Ive never felt so horrible in my life

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by seaclovers on Friday, December 4, 2015 and has 122 replies.
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Moneymoneymoneeeeeh.

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You're an asshole, OP.

Learn to not be so self absorbed and see beyond your "me" bubble next time. Reading this entire post was depressing as eff to read because of how gross your thought process was.

Btw, what do YOU do for a living and do YOU have anything to contribute besides eyeing his income?
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Posted by seaclovers

when i asked to start a joint savings account to save for the down payment, He said "I'm not ready for that", and that how we broke up. I was done.





wow
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The title says you've never felt so horrible in your life.

What do you feel horrible about?

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Posted by seaclovers
Why couldnt he have told me? If he just would have said "we are ok, lets work through this",



He probably wasn't ready at the time. Don't beat yourself up over this for the rest of your life.

Well, try not to anyway.
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"He said it was supposed to have been for me and him for a house..............."

well, his mother should have kept it to herself.

I don't know if they are trying to get a reaction from you. Only if she is a person who has all her things together, this could be an effort to bring you both back together. Maybe he value you but in his manly pride he cannot make the first step. IDK IJS.

Aside from that I see you have Moon in Cap. And I see you mention $ a lot in your OP.

Now you have Cap and Scorpio placements. That's normal that you feel miserable. Four years and plans of a 28 years old girl got floating. That's sad.

Give it time. Or give it a kick.
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it's bad enough he still lived at home

but you went to live there too?

WHYYY

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for 4 years??
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Posted by DwellingOnMove
Aside from that I see you have Moon in Cap. And I see you mention $ a lot in your OP.

Now you have Cap and Scorpio placements. That's normal that you feel miserable.


Yeah.
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Posted by aquapiscescusp
it's bad enough he still lived at home

but you went to live there too?

WHYYY



But isn't the idea of the big family a romantic one?

I watch Mike and Molly. I like it. I wish I could go back to this culture. Unfortunately I'm so used to the contrary.
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Posted by Wynter
Posted by DwellingOnMove
Aside from that I see you have Moon in Cap. And I see you mention $ a lot in your OP.

Now you have Cap and Scorpio placements. That's normal that you feel miserable.


Yeah.
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hey, you omitted the rationalisation behind it:
"That's normal that you feel miserable. Four years and plans of a 28 years old girl got floating. That's sad."
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OP,

if-and-would-have is not the right mind frame. Nobody knows what really happened. You are enjoying building a story of things which can be wrong, misunderstood or changing.

A man can work for your shared dreams, he can win money in jackpot, he can become broke, or he can die from cancer within two years. The point is still if a good woman is to comfort her man or to put effort into changing his perspectives.

None of the both alternatives are always good. Sometimes the demanding woman wins. Sometimes the one who lets him walk in his own pace. Sometimes ladys are damaging the man. Sometimes the dragons.
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Bottom line, if he wanted to make it work, he would've tried harder to communicate his plans for your future together. He didn't, so here you are. He obviously wasn't into it as much as you were. Move on.

Also, take what mom said with a grain of salt, he's her son...they can be momsters and said that to make you feel guilty. Who knows..

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There is a lot of "I" and "me" in your OP.
The way you stated things at first blush is not very flattering--you broke it off because he said he wasn't ready to do a joint bank account? That was it?
There has to be more to this you're not telling, otherwise the OP of yours looks superficial.

He didn't buy in to the business until after you broke things off with him (as relayed by his mother). I highly doubt he was trying to make you feel miserable.
Him making bank and living with his mom is really a red herring (although if it were a cheap ass Virgo or mommas boy Crab I might see why). Doesn't matter why. It was the way things were for his own reasons.

As others have pointed out, you kept looking outside yourself for happiness. If things were great 90% of the time......I'm missing something here.

Did you have any real in depth discussions about where the relationship was going beyond buying a house to move into together?

In the end, dwelling on regrets isn't going to help you. It is what it is.
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Posted by Greentea
Bottom line, if he wanted to make it work, he would've tried harder to communicate his plans for your future together. He didn't, so here you are. He obviously wasn't into it as much as you were. Move on.

Also, take what mom said with a grain of salt, he's her son...they can be momsters and said that to make you feel guilty. Who knows..



I agree 100% .
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You fucking to be fucking kidding .. you come back to state it's not about money and then write two full posts about his money and how you want to spend it for him?

You have no thoughts past his money, judging from your words here.

he hasn't come to you, he isn't anywhere around ... but now that you've found out how much more money there is now .. it's like you're zeroing in on it like a target.


wow .....
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Posted by aquapiscescusp
it's bad enough he still lived at home

but you went to live there too?

WHYYY




this. 100%


i know that in some cultures, the couple lives with the parents until the parents get old and the couple ends up taking care of them.

so maybe that may the case too in your case, that it's pure culture.

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Posted by seaclovers
And the only reason why I posted the $ 500K thing is because even though he saved up $ 40K, making $ 100K+ a year is because now, he has no excuse to still love at home.
He can literally afford any kind of house he wants.
Both of us didn't want the size house his mom has- she raised three kids and with her and her husband, they needed that big of a house.
We didn't even want a yard.
I'm upset because if I would have stuck it out and never said anything about our future, maybe the chips would have fallen in the same spots and he would have been offered to be an owner still.
But now making 5 times the amount he was when we were together, he can afford any house he wants and the excuses for still loving at home would be null At that point.




if a man don't want to budge, there's NOTHING you can do.

if he don't want to get a place with you, and likes to live wih his family, what can you do??? all you can do is rant and rave and get upset and feel disgust and bile inside and resent him forever....

so, you have options. stay with him and deal with the resentment. OR you leave him. simple huh???
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Posted by seaclovers
I don't give a crap about he money. I've always paid my own way. I work in Marketing, I have my own place, car, a 4-yr degree. I live alone.
He has his masters, and everyone knows how much he makes.
I lived with them because I was in college when we met. I paid for college out of pocket. His mom allowed me to live there - I paid rent and grocers/ Costco.
They have a big house 5- bedrooms, 3 bath, 3 floors, 1.76 acres of land. I had my own room and bathroom while I lived there which was more than what I had at my previous place before I met him.

I'm not a free loader.
I don't know too many of my friends my age who can afford to live by themselves. Especially in the city I live in. It's incredibly expensive.
Example- my place is a 1 bedroom 550 sq ft. It costs $ 1,100 each month for rent.
I have a nice place, stainless steel appliances, hard wood floors etc.

But it's an apartment. I nice one, but I wanted a home. A home with him.

I was so upset at myself because before we ended it I was mad at him and so I called him names. I belittled him and made fun of him for being over 30 and still living at home.
I had no idea he was saving for "us". He never told me.

If I had known he was actually doing something about our future, I could give two shits about the money, but if I knew he was doing SOMETHING, I NEVER would have been mean towards the end. I wouldn't have had this nagging feeling we weren't going anywhere and gave up on him. Period.

And thank you "Devils advocate" your response it LITERALLY EXACTLY the way I feel and my thought process behind it.


athough i do notice you focus alot on money. that he makes ALOT. lol

so if he were a poor guy, had nothing and loved livng with his family what would you do?? be with him still because you love him and money shouldnt matter? because you have a roof and food on the table? heehee.

and you have eachother to cuddle at night and have good sexing!!! who cares about the money right? cause the good loving is better than the money.
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anyway i love this topic!!!Laughing it's one of the best on dxpnet.

heehee.

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Man you guys are harsh. Nowhere in that post did I take away that the OP is a gold digger or sore over the fact that she doesn't have a meal ticket/rich partner.

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She works in marketing... she's set... that's a great career.. for all your retards now, she could be making more money than him hahahah
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I really can't stand some people here... always bringing other down... who raised you??? Animals obviously. Go back to the wild.
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Posted by ashley1734
Man you guys are harsh. Nowhere in that post did I take away that the OP is a gold digger or sore over the fact that she doesn't have a meal ticket/rich partner.




riiiighhhhhtttt.


if she didnt WORRY about it, she wouldn't be here, genius. TongueLaughing


cause if he were poor, she'd focus more on him not getting a job.

but then again with her placements, she's not gonna be with a poor guy.
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I swear to God people who are incapable of giving intelligent advice without cursing, name calling, insulting, and belittling, are single and depressed alcoholics with a dead end job. smile

You okay op?
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Posted by mysteriousTaurus
I swear to God people who are incapable of giving intelligent advice without cursing, name calling, insulting, and belittling, are single and depressed alcoholics with a dead end job. smile

You okay op?


lol

Laughing
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by mysteriousTaurus
I swear to God people who are incapable of giving intelligent advice without cursing, name calling, insulting, and belittling, are single and depressed alcoholics with a dead end job. smile

You okay op?


lol

Laughing
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They're so fucking rude and disgraceful! You can't talk to people like they're garage. Disgusting.
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Disrespectful *
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God forbid someone mentions money, they're automatically a gold digger. Logic...
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If that's all that you took away from her post maybe YOU'RE the gold digger because you only focused on money 😂
What I took away from the post is that she's confused as to why he doesn't want to be on his own with her if he can afford it. He obviously wasn't communicating about the future well enough to feel secure and stable. I would be confused and upset too.
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Laughing

OP, tell him straight, "dammmit!!!! you've got 100k stashed yearly and you have TONS of money and i need a house for you and me to be in!!! i hate being with them!! I want you and me alone with our money!!!"

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Posted by mysteriousTaurus
If that's all that you took away from her post maybe YOU'RE the gold digger because you only focused on money 😂
What I took away from the post is that she's confused as to why he doesn't want to be on his own with her if he can afford it. He obviously wasn't communicating about the future well enough to feel secure and stable. I would be confused and upset too.


what IF....

he just doesn't give a damn about her?? just allows her to be with her at his family's house so he gets free Kitty???

can you imagine how it looks to the rest of the family when he doesn't give a damn what she wants?
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the rest of the family will LOOK DOWN on her too, cause she's nothing but a free Kitty to him.

he doesn't give a damn about her request and wants.

see, OP???

leave now, for your dignity because this man is shit.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by mysteriousTaurus
If that's all that you took away from her post maybe YOU'RE the gold digger because you only focused on money 😂
What I took away from the post is that she's confused as to why he doesn't want to be on his own with her if he can afford it. He obviously wasn't communicating about the future well enough to feel secure and stable. I would be confused and upset too.


what IF....

he just doesn't give a damn about her?? just allows her to be with her at his family's house so he gets free Kitty???

can you imagine how it looks to the rest of the family when he doesn't give a damn what she wants?
click to expand



The chances of him letting a woman stay in his house with his family while he doesn't care about her? Highly unlikely. Think about it. If he didn't care about her I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to be with her all day everyday. He can get pussy anywhere. A bar,club, a friend.. not that hard to get laid.
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Posted by mysteriousTaurus
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by mysteriousTaurus
If that's all that you took away from her post maybe YOU'RE the gold digger because you only focused on money 😂
What I took away from the post is that she's confused as to why he doesn't want to be on his own with her if he can afford it. He obviously wasn't communicating about the future well enough to feel secure and stable. I would be confused and upset too.


what IF....

he just doesn't give a damn about her?? just allows her to be with her at his family's house so he gets free Kitty???

can you imagine how it looks to the rest of the family when he doesn't give a damn what she wants?



The chances of him letting a woman stay in his house with his family while he doesn't care about her? Highly unlikely. Think about it. If he didn't care about her I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to be with her all day everyday. He can get pussy anywhere. A bar,club, a friend.. not that hard to get laid.
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but who is QUEEN?

not her.

because he won't even listen to what she wants.
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and alot of men get comfortable too. He don't want to go chasing tail anywhere else. Too lazy.

and already, he won't budge, and dont care what she wants. Who wants that kind of man??? gross.
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and if you notice, her man doesn't give her respect....so her family wont either...and so will the rest of the folks she goes to.

you see how this topic blew up?

She doesn't respect herself as a woman to be treated like this, and if she is so focused on the MONEY, then serves her right.
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No one is queen right now.
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it also sounds like some scene from the Joy luck club.

i can't find the scene online, but there's this guy who treats his live in girlfriend like shit basically. And she just follows whatever he says. You'd have to watch the entire film, ánd it's hard without crying!!!
anyway, that's what OP is dealing with.

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Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
There is a lot of "I" and "me" in your OP.
The way you stated things at first blush is not very flattering--you broke it off because he said he wasn't ready to do a joint bank account? That was it?
There has to be more to this you're not telling, otherwise the OP of yours looks superficial.

He didn't buy in to the business until after you broke things off with him (as relayed by his mother). I highly doubt he was trying to make you feel miserable.
Him making bank and living with his mom is really a red herring (although if it were a cheap ass Virgo or mommas boy Crab I might see why). Doesn't matter why. It was the way things were for his own reasons.

As others have pointed out, you kept looking outside yourself for happiness. If things were great 90% of the time......I'm missing something here.

Did you have any real in depth discussions about where the relationship was going beyond buying a house to move into together?

In the end, dwelling on regrets isn't going to help you. It is what it is.


+1

Posted by ashley1734
Man you guys are harsh. Nowhere in that post did I take away that the OP is a gold digger or sore over the fact that she doesn't have a meal ticket/rich partner.


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Really? She was fixated on money the entire post. Claims she was mostly happy, but she was letting money be the deciding factor in this relationship AND her happiness.

She should have just stayed in her own place if living with his family was that rough on her. It's strange she claims she's so independent, yet she chose to live with him and his family. Why not stay in your own place until you two can move in somewhere together? Why move in with them? That shit's just weird.
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Posted by Greentea
Bottom line, if he wanted to make it work, he would've tried harder to communicate his plans for your future together. He didn't, so here you are. He obviously wasn't into it as much as you were. Move on.

Also, take what mom said with a grain of salt, he's her son...they can be momsters and said that to make you feel guilty. Who knows..




Who knows? Maybe mom knew her son had the potential to buy into the company and make even more but couldn't or hesitated because his GIRLFRIEND was nagging them to move out into a new place and make his life about her and her demands, wants, and needs.

I'd also be curious to see what culture the boyfriend is from, tbh.
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Posted by PV&Jellay
Posted by lisabethur8
it also sounds like some scene from the Joy luck club.

i can't find the scene online, but there's this guy who treats his live in girlfriend like shit basically. And she just follows whatever he says. You'd have to watch the entire film, ánd it's hard without crying!!!
anyway, that's what OP is dealing with.




I love that movie! I believe the woman in this scene is actually his wife, not his girlfriend. The woman he brings home is his mistress. He treats his mistress good, calls his wife a whore. Smh.
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omg i know!! i started crying again after re-seeing the last scenes. it just gets me all the time!! so sad.
and the scene i was mentioning about was some other couple that was also in the film. I can't remember the names, i'd have to google since i haven't seen this in a long time. But it's the couple where this lady is not married (i'd have to re-watch the scenes again but can't find it online) and she does everything in the apartment for him, and he takes everything. This is it from this link:
http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/joyluck/characters.html
Harold Livotny - Harold is Lena St. Clair’s husband. Since the beginning of their relationship, he has insisted that they split the cost of everything they share. He says that keeping their finances separate makes their love purer. However, what he believes will keep them independent and equal in fact renders Lena rather powerless.
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ohhhhh they were married. Ok, it just seemed like they were live ins because of the way they are so equal and split everything. like a room-mate. It didnt seem like marriage:


Read an in-depth analysis of Ying-ying St. Clair.

Lena St. Clair - Lena is the only child of Ying-ying and Clifford St. Clair. When she married Harold Livotny, Lena unwittingly began to follow Ying-ying’s passive example, believing herself incapable of control in her marriage and her career. See “Analysis of Major Characters.â€

http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/joyluck/characters.html

or at least to me, never a traditional marriage at all, considering that today's modern world likes the independence of living with a room mate type. Yuck.
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I call bullshit.

He wasn't saving that for the two of you... if he was, why would he lie

about it to you?

Oh, I'm NOT READY.... however, I AM putting thousands and thousands

of dollars away for our home, one day.


I'm not buying it-- you're being punked.

He knows his mom would tell you that, so... it's working, isn't it?

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Why would anyone still hang out with their ex's family? It sounds like you can't let go.
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Posted by feby
Posted by Montgomery
I call bullshit.

He wasn't saving that for the two of you... if he was, why would he lie

about it to you?

Oh, I'm NOT READY.... however, I AM putting thousands and thousands

of dollars away for our home, one day.


I'm not buying it-- you're being punked.

He knows his mom would tell you that, so... it's working, isn't it?




Wow. It's possible
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Yeah...

Four years they were together, I think?

I'm inclined to say that it's likely.

:/



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Damn OP. This leo sounds like hes never going to leave his mama house. Hes still sucking on the tit.

he shoulda been moved out if he were making that much money.

I swear I dont get men. They hardly ever live alone. Either at home with they mama or have roommates.

Patty on the Millionaire Matchmaker threw a guy out cause he had roommates.

its super tacky

is he italian?
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As a venus in capricorn I totally relate to you.
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Posted by feby
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by feby
Posted by Montgomery
I call bullshit.

He wasn't saving that for the two of you... if he was, why would he lie

about it to you?

Oh, I'm NOT READY.... however, I AM putting thousands and thousands

of dollars away for our home, one day.


I'm not buying it-- you're being punked.

He knows his mom would tell you that, so... it's working, isn't it?




Wow. It's possible

Yeah...

Four years they were together, I think?

I'm inclined to say that it's likely.

:/






Leo instinct is good!!
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We're on the same axis. Big Grin
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I dont think he was lying about the money. My dad is a leo and I know a few other leos who are secretive about doing nice things. They have secret goals 2.

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