Interracial Dating

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Nala13 on Tuesday, November 5, 2013 and has 28 replies.
I am dating someone. Not sure if it's serious or not because I didn't bother to ask. I don't really know what I want.
Over the weekend I hung out with a group of friends. There was a guy that I have seen before but didn't really know. We talked all weekend. He is very nice , same age, a Sag with Moon in Cancer. He is white. I am black. He is so cute and he kept commenting on everything I did. Then he told me he has been watching me for 7 months. (Venus in Scorp).
Anyone, every dated outside of their race and what were the biggest challenges you faced?
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well since im bi-racial, a blaxican lol, dating out of my race is common practice lol. the only challenging part is dealing with the reactions of her friends or family, other than that, theres no big challenge to it at all.... go for it and have fun. i think that dating out of race should be practiced more often.. but dang, watching you for 7 months?
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I've dated several guys out of my race & the "problem" was not the men, but the females of their respective race. I think they were jealous or something that the guys chose me & not them. I really don't know.
I remember one time I had a fight with my fiance at the time, an Asian guy & I left him for a few wks. This Indian lady at the place we shared was surprised when she saw me back, Indian "aunties" are big gossips, so she came to me & tried to get the scoop on what happened. I didn't tell her much but she kept asking if I came back on my own or if he asked me to come back. I told her HE asked ME to come back, it was very hard for her to wrap her head around that one. She couldn't believe it, I could tell. Well, not my problem!
What I think is, the women think that 'their' guys are just playing around with anyone else who is not their race & can only be serious with them, the same race women. Which is ridiculous but they truly believe in that. Delusional much? LOL!
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Bottom line...yes there are some challenges but most of those challenges come from outsiders. But to be fair, outsiders can pose as a problem anyways even if you 2 were the same race. They may make your relationship hell by not liking you b/c of your age, your personality, your past, your status in life, etc.
So yes differences in race can def. add more strain to the relationship, but now a days, 2 people in love know up front going in know to prepare to build a strong enough foundation survive all those outside challenges
Of course race could cause some cultural differences, BUT 2 people of the same race & same cultural life style s could just as easily face incompability in the religion, kids, hobbies, music, etc. areas too!
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Posted by Nala13
He is very nice .....
..... he told me he has been watching me for 7 months.





If you didn't think he was nice, and liked him .... then you'd probably be outraged that he's been watching you.
Perspective is reality .... apply it to everything
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Posted by WaterCup
I've dated several guys out of my race & the "problem" was not the men, but the females of their respective race. I think they were jealous or something that the guys chose me & not them. I really don't know.
I remember one time I had a fight with my fiance at the time, an Asian guy & I left him for a few wks. This Indian lady at the place we shared was surprised when she saw me back, Indian "aunties" are big gossips, so she came to me & tried to get the scoop on what happened. I didn't tell her much but she kept asking if I came back on my own or if he asked me to come back. I told her HE asked ME to come back, it was very hard for her to wrap her head around that one. She couldn't believe it, I could tell. Well, not my problem!
What I think is, the women think that 'their' guys are just playing around with anyone else who is not their race & can only be serious with them, the same race women. Which is ridiculous but they truly believe in that. Delusional much? LOL!


Dated an Asian. And you put the point on it regarding the women getting all up in arms.
I personally see nothing wrong with it.
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I have dated outside my race quite often. I did not face any major challenges based on race.
However, I did experience a few things that I considered minor. I don't easily fit the black woman stereotype...and comments have been made to that effect. However, that is something I have lived with all my life.
Most importantly, both black men and white men have pointed out that I don't fit the stereotype. So, I can't truly call it a race thing. It's probably more of a cognitive miser thing. Being able to think you can fit everyone in some sort of box must give some people some sort of comfort.
My husband, to this day, teases me about various ways that I am "different." But, he also says that's why he loves me.
So, trying to stereotype based on race is probably the only annoying thing. It only becomes annoying if the person is obnoxious about race (I call it being "racey") or expresses some disappointment about it.
For example, I dated a white Sag who expressed some kind a feeling about and stereotype about poverty, education, and unwed motherhood that I did not fit. I was insulted because the "issue" kept being vocalized to where it seemed he was disappointed or intimidated...I don't really know but, I know it felt negative. What disappointed me is that he was so cool, knowledgeable, and basically loved black culture. So, WTF?
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Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
Posted by WaterCup
I've dated several guys out of my race & the "problem" was not the men, but the females of their respective race. I think they were jealous or something that the guys chose me & not them. I really don't know.
I remember one time I had a fight with my fiance at the time, an Asian guy & I left him for a few wks. This Indian lady at the place we shared was surprised when she saw me back, Indian "aunties" are big gossips, so she came to me & tried to get the scoop on what happened. I didn't tell her much but she kept asking if I came back on my own or if he asked me to come back. I told her HE asked ME to come back, it was very hard for her to wrap her head around that one. She couldn't believe it, I could tell. Well, not my problem!
What I think is, the women think that 'their' guys are just playing around with anyone else who is not their race & can only be serious with them, the same race women. Which is ridiculous but they truly believe in that. Delusional much? LOL!


Dated an Asian. And you put the point on it regarding the women getting all up in arms.
I personally see nothing wrong with it.
click to expand


IKR, so catty! LOL, the one's I've encountered even played with/tossed their hair...maybe to tell me "you don't have arse length hair" or whatever. I didn't care though because he still chose ME & left them shaking their silky tresses. Lame.
I have no problem with interracial dating, go for it...it's adventurous. Plus you get to learn new stuff you didn't know anything about. It's exciting.
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Thanks for all the comments everyone. I was wondering about things like food, music hobbies you considered fun but they didn't, you know cultural differences. I was married to an African and although we were both black the cultural differences were a nightmare.
The watching me for 7 months didn't creep me out. In fact, I was flattered. What he said was I noticed you back in May but I didn't say anything I just kept looking at you.
I don't get" outraged or creeped out easily". In fact, I think most of my thoughts are probably on the "huh, WTH," side.
I doubt anything will come of it. I don't pursue men. So unless he does or says something, this will just be a crush. It did make me feel special, I won't lie. The funny thing is I didn't even realize that I needed to feel special. smile
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Posted by VenusAquarius
I have dated outside my race quite often. I did not face any major challenges based on race.
However, I did experience a few things that I considered minor. I don't easily fit the black woman stereotype...and comments have been made to that effect. However, that is something I have lived with all my life.
Most importantly, both black men and white men have pointed out that I don't fit the stereotype. So, I can't truly call it a race thing. It's probably more of a cognitive miser thing. Being able to think you can fit everyone in some sort of box must give some people some sort of comfort.
My husband, to this day, teases me about various ways that I am "different." But, he also says that's why he loves me.
So, trying to stereotype based on race is probably the only annoying thing. It only becomes annoying if the person is obnoxious about race (I call it being "racey") or expresses some disappointment about it.
For example, I dated a white Sag who expressed some kind a feeling about and stereotype about poverty, education, and unwed motherhood that I did not fit. I was insulted because the "issue" kept being vocalized to where it seemed he was disappointed or intimidated...I don't really know but, I know it felt negative. What disappointed me is that he was so cool, knowledgeable, and basically loved black culture. So, WTF?


I know exactly what you're talking about. One Bangladeshi lady straight up told me that I don't have 'black people feet'. Wtf is black people feet? I was so offended & angry, I wanted to slap her in the face tbh with you, but I calmly asked her to explain what she meant. She meant I was not ashy. LOL! I just explained to her that I take good care of myself & that being ashy has nothing with being black, it just means that someone is not moisturising their skin right or whatever. She pissed me off though.
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by VenusAquarius
I have dated outside my race quite often. I did not face any major challenges based on race.
However, I did experience a few things that I considered minor. I don't easily fit the black woman stereotype...and comments have been made to that effect. However, that is something I have lived with all my life.
Most importantly, both black men and white men have pointed out that I don't fit the stereotype. So, I can't truly call it a race thing. It's probably more of a cognitive miser thing. Being able to think you can fit everyone in some sort of box must give some people some sort of comfort.
My husband, to this day, teases me about various ways that I am "different." But, he also says that's why he loves me.
So, trying to stereotype based on race is probably the only annoying thing. It only becomes annoying if the person is obnoxious about race (I call it being "racey") or expresses some disappointment about it.
For example, I dated a white Sag who expressed some kind a feeling about and stereotype about poverty, education, and unwed motherhood that I did not fit. I was insulted because the "issue" kept being vocalized to where it seemed he was disappointed or intimidated...I don't really know but, I know it felt negative. What disappointed me is that he was so cool, knowledgeable, and basically loved black culture. So, WTF?


I know exactly what you're talking about. One Bangladeshi lady straight up told me that I don't have 'black people feet'. Wtf is black people feet? I was so offended & angry, I wanted to slap her in the face tbh with you, but I calmly asked her to explain what she meant. She meant I was not ashy. LOL! I just explained to her that I take good care of myself & that being ashy has nothing with being black, it just means that someone is not moisturising their skin right or whatever. She pissed me off though.
click to expand


Bwaaaahahah!
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Posted by Nala13
Thanks for all the comments everyone. I was wondering about things like food, music hobbies you considered fun but they didn't, you know cultural differences. I was married to an African and although we were both black the cultural differences were a nightmare.
The watching me for 7 months didn't creep me out. In fact, I was flattered. What he said was I noticed you back in May but I didn't say anything I just kept looking at you.
I don't get" outraged or creeped out easily". In fact, I think most of my thoughts are probably on the "huh, WTH," side.
I doubt anything will come of it. I don't pursue men. So unless he does or says something, this will just be a crush. It did make me feel special, I won't lie. The funny thing is I didn't even realize that I needed to feel special. smile


It's a chance to learn new things on both sides like I previously mentioned. As far as I'm concerned, things like music & food have no race....if it sounds great to the ear or tastes delicious to the mouth...HEY! You really do not have to eat anything you find nasty. As for hobbies, I personally don't care about that, I've got mines & we don't really have to share them..that's what friends are for.
Both my exes were into cricket, I find it boring so I didn't really take part in any of that...they did it with their friends & we bonded over other things we had in common ie. movies, books, etc.
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
Posted by WaterCup
I've dated several guys out of my race & the "problem" was not the men, but the females of their respective race. I think they were jealous or something that the guys chose me & not them. I really don't know.
I remember one time I had a fight with my fiance at the time, an Asian guy & I left him for a few wks. This Indian lady at the place we shared was surprised when she saw me back, Indian "aunties" are big gossips, so she came to me & tried to get the scoop on what happened. I didn't tell her much but she kept asking if I came back on my own or if he asked me to come back. I told her HE asked ME to come back, it was very hard for her to wrap her head around that one. She couldn't believe it, I could tell. Well, not my problem!
What I think is, the women think that 'their' guys are just playing around with anyone else who is not their race & can only be serious with them, the same race women. Which is ridiculous but they truly believe in that. Delusional much? LOL!


Dated an Asian. And you put the point on it regarding the women getting all up in arms.
I personally see nothing wrong with it.


IKR, so catty! LOL, the one's I've encountered even played with/tossed their hair...maybe to tell me "you don't have arse length hair" or whatever. I didn't care though because he still chose ME & left them shaking their silky tresses. Lame.
I have no problem with interracial dating, go for it...it's adventurous. Plus you get to learn new stuff you didn't know anything about. It's exciting.
click to expand


I've had 'Em try to "play" me on the hair thing but it had nothing to do with who I'm with. My natural appears short and with neat perfect spirals but, when I press it, it's 4X's as long. They eat it then.
Funny thing, white men admittedly prefer it natural and black men prefer it straight...Wtf?
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Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by WaterCup
Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
Posted by WaterCup
I've dated several guys out of my race & the "problem" was not the men, but the females of their respective race. I think they were jealous or something that the guys chose me & not them. I really don't know.
I remember one time I had a fight with my fiance at the time, an Asian guy & I left him for a few wks. This Indian lady at the place we shared was surprised when she saw me back, Indian "aunties" are big gossips, so she came to me & tried to get the scoop on what happened. I didn't tell her much but she kept asking if I came back on my own or if he asked me to come back. I told her HE asked ME to come back, it was very hard for her to wrap her head around that one. She couldn't believe it, I could tell. Well, not my problem!
What I think is, the women think that 'their' guys are just playing around with anyone else who is not their race & can only be serious with them, the same race women. Which is ridiculous but they truly believe in that. Delusional much? LOL!


Dated an Asian. And you put the point on it regarding the women getting all up in arms.
I personally see nothing wrong with it.


IKR, so catty! LOL, the one's I've encountered even played with/tossed their hair...maybe to tell me "you don't have arse length hair" or whatever. I didn't care though because he still chose ME & left them shaking their silky tresses. Lame.
I have no problem with interracial dating, go for it...it's adventurous. Plus you get to learn new stuff you didn't know anything about. It's exciting.


I've had 'Em try to "play" me on the hair thing but it had nothing to do with who I'm with. My natural appears short and with neat perfect spirals but, when I press it, it's 4X's as long. They eat it then.
Funny thing, white men admittedly prefer it natural and black men prefer it straight...Wtf?
click to expand


Some people are jealous, I tell you. My natural hair is long & I've worn a weave maybe 5/6 times in my whole life, but I still get dumb questions like 'Is that your real hair?' *eye roll* Even if it wasn't, what's it to you? And it IS mine, I bought it. LO
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Posted by Scorsagian21
I have and i prefer it...When you like someone, color is not even an issue and after awhile you wont even notice a race difference.



Precisely smile
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Dating outside of your race only seems like a big deal & this big ole challenge b/c ignorant/prejudice/racist people have foolishly convinced others that it's bad
When you actually talk to those who have been in interracial relationships that you realize that it's not so bad.
Think about it...is it smarter to listen to the people who are only telling you not to b/c they racial issues OR is it smarter to listen to the other half of the world who has done it & enjoyed it with no problems? There is a reason they say that you have to take some people's opinion with a grain of salt. You always have to consider the source. And if the source is ignorant, what viewpoints they put out there will almost always be wrong & overly-exaggerated
African Americans in particular have always tried getting other races to acknowledge that they are equals to other races. But yet, ironically, some don't want to give that same respect back in return. If most of the stereotypes about us are ignorant & flat out wrong, why would it be hard to acknowledge/accept that stereotypes about white men, Asian men or mexican men are just as wrong? It's hypocritical for African Americans to preach about love having no color & to accept them regardless of their color but yet won't do the same when it comes to other races.
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It looks like you have good synastry. That counts more than skin color in my book.
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Posted by krysrenee7

African Americans in particular have always tried getting other races to acknowledge that they are equals to other races. But yet, ironically, some don't want to give that same respect back in return. If most of the stereotypes about us are ignorant & flat out wrong, why would it be hard to acknowledge/accept that stereotypes about white men, Asian men or mexican men are just as wrong? It's hypocritical for African Americans to preach about love having no color & to accept them regardless of their color but yet won't do the same when it comes to other races.

It's more to it than this. I do like most of your posts, so please don't take this wrong. But you start this portion global, then you filter, then go global again. Most people are guilty of stereotyping, not just one ethnic group and it doesn't always stem from skin color.
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Im guessing things are very different where you guys live? I have never dated in my race and no one cares lol. I am black my husband is white, we have a little mixed race boy and there are no issues.
He will come to my mum a dads and have rice and peas for dinner, I go to his mum and dads and have a roast dinner or sometimes neither family cooks a traditional dish.
Think everyone who knows me would be more shocked if I wads dating a black guy lol
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Posted by Nala13
I am dating someone. Not sure if it's serious or not because I didn't bother to ask. I don't really know what I want.
Over the weekend I hung out with a group of friends. There was a guy that I have seen before but didn't really know. We talked all weekend. He is very nice , same age, a Sag with Moon in Cancer. He is white. I am black. He is so cute and he kept commenting on everything I did. Then he told me he has been watching me for 7 months. (Venus in Scorp).
Anyone, every dated outside of their race and what were the biggest challenges you faced?


yum sag sun, cancermoon!
I dated outsidemy race once. The biggest problem was him to be quite honest.
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I wouldnt date outside my race ever again. I love my black king.
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MOST OF YOU DIP SHITS EXCEPT ELLE DATE OUTSIDE YOUR SPECIES
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WELL THERE IS ELLE AND THERE IS ME (IM PART NEANDERTHAL)
HUM MAYBE SHE DOES DATE OUT OF HER SPECIES.
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Never found any problems tbh.
I know the Asian culture is part of my heritage but honestly it's still a foreign concept to me. Probably too much to the point I can't even date within my race lol I think they just don't like me or think I'm whitewashed which is a shame.
At the end of the day it shouldn't matter. But if there's even a smidge of doubt you'd want to clear that up now to avoid it snowballing later on. Some cultures have a big respect of gaining parental approval and more times than not it becomes a big deal.
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You're a banana, white on the inside yellow on the out Tongue
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Posted by Nala13
He is white. I am black.
.... and what were the biggest challenges you faced?




Deciding my perception was the same as others ... well, that challenge is one people face all the time, regardless of this race-dating question.
Example: it doesn't matter, but, you are asking if it matters .. which means, you believe that it probably matters ... so, the wedge is already in place, it's already a part of your mind to wonder.
this means that it does matter to you, it's already a challenge to you .... and this is all has to do with a person believing that how they perceive something is going to be the same for all others.
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99% of the guys I have dated ard outside of my race. I also married outside of my race as well. I'm black and have dated English, Puerto rican, irish and Columbian, Italian and a few bi-racial.
I have had few issues with the woman of his racd I.e. family. If fact my grandmother in law told my husband that he can stop playing now and settle down with a nice Hispanic woman. She also told him to get a girlfriend to keep on the side instead of being faithful to me.
Do I take that as the norm? No. In fact they are the exception. Most are really nice. But you love who you lovs.
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All the guys I've dated have been only about half white, though they looked white. Not sure if that counts. The one that was more Native American/Turkish than white seemed to be the only one who showed any difference. He always made sure I knew I was privileged and if I had any issues he'd say 'you shouldn't complain, you have enough privilege. Think of what I have to go through' Or something of the sort. He always compared my situation to his. I can't speak on any experiences with non mixed people though so I guess my experience isn't as strong. But as far as small differences, there were none really.
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