Is it ever ok...

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by krysrenee7 on Sunday, April 17, 2011 and has 21 replies.
Under ANY circumstances to do something (purposely or unintentionally) that you know your partner won't like, appreciate or feel is ok?
People say that you should never do/engage in something that you know up front your partner won't like, will take offense to or could consider to be wrong. I get that. I get that relationships are about the "WEs" and no longer about the "I's" & that everything you do/every decision you make once you're committed oughta be something you took your partner's feelings into consideration 1st.
BUT, sometimes what's best for YOU may NOT be what's best or ideal for everyone else.
I've seen so many people either continually breach the trust in their relationship b/c they keep doing things that their partner feels is wrong, BUT I've also seen many people ignore/abandon their own desires & what they TRULY believe to be the "right" thing to do/what's best for them, all b/c they don't want to disappoint someone else.
At what point (if even possible) is it ok to be true to your OWN desires, even after knowing that doing so could result in the other person taking it the wrong way, assuming you're trying to betray them OR not supporting/understanding you?
Sometimes people do things THEIR way b/c they truly feel that it's the right thing to do...sometimes people really DON'T have the intention to hurt you nor do they wish for loss of trust to be the outcome...but sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do...sometimes you've gotta take the risk & be loyal to AND love self and just HOPE & take the risk that your partner will eventually understand & not hold it against you.
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Must suck to be this consumed by all this bs relationship issues
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Posted by Prince_Pisces
Yes its okay smile You should always do what you wanna do smile LOL


I agree with this 100% (Not sure if it was supposed to be a joke but it's true for me.)
Why should someone deny themselves? When you are 80 years old you will probably regret not enjoying your life, and when you think about why you missed out you will only have yourself to blame for letting someone else control you.
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I can only imagine how much baggage she has to drag around behind her.
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You people are so hilarious. I'm HAPPILY married. If what I'm posting is a specific situation I'm going through, I'll make that known as I have before. I created a topic about the death penalty too...so what does that mean that me doing so insinuates that I'm on death row?! lol lol
99% of the topics I come up with stem from either 1. Convos I've had with others 2. Topics I've always wanted outside (strangers) opinions on just for the sake of it or 3. Topics that have already been discussed, thus I address them again, just in different words, to get a general view on how others may think differently about something.
Seriously guys, if you want to know something about me, ASK! Bringing up a topic does NOT mean that I'm going through that particular circumstance myself. Having an open mind & wanting to talk about common issues plaging regular relationships nowadays is something I consider normal & also what I notice everyone else on this site doing. Only on this site is someone actually knocked for asking for different opinions/view points on things...
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I think it is sometimes okay. For example, I can think of females who werent through school against their partners wishes. One even moved out for a time. They got back together and now he brags to everyone about how great his wife is and what an awesome lawyer she is.
I think it depends on what it is and whether it will have a positive or negative impact on their relationship over time.
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Posted by TyDyed

krys: Having an open mind & wanting to talk about common issues plaging regular relationships nowadays is something I consider normal...
What the fuck do you think this is... a Web Forum??
You think folks come here to honestly discuss ideas like adults??
This place is P-Angel's Flea Circus...



HA! You're right! What was I thinking to come here & believe that we all could act like intelligent adults?! Silly me!
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Posted by krysrenee7
You people are so hilarious. I'm HAPPILY married. If what I'm posting is a specific situation I'm going through, I'll make that known as I have before. I created a topic about the death penalty too...so what does that mean that me doing so insinuates that I'm on death row?! lol lol
99% of the topics I come up with stem from either 1. Convos I've had with others 2. Topics I've always wanted outside (strangers) opinions on just for the sake of it or 3. Topics that have already been discussed, thus I address them again, just in different words, to get a general view on how others may think differently about something.
Seriously guys, if you want to know something about me, ASK! Bringing up a topic does NOT mean that I'm going through that particular circumstance myself. Having an open mind & wanting to talk about common issues plaging regular relationships nowadays is something I consider normal & also what I notice everyone else on this site doing. Only on this site is someone actually knocked for asking for different opinions/view points on things...


No offense Krys, but every relationship thread you have, you come with this vibe that you've had this conversation before and you're reliving the convo from whatever responses you have. It's like you're talking to yourself or you're talking to an imaginary someone you've had a convo with earlier. You bring up retorts to statements that NOONE has mentioned which makes it seem like you're voicing your frustrations in that way. I personally think it's cute(i do it myself), but I can understand why people would think you are placing your experience in this, it's written that way.
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I see your point, but unfortunately, I can't agree to something that's not true. Granted, I don't go around listing the full names of the people I refer to. Some of this stuff are YES things I've personally gone through before in life. And I feel that half of you even respond to those topics b/c at some point, you can relate TOO even if you relating stems from you knowing someone else whose been through something.
I list a topic & from there give my own personal opinion of it. Sometimes my strong opinions stems from the fact that I can personally identify with a certain circumstance, while other time I'm giving an objective opinion. A person doesn't have to live out every single kind of scenario just to have an opinion on it.
Whenever I'm going through something personal, I make that known. I have nothing to hide here. Yes, sometimes I literally am just curious to know how other people view/think about certain things that either me & friends have discussed before (not necessarily recent) OR some of the common things I see people posting about or going through
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Posted by krysrenee7
I see your point, but unfortunately, I can't agree to something that's not true. Granted, I don't go around listing the full names of the people I refer to. Some of this stuff are YES things I've personally gone through before in life. And I feel that half of you even respond to those topics b/c at some point, you can relate TOO even if you relating stems from you knowing someone else whose been through something.
I list a topic & from there give my own personal opinion of it. Sometimes my strong opinions stems from the fact that I can personally identify with a certain circumstance, while other time I'm giving an objective opinion. A person doesn't have to live out every single kind of scenario just to have an opinion on it.
Whenever I'm going through something personal, I make that known. I have nothing to hide here. Yes, sometimes I literally am just curious to know how other people view/think about certain things that either me & friends have discussed before (not necessarily recent) OR some of the common things I see people posting about or going through


Lol..this is why i voted for you as most paranoid..you don't have to defend yourself..let's just keep it moving.
It depends on what thing that the person in question is asking for, that's a pretty big large breath of things..
Sexually, I say it's wrong on any circumstances to try to get someone to do something they don't want to...My ex was into anal sex, I wasn't comfortable with it...he bitched..saying I was being selfish? Uh, yah, it's my ass that's going to be penetrated. How dare you try to make it seem like I'm being selfish because I don't feel comfortable or have any desire to do taht shit.
Engaging with hobbies..that's a different story...would it really hurt you to watch a football game with your man or would it kill you to go to an foreign film with your lady? Or at least feign interest vice-versa when someone gets excited about a topic that you find boring..I think that's a prime opportunity for you to get to know someone..and if you can't compromise, than you're blowing it. You don't have to pretend that you like it, but at least acknowledge that this means something to the other person and give it respect.
CLothing, habits....ie. Trying to change the person when they don't want to...yah, give up..I'm learning this the hard way, if you don't like it, mention it, if
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Actually, who cares if its ever OK. People do it as a manifestation of their own insecurities/ power trips. I've seen it happen more times than I'd like, but I can;t say anything? Some people aren't even counscious of their own outputs.
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By theway, krysrenee, speaking about having nothing to hide, you haven't said your husband's sign..
*still waiting*
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Posted by spica
By theway, krysrenee, speaking about having nothing to hide, you haven't said your husband's sign..
*still waiting*


Honey, I listed his chart a long time ago! He's a Scorp/Sagg cusp
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@TheBeautiful: The double standards around here are crazzzzy! If I say something that you disagree with & yet you respond, no one says anything b/c hey we all have the right defend ourselves or make sure that others have their facts straight. But yet when I respond or "defend" myself, I'm being 'paranoid?" Weird. What's the difference b/w you responding to something I just said vs. me responding to something you just said? There is NO difference. If I'm "paranoid" or always having to defend myself, then that means that everyone else who keeps "responding" is doing the same thing. And in that case, I guess we're ALL paranoid & have no room to talk
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Posted by WynterBourne
Posted by krysrenee7
Posted by spica
By theway, krysrenee, speaking about having nothing to hide, you haven't said your husband's sign..
*still waiting*


Honey, I listed his chart a long time ago! He's a Scorp/Sagg cusp


Scorp/Sag cusper = Extremely selfish people, with HUGE egos that require a great deal of stroking. I know two of them - one's already cheated on his wife, and the other would cheat if he had half a chance. Not trustworthy.
click to expand


Maybe YOUR scorp/sag combo is like that, but not mine. Sorry =)
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Hmm.. what's a Scorp/sag cusp like? Oops my mother is one. They are very unlike Aquarius, krysrenee, but you already know that. Variety is the spice of lyfe. The similarity is that both are fixed signs.
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My husband & I get along great. Yes, we are complete opposites, but we make our difference work in our favor. We make it work b/c we wanted to. Actually, all of my successful friendships/relationships have been mainly with people who are opposite of me. The whole "opposites" thing doesn't intimidate me at all
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Posted by krysrenee7
My husband & I get along great. Yes, we are complete opposites, but we make our difference work in our favor. We make it work b/c we wanted to. Actually, all of my successful friendships/relationships have been mainly with people who are opposite of me. The whole "opposites" thing doesn't intimidate me at all


The Scorp/Sag is the Scorpio end or the Sag end? A whole lotta difference, I think Tongue
And the last time I checked, I think all your theories you posted about relationships might be an ideal he would love to exterminate Tongue. If he is the normal Scorpio type, that is. Maybe maturity and Christiandom would tweak that? Who knows ? TongueTongue
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Posted by WynterBourne
Posted by Sultanaa
Posted by WynterBourne
Ha! I finally understand the diff between Leo and Aqua. Leo needs others to tell them how great they are, and
Aqua needs to tell others how great they (the Aqua) is/are.


LOL!
I'd quote you to eternity!


Yay! Tongue I need all the help I can get! ???smileTongue
click to expand


I think you've got something there, too! But this fixed line of Leo-Aqua isn't my specialty. So I couldnt Rah-Rah Tongue. But keep spilling out your insights, yo! Winking
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Posted by krysrenee7
@TheBeautiful: The double standards around here are crazzzzy! If I say something that you disagree with & yet you respond, no one says anything b/c hey we all have the right defend ourselves or make sure that others have their facts straight. But yet when I respond or "defend" myself, I'm being 'paranoid?" Weird. What's the difference b/w you responding to something I just said vs. me responding to something you just said? There is NO difference. If I'm "paranoid" or always having to defend myself, then that means that everyone else who keeps "responding" is doing the same thing. And in that case, I guess we're ALL paranoid & have no room to talk


*sigh*
Okay krys, have it your way...
1) No one respects you.
2) Everyone is picking on you.
3) You're just trying to have a conversation.
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Posted by krysrenee7
Under ANY circumstances to do something (purposely or unintentionally) that you know your partner won't like, appreciate or feel is ok?
Pe



Sure. And in so doing I'm inviting him to expand his horizons.
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