily lies in the hands of your man. Parents don't get a free pass to disrespect their kid's partners just b/c they're their "parents." He's gotta nip that in the bud & make it clear to his elders/friends that disrespecting you = disrespecting him. And if he never addresses issues of disrespect on any level, then expect a rocky relationship until the end.
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When you met both of them..did you flirt with the other guy? At all?
When you were smoking..was there some heavy eye contact?
Because I can totally see a Scorpio going off on that and inventing the thing with the Dad.
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Posted by minnieroger
... i would kick it with him and my girls a bit more then i kicked it with my bf ...
... then i started to kick it with my bf and him ...
... i started kicking alot more then we kicked it with anyone else ...
... bf nd i started out as fwb so that is why his dad said that comment ...
... i would never see him since he would be working and i would leave b4 he came but then i started to stay over alot





So, you had these two fuck buddies, and one of them you would fuck in his fathers house when his father doesn't approve ... and you pissed one of them off .. and now you can't handle the consequences of your own goddam choices.

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Posted by strudel
in laws are a big deal to me. i am going to quiz them on their retirement plan. make sure they're not going to be extra baggage. Big Grin


seriously!! my in laws love me, because i make their son happy. That's all they ever wanted.
I'd hate to have in laws that have a problem due to religious, culture ect. Yuck. No fucking way.
It's like a horror show.

The story sounds fake. Having a "friend" of your husband say that to the father? Sounds like a really good friend allrigghhhttt.
And a weak-ass husband for having a friend like that.
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oh she's NOT married. She's only a girlfriend still. I was thrown off with the "IN-LAW"....
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Maybe it's the modern parenting, in that they never let little Johnny experience the agony of defeat, so he never gains a realistic perspective of consequences for his actions.
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I looked over your posting history OP...every post you made deals with your Scorpio's jealousy that seems to be a running theme for your relationship.
I am convinced you are bringing admirers in his face to provoke that jealousy. So he probably invented the Dad story because no way would a man get catty and bring up his dad's issue with you like he did.
IMO, he wants to keep on fucking you until he won't. And then he'll have the perfect excuse to get out of this.
"You KNEW my Father doesn't like you"
Yeah, pretty much.
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i have a hard time believing the story overall, as if the father believed the 'friend', and didn't consult or ask /tell the son what's been going on with the so-called friend. It's very suspicious and lacking back-up. Like the father believed the 'friend' over his son's chosen gf? Everything doesn't ring right. so, i agree with others here that this is a very hard story to believe.
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Posted by Prince_Pisces
Well are they old? It wouldn't matter then, since they'll be dead soon anyway LOL!


lol
Tongue
awww.....the very beginnings of pluto cancer peeps.
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Posted by tiziani
I don't really want to get along with my in laws, I feel I'd be missing out on the full life experience.




I would like to quote that ..... not here, just in life as appropriate
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Posted by tiziani
Posted by minnieroger
I would actually like and want to get along with my in laws. But im seeing that maybe that might never be the case. Or maybe in the future.
why? because i hid the og post? i will unhide it



I meant because you added things on and it's hard to get a consistent picture out of it.

General thoughts on the in-law thing though, personally I find getting along with my in laws (at first) would be uninspiring. If I'm fighting for my wife's interests and my wife's family are fighting for her interests, I don't get discouraged by the fact we're fighting. I take it as a good sign that we have common interest.
This guy's dad is protecting him. That's a good sign. In five years imagine you end up in that family, you'll have the same protection. That's what family is meant to do imo.Obviously in time you'll hope that he doesn't see you as the thing he has to protect his son against, but eh. Time will tell and trust doesn't just come overnight. You started off as fwb which isn't going to win any votes with the parents but I'm sure you knew that.


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I understand this and that is what I want..for his father to see me for who I really am and not some slutty girl. And the whole fwb yes I knew that it wasn't going to be seen too well. At first those were never my intentions but things happen and it eventually got to that point and even the relationship I never expected for us to get together or even still be together. At the end of the day I can only hope for the best..
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You'll fuck casually .. and you showed both of them this off the bat ..

... you've rendered yourself as a piece of meat with no value ... and then you have the audacity to complain because treats you that way ...

Maybe it's not modern parenting ... maybe it's daddy issues
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Posted by Damnata
If he's a Scorpio, maybe he sensed you were into his friend? You met both at the same time so he could've easily assumed that.
And then he made up the story about his dad and this guy to see how you react...and also for him to have a way to back out when the thing he has with you gets serious.
"So, we've been dating for a while. What's the next step?"
"You know we cannot get there babe..my family doesn't like you"
If so..smooth guy.


Yeah my bf thought I liked him, he would tell me that I would be all up on the guys nuts, but it was never like that, yes I hung out with the guy at first a lil more than my bf, but it was always with my girls there too.
And I don't think my bf made that up because months way later me, my bf, his sister and mom all spoke about it and they said the guy told him that too..
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Posted by WaterCup
I was so sure he was aries because of what you said, that he told you what they said about you. My aries ex-husband did that. Anyways, good luck with your situation & if you're indeed innocent, then I hope it clears out soon.
Side note, scorps can be very suspicious. Most of the time it's all in their heads so I could imagine what he might be thinking with the rumour the other is spreading. Rumour to a scorp = potential evidence. So don't give him more reasons to distrust you. Stay faithful smile


Thank you!! I have been faithful will continue to be.
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Posted by minnieroger
... his dad I don't really talk to..But of course I never try or really have anything bad about them to say to him, that would be incredibly rude and my bf would not stand it.




Posted by minnieroger
... its his dad and his house he has the right to say what he has to say ...

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Posted by krysrenee7
1. It's disrespectful to walk into someone's home & not speak to them. And if you don't like them or feel that it's mentally impossible to speak, then don't go to their home.
2. Realistically, every single family member/friend of your partner won't like your relationship. They should/will however respect it, if anything out of respect for their son, daughter, etc. who's dating you.. Huge difference. If they refuse to respect you & hurl insults to you directly, then it's up to your man to put a stop to that either by refusing to take you over there OR by putting some distance b/w him & his father until his father gets the point that he won't tolerate someone disrespecting you either.
3. If this "friend" really did tell your man's dad that you slept with him or whoever else outside of your man, then I'm not understanding why those guys are still friends?! For this "friend" to set off a firestorm that affects all 3 of you (you, him, & his parents) to the point that it is interfering with the peace in the relationship (big deal), then your boyfriend is a wussy for maintaining a friendship with him.
If he wants to keep this "friend," that's fine, but the least he can do is demand that this "friend" admit to his dad that the rumor wasn't true. That & apologize to all 3 of you for causing so much drama. If your boyfriend won't do any of that then you need to remember red flags like this in case you're thinking of settling down with him long-term. If he doesn't nip things in the bud out of respect for you now, he probably won't later...huge problem.
4. The best way to deal with an enemy is to smile. If what they're saying about you isn't true, then there's no need for you to shut down or go about things in a way that they perceive to be guilt. Again, if you don't care how they feel, then keep avoiding them. But don't be the girlfriend that gives her man's parents the silent treatment in THEIR home & expect for their admiration of you to increase. Won't happen.
The solution to this problem primarily lies in the hands of your man. Parents don't get a free pass to disrespect their kid's partners just b/c they're their "parents." He's gotta nip that in the bud & make it clear to his elders/friends that disrespecting you = disrespecting him. And if he never addresses issues of disrespect on any level, then expect a rocky relationship until the en
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To kyrsene's post:
1. I agree with you 100% that is why I created this thread.
2. He stood up for me right there and then.
3. They weren't real friends, that guy was more his brothers friend then his, but he started to hang out with him a lot more a lil bit b4 we met. He is no longer around and even if he would come around I would like to one day confront him to clear everything up since I never got to do so because it is something that was said about me and that is completely false.
4. Yes after me and bf spoke about this we agreed to not let it affect us. I think the next day the mf actually had the nerve to say hello to me. it was my mistake to not say anything curse him out or something but I wanted to respect my bfs just in case things got crazy and besides my bf and I had decided to ignore it. We knew the truth and as long as it wasn't true we would continue our friendship/relationship.

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Posted by Damnata
When you met both of them..did you flirt with the other guy? At all?
When you were smoking..was there some heavy eye contact?
Because I can totally see a Scorpio going off on that and inventing the thing with the Dad.


The guy would call me and text me in front of my bf, at the time I didn't know. I never flirted with him, because I knew if I ever wanted to talk to my bf, that guy would tell him and besides that I wasn't attracted to him. And yeah we would smoke all together and my bf would say that I would stare at him but I wouldn't stare I would look but only if he was talking but I would do that to everyone
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So, let the reading audience get this straight .....

The owner of this home is allowed to be disrespected by fucking his son in his home when he is at work .... yet, you are to be held to a different standard, in where he's allowed to disrespect you .... in HIS home, of course.

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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by minnieroger
... i would kick it with him and my girls a bit more then i kicked it with my bf ...
... then i started to kick it with my bf and him ...
... i started kicking alot more then we kicked it with anyone else ...
... bf nd i started out as fwb so that is why his dad said that comment ...
... i would never see him since he would be working and i would leave b4 he came but then i started to stay over alot





So, you had these two fuck buddies, and one of them you would fuck in his fathers house when his father doesn't approve ... and you pissed one of them off .. and now you can't handle the consequences of your own goddam choices.


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when i said i started to kick it with my bf and him I meant like me and my bf started kicking it a lot. I never messed with that guy though I thought I said that already, and I also thought I told you to kick rocks? lol jeeez
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