Male and female friendships...

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by HateMeNowIloveit on Thursday, February 27, 2025 and has 68 replies.
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Am I the only one that feels men and women are incapable of being friends but only trust myself with it?

I had a guy best friend for 20 years and I made sure to have the "its platonic and always will be" talk for years on end, just for him to drunkinly tell a mutual friend that hes waiting for me to feel the same. Lost my trust. Quit talking to him.

So when I meet men who have female friends all I can think about is how hes waiting for a chance with one of them, they are basically a pool of choices to pick from when the opportunity arises.

He may have a favorite one, and its possible they are waiting in line for him to feel the same. And even if he didnt know, how distructive is it to NOT have the talk with them, repeatedly.

Am I the only one that sees the truth?
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Nah everyone else saw the truth years ago and got over it
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I think it can only work if both are not attracted to the other person.
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No this dating giru I know says the same, there's no such thing as male friends.

Given the cookie all of them will take it.

Disappointing as an aqua dom, cos men make great friends.
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a friendship between a guy and a girl can happen if both parties are like “off the market” so to speak (?) and have partners they’re relatively happy with and neither are really looking for love.

but if a single guy tries to befriend you, you should be a bit wary/suspicious.

us men typically don’t do things unless there’s a clear purpose (a clear goal).

also, if a guy befriends you, it goes without saying that he probably already thinks you’re physically attractive.

but i feel like it’s pretty rare for a dude to be so fixated on one girl for years and years. unless that dude has no other options. most dudes will move on to more hopeful prospects.

like, i can’t imagine a mentally/emotionally healthy dude with a healthy libido wasting years and years waiting for a girl who’s clearly not interested. like, am i crazy to think that? 😅

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You can be friends with guys like Leonardo DiCaprio and Ands as long as you’re over the age of 25.
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and contrary to the stereotype that men are always being dogs and being the ones to “try shit”, i just wanna say it’s not always the guy 🤷‍♂️

i once had a girl lecture me for hours on the phone how i’m not really gay and that i’m just “confused” and even send me a bunch of links to mental health websites trying to convince me i needed to dump my dude.

so when all is said and done, it really just comes down to the maturity level of the person you’re dealing with. a single guy who befriended you could still be mature enough to understand that this isn’t going anywhere beyond friendship.
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@serenidad - she should have sent nudes. 🤣
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Posted by ATGR
@serenidad - she should have sent nudes. 🤣
she didn’t send nudes but she was lying on her couch with her cleavage out during the entire FaceTime and was being like, “don’t be mad at meee ☺️☺️”

😂 😂
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idk but 20 years of not making a move on you then suddenly doing so = no genuine romantic interest but maybe just boredom/curiosity.

but maybe it's just me 🤷🤷

my besties are aqua females, gay aqua males and that one leo sun/virgo moon dude from childhood to high school and he was obsessed with my aqua bff. funny coz one time he kissed me idk why and it's like we both quietly decided to never even bring that up again and act like nothing happened 😆😆

i mean, we grew up together it's almost like we're siblings. and to think, that was my first kiss and he stole it. only reason we prob got along was coz he's a virgo moon ♍♍

after years of knowing each other, it's literally like kissing your brother 🤢🤮
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Yes, only if the man is gay 😂
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You got it right, that's exactly how it is. There are no genuine M-F friendships unless he's gay. I've been friends with lots of guys and not a single one was without expectation of me changing my mind. I have to admit tho, I even wanted to try liking the Pisces I was friends with but I just couldn't see him that way, no matter how hard I tried. He didn't try to conceal his interest tho, he was always open about it, said many times he's in love with me, did all sorts of things for me, well he even asked me to marry him once 😂 another Pisces was so double faced tho. We would go out as group of friends and he would act perfectly normal in that setting. Bit when we got home he would start sexting. It annoyed me at some point and I simply said "ok, if you want that come on, lets meet now at (insert place)" ofc he went silent and never came. There was also this Cancer guy I first had a crush on but he had a gf at a time. We went out occasionally as friends but then after a few years I ran into him and we started going out again as friends. Then he suddenly started making moves on me lol he was single now, his ex moved to another country and when I basically joked out his moves he said "but you liked me"! Well, I said " dear .... That was 6 years ago! LikeD - past time"😂 there was several others, I just chose to mention water men cause they can be the most drastic about it and cling onto women they can't have
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Seriously though it depends on the man.

I have female friends who have platonic relationships with men who’ve never wanted anything more…

It’s kind of unfair to lump them all the same

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I have no problems being friends with women. Me and a Sagittarius lady kick it with each other quite a lot. And I never once had any thoughts about fucking her. It's no more than acquaintance. Not even what I would call a friend cus I have none.
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Posted by rhymesaurusss
No this dating giru I know says the same, there's no such thing as male friends.
Given the cookie all of them will take it.
Disappointing as an aqua dom, cos men make great friends.
I DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE
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I disagree. I have female friends that are like annoying siblings and the thought of sleeping with them kinda grosses me out. They have usually Leo moon lol
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I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?

Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.

By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?

Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.

Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?

Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.

Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.

Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.

Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.


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Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.


You're right about him being trustworthy considering the fact he never made a move in such long time. In fact, from the post I'd even question the honesty of that mutual friend first. But you steered away from the right direction at this part: "Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it. " If there is a possibility of intimacy then it's not a friendship, it's an open opportunity waiting for the right moment. Think of it as other kinds of relationships - you don't have that possibility with a same gender friend (if you're straight ofc), you don't have that possibility with a sibling or a cousin cause it's gross! Well, as long as the thought of that person being intimate with you doesn't gross you out...you're not 100% just friends and that's what she's talking about - simple genuine friendship without even a hint of a possibility of physical intimacy. You can be friends with opposite gender if you can't ever imagine yourself being intimate with them but it's not mutual if they don't feel the same about you.
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Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.



You're right about him being trustworthy considering the fact he never made a move in such long time. In fact, from the post I'd even question the honesty of that mutual friend first. But you steered away from the right direction at this part: "Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it. " If there is a possibility of intimacy then it's not a friendship, it's an open opportunity waiting for the right moment. Think of it as other kinds of relationships - you don't have that possibility with a same gender friend (if you're straight ofc), you don't have that possibility with a sibling or a cousin cause it's gross! Well, as long as the thought of that person being intimate with you doesn't gross you out...you're not 100% just friends and that's what she's talking about - simple genuine friendship without even a hint of a possibility of physical intimacy. You can be friends with opposite gender if you can't ever imagine yourself being intimate with them but it's not mutual if they don't feel the same about you.
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Lets be real honest. Our person boundries, emotional nature, and social conditioning is the only thing keeping most people form straight debauchery.

For instance why is nudity taboo in some societies yet in others don't give a shit!

Zero issues associated besides a baseline that is always true.

Nudiest compounds....it's customery to sit on a towel because of ass sweat🤣

Thats a universal constant truth.

I get that woman, should I say everyone, wants to feel safe. Especially woman because of sexual predators. I very much get that. Lmao I have been very sexual harassed by a gay man. Goosed, "brushed against", and other aggressive behavior.

Through aware and understanding, reduces the chance of unintentional actions... wanted and unwanted. Concious choice.

Lmao Ignorance really is bliss🥲

Lmao people who have chemistry with each other are friends and around each other all the time. A concious choice not to act on it or indulge. Or mentally blocking it out( seriously watched people talk themselves out of things under there breath).

Ive seen people refurect the chemistry and pour it into other things. Common with work relationships.

This is all the Same concept of noping a ex that your around. A concious choice not to. A mutual choice not too!

To live my life pretending something that is, isn't not. A recipe for self torture. It's about a concious choice. Recognizing what is. Hashing it out.

This guy can be trusted. He has earned it and shows he can be trusted everyday.



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As a woman who's had many male friends over the years, I have to disagree. It's true that the majority have confessed interest after a while...and yes, in hindsight, I knew they were interested on some level, but brushed it aside. But after we had the talk where I told them that I wasn't interested as anything but a friend, they asked for some time not seeing me, but then came back and we were friends again.

But, I've had several male friends over the years that I have never been interested in and I'm pretty sure they haven't been interested in me either. And these are long time friends.

Then, there are the exes. I'm in touch with all but two (one of those, sadly, died, but we were very close friends until the end). If one of the exes I'm in touch with got another girlfriend, I'd leave and don't look back, because I admit to still having a soft spot for him and he could never have another girlfriend while still being friends with me anyway. We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.
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Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.



You're right about him being trustworthy considering the fact he never made a move in such long time. In fact, from the post I'd even question the honesty of that mutual friend first. But you steered away from the right direction at this part: "Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it. " If there is a possibility of intimacy then it's not a friendship, it's an open opportunity waiting for the right moment. Think of it as other kinds of relationships - you don't have that possibility with a same gender friend (if you're straight ofc), you don't have that possibility with a sibling or a cousin cause it's gross! Well, as long as the thought of that person being intimate with you doesn't gross you out...you're not 100% just friends and that's what she's talking about - simple genuine friendship without even a hint of a possibility of physical intimacy. You can be friends with opposite gender if you can't ever imagine yourself being intimate with them but it's not mutual if they don't feel the same about you.
click to expand


Lets be real honest. Our person boundries, emotional nature, and social conditioning is the only thing keeping most people form straight debauchery.
For instance why is nudity taboo in some societies yet in others don't give a shit!
Zero issues associated besides a baseline that is always true.
Nudiest compounds....it's customery to sit on a towel because of ass sweat🤣
Thats a universal constant truth.
I get that woman, should I say everyone, wants to feel safe. Especially woman because of sexual predators. I very much get that. Lmao I have been very sexual harassed by a gay man. Goosed, "brushed against", and other aggressive behavior.
Through aware and understanding, reduces the chance of unintentional actions... wanted and unwanted. Concious choice.
Lmao Ignorance really is bliss🥲
Lmao people who have chemistry with each other are friends and around each other all the time. A concious choice not to act on it or indulge. Or mentally blocking it out( seriously watched people talk themselves out of things under there breath).
Ive seen people refurect the chemistry and pour it into other things. Common with work relationships.
This is all the Same concept of noping a ex that your around. A concious choice not to. A mutual choice not too!
To live my life pretending something that is, isn't not. A recipe for self torture. It's about a concious choice. Recognizing what is. Hashing it out.
This guy can be trusted. He has earned it and shows he can be trusted everyday.


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Yup, I'm agreeing with you on the fact that he can be trusted. I mean, 20 years is a waaaaay too long time not to make a move to ever doubt him of doing something against her will. However, her concept of friendship is very clear and strict - it excludes all possibility of romantic feelings of sexual tension between them and imo her reaction is a result of being deceived. Basically, he accepted her terms but secretly hoped she will change her mind so she feels played by him. I, in her place, wouldn't react that way cause I simply wouldn't care - I know where I stand, I know I was clear and I know I can't prevent him from having his feelings by my set of rules. As long as he doesn't cross my lines, we're good. But she's not the same and she clearly feels betrayed and lied to. The point of the topic is questioning if male-female friendships can be real. While I believe for some rare cases they really can be, I also see most of the time, if not 99% of the time one side or the other has hopes for it turning into something else. Usually it's a man who has those hopes, but women do it too. For me it's unimaginable to have any kind of feeling for a male friend if I really consider them a friend - I could never be attracted to them in any kind of way. There is no chemistry of any kind, I just enjoy their company and find them as an interesting and enjoyable person to be around but if they feel in love with me or are attracted to me, then it's no longer a friendship, it's a one-sided crush, despite the fact they're not acting on it. Same goes to vice versa, been there, done that too...
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Posted by HappyCapper

We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.
Eww, he calls you 3 times a day? You sure he's not a woman? That sounds unhealthy
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Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II
Posted by HappyCapper
We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.


Eww, he calls you 3 times a day? You sure he's not a woman? That sounds unhealthy
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lol It's not unhealthy, I promise. I do admit it sounds a bit weird, but we're both comfortable with it. We've known eachother for 30+ years and if any one of us would have had a problem with it, we would have voiced it. Aand no, he's very much not a woman. Big Grin
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In reality I could never be actual friends with a woman. Like I consider myself friends with my friends lovers, but not in a true way. Like firstly I would never hang out with a woman like I would a man. Like imagine being a man or woman and hanging out with a person 30+ and be like "Yea we won't fuck later because we just friends." That sounds stupid AF, and doesn't exist in reality. No man and woman are just hanging out as friends unless there is another clause in action. Like if your friends woman, or something along those lines. There is no straight man or woman in the history of humanity where both just hang out as friends, and one of them doesn't secretly have deeper feelings. I'd say prove me wrong, but you truly can't. Unless one is gay, or in a relationship with their best friend, men and women can't be true friends.
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Depends what you consider friendship. That's where the answer is. People will use others and call it friendship. It's nearly impossible to be friends tho.

Like OPs situation, that was never a friendship.
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Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II
Posted by HappyCapper
We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.


Eww, he calls you 3 times a day? You sure he's not a woman? That sounds unhealthy
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lol It's not unhealthy, I promise. I do admit it sounds a bit weird, but we're both comfortable with it. We've known eachother for 30+ years and if any one of us would have had a problem with it, we would have voiced it. Aand no, he's very much not a woman.
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I'm sorry but what you're describing is faaaaar away from a friendship. If he has no gf and can't have one with you being his friend you most certainly are not his friend and neither is he yours. You broke up for whatever the reason but can't cut cords with him yet. And yes, that girl would have hard time, not because of the relationship you have, but because of the feelings you clearly have for each other. Also, not even married people call each other 3 times a day. So you can safely cross that "friendship" from the list of friendships cause it certainly does not belong there.

I don't mean this in a judging voice, I mean it from "been there, done that" experience and simply being objective and honest.
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Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II
Posted by HappyCapper
We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.


Eww, he calls you 3 times a day? You sure he's not a woman? That sounds unhealthy
click to expand


lol It's not unhealthy, I promise. I do admit it sounds a bit weird, but we're both comfortable with it. We've known eachother for 30+ years and if any one of us would have had a problem with it, we would have voiced it. Aand no, he's very much not a woman.
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I'm sorry but what you're describing is faaaaar away from a friendship. If he has no gf and can't have one with you being his friend you most certainly are not his friend and neither is he yours. You broke up for whatever the reason but can't cut cords with him yet. And yes, that girl would have hard time, not because of the relationship you have, but because of the feelings you clearly have for each other. Also, not even married people call each other 3 times a day. So you can safely cross that "friendship" from the list of friendships cause it certainly does not belong there.
I don't mean this in a judging voice, I mean it from "been there, done that" experience and simply being objective and honest.
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If we hadn't decided to stop having sex, I would have agreed with you. Yes, there are feelings there, at least from my end, but a sexless 'relationship' that you haven't decided to call a marriage or a romantic relationship, I'd call a friendship...whatever feelings exist between the two. But, I guess that's just semantics. You have a valid point.
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Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II
Posted by HappyCapper
We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.


Eww, he calls you 3 times a day? You sure he's not a woman? That sounds unhealthy
click to expand


lol It's not unhealthy, I promise. I do admit it sounds a bit weird, but we're both comfortable with it. We've known eachother for 30+ years and if any one of us would have had a problem with it, we would have voiced it. Aand no, he's very much not a woman.
click to expand


I'm sorry but what you're describing is faaaaar away from a friendship. If he has no gf and can't have one with you being his friend you most certainly are not his friend and neither is he yours. You broke up for whatever the reason but can't cut cords with him yet. And yes, that girl would have hard time, not because of the relationship you have, but because of the feelings you clearly have for each other. Also, not even married people call each other 3 times a day. So you can safely cross that "friendship" from the list of friendships cause it certainly does not belong there.
I don't mean this in a judging voice, I mean it from "been there, done that" experience and simply being objective and honest.
click to expand

If we hadn't decided to stop having sex, I would have agreed with you. Yes, there are feelings there, at least from my end, but a sexless 'relationship' that you haven't decided to call a marriage or a romantic relationship, I'd call a friendship...whatever feelings exist between the two. But, I guess that's just semantics. You have a valid point.
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Well, you can call it platonic love then or other similar terms, depending on the entire situation between you two. I've a crush on someone...I can't say we're friends just because we're not having sex, there's a reason why we're not doing it. As I'm sure there is a reason in your case too. I've had something similar for awhile with one ex so I do get what you mean but I can't put him under the friends tag just because we remained close and friendly, but stopped having sex
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Simply put, a straight man and a straight woman can't be friends. And if they are, there's usually something going on behind the scenes that you might not know about...
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Posted by rhymesaurusss
No this dating giru I know says the same, there's no such thing as male friends.
Given the cookie all of them will take it.
Disappointing as an aqua dom, cos men make great friends.
I thought it was just me as an Aqua dom that was disappointed by this harsh truth but good to know that there’s another Aqua dom feeling the same. They really do make good friends, even only they know to keep it platonic.
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Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.



You're right about him being trustworthy considering the fact he never made a move in such long time. In fact, from the post I'd even question the honesty of that mutual friend first. But you steered away from the right direction at this part: "Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it. " If there is a possibility of intimacy then it's not a friendship, it's an open opportunity waiting for the right moment. Think of it as other kinds of relationships - you don't have that possibility with a same gender friend (if you're straight ofc), you don't have that possibility with a sibling or a cousin cause it's gross! Well, as long as the thought of that person being intimate with you doesn't gross you out...you're not 100% just friends and that's what she's talking about - simple genuine friendship without even a hint of a possibility of physical intimacy. You can be friends with opposite gender if you can't ever imagine yourself being intimate with them but it's not mutual if they don't feel the same about you.
click to expand


Lets be real honest. Our person boundries, emotional nature, and social conditioning is the only thing keeping most people form straight debauchery.
For instance why is nudity taboo in some societies yet in others don't give a shit!
Zero issues associated besides a baseline that is always true.
Nudiest compounds....it's customery to sit on a towel because of ass sweat🤣
Thats a universal constant truth.
I get that woman, should I say everyone, wants to feel safe. Especially woman because of sexual predators. I very much get that. Lmao I have been very sexual harassed by a gay man. Goosed, "brushed against", and other aggressive behavior.
Through aware and understanding, reduces the chance of unintentional actions... wanted and unwanted. Concious choice.
Lmao Ignorance really is bliss🥲
Lmao people who have chemistry with each other are friends and around each other all the time. A concious choice not to act on it or indulge. Or mentally blocking it out( seriously watched people talk themselves out of things under there breath).
Ive seen people refurect the chemistry and pour it into other things. Common with work relationships.
This is all the Same concept of noping a ex that your around. A concious choice not to. A mutual choice not too!
To live my life pretending something that is, isn't not. A recipe for self torture. It's about a concious choice. Recognizing what is. Hashing it out.
This guy can be trusted. He has earned it and shows he can be trusted everyday.

click to expand

Yup, I'm agreeing with you on the fact that he can be trusted. I mean, 20 years is a waaaaay too long time not to make a move to ever doubt him of doing something against her will. However, her concept of friendship is very clear and strict - it excludes all possibility of romantic feelings of sexual tension between them and imo her reaction is a result of being deceived. Basically, he accepted her terms but secretly hoped she will change her mind so she feels played by him. I, in her place, wouldn't react that way cause I simply wouldn't care - I know where I stand, I know I was clear and I know I can't prevent him from having his feelings by my set of rules. As long as he doesn't cross my lines, we're good. But she's not the same and she clearly feels betrayed and lied to. The point of the topic is questioning if male-female friendships can be real. While I believe for some rare cases they really can be, I also see most of the time, if not 99% of the time one side or the other has hopes for it turning into something else. Usually it's a man who has those hopes, but women do it too. For me it's unimaginable to have any kind of feeling for a male friend if I really consider them a friend - I could never be attracted to them in any kind of way. There is no chemistry of any kind, I just enjoy their company and find them as an interesting and enjoyable person to be around but if they feel in love with me or are attracted to me, then it's no longer a friendship, it's a one-sided crush, despite the fact they're not acting on it. Same goes to vice versa, been there, done that too...
click to expand
💯 % agree! I used to think in my early 20s that men and women can be friends because I had a lot of guy friends who I genuinely saw as friends. It was purely platonic and I never liked any of them romantically. However, sadly, I found out that one-by-one that all of them had secret feelings for me. When these feelings came to light, I disposed of those friendships because it felt awkward. It doesn’t feel like a friendship when someone is secretly hoping to get a chance with you. It’s a farce at that point; hence the friendship has to go 😞😒
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Posted by serenidad
and contrary to the stereotype that men are always being dogs and being the ones to “try shit”, i just wanna say it’s not always the guy 🤷‍♂️
i once had a girl lecture me for hours on the phone how i’m not really gay and that i’m just “confused” and even send me a bunch of links to mental health websites trying to convince me i needed to dump my dude.
so when all is said and done, it really just comes down to the maturity level of the person you’re dealing with. a single guy who befriended you could still be mature enough to understand that this isn’t going anywhere beyond friendship.
This is why I only make friends with gay guys now. Also, it seems straight guys no longer want to be friends with girls they secretly like, as they did in the past because they know better now - that you could orbit all you want and still may not get the girl.
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Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II
Posted by HappyCapper
We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.


Eww, he calls you 3 times a day? You sure he's not a woman? That sounds unhealthy
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lol It's not unhealthy, I promise. I do admit it sounds a bit weird, but we're both comfortable with it. We've known eachother for 30+ years and if any one of us would have had a problem with it, we would have voiced it. Aand no, he's very much not a woman.
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I'm sorry but what you're describing is faaaaar away from a friendship. If he has no gf and can't have one with you being his friend you most certainly are not his friend and neither is he yours. You broke up for whatever the reason but can't cut cords with him yet. And yes, that girl would have hard time, not because of the relationship you have, but because of the feelings you clearly have for each other. Also, not even married people call each other 3 times a day. So you can safely cross that "friendship" from the list of friendships cause it certainly does not belong there.
I don't mean this in a judging voice, I mean it from "been there, done that" experience and simply being objective and honest.
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If we hadn't decided to stop having sex, I would have agreed with you. Yes, there are feelings there, at least from my end, but a sexless 'relationship' that you haven't decided to call a marriage or a romantic relationship, I'd call a friendship...whatever feelings exist between the two. But, I guess that's just semantics. You have a valid point.
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Well, you can call it platonic love then or other similar terms, depending on the entire situation between you two. I've a crush on someone...I can't say we're friends just because we're not having sex, there's a reason why we're not doing it. As I'm sure there is a reason in your case too. I've had something similar for awhile with one ex so I do get what you mean but I can't put him under the friends tag just because we remained close and friendly, but stopped having sex
click to expand
"I've a crush on someone...I can't say we're friends just because we're not having sex"

Sorry, I didn't get this part.

What would you call that ex? You're not in a romantic relationship and you wouldn't call him friend, so what would you call him?
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If you think of people as human beings it's possible to be friends with men or women, if you're an asshole it's probably impossible for you idk
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Posted by aquarius09
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.



You're right about him being trustworthy considering the fact he never made a move in such long time. In fact, from the post I'd even question the honesty of that mutual friend first. But you steered away from the right direction at this part: "Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it. " If there is a possibility of intimacy then it's not a friendship, it's an open opportunity waiting for the right moment. Think of it as other kinds of relationships - you don't have that possibility with a same gender friend (if you're straight ofc), you don't have that possibility with a sibling or a cousin cause it's gross! Well, as long as the thought of that person being intimate with you doesn't gross you out...you're not 100% just friends and that's what she's talking about - simple genuine friendship without even a hint of a possibility of physical intimacy. You can be friends with opposite gender if you can't ever imagine yourself being intimate with them but it's not mutual if they don't feel the same about you.
click to expand


Lets be real honest. Our person boundries, emotional nature, and social conditioning is the only thing keeping most people form straight debauchery.
For instance why is nudity taboo in some societies yet in others don't give a shit!
Zero issues associated besides a baseline that is always true.
Nudiest compounds....it's customery to sit on a towel because of ass sweat🤣
Thats a universal constant truth.
I get that woman, should I say everyone, wants to feel safe. Especially woman because of sexual predators. I very much get that. Lmao I have been very sexual harassed by a gay man. Goosed, "brushed against", and other aggressive behavior.
Through aware and understanding, reduces the chance of unintentional actions... wanted and unwanted. Concious choice.
Lmao Ignorance really is bliss🥲
Lmao people who have chemistry with each other are friends and around each other all the time. A concious choice not to act on it or indulge. Or mentally blocking it out( seriously watched people talk themselves out of things under there breath).
Ive seen people refurect the chemistry and pour it into other things. Common with work relationships.
This is all the Same concept of noping a ex that your around. A concious choice not to. A mutual choice not too!
To live my life pretending something that is, isn't not. A recipe for self torture. It's about a concious choice. Recognizing what is. Hashing it out.
This guy can be trusted. He has earned it and shows he can be trusted everyday.

click to expand


Yup, I'm agreeing with you on the fact that he can be trusted. I mean, 20 years is a waaaaay too long time not to make a move to ever doubt him of doing something against her will. However, her concept of friendship is very clear and strict - it excludes all possibility of romantic feelings of sexual tension between them and imo her reaction is a result of being deceived. Basically, he accepted her terms but secretly hoped she will change her mind so she feels played by him. I, in her place, wouldn't react that way cause I simply wouldn't care - I know where I stand, I know I was clear and I know I can't prevent him from having his feelings by my set of rules. As long as he doesn't cross my lines, we're good. But she's not the same and she clearly feels betrayed and lied to. The point of the topic is questioning if male-female friendships can be real. While I believe for some rare cases they really can be, I also see most of the time, if not 99% of the time one side or the other has hopes for it turning into something else. Usually it's a man who has those hopes, but women do it too. For me it's unimaginable to have any kind of feeling for a male friend if I really consider them a friend - I could never be attracted to them in any kind of way. There is no chemistry of any kind, I just enjoy their company and find them as an interesting and enjoyable person to be around but if they feel in love with me or are attracted to me, then it's no longer a friendship, it's a one-sided crush, despite the fact they're not acting on it. Same goes to vice versa, been there, done that too...
click to expand

💯 % agree! I used to think in my early 20s that men and women can be friends because I had a lot of guy friends who I genuinely saw as friends. It was purely platonic and I never liked any of them romantically. However, sadly, I found out that one-by-one that all of them had secret feelings for me. When these feelings came to light, I disposed of those friendships because it felt awkward. It doesn’t feel like a friendship when someone is secretly hoping to get a chance with you. It’s a farce at that point; hence the friendship has to go 😞😒
click to expand
Yeah, had the same situation, lots of guy friends that I thought were friends but they hoped for more...it doesn't make it a true friendship then. If they're not honest about it, they don't seem trustworthy enough. I mentioned before a friend who openly expressed his feelings for me but knew that I don't feel the same for him. That I can still accept as friendship because neither of us was lying about it and we had all cards on the table so each of us knew exactly where we stand. He chose to stick around and I chose the same. Nothing ever happened, how it made him feel idk but I always value honesty the most. Another one I did end things with because he was pretending to be my friend while secretly hoping for something else
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Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by HappyCapper
Posted by Enfant-Terrible-II
Posted by HappyCapper
We see eachother all the time and he calls, most often about three times a day, so that girl would probably have a tough time with our relationship. I know I would have.


Eww, he calls you 3 times a day? You sure he's not a woman? That sounds unhealthy
click to expand


lol It's not unhealthy, I promise. I do admit it sounds a bit weird, but we're both comfortable with it. We've known eachother for 30+ years and if any one of us would have had a problem with it, we would have voiced it. Aand no, he's very much not a woman.
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I'm sorry but what you're describing is faaaaar away from a friendship. If he has no gf and can't have one with you being his friend you most certainly are not his friend and neither is he yours. You broke up for whatever the reason but can't cut cords with him yet. And yes, that girl would have hard time, not because of the relationship you have, but because of the feelings you clearly have for each other. Also, not even married people call each other 3 times a day. So you can safely cross that "friendship" from the list of friendships cause it certainly does not belong there.
I don't mean this in a judging voice, I mean it from "been there, done that" experience and simply being objective and honest.
click to expand


If we hadn't decided to stop having sex, I would have agreed with you. Yes, there are feelings there, at least from my end, but a sexless 'relationship' that you haven't decided to call a marriage or a romantic relationship, I'd call a friendship...whatever feelings exist between the two. But, I guess that's just semantics. You have a valid point.
click to expand


Well, you can call it platonic love then or other similar terms, depending on the entire situation between you two. I've a crush on someone...I can't say we're friends just because we're not having sex, there's a reason why we're not doing it. As I'm sure there is a reason in your case too. I've had something similar for awhile with one ex so I do get what you mean but I can't put him under the friends tag just because we remained close and friendly, but stopped having sex
click to expand

"I've a crush on someone...I can't say we're friends just because we're not having sex"
Sorry, I didn't get this part.
What would you call that ex? You're not in a romantic relationship and you wouldn't call him friend, so what would you call him?
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Acquaintance. That's pretty much it, someone you know. I mean, as long as either side has feelings for the other secretly ot's nit really a friendship. Well not even if it's openly unless nothing sexual ever happened between you two.

What I meant with first part was (I didn't elaborate enough, sorry) that when you are friendly with someone you have a crush on, meaning you're going out with them or simply spending time with them, chatting etc - they're not really your friend because you feel more for them than just a friend, despite the reasons you have that you're not with them. You're friendly but you'd like something more if the opportunity arises so that's what makes them not your friend really. It's hard to label people correctly cause there are so many shades to this ,but a genuine friendship to me is when both sides have no romantic or sexual feelings for each other, they just choose to hang around in each others lives cause they enjoy the company of each other without those kinds of feelings.
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Nah I think its possible. Unless you're a hoe or their a hoe and attracted to everyone of the opposite sex. Like damn, am I the only one that is rarely attracted to others? Like I could probably count and be under 10 the number of guys I've been genuinely attracted to.
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Posted by TheGreenFairie
Nah I think its possible. Unless you're a hoe or their a hoe and attracted to everyone of the opposite sex. Like damn, am I the only one that is rarely attracted to others? Like I could probably count and be under 10 the number of guys I've been genuinely attracted to.
Totally agree 👍
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Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by aquarius09
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.



You're right about him being trustworthy considering the fact he never made a move in such long time. In fact, from the post I'd even question the honesty of that mutual friend first. But you steered away from the right direction at this part: "Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it. " If there is a possibility of intimacy then it's not a friendship, it's an open opportunity waiting for the right moment. Think of it as other kinds of relationships - you don't have that possibility with a same gender friend (if you're straight ofc), you don't have that possibility with a sibling or a cousin cause it's gross! Well, as long as the thought of that person being intimate with you doesn't gross you out...you're not 100% just friends and that's what she's talking about - simple genuine friendship without even a hint of a possibility of physical intimacy. You can be friends with opposite gender if you can't ever imagine yourself being intimate with them but it's not mutual if they don't feel the same about you.
click to expand


Lets be real honest. Our person boundries, emotional nature, and social conditioning is the only thing keeping most people form straight debauchery.
For instance why is nudity taboo in some societies yet in others don't give a shit!
Zero issues associated besides a baseline that is always true.
Nudiest compounds....it's customery to sit on a towel because of ass sweat🤣
Thats a universal constant truth.
I get that woman, should I say everyone, wants to feel safe. Especially woman because of sexual predators. I very much get that. Lmao I have been very sexual harassed by a gay man. Goosed, "brushed against", and other aggressive behavior.
Through aware and understanding, reduces the chance of unintentional actions... wanted and unwanted. Concious choice.
Lmao Ignorance really is bliss🥲
Lmao people who have chemistry with each other are friends and around each other all the time. A concious choice not to act on it or indulge. Or mentally blocking it out( seriously watched people talk themselves out of things under there breath).
Ive seen people refurect the chemistry and pour it into other things. Common with work relationships.
This is all the Same concept of noping a ex that your around. A concious choice not to. A mutual choice not too!
To live my life pretending something that is, isn't not. A recipe for self torture. It's about a concious choice. Recognizing what is. Hashing it out.
This guy can be trusted. He has earned it and shows he can be trusted everyday.

click to expand


Yup, I'm agreeing with you on the fact that he can be trusted. I mean, 20 years is a waaaaay too long time not to make a move to ever doubt him of doing something against her will. However, her concept of friendship is very clear and strict - it excludes all possibility of romantic feelings of sexual tension between them and imo her reaction is a result of being deceived. Basically, he accepted her terms but secretly hoped she will change her mind so she feels played by him. I, in her place, wouldn't react that way cause I simply wouldn't care - I know where I stand, I know I was clear and I know I can't prevent him from having his feelings by my set of rules. As long as he doesn't cross my lines, we're good. But she's not the same and she clearly feels betrayed and lied to. The point of the topic is questioning if male-female friendships can be real. While I believe for some rare cases they really can be, I also see most of the time, if not 99% of the time one side or the other has hopes for it turning into something else. Usually it's a man who has those hopes, but women do it too. For me it's unimaginable to have any kind of feeling for a male friend if I really consider them a friend - I could never be attracted to them in any kind of way. There is no chemistry of any kind, I just enjoy their company and find them as an interesting and enjoyable person to be around but if they feel in love with me or are attracted to me, then it's no longer a friendship, it's a one-sided crush, despite the fact they're not acting on it. Same goes to vice versa, been there, done that too...
click to expand


💯 % agree! I used to think in my early 20s that men and women can be friends because I had a lot of guy friends who I genuinely saw as friends. It was purely platonic and I never liked any of them romantically. However, sadly, I found out that one-by-one that all of them had secret feelings for me. When these feelings came to light, I disposed of those friendships because it felt awkward. It doesn’t feel like a friendship when someone is secretly hoping to get a chance with you. It’s a farce at that point; hence the friendship has to go 😞😒
click to expand

Yeah, had the same situation, lots of guy friends that I thought were friends but they hoped for more...it doesn't make it a true friendship then. If they're not honest about it, they don't seem trustworthy enough. I mentioned before a friend who openly expressed his feelings for me but knew that I don't feel the same for him. That I can still accept as friendship because neither of us was lying about it and we had all cards on the table so each of us knew exactly where we stand. He chose to stick around and I chose the same. Nothing ever happened, how it made him feel idk but I always value honesty the most. Another one I did end things with because he was pretending to be my friend while secretly hoping for something else
click to expand
Agree again. The guys who were transparent about their feelings and then stuck around despite that I didn’t feel the same, I kept them. You’re right about secrecy breeding distrust.
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Posted by TheGreenFairie
Nah I think its possible. Unless you're a hoe or their a hoe and attracted to everyone of the opposite sex. Like damn, am I the only one that is rarely attracted to others? Like I could probably count and be under 10 the number of guys I've been genuinely attracted to.
People like us are rare. Most men and women are crushing 24/7 and sleeping around with everyone around them. It’s like young and the restless. I used to think people are like me and discern and have some standards and boundaries, but nope. Everyone is doable for most people.
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Posted by aquarius09
Posted by serenidad
and contrary to the stereotype that men are always being dogs and being the ones to “try shit”, i just wanna say it’s not always the guy 🤷‍♂️
i once had a girl lecture me for hours on the phone how i’m not really gay and that i’m just “confused” and even send me a bunch of links to mental health websites trying to convince me i needed to dump my dude.
so when all is said and done, it really just comes down to the maturity level of the person you’re dealing with. a single guy who befriended you could still be mature enough to understand that this isn’t going anywhere beyond friendship.


This is why I only make friends with gay guys now. Also, it seems straight guys no longer want to be friends with girls they secretly like, as they did in the past because they know better now - that you could orbit all you want and still may not get the girl.
click to expand
i don’t think it’s that those guys who befriended you are hoes but more like, they specifically chose you out of a sea of women they could’ve befriended. i mean, if you wanna put a positive spin on it.

cuz i’m sure there are women those guys “friendzoned” too. the only type of dudes who don’t ever friendzone women are 1)either sex addicts or 2) men who will take anything he can get (aka men without options). and i’m being pretty honest.

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Posted by CoCoBeans
You can be friends with guys like Leonardo DiCaprio and Ands as long as you’re over the age of 25.
😅😅😅😅😅

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Posted by serenidad
Posted by aquarius09
Posted by serenidad
and contrary to the stereotype that men are always being dogs and being the ones to “try shit”, i just wanna say it’s not always the guy 🤷‍♂️
i once had a girl lecture me for hours on the phone how i’m not really gay and that i’m just “confused” and even send me a bunch of links to mental health websites trying to convince me i needed to dump my dude.
so when all is said and done, it really just comes down to the maturity level of the person you’re dealing with. a single guy who befriended you could still be mature enough to understand that this isn’t going anywhere beyond friendship.


This is why I only make friends with gay guys now. Also, it seems straight guys no longer want to be friends with girls they secretly like, as they did in the past because they know better now - that you could orbit all you want and still may not get the girl.
click to expand

i don’t think it’s that those guys who befriended you are hoes but more like, they specifically chose you out of a sea of women they could’ve befriended. i mean, if you wanna put a positive spin on it.
cuz i’m sure there are women those guys “friendzoned” too. the only type of dudes who don’t ever friendzone women are 1)either sex addicts or 2) men who will take anything he can get (aka men without options). and i’m being pretty honest.

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My guy friends weren’t hoes. I don’t make friends with sleaze bags. They were decent guys, but it’s like I said before that most people will do anybody. No concept of self-restraint.

I created a thread a while back and asked men if men are discerning when it comes to women they sleep with and the answer was unanimous that they aren’t. I myself know very few guys who were discerning or even went as far as being celibate for the right girl.
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Posted by aquarius09
Posted by serenidad
Posted by aquarius09
Posted by serenidad
and contrary to the stereotype that men are always being dogs and being the ones to “try shit”, i just wanna say it’s not always the guy 🤷‍♂️
i once had a girl lecture me for hours on the phone how i’m not really gay and that i’m just “confused” and even send me a bunch of links to mental health websites trying to convince me i needed to dump my dude.
so when all is said and done, it really just comes down to the maturity level of the person you’re dealing with. a single guy who befriended you could still be mature enough to understand that this isn’t going anywhere beyond friendship.


This is why I only make friends with gay guys now. Also, it seems straight guys no longer want to be friends with girls they secretly like, as they did in the past because they know better now - that you could orbit all you want and still may not get the girl.
click to expand


i don’t think it’s that those guys who befriended you are hoes but more like, they specifically chose you out of a sea of women they could’ve befriended. i mean, if you wanna put a positive spin on it.
cuz i’m sure there are women those guys “friendzoned” too. the only type of dudes who don’t ever friendzone women are 1)either sex addicts or 2) men who will take anything he can get (aka men without options). and i’m being pretty honest.
click to expand

My guy friends weren’t hoes. I don’t make friends with sleaze bags. They were decent guys, but it’s like I said before that most people will do anybody. No concept of self-restraint.
I created a thread a while back and asked men if men are discerning when it comes to women they sleep with and the answer was unanimous that they aren’t. I myself know very few guys who were discerning or even went as far as being celibate for the right girl.
click to expand
yeah, i totally understand what you’re saying but i’m just saying those guys who befriended you could’ve gone after other women too but they picked you instead so they *were* discerning in a way. i mean, they saw something in you that they didn’t see in other women, right? that’s what i meant.

you and other ladies here who have trouble finding genuine straight male friends, i don’t know what y’all look like so i can’t be a hundred percent sure but my guess would be that, you’re probably just way too attractive to get friendzoned by a dude.

i’m a believer that a friendship between men & women can only work if your friend is not your “type” (so to speak) and vice versa. either their physical appearance is not your type or their personality/life style is not your type. or both.

you already know i’m discerning and conservative af lol 😂 so believe me when i say i understand your frustration lol 😂

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If you're reasonably attractive then men are always interested, but so what? It doesn't have to come between you. It's biological. In fact, the beauty of male/female friendships is that you can feel an attraction without acting on it and have that as a component of your relationship. One of my best female friends was dating my male friend - we were friends and I enjoyed her friendship and had affection for her. He didn't mind. It's called being adult I think
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Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.


Either you commented on the wrong post or you dont know as much as you should.

My old guy besty, we will call him J...got a gf and used me to make her jealous. He sang that hinder song "lips of an angel" to me in front of her. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. That was the end of it for me.
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Posted by aquarius09
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by PhoenixSag
Posted by Lostthoughts
I get this. Also " I don't trust him" you are full of shit. Do you have any idea the level of vulnerability and consideration and restraint in not pushing you? Dude is litterally thinking of your feelings in regards to his own every single day. You can trust him, he is showing you everyday. Lmao that fact he has feelings for you and not pushing you, while most men would do what in this circumstances?
Here is the issue. If that dude loves you to that extent. Then tell him what he needs to do or change. Otherwise, he has to leave you to break the Familiarity catagory. You lose him.
By your social rules you all so love to play and accept. "The game.",Dude has to disappear. You lose your friendship. You want to keep him in your life?
Set him up with someone just like you, which is obviously what he wants and is looking for, if dude has been holding such a flame for you for years. Sense you care for him so much, how about setting him up with what he wants and is looking for, soneone just like you.
Though that means replacing yourself. Are you the jealous type? Will you get along with her and someone like yourself? Otherwise ya you lose him. You ok with that?
Mixed friendships are very possible depending on dynamic sand maturity level. Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it.
Anyone who says otherwise, doesn't actually care for or love the other that deeply or much.
Self control and emotional intelligence is the core qualities wisdom and maturity.
Play nice and be considerate with each other and things will always work out in the end.



You're right about him being trustworthy considering the fact he never made a move in such long time. In fact, from the post I'd even question the honesty of that mutual friend first. But you steered away from the right direction at this part: "Part of that is recognizing that possibility of physical intamcy will always be there with genuine feelings and a spark of chemistry. Part of maturity is accepting that and conciously choosing not to act on it. " If there is a possibility of intimacy then it's not a friendship, it's an open opportunity waiting for the right moment. Think of it as other kinds of relationships - you don't have that possibility with a same gender friend (if you're straight ofc), you don't have that possibility with a sibling or a cousin cause it's gross! Well, as long as the thought of that person being intimate with you doesn't gross you out...you're not 100% just friends and that's what she's talking about - simple genuine friendship without even a hint of a possibility of physical intimacy. You can be friends with opposite gender if you can't ever imagine yourself being intimate with them but it's not mutual if they don't feel the same about you.
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Lets be real honest. Our person boundries, emotional nature, and social conditioning is the only thing keeping most people form straight debauchery.
For instance why is nudity taboo in some societies yet in others don't give a shit!
Zero issues associated besides a baseline that is always true.
Nudiest compounds....it's customery to sit on a towel because of ass sweat🤣
Thats a universal constant truth.
I get that woman, should I say everyone, wants to feel safe. Especially woman because of sexual predators. I very much get that. Lmao I have been very sexual harassed by a gay man. Goosed, "brushed against", and other aggressive behavior.
Through aware and understanding, reduces the chance of unintentional actions... wanted and unwanted. Concious choice.
Lmao Ignorance really is bliss🥲
Lmao people who have chemistry with each other are friends and around each other all the time. A concious choice not to act on it or indulge. Or mentally blocking it out( seriously watched people talk themselves out of things under there breath).
Ive seen people refurect the chemistry and pour it into other things. Common with work relationships.
This is all the Same concept of noping a ex that your around. A concious choice not to. A mutual choice not too!
To live my life pretending something that is, isn't not. A recipe for self torture. It's about a concious choice. Recognizing what is. Hashing it out.
This guy can be trusted. He has earned it and shows he can be trusted everyday.

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Yup, I'm agreeing with you on the fact that he can be trusted. I mean, 20 years is a waaaaay too long time not to make a move to ever doubt him of doing something against her will. However, her concept of friendship is very clear and strict - it excludes all possibility of romantic feelings of sexual tension between them and imo her reaction is a result of being deceived. Basically, he accepted her terms but secretly hoped she will change her mind so she feels played by him. I, in her place, wouldn't react that way cause I simply wouldn't care - I know where I stand, I know I was clear and I know I can't prevent him from having his feelings by my set of rules. As long as he doesn't cross my lines, we're good. But she's not the same and she clearly feels betrayed and lied to. The point of the topic is questioning if male-female friendships can be real. While I believe for some rare cases they really can be, I also see most of the time, if not 99% of the time one side or the other has hopes for it turning into something else. Usually it's a man who has those hopes, but women do it too. For me it's unimaginable to have any kind of feeling for a male friend if I really consider them a friend - I could never be attracted to them in any kind of way. There is no chemistry of any kind, I just enjoy their company and find them as an interesting and enjoyable person to be around but if they feel in love with me or are attracted to me, then it's no longer a friendship, it's a one-sided crush, despite the fact they're not acting on it. Same goes to vice versa, been there, done that too...
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💯 % agree! I used to think in my early 20s that men and women can be friends because I had a lot of guy friends who I genuinely saw as friends. It was purely platonic and I never liked any of them romantically. However, sadly, I found out that one-by-one that all of them had secret feelings for me. When these feelings came to light, I disposed of those friendships because it felt awkward. It doesn’t feel like a friendship when someone is secretly hoping to get a chance with you. It’s a farce at that point; hence the friendship has to go 😞😒
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THIS. It doesnt feel the same after. Every nice thing they do is now seen as a move to impress you, then the way they look at you...you can start seeing it. It starts adding up. I feel stupid and he looks dumb tryna get me. So I leave it because I wont string anyone along thats not okay with me.
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Posted by TheGreenFairie
Nah I think its possible. Unless you're a hoe or their a hoe and attracted to everyone of the opposite sex. Like damn, am I the only one that is rarely attracted to others? Like I could probably count and be under 10 the number of guys I've been genuinely attracted to.
I'm with you 💚
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Posted by CoCoBeans
You can be friends with guys like Leonardo DiCaprio and Ands as long as you’re over the age of 25.
LOL. so creepy
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Posted by GeminiKing
If you're reasonably attractive then men are always interested, but so what? It doesn't have to come between you. It's biological. In fact, the beauty of male/female friendships is that you can feel an attraction without acting on it and have that as a component of your relationship. One of my best female friends was dating my male friend - we were friends and I enjoyed her friendship and had affection for her. He didn't mind. It's called being adult I think
🎯
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