Is Love?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by SouthernT on Friday, May 16, 2008 and has 8 replies.
Is love a "feeling" that we have or is love a "decision/choice" that we make to give to someone else? What is your take on this and what do you think the difference is?
For me love is a feeling, not a choice. You may meet a great person but for some reason, no matter what you just can't fall in love with them...Yet are able to fall in love with a different person really easily. It's all about the feeling babeh 
Hehe.
That said though, not all my decisions are made with the heart. I normally just follow my intuition, but I am good at making rational decisions if the occasion calls for it (like when everyone else is an emotional mess, I seem to be able to control my emotions to get something done better than others can, then return the feeling).
Hehe.That said though, not all my decisions are made with the heart. I normally just follow my intuition, but I am good at making rational decisions if the occasion calls for it (like when everyone else is an emotional mess, I seem to be able to control my emotions to get something done better than others can, then return the feeling).
Interesting answers....
I ask because, sometimes you meet people that give you that "feeling", but in the end, they don't share your affection OR they end up being bad for you all around. But then you meet other people who don't give you that "feeling", but they are the closest thing to everything that you want out of a partner. They treat you the best, they bring out the best in you, and they respect you. BUT, for some reason you just can't make yourself feel it for them. But when you are faced with one or the other, do you go with the one that brings you that "feeling" and deal with the struggle that comes with that person, OR do you "CHOOSE" to love the other person who is as close as it's gonna get, even though you don't feel it for them?
I ask because, sometimes you meet people that give you that "feeling", but in the end, they don't share your affection OR they end up being bad for you all around. But then you meet other people who don't give you that "feeling", but they are the closest thing to everything that you want out of a partner. They treat you the best, they bring out the best in you, and they respect you. BUT, for some reason you just can't make yourself feel it for them. But when you are faced with one or the other, do you go with the one that brings you that "feeling" and deal with the struggle that comes with that person, OR do you "CHOOSE" to love the other person who is as close as it's gonna get, even though you don't feel it for them?
"But when you are faced with one or the other, do you go with the one that brings you that "feeling" and deal with the struggle that comes with that person, OR do you "CHOOSE" to love the other person who is as close as it's gonna get, even though you don't feel it for them?"
Interesting question ST - for me personally, if I do not know what to do - I do nothing. I am not truly understanding why one needs to "choose?" I feel that when it is right, one just knows and it happens naturally. I think if one feels the need that a choice must be made that he/she is doing it for the wrong reasons....I prefer to "allow" the circumstances to reveal themselves to me at the perfect time - for they usually do
just my thoughts...
Interesting question ST - for me personally, if I do not know what to do - I do nothing. I am not truly understanding why one needs to "choose?" I feel that when it is right, one just knows and it happens naturally. I think if one feels the need that a choice must be made that he/she is doing it for the wrong reasons....I prefer to "allow" the circumstances to reveal themselves to me at the perfect time - for they usually do
just my thoughts...
The problem that arises in which you refer is that people have a certain image or expectaction in their head about how they need to be loved to feel whole .. and every person requires something different. This "love" that is felt for another person isn't really FOR the other person .. it's for yourself, it's to be given to yourself.
When you meet someone to whom you feel like you've fallen head-over-heels for, it's because there is a quality in this person in which you feel like s/he will provide this expectation you need to have the kind of love to be given to you.
When you meet someone to whom you respect with your head, and not your heart .. again, you see a quality in them in which you think they can fulfill this image you have in your head about how you need to be loved.
In both cases ... what is looked for from another person isn't really a condition or quality of the other person that has captured you .. rather, an illusion within the self that this other person can fulfill a quality in you.
If love was truly unconditional, and we didn't have certain criteria that was needed to be loved ... then both head and heart would be effected/taken by this other person.
If it's not unconditional .. then it is selfish, for it's then all about how you will be fulfilled.
When you meet someone to whom you feel like you've fallen head-over-heels for, it's because there is a quality in this person in which you feel like s/he will provide this expectation you need to have the kind of love to be given to you.
When you meet someone to whom you respect with your head, and not your heart .. again, you see a quality in them in which you think they can fulfill this image you have in your head about how you need to be loved.
In both cases ... what is looked for from another person isn't really a condition or quality of the other person that has captured you .. rather, an illusion within the self that this other person can fulfill a quality in you.
If love was truly unconditional, and we didn't have certain criteria that was needed to be loved ... then both head and heart would be effected/taken by this other person.
If it's not unconditional .. then it is selfish, for it's then all about how you will be fulfilled.
" .. or is love a "decision/choice" that we make to give to someone else?"
The portion of the above quote is impossible.
Everybody person requires something different to feel loved, there's no way you (third person) can make a decision to love a person according to their needs because you can only decide what your own needs are.
Again .. it's back to fulfilling the self. Since a person cannot make a decision how another person needs to be loved, and you can only decide for yourself what your requirements are ... to do what is in the above quote is giving to another for yourself.
You have a certain need to fufill a requirment in love to give to another person what it is you feel you need to give, and so make this decision .... this love is NOT for the other persons benefit, since not any one person can "decide" what another person needs, you can only decide what YOU need to give.
The portion of the above quote is impossible.
Everybody person requires something different to feel loved, there's no way you (third person) can make a decision to love a person according to their needs because you can only decide what your own needs are.
Again .. it's back to fulfilling the self. Since a person cannot make a decision how another person needs to be loved, and you can only decide for yourself what your requirements are ... to do what is in the above quote is giving to another for yourself.
You have a certain need to fufill a requirment in love to give to another person what it is you feel you need to give, and so make this decision .... this love is NOT for the other persons benefit, since not any one person can "decide" what another person needs, you can only decide what YOU need to give.
"Definitely a feeling. I follow my heart and damn
those men that allow their mind to make the decisions"
lol. ain't that the truth
those men that allow their mind to make the decisions"
lol. ain't that the truth
ST I don't think you can choose to love someone who you just don't feel that way about. Even though they offer alot of things you want, in a way you're still "settling for less" because the feeling isn't there. Which is really cheating the both of you (if you did that), because it means that there's someone better suited to you both out there.
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