Is it wrong to ask your ex who you have a child with for money if they have a girlfriend?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by ladylibra21 on Tuesday, June 6, 2017 and has 38 replies.
OK so my ex, who is not on child support, Is in a relationship but from time to time I will ask for $ 20 here or there and pay him back it is very early but it is easier to pay him back then my parents back over 15 hours away. Someone was saying that it is not fair to ask him because he is in relationship but he doesn't pay child support yes he paid his half but he makes more money than me and has 2 roommates so I honestly don't see anything wrong with asking him for money as long as I pay him back.
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Very rarely*
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Posted by MissLibracookie
I'm confused. Are you borrowing money from your ex that you have a child with?
Yes not very often like $ 20 here or there and I always pay him back, but someone told me that was wrong because he lives with his girlfriend so it is like taking their money. But he wanted me to move here and I am 15 hours away from all of my family so if I needed money they would have to send money orders where as my ex can just send it through mobile transfer or drop it off.
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What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
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Posted by GetMisted
why isn't he paying child support if it's his child?
Out arrangement is he pays half of my son's daycare and medical bills and I pay the other half and we take care of our own household. Plus I feel like if I put him on child support I'd never be able to leave this state.
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Posted by nikkistar
What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
True I just never thought of it as intruding but aparently some people would see it that way.
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Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by nikkistar
What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
True I just never thought of it as intruding but aparently some people would see it that way.
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It is very intruding for people to have an opinion on a situation that does not impact them.

If your ex, you, and his current significant other have no issue with the arrangement, than the situation is fine. And anyone whom volunteers their opinion on the situation that is not directly part of it can, essentially fuck off.

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Posted by GetMisted
Relationship or not..

As father, it is his responsibility as a grown ass man to help financially with his child.
omg I know..

this is common sense.


smh.

some men are really shirking their responsibility as fathers.

who cares if he has a girlfriend. the child comes FIRST. screw the girlfriend.
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Posted by Impulsv
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by nikkistar
What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
True I just never thought of it as intruding but aparently some people would see it that way.
It is very intruding for people to have an opinion on a situation that does not impact them.

If your ex, you, and his current significant other have no issue with the arrangement, than the situation is fine. And anyone whom volunteers their opinion on the situation that is not directly part of it can, essentially fuck off.

It is the gf bussiness

But seems she doesn't Mind which I applaud her cuz I'd be pissed to give away my our money

Orhe does it without her knowing
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It's not your money unless you are a wife!!!
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It's not a problem now because he doesn't LIVE with the girlfriend, he lives with roommates.

Your child's father and his girlfriend are not sharing household finances.

But in the near future, if things were to get serious between those two, my advice to you would be to start asking your boss for a raise.(engagement)


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Posted by Impulsv
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by nikkistar
What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
True I just never thought of it as intruding but aparently some people would see it that way.
It is very intruding for people to have an opinion on a situation that does not impact them.

If your ex, you, and his current significant other have no issue with the arrangement, than the situation is fine. And anyone whom volunteers their opinion on the situation that is not directly part of it can, essentially fuck off.

It is the gf bussiness

But seems she doesn't Mind which I applaud her cuz I'd be pissed to give away my our money

Orhe does it without her knowing
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That's why I said his current significant other.

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Posted by TaurusBull1977
It's not a problem now because he doesn't LIVE with the girlfriend, he lives with roommates.

Your child's father and his girlfriend are not sharing household finances.

But in the near future, if things were to get serious between those two, my advice to you would be to start asking your boss for a raise.(engagement)




He does live with her she is one of the roommates

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Posted by ladylibra21

He does live with her she is one of the roommates



Still no real committment.

She's ONE of the roomates.

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Posted by Gemitati
Posted by Impulsv
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by nikkistar
What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
True I just never thought of it as intruding but aparently some people would see it that way.
It is very intruding for people to have an opinion on a situation that does not impact them.

If your ex, you, and his current significant other have no issue with the arrangement, than the situation is fine. And anyone whom volunteers their opinion on the situation that is not directly part of it can, essentially fuck off.

It is the gf bussiness

But seems she doesn't Mind which I applaud her cuz I'd be pissed to give away my our money

Orhe does it without her knowing
It's not your money unless you are a wife!!!
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even if she was a wife, the man has children and when you get involved with someone who has children those children must come first.
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Posted by nikkistar
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by nikkistar
What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
True I just never thought of it as intruding but aparently some people would see it that way.
It is very intruding for people to have an opinion on a situation that does not impact them.

If your ex, you, and his current significant other have no issue with the arrangement, than the situation is fine. And anyone whom volunteers their opinion on the situation that is not directly part of it can, essentially fuck off.

click to expand


Why does his SO get a say?

Confused

Sleeping with someone doesn't give you that

right imo.

Paying mutual bills / overhead does-- but we

already know she doesn't.

None of her beeswax.


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Posted by TaurusBull1977
Posted by ladylibra21

He does live with her she is one of the roommates



Still no real committment.

She's ONE of the roomates.

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Were they dating when they moved in with

each and the third person?
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Posted by Montgomery
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Posted by ladylibra21

He does live with her she is one of the roommates



Still no real committment.

She's ONE of the roomates.

Were they dating when they moved in with

each and the third person?
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He has A house his best friend lived with him then she moved in like 6 months into the relationship. But I don't know what their arrangements are he probably would have never told me she moved in if I had not just walked in one day to pick up my son which he would do at my house and he asked me not to do that anymore because she lives there. But we live mostly separate lives so I don't know a lot about their living atrangement

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Posted by TheLibraMudra
Does he have your kid 50/50 with you?

You can leave the state.
We try to split it mostly 50/50 I probably have him a couple more hours or days out of the year when you added up but we don't have a legal contract this is just something we set up ourselves when we broke up. And I promise not to move from the state unless my family needs me or I absolutely can't afford to live here. Which I probably should just go home now but I'm trying to see if I can make it another year and my son is very happy having a relationship with his dad and I don't want to ruin that for him but I don't want to run my credit either because I can't get ahead quickly enough here.
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He should be paying child support if the child is his, weather he has one gf or ten

It's very expensive raising a child....he needs to step up
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Posted by ladylibra21
OK so my ex, who is not on child support, Is in a relationship but from time to time I will ask for $ 20 here or there and pay him back it is very early but it is easier to pay him back then my parents back over 15 hours away. Someone was saying that it is not fair to ask him because he is in relationship but he doesn't pay child support yes he paid his half but he makes more money than me and has 2 roommates so I honestly don't see anything wrong with asking him for money as long as I pay him back.
No. And despite his new girlfriend. It's your and his business alone. You will always be in his life because of the child/ren you share. Until he marries whatever girlfriend he is with and starts a new family it's none of her business either.

The father of my boys, pays support every month, plus the odd bill here and there. He has also lent me money that after borrowing it, I have always returned it.

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......and why are you paying him back?
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Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Posted by ladylibra21

He does live with her she is one of the roommates



Still no real committment.

She's ONE of the roomates.

Were they dating when they moved in with

each and the third person?
He has A house his best friend lived with him then she moved in like 6 months into the relationship. But I don't know what their arrangements are he probably would have never told me she moved in if I had not just walked in one day to pick up my son which he would do at my house and he asked me not to do that anymore because she lives there. But we live mostly separate lives so I don't know a lot about their living atrangement

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Okay then, I'll stand by what I said.

It's not a venture they went into together.

Not her business.

And I agree with @mystarsshine--

You're being *entirely* too gracious.







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Posted by Montgomery
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Posted by ladylibra21

He does live with her she is one of the roommates



Still no real committment.

She's ONE of the roomates.

Were they dating when they moved in with

each and the third person?
He has A house his best friend lived with him then she moved in like 6 months into the relationship. But I don't know what their arrangements are he probably would have never told me she moved in if I had not just walked in one day to pick up my son which he would do at my house and he asked me not to do that anymore because she lives there. But we live mostly separate lives so I don't know a lot about their living atrangement

Okay then, I'll stand by what I said.

It's not a venture they went into together.

Not her business.

And I agree with @mystarsshine--

You're being *entirely* too gracious.







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I know I guess because I hate feeling like I owe people. I don't want anyone to hold something over my head later
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Put him on child support and pay the medical bills and daycare yourself... Later as he gets a girlfriend or gets married things will be more complex depending on the type of woman that he gets... Sad Sad
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It's nothing wrong with borrowing money from your child's father. Especially if you are giving it back..

His gf has no say so.. and if she does say something, then he needs to reconsider his choice in a woman..

It's not about anyone else but the child.. and they come first.

I borrow money from my daughter's father although my situation is different from yours because me and my child's father live in 2 different states & I have her full time.. if I need it, he will not allow me to be without if I have his child. He even ask me if I need anything..without me asking.. grown man shit.. and I don't have him on child support either.. and that was my choice.. if he was a deadbeat, well then, that's a different story.. but he's a great father.. he is dealing with someone but he told her, "We are raising a child so my child's mother is my family and will always be.. if my daughter's mother is without, I'm gonna help her.." that's up to the woman to decide if she wants to accept that or she can keep it moving. ✌?

#Coparenting101
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Posted by Gemitati
Posted by Impulsv
Posted by nikkistar
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by nikkistar
What is it anyone's business what happens between you and the father of your child?
True I just never thought of it as intruding but aparently some people would see it that way.
It is very intruding for people to have an opinion on a situation that does not impact them.

If your ex, you, and his current significant other have no issue with the arrangement, than the situation is fine. And anyone whom volunteers their opinion on the situation that is not directly part of it can, essentially fuck off.

It is the gf bussiness

But seems she doesn't Mind which I applaud her cuz I'd be pissed to give away my our money

Orhe does it without her knowing
It's not your money unless you are a wife!!!
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i know right? lol jeeeezzz.

till death do us part, richer for poorer, sickness and in health....

sadly, our aunty has cancer, she has had it several times and it keeps coming back over the years.


and omg, her husband, is strong and rarely gets ill and he takes good care of her all the time!! that's what i call a devoted and loving husband, through sickness and in health...amazing!!


Anyway....

with the subject,

if for example i was dating a guy who has children and shirks his duties ( weirdly i dont attract men who have children...so weird!!!) Lmao.

well if i did, i would be like, DUDE.. you dummy why aren't you raising your children and helping out?

you're so gross!!!

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Posted by TheLibraMudra
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by TheLibraMudra
Does he have your kid 50/50 with you?

You can leave the state.
We try to split it mostly 50/50 I probably have him a couple more hours or days out of the year when you added up but we don't have a legal contract this is just something we set up ourselves when we broke up. And I promise not to move from the state unless my family needs me or I absolutely can't afford to live here. Which I probably should just go home now but I'm trying to see if I can make it another year and my son is very happy having a relationship with his dad and I don't want to ruin that for him but I don't want to run my credit either because I can't get ahead quickly enough here.
50/50 ish is tricky especially if he has half medical bills and day care. Not sure they would do much as far as child supoort anyways. Is he good to you? As in... is it a conversation you can have with him without blowing over the top about going home?

It is not wrong to ask for $ 20.

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I think he would fight dirty if he felt like I didn't have a valid reason to leave.

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Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by TheLibraMudra
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by TheLibraMudra
Does he have your kid 50/50 with you?

You can leave the state.
We try to split it mostly 50/50 I probably have him a couple more hours or days out of the year when you added up but we don't have a legal contract this is just something we set up ourselves when we broke up. And I promise not to move from the state unless my family needs me or I absolutely can't afford to live here. Which I probably should just go home now but I'm trying to see if I can make it another year and my son is very happy having a relationship with his dad and I don't want to ruin that for him but I don't want to run my credit either because I can't get ahead quickly enough here.
50/50 ish is tricky especially if he has half medical bills and day care. Not sure they would do much as far as child supoort anyways. Is he good to you? As in... is it a conversation you can have with him without blowing over the top about going home?

It is not wrong to ask for $ 20.



I think he would fight dirty if he felt like I didn't have a valid reason to leave.

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sounds like you have trouble even getting 50% from this guy...

or else you wouldnt have posted it.


well that's just sucks.

he probably has little to NO money.

or he's a greedy fuck.



i'm gonna assume he has no money.

and if that's the case. just let him be and if he's a good father, maybe he can spend more time with his children.

i realize there's alot of men out there that have NO money, and they have children running around the place.

someone forgot to put on condoms.

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If he was married and his wife had an issue with you borrowing money from him then you would have to respect that. Why because she is now part of his family and household and if he already does his part for the child he doesn't have to let you borrow money for yourself. At the same time if yawl are cool like that and he's not married or is married and the wife doesn't have an issue then it's really nobodies business. It's nothing wrong...
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Posted by TheLibraMudra
Does he have your kid 50/50 with you?

You can leave the state.
To free him from all obligations and be poor somewhere else?
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Posted by TheLibraMudra
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by TheLibraMudra
Posted by ladylibra21
Posted by TheLibraMudra
Does he have your kid 50/50 with you?

You can leave the state.
We try to split it mostly 50/50 I probably have him a couple more hours or days out of the year when you added up but we don't have a legal contract this is just something we set up ourselves when we broke up. And I promise not to move from the state unless my family needs me or I absolutely can't afford to live here. Which I probably should just go home now but I'm trying to see if I can make it another year and my son is very happy having a relationship with his dad and I don't want to ruin that for him but I don't want to run my credit either because I can't get ahead quickly enough here.
50/50 ish is tricky especially if he has half medical bills and day care. Not sure they would do much as far as child supoort anyways. Is he good to you? As in... is it a conversation you can have with him without blowing over the top about going home?

It is not wrong to ask for $ 20.



I think he would fight dirty if he felt like I didn't have a valid reason to leave.

I am going through similar things with ex scorp. Complicated shit. I get you. If I left, it'd be for Northern Ireland with my hub but couldn't do that to my girl. Kinda makes you wish they didn't give af LOL. But at least we have dad's that care about their kids.
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I am sure they sell hubs in Ireland! ?
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He should be paying child suppprt which includes half of daycare, food, clothes medical bills or whatever the child needs. It's better to just get a lump sum every month. I would think your child has health insurance so medical bills shouldn't be that much.

You really wouldn't have to ask him for anything if all the above were taking place. But if you have to who would cry over $ 20?! If any girlfriend of his has a problem with that and he is NOT paying child support she is not the one for him.
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Whatever I ask

I should receive,

as a mother with

his child, it must be.

Expect no paybacks

because what I need

is for our child truly.
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Posted by ladylibra21
OK so my ex, who is not on child support, Is in a relationship but from time to time I will ask for $ 20 here or there and pay him back it is very early but it is easier to pay him back then my parents back over 15 hours away. Someone was saying that it is not fair to ask him because he is in relationship but he doesn't pay child support yes he paid his half but he makes more money than me and has 2 roommates so I honestly don't see anything wrong with asking him for money as long as I pay him back.
Only thing wrong with this is that you have to ASK. He should be offering and making sure his kid and baby mamma are well taken care of, imo.
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Is the money for you or for the child? I can't tell. Is what he pays really half of your expenses for the child, or does he get off light and pays very little? If he is pulling his weight, I personally would not ask. Having a child with someone does not make them your personal bank. If he really isn't helping like he should, then what he does give you shouldn't really be repaid.

I know someone that pays $ 800/month, for example, and I cannot imagine that woman wanting to borrow on top of it. But if he is giving you some measly amount of money, then that makes a difference.

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like Judge Judy says, "your child is depending on you to make sure they are provided for" meaning, yo baby daddy should be on child support or have some financial agreement especially if you have your son more than 50% of the time
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it's really sad how ppl are so ready to attack the man she never said he wasn't doing his part in fact she made it clear from the start that he does wth this is simply about borrowing money from an ex really.
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I'm really not understanding what the hell the issue is here besides another example of a Libra worrying about what others think of him/her.

One, big fucking deal. Dude splooged into you and voila, a kid. He's just as much responsible for the kid as you are.

Half of daycare and half of medical? That dude is getting off LIGHT. Unless your kid is sickly, half of medical is nothing. Daycare gets expensive, but, again, halved is nothing compared to what some child support agreements require of the dad.

Two, you said you stayed in the area so your kid can have a good relationship with his father, be nearby, etc. However, YOU are struggling to make ends meet and then are fretting over that OTHER PEOPLE have issues with your asking to borrow money once in awhile? If anything, considering the situation, you shouldn't have to pay the dude back. You're living in a place that you're struggling to keep up financially in for the sake of him being able to see his kid. An extra 20 here or there isn't an issue.

Stop worrying about what others think. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive. You should only be fretting if you realized your ex had a problem with it and was a total dick about it. But no, this is about what OTHERS have said. Wtf is up with that ish? Quit worrying about people pleasing and do what you gotta do for your kid.
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