Making the first move

What do you all think of men who do not initiate sex but seem to rely on the woman to make the move even long into a relationship/after many sexual encounters? I think it is generally accepted and expected for the men to be the initiator. I would love a guys perspective here as to what drives this type of behavior (or lack thereof)...

expected —


That sounds pretty turn-offish .... I'd rather read a good book

I don't respond to moves, even if he did make one.


If he wants to spend his love making time ... then I'd rather read a good book.

If he wants to spend his time making love ... the response would be in his favor.


If, in his mind, it is thought of as, "making a move" for intentions of initiating sex .. and not as a caressing gesture in arousing the initiation of making love .... then I'd rather read a good book.

Posted by P-Angel
I don't respond to moves, even if he did make one.


If he wants to spend his love making time ... then I'd rather read a good book.

If he wants to spend his time making love ... the response would be in his favor.


If, in his mind, it is thought of as, "making a move" for intentions of initiating sex .. and not as a caressing gesture in arousing the initiation of making love .... then I'd rather read a good book.

a caressing gesture designed to arouse would be making a move...

Posted by P-Angel
I don't respond to moves, even if he did make one.


If he wants to spend his love making time ... then I'd rather read a good book.

If he wants to spend his time making love ... the response would be in his favor.


If, in his mind, it is thought of as, "making a move" for intentions of initiating sex .. and not as a caressing gesture in arousing the initiation of making love .... then I'd rather read a good book.

so this is what people mean by 'good advice from p-angel' eh?


ehhhh!, not impressed!


but she is right

Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.

How about your white ass across Main Street to collect the mail?

Oh for heaven's sake, if both people want to have sex or mutually do anything, BOTH people oughta mutually initiate something.

Once you've made it to relationship state, all the cat & mouse/hard to get/"whose gonna go 1st?" games oughta stop.

It's silly to want something so bad & yet become passively silent, while waiting on the other person to initiate it. If you want something, go get it! Ask for it!

And if you're in the right relationship to begin with, the person you want something from was probably ALREADY thinking/wanting the same thing anyways.

I get though that some men let the woman initiate it b/c they are shy or don't want to appear shallow in that they only want sex. But again, once you get to relationship-stage, both people should already be comfortable & willing to be completely open & honest with the other.

Holding back, even the small things, in a relationship is not good. Half of what people fear is all in their heads! Chances are, the other person was already thinking the same thing you were thinking & had both people just been adults & spoke their minds whatever they wanted to happen would've been done & over with by now!

Sheeeeesh!

Posted by krysrenee7
Oh for heaven's sake, if both people want to have sex or mutually do anything, BOTH people oughta mutually initiate something.

Once you've made it to relationship state, all the cat & mouse/hard to get/"whose gonna go 1st?" games oughta stop.

And if you're in the right relationship to begin with, the person you want something from was probably ALREADY thinking/wanting the same thing anyways.


Sheeeeesh!

yep, fully agree. i do think in the first stages, guys should initiate. after that it's anyone's game

and i think it's nice for men to know they're desired too. as opposed to feeling like the girl is 'giving in' to their advances

Posted by exoskeleton
i just can't help myself sometimes. 🙂

lol exo, same here

If I have to initiate physical contact such as kissing or sex all the time, I get irritated. Im an introvert too, but being a guy I have to make the extra effort. So I hold the same standard to a girl when we are dating exclusively.

I dont like to initiate sex unless the girl is giving off strong, clear, signals she wants it. Otherwise, I feel like a oversexed selfish pervert intiating. I think this is mainly why I do better with fire signs. Cause even if they have an earth or water moon sign (which is known for introversion) there's still some sexual aggressiveness. But that is only if they know you like them. and b)there's emotional security in the relationship.

Which is the exact opposite with Water or Earth signs (Unless they have Fire or Air in Moon Signs). I dont do well with a girl who's extremely introverted. Its too draining having to carry a conversation 99% of the time. Although I will say it is kind of tougher to date Extroverted women because you really have to know how to flirt and banter with them. Otherwise you're stuck in the friend zone (Which is the worst place on earth if you want a relationship or just casual sex)

But I say that only if a guy is UPFRONT about wanting to see where dating takes it, or just wanting to get you off. If he's acting like being friends (with no benefits romantically or sexually) is cool when it isnt, then he is a huge p---y.

Since it is more acceptable for a woman to initiate contact, I wait for the even the slightest touch to engage the exchange. That doesn't mean I won't drive her wild with internal passions through her mind to envoke this exchange. Should there be a crack in the damn via a soft flirty touch, then I let the inside of me release what nature has programmed into me to do and allow myself to fulfill our animalistic desires.

That's why it's important for 2 people to discuss & establish their own personal level of sexual needs/aggressiveness.

2 people who know this about eachother oughta automatically just "know."

When you get to fearing rejection or always playing that "Who should go 1st?" mindgame in your head, that means there's a disconnect somewhere.

Sure, both people probably won't always be horny at the exact same time, but for the most part, 2 people who are sexually compatible together will eventually get in the "mood" regardless of whose initiating it.

You oughta be able to gage whether or not the other person is likely to automatically/suddenly get in the mood too or if it's just not the right time.

Still, it gives the other person assurance that you atleast iniated it. You can't expect something from someone if you don't open your mouth! If you want it, ask for it! I'd rather not have it b/c I asked & they said "no" vs. me not having something b/c I didn't have the balls to be a go-getter

Plus, since when is it a turn off for a woman to iniate sex with her own man? If me iniating it makes me appear to be a sex-crazed freak, then so be it! I'm sure any man wouldn't have a problem with that!