Ok here is the long and short of it(no pun intended BTW) Im a guy who is getting close to his mid-30's and I am still a virgin.
Let me condense the reason why in cliffnotes. Had a mother who got diagnosed with cancer when I was 15. Was focused on being with her during my time in high school, so never dated.
Mother died when I was 17. I carried a lot of guilt over not really being there like I should have when she was battling cancer.
So I unconsciously sabotaged chances I had with interested women. Due to not thinking I deserved a loving relationship due to my cowardice in not fully being there for mom.
Took me a lot of years to make peace with it. Went on dates with girls but they either had baggage (guy cheating on them with another man) or women who were off their antidepressants (this girl I sort of dated who told me when in the first 15 minutes of meeting her that she was on antidepressants) Yeah red flag I know.
I've kissed a girl before (not well, due to my inexperience and her having small lips) Even gotten down to the breasts.
But I have never gone further before. Partly cause I didn't have a second chance to. Got blown off shortly after.
Another factor was taking care of my father. My father had issues both mentally and physically after Mom passed. So I moved back in to keep an eye as well as take care of him.
As soon as my dates heard that I lived with my father, they bolted. Assuming it was "Grandma's Boy" type of situation. Watch the movie to get the reference.
Even though I worked full-time and paid for most of the bills. And had opportunities for privacy if I needed it.
Anyway, Dad's health got worse and I focused completely on taking care of him. Didn't date. He passed away last year.
I was devastated, lost, and directionless. So I kind of went nuts and bolted from the state I lived in and moved to Cali.
Met this girl who is my age there. She is a Leo Sun, Libra Moon, Mars in Cancer, Venus In Virgo BTW
We hit it off but stayed friends due to her having a boyfriend at time. She kind of made it obvious she was attracted to me in spite of the boyfriend. But also showed she would never cheat on him.
Which I am happy about believe it or not. Cause it shows she is loyal. Never met the bf BTW.
Anyway they break up. I learned from her that he had cheated on her and was controlling. She put up with it due to them living together (leaving the place wasn't easy as
As easy as it sounds. State I live in is super duper expensive.
She moved out, got her own place. But was taking time out for herself to process the breakup and focus on her job.
I was one of the few people in her life that gave her space which she appreciated.
And she reintiated contact after a period of time. We exchanged flirty messages by text and FB.
She told me she was going a business trip for her job in Wyoming for close to a month. But strongly hinted in the message she was ready to see what happens and take us beyond "just friends"
Been 2 weeks since that message and the countdown is beginning. Been trying to find good "how to" sex books in regards to satisfying women.
Talked to a lesbian friend who recommended Nina Hartley's "Eat P---y like A Champ" Video as well as Satisfaction: The Art of Female Orgasm book.
And also "2 girls teach sex" Oral Magic Something. Problem is some of that stuff is pricey. Is there any good books or vids I can watch free that can help send this Leo gal to the promised land so to speak?
I cant tell her I am still a virgin obviously. Women get embarrassed having to tell men what to do in bed, They want a guy to lead.
Which totally makes sense with her since she is introverted in person. But extroverted in text and email go figure.
Cant understand a Leo with a Libra Moon that is shy, doesn't make sense. Anyhow, I really want to take care of her in the bedroom. And I know she would drop me like a bad habit if she knew I had a V-Card.
If you ladies have any suggestions sexually or books or video to read/watch let me know. Cause I'm getting scared s---less that I am going to fail. And I really like this Leo Girl and don't wanna lose a chance with her.
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Dec 16, 2013Comments: 129 · Posts: 1170 · Topics: 4
Redtube.com Its a combination of professional porn and home made videos. watch the amateur videos. they are all categorized.
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Nov 10, 2010Comments: 289 · Posts: 28947 · Topics: 650
Porn is agood start. Not 3somes or anal. Lets start out with good ol missionary. Also, tell her totell you what shes into. Do it in a way where your talking dirty.
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Jan 19, 2013Comments: 1552 · Posts: 9503 · Topics: 11
Jezzzzzzz....no way you should be looking at porn for inspiration! That's for wanking on your own.......which is also something you should avoid during the days before you meet her.
Explore her body with your finger tips and tongue, massage her back, compliment her, apply 1-2 techniques you've learned in that lesbian manual. You'll be doing already more than an experienced, yet selfish, individual.
Ask her favourite position and then follow your instincts. Nobody's rushing you to perform, so if you think you are about to come too early, pull out and squeeze your penis tip between two fingers, while complimenting her on her pussy. Wait a bit, then cary on.
And keep your virginity for yourself. I won't be able to concentrate on sex after hearing such thing from my partner. I would be : "Holly molly! What did you just say? Are you making fun of me? How is it possible? Why? Bloody hell! Virgin! Did I ever slept with a virgin? I'm feeling like ...a cradle snatcher!!! Will he get attached now? Will he want to experience other pussies? Is he going to remember this act for the rest of his life? Am I becoming responsible for something? Oh what.........did you just come? I not even notice you were at it already!! I was busy thinking...my head is about to explode! Oh, OK, let's do it again, now that you are not a virgin anymore!"
ate since the incident.
Bottom line is I can never tell her about my virgin status not after the deed or ever.
She has lead a pretty charmed life from what she has told me. Aside from some bullying in junior high and high school.
So she will not understand the experiences I have gone through and lack the ability to emphasize.
Also she has a air moon which is detached lacking emotional understanding.
The other reason is in spite of my virgin status, my game is a little bit tighter than her other suiters. They have been pushy and needy with her about going on dates. And she is dealing with a lot of stress at work and still processing the breakup.
Which caused her to lash out at them and go into retreat mode. I was smart enough to lean back the entire time and never push anything.
I may be inexperienced with women, but even I know you never try to ask/push for any potential relationship with someone who just got out of a 7 year one.
My friend told me the best way to get a girl that is going through a breakup into a relationship way down the line boils down to two things -
One, give her a huge amount of space. Dont call, text or nothing. Let her contact you.
Two, go the FWB route. But to do this he said, you have to really know how to get her off in bed. He told me if you give a woman a strong sexual and emotional connection they would intiate talk about a relationship withut you having to do a thing.
So naively, I decided to go that route. And present myself as a fun guy who places no expectations or pressure on her.
It worked, but now I have to deliver the goods. So, I think I just need to focus 100% and get some basics nailed. And I can make it look like I have a little bit of experience.
I read how some virgins like me studied how to satisfy women orally written or directed by women. And they learned the tricks so well, the girls never knew it was their first time.
Here is hoping that goes the same for me. Will talk more, but again have limited internet access..
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Jun 08, 2010Comments: 0 · Posts: 4581 · Topics: 75
If you're so worried about your status in her eyes and thinking she wouldn't understand you because of the differences I. Your lives, it prolly ain't gonna work anyway. Just go get some experience. Tell her you're a virgin while you're doing it. Like when you first get in there say, "so this is what all the fuss is about", then tear it up.
Really though, don't worry about tricks or gimmicks. Once you get started with the kissing and stuff it's all pretty natural.
BTW what's up with all the leo women I've encountered over the years who get in crappy relationships that everyone else but them can see?
Guess I cant generalize about Fire Signs being strong when it comes to relationships. Maybe my mother was a needle in the haystack of her sign
I keep attracting women who are stuck on their exes and I dont know why. Plus to any male or female that is stuck on their ex, stick to screwing around. I hate people that lead others on that they are ready to investigate the relationship waters when they truly are not.
I am just going to be Hank Moody for a while. In the sense of being upfront with women about just wanting fun. I can't handle any more heavy emotional crap as I am still grieving over losing my father last year.
The last thing I need is an emotional breakdown. So I think I will get my sex practice and just be casual. At least I dont have to worry about a girl expecting a relationship since Im going to suck in bed. That should be enough to get them to go away.
I need to be in a strong place mentally and emotionally before entertaining pursuing a relationship. The only way I would pursue a relationship is if the girl has gone through the same sort of things I have.
It helps when you have someone who gets you in that way. And never makes snap judgements as they understand what you are going through.
I know there is good women out there, but it seems like the women I encounter seem to unconsciously thrive on dysfunction. Instead of being in a healthy fun relationship.
All in all, I am just drained and burnt out..
@Starlover -
Thanks Star I appreciate that.
"uuughh.....what decent woman wants to be with a guy that has bedded loads of women"
Um, 90% of women unfortunately LOL. Women equate men sleeping with loads of women to having skills in the sack. Which can be true half the time.
Also women thrive on a challenge. They want to be the one who tames the lion so to speak. I stress NOT ALL OF THEM, but a lot of a women today unconsciously thrive on drama.
They either think they're not worth the healthy relationship. Or think emotional or physical abuse is a part of passionate love. Hence this Leo chick.
I wouldn't label myself a nice guy as that implies being weak, clingy, and a door mat.
I prefer cool guy meaning I try to be fun, non clingy, non jealous/nonpossessive, funny , but also have a backbone. Meaning if I feel if a girl is wrong on something or just full of crap, I will call them out on it. I most definately will not let myself be walked all over.
I thought that was enough. But it seems like more and more women are more comfortable with cheaters and abusers. As having something stable and secure is boring for them.
Again I know not all girls are like that, but man it sure does seem like it.
I would rather not say what my sun sign is. As I dont feel it describes me at all. Two, I dont want to get judged cause it is one of the signs most complained about here on DXP.
Cause people who dont know about other elements such as moon signs, risings think all signs act the same. Hey I did and I am admitting I was wrong.
I will say that I have a Moon in Sagittarius, Mars in Sagittarius and venus in libra. I feel that aptly describes me pretty well. But I am actually faithful and would never cheat on someone. That is the only difference.
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Apr 13, 2005Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685
Oh, I just noticed how old this post is .....
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Apr 13, 2005Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685
He has two other threads from months ago in where he hid all of his posts.
Now, let's see how many women in here have enough brain cells to rub together to figure out why ... or, are they just going to continue to swoon over false charm.
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Jan 19, 2013Comments: 1552 · Posts: 9503 · Topics: 11
We should not confuse being playful with being a player!
So while I'm out and about taking care of responsibilities and other things, P-Angel has decided to declare war on me.
Ok so this is the first and last time I engage in a online tete a tete with you P-Angel. I find them to be not productive in the least.
But I am doing it this once to defend and explain myself.
First confidence? That had nothing to do with me not trying anymore with the Leo. Women who are in abusive, toxic relationships are lost causes. There is no point in trying.
I'll give you this P-Angel in retrospect I could have not been snarky about the Leo. It was insensitive to her, but I was in a bad mood.
You caught onto my wicked scheme P-Angel. I'm trying to hustle all the ladies on DXP. I'm using it as my own personal Tinder. Cause its not like I don't have other real in person options or anything.
As far as me "hiding" stuff in threads I am guilty of that. Sometimes you say things you regret that are of a private nature or just has a angry tone. And at least online you can change that. I am guilty of that but so are a lot of peeps here on DXP.
Lastly, where do you get the audacity to say I don't care about my mother? You don't know me. I will never justify my love and admiration for that woman to you. Cause I don't need to.
P-Angel I'm not a Virgo, so you are wayyy off there. I wasn't posting here to get attention. I post like some to vent. Cause I am a very private person. And there is no one in my life I feel comfortable talking about this type of stuff with.
At least online you can be anonymous and vent. Yes, I am inexperienced with women. So why does that disqualify or make me in the wrong for having an opinion?
I've learned a lot from watching other people's relationships in my life. Specifically my female friends experiences. It also helps being in my 30's cause you gain some insight into things you don't in your twenties. I never claimed to be an expert, I was just offering my opinion.
Women are all different. I know not all women are like that. But with my experiences recently it has felt that way. And I have said that more out of frustration than anything else.
I feel sad for you P-Angel. Although some things you say in threads have a grain of truth to them. They're mostly intended to be insulting and stir the pot more than anything else.
You offer no serious value except to spew your bitter venom at people. You don't contribute anything substantive or positive.
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Jun 25, 2012Comments: 19 · Posts: 19733 · Topics: 48
Yup, based on his reply to P. I'm gonna go with Scorp.
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Dec 20, 2011Comments: 362 · Posts: 10167 · Topics: 100
Deception or not you really need to let go of this mentality. I suggest getting checked out for signs of anxiety or depression and I mean it, professional advice. You are adding more weight to your baggage by the second and pinning everyone else for it.
That rock bottom is looking pretty close right about now.
Get yourself sorted before addressing virgin issues. Or you can look for another destroyed soul like you said - ones not willing to help themselves so you can both crash and burn.
Now normally I'd be more optimistic but you've spewed nothing but pessimism.