Is your s/o your best friend..
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Aries04 on Thursday, March 6, 2014 and has 8 replies.
.. or do you keep it light with them? Do you share your deepest thoughts, past mistakes, dark moments with them or do you keep it fun and mysterious with each other? I'd like to hear answers from couples that have been happily together for a long time.
Mine was my best friend...til things fell apart over the last couple years. We were together for 19 years...separated for almost a year now. He was my best friend for most of that time & yes we shared everything good, bad, ugly, fun & everything n between.
Well everybody's definition of what a "best friend" is may differ.
For some, they determine best friendship by:
1.Length of time they've known each other & kept in contact (they're best friends only b/c they've know each other for 20 years even though they aren't technically that close)
2. The person they spend the most time with (this is why some people have a new "best friend" often). They calculate best friendship by the amount of time continuously spent talking to or hanging out even if they just met that "friend" not to long ago. They don't disqualify you technically b/c they haven't known you forever, but instead focus on the quality of the time spent/connection RIGHT NOW.
3. The person they can do EVERYTHING with. The person that is good for great advice, wild adventures, talks about any/everything, the ride or die, the person who will take a bullet from them. The person they've gone through a lot of life's experiences/troubles with. This person may not even live close in distance anymore, but nonetheless, this person is trusted most b/c they have endured some of the roughest times in your life by your side. (All "new friends" can't technically say they have).
As for my husband & I, we are #2 & #3 b/c we calculate best friendship in the same way. Yes we tell each other everything, & yes we light up when we see each other when 1 of us has been gone or away for some time, like I would with 1 of my girlfriends.
However, I'd say it's important to remember that relationships & friendships, although somewhat similar, ARE different. I can go days or months without "communicating" with my girlfriends & yet still having friendship with my girlfriends, BUT the same is NOT true for my marriage lol! Plus, I don't need to impress or be a challenge to my platonic friends, but yet being so for your companion is a MUST. So in that regards, we can be ourselves & let our hair down, BUT not so much so that we turn into strictly roommates or get so comfortable that we forget to still woo each other when we can =)
My personal opinion is that the more you have in common AND do those things together, AND talk about those things together, the better the quality of the relationship will usually be.
For some, they determine best friendship by:
1.Length of time they've known each other & kept in contact (they're best friends only b/c they've know each other for 20 years even though they aren't technically that close)
2. The person they spend the most time with (this is why some people have a new "best friend" often). They calculate best friendship by the amount of time continuously spent talking to or hanging out even if they just met that "friend" not to long ago. They don't disqualify you technically b/c they haven't known you forever, but instead focus on the quality of the time spent/connection RIGHT NOW.
3. The person they can do EVERYTHING with. The person that is good for great advice, wild adventures, talks about any/everything, the ride or die, the person who will take a bullet from them. The person they've gone through a lot of life's experiences/troubles with. This person may not even live close in distance anymore, but nonetheless, this person is trusted most b/c they have endured some of the roughest times in your life by your side. (All "new friends" can't technically say they have).
As for my husband & I, we are #2 & #3 b/c we calculate best friendship in the same way. Yes we tell each other everything, & yes we light up when we see each other when 1 of us has been gone or away for some time, like I would with 1 of my girlfriends.
However, I'd say it's important to remember that relationships & friendships, although somewhat similar, ARE different. I can go days or months without "communicating" with my girlfriends & yet still having friendship with my girlfriends, BUT the same is NOT true for my marriage lol! Plus, I don't need to impress or be a challenge to my platonic friends, but yet being so for your companion is a MUST. So in that regards, we can be ourselves & let our hair down, BUT not so much so that we turn into strictly roommates or get so comfortable that we forget to still woo each other when we can =)
My personal opinion is that the more you have in common AND do those things together, AND talk about those things together, the better the quality of the relationship will usually be.
Yes, krysrenee! This is the kind of answers I was hoping for 
I'm having a hard time figuring out how to keep it best with my s/o and also to prepare myself for the future long-term relationship and eventually marriage.
My biggest fear is to become too used to each other and lose the attraction for my partner as I tend to get enough of everything rather fast and need constant change/challenge. My bigger fear is however to be left behind because my s/o got used to ME and seeks for some fresh wind..
The second to last paragraph gave me life. Thank you! I also believe there should be a clear distinction between the two
I'm having a hard time figuring out how to keep it best with my s/o and also to prepare myself for the future long-term relationship and eventually marriage.
My biggest fear is to become too used to each other and lose the attraction for my partner as I tend to get enough of everything rather fast and need constant change/challenge. My bigger fear is however to be left behind because my s/o got used to ME and seeks for some fresh wind..
The second to last paragraph gave me life. Thank you! I also believe there should be a clear distinction between the two
Posted by scorpgal76
Mine was my best friend...til things fell apart over the last couple years. We were together for 19 years...separated for almost a year now. He was my best friend for most of that time & yes we shared everything good, bad, ugly, fun & everything n between.
Was that a part of why you broke up? Was the air out of the relationship?
Gosh there were so many reasons. In a nutshell, we became two totally different people. I resented the person he turned into & I became bitter & angry & cold, which certainly didn't help matters. We were fighting ALL the time & it was starting to escalate. No matter how hard I tried/what I did (before I finally shutdown), I couldn't seem to make things better....only worse. He claimed he wanted to work it out, but after he moved out he never did anything to show it.
In some ways it is sad, but I am in a much better place without all that craziness. I think I have figured out where I went wrong & I have been trying to work on fixing this part of myself.
Part of what I was struggling to get passed I guess was mourning the person he was/how things used to be. I look at him now & I don't feel that anymore. Don't get me wrong - I still care for him - he is the father of my children but it's a family kinda care now, not like how it is when u r n love. The other part had to do with expressing myself & I am definitely improving in that department...not holding things back anymore.
Anyway, I really don't want to divulge all the details here, but if u want to know more just PM me.
In some ways it is sad, but I am in a much better place without all that craziness. I think I have figured out where I went wrong & I have been trying to work on fixing this part of myself.
Part of what I was struggling to get passed I guess was mourning the person he was/how things used to be. I look at him now & I don't feel that anymore. Don't get me wrong - I still care for him - he is the father of my children but it's a family kinda care now, not like how it is when u r n love. The other part had to do with expressing myself & I am definitely improving in that department...not holding things back anymore.
Anyway, I really don't want to divulge all the details here, but if u want to know more just PM me.
@ scorpgal
I'm sorry, I did not mean to come off nosy at all - I was just wondering whether it had something to do with being together for too long, that you start to get bored and hate each other's guts.. basically related to the topic. Thank you for your insight! All this seems to have been an important experience for you as a person, I am sure with your newly-gained insights you will be a much happier person from now on. Much love and energy your way!
I'm sorry, I did not mean to come off nosy at all - I was just wondering whether it had something to do with being together for too long, that you start to get bored and hate each other's guts.. basically related to the topic. Thank you for your insight! All this seems to have been an important experience for you as a person, I am sure with your newly-gained insights you will be a much happier person from now on. Much love and energy your way!
Posted by Aries04
@ scorpgal
I'm sorry, I did not mean to come off nosy at all - I was just wondering whether it had something to do with being together for too long, that you start to get bored and hate each other's guts.. basically related to the topic. Thank you for your insight! All this seems to have been an important experience for you as a person, I am sure with your newly-gained insights you will be a much happier person from now on. Much love and energy your way!
Oh I didn't take it that way at all
I just didn't wanna put it all out there for the whole world lol.I guess I may have gotten off topic lol sorry. I don't think getting bored with each other was really at the root of our problems. If it were, I think we could've figured out a way to try to spice things up/reconnect.
Yes things r better Thank u
luv & energy to u too Leave Your Feedback
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