Male opinions most welcome
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Amyrh77 on Wednesday, February 1, 2012 and has 16 replies.
Two things:
1) If a girl were to say to you I don't want a boyfriend and I don't know what I want how would you take that?
2) If you used the words for now, not at the moment and it's a start would you mean that you are thinking that you're looking at a relationship further down the track, or are these merely just to maintain "stasis" because you are happy with the way things are and you think by saying these things they will help keep things as such.
Curiosity has got the better of me and hoping to get some male advice.
1) If a girl were to say to you I don't want a boyfriend and I don't know what I want how would you take that?
2) If you used the words for now, not at the moment and it's a start would you mean that you are thinking that you're looking at a relationship further down the track, or are these merely just to maintain "stasis" because you are happy with the way things are and you think by saying these things they will help keep things as such.
Curiosity has got the better of me and hoping to get some male advice.
1) As it is. Insecurity will change it to, "She doesn't want to be with me".
2) Please punctuate correctly. It may be a bit difficult to grasp what you're saying here.
I will correct and shorten it for you.
If you used the words, "for now", "not at the moment", and, "it's a start", are you looking at a relationship further down the road or are these words spoken to prevent the moment from worsening?
My answer is the last part of the question starting from, "to prevent...".
2) Please punctuate correctly. It may be a bit difficult to grasp what you're saying here.
I will correct and shorten it for you.
If you used the words, "for now", "not at the moment", and, "it's a start", are you looking at a relationship further down the road or are these words spoken to prevent the moment from worsening?
My answer is the last part of the question starting from, "to prevent...".
Posted by Amyrh77
1) If a girl were to say to you I don't want a boyfriend and I don't know what I want how would you take that?
Translation: "You are a nice guy and I don't want to hurt your feelings so I will say that the problem is within myself; in reality, I'm just not into you".
Posted by Amyrh77
2) If you used the words for now, not at the moment and it's a start would you mean that you are thinking that you're looking at a relationship further down the track, or are these merely just to maintain "stasis" because you are happy with the way things are and you think by saying these things they will help keep things as such.click to expand
When I say "for now" or "at the moment" it means exactly that. For instance, I am comfortable with my living arrangements for now but am excited to move this summer. It means that the current situation is not what I want, but I know that it will not continue indefinitely and I can deal with it until it changes... it is ok, for now.
It's nice to actually have some serious feedback here from males instead of all the immature stuff we women get here..
It's funny how women supposedly say the opposite of what we really mean...whereas men say just what it means.
I would have taken "I don't want a boyfriend" totally different than the male did...he seems to take as as being unwanted and maybe that's not what she really meant.
By the way...how would a male interpet, "I'm looking for something casual"
It's funny how women supposedly say the opposite of what we really mean...whereas men say just what it means.
I would have taken "I don't want a boyfriend" totally different than the male did...he seems to take as as being unwanted and maybe that's not what she really meant.
By the way...how would a male interpet, "I'm looking for something casual"
I think some of it is unconcious interpretation based on the actual words used. "I don't want a boyfriend" and "I'm just looking for something casual" sound very different to me, but in essence they are the same thing. Like I said, I took the first as a 'just not that into you' thing, but the second doesn't have that personal sting. It may have something to do with "I don't want a bf" containing a negative in don't want, whereas "I'm looking for something casual" is about what you do want.
Posted by Amyrh77
Two things:
1) If a girl were to say to you I don't want a boyfriend and I don't know what I want how would you take that?
2) If you used the words for now, not at the moment and it's a start would you mean that you are thinking that you're looking at a relationship further down the track, or are these merely just to maintain "stasis" because you are happy with the way things are and you think by saying these things they will help keep things as such.
Curiosity has got the better of me and hoping to get some male advice.
1) i dealt with this while i was in a relationship. in fact it was right after we both admitted the feelings we had. i lashed out. if someone said that to me initially id be like damn. . . . and move on.
2)im thinking your asking what the reason would be behind saying something like tat, and if so, for me it would be because i just flat out dont want you.
"for now," Librasid covered it.
"Not at the moment," go away and leave me alone.
"Its a start," hmmm, this could be something really good. I think that we should give is a bit longer and see how it feels.
I was most intrigued by this "Its a start," comment. That seemed to me that I would be saying I think this has potential, but it will take some time to know for sure.
When I first saw these three I really did see them as three separate and distinct answers. And upon reflection, I still feel that way.
"Not at the moment," go away and leave me alone.
"Its a start," hmmm, this could be something really good. I think that we should give is a bit longer and see how it feels.
I was most intrigued by this "Its a start," comment. That seemed to me that I would be saying I think this has potential, but it will take some time to know for sure.
When I first saw these three I really did see them as three separate and distinct answers. And upon reflection, I still feel that way.
Posted by Amyrh77
Two things:
1) If a girl were to say to you I don't want a boyfriend and I don't know what I want how would you take that?
Depends.
Is she holding my penis with one hand or two at that moment?
Cause that has happened to me.
Wow guys this is great!
Okay lets throw something else into the mix then shall we. A four month physical relationship between said male and female.
Would you view it differently knowing this or still have the same answers?
Okay lets throw something else into the mix then shall we. A four month physical relationship between said male and female.
Would you view it differently knowing this or still have the same answers?
Ok I am not speaking for all women but for me
1) would mean I dont want a boyfriend
and I seriuosly when I say I dont know what I want then that means I dont know what I want, due to sorting myself out, like I like the guy and I am not sure if I could be with him or give him what he wants like look after him, not at the time for myself to do this for another as I am depleted of any thing to give really and also really messed up like emotional an moody and am sure guys dont like that so instead of being with them I'd spare them the pain of being with someone such as myself, who wants to be with someone who is down and cant seem to get started or have any interest in life and yeh until I have sorted myself out then it would be a different thing coz I wouldnt be down and I would be able to be with another without getting cranky with them for lying to me or cheating on me instead of getting cranky I'd have nothing to do with them at all, not only that I really want to do something for myself for once in my life instead of having everyone else telling me how I should be and what I should be doing and how I should act and stuff like that, having a boyfriend equates for me to having someone doing that to me and I am so over it, if I can find someone who doesnt pressure me in any way then maybe but until I sort myself out I doubt I would be with anyone, I cant see myself being with anyone coz they cant handle my moodiness and crankiness and yeh I would prefer to be by myself so I can sort myself out and then I dont have to bother anyone at all
2)For now, at the moment and it's a start means exactly that, for now, at the moment and it's a start- keeping options open whilst sorting oneself out but number one is sorting oneself out then if I can have time for boyfriend. Hard coz I like my own space and company to that of others so yeh its more if there was a time to be with boyfriend and later on down the road have sorted self out then yeh if bf still around and still feel the same then be with them, this goes for relationship of 4 months etcetc
1) would mean I dont want a boyfriend
and I seriuosly when I say I dont know what I want then that means I dont know what I want, due to sorting myself out, like I like the guy and I am not sure if I could be with him or give him what he wants like look after him, not at the time for myself to do this for another as I am depleted of any thing to give really and also really messed up like emotional an moody and am sure guys dont like that so instead of being with them I'd spare them the pain of being with someone such as myself, who wants to be with someone who is down and cant seem to get started or have any interest in life and yeh until I have sorted myself out then it would be a different thing coz I wouldnt be down and I would be able to be with another without getting cranky with them for lying to me or cheating on me instead of getting cranky I'd have nothing to do with them at all, not only that I really want to do something for myself for once in my life instead of having everyone else telling me how I should be and what I should be doing and how I should act and stuff like that, having a boyfriend equates for me to having someone doing that to me and I am so over it, if I can find someone who doesnt pressure me in any way then maybe but until I sort myself out I doubt I would be with anyone, I cant see myself being with anyone coz they cant handle my moodiness and crankiness and yeh I would prefer to be by myself so I can sort myself out and then I dont have to bother anyone at all
2)For now, at the moment and it's a start means exactly that, for now, at the moment and it's a start- keeping options open whilst sorting oneself out but number one is sorting oneself out then if I can have time for boyfriend. Hard coz I like my own space and company to that of others so yeh its more if there was a time to be with boyfriend and later on down the road have sorted self out then yeh if bf still around and still feel the same then be with them, this goes for relationship of 4 months etcetc
I would take it for what it is and jusr move on.
Posted by Amyrh77
Wow guys this is great!
Okay lets throw something else into the mix then shall we. A four month physical relationship between said male and female.
Would you view it differently knowing this or still have the same answers?
All kinds of things could effect the interpretation.
Four month physical relationship...
Do you all see other people as well? Are you "going steady" or is it casual? Personally I will talk to and even take out more than one woman at a time in the ealry stages. I won't however have more than one sexual partner at a time. Being in a four month physical thing would have me feeling like we were bf/gf already. Then having her out of the blue one day say she doesn't want a boyfriend... it would the "I'm not that into you" feeling stronger I think.
This is still dependant on many other situation specific things that we don't know. During your months together, is it dating or just physical? Do you all spend a lot of time together or is it booty calls? Those questions could drastically change how it is interpreted. If it is dating, see the answer above. If it is more of a fuck buddy or booty call thing then no he won't care if you don't want a bf because he ain't thinking gf either.
After 4 months, yeah, that's a "start."
And actually, I expect I would read the other two as I did in my first post.
And actually, I expect I would read the other two as I did in my first post.
Posted by Amyrh77
Two things:
1) If a girl were to say to you I don't want a boyfriend and I don't know what I want how would you take that?
2) If you used the words for now, not at the moment and it's a start would you mean that you are thinking that you're looking at a relationship further down the track, or are these merely just to maintain "stasis" because you are happy with the way things are and you think by saying these things they will help keep things as such.
Curiosity has got the better of me and hoping to get some male advice.
1) She wants to be friends or friends with benefits
2) Just to keep things they way they are
If after a 4 month physical relationship, there are words used as, "I don't want a relationship right now", or anything similar means the relationship isn't an emotional one .... so you shouldn't even be considering the emotional psychology of it, which is what this thread is about.
You ask how would a person feel ... and feelings aren't even a part of the relationship.
You ask how would a person feel ... and feelings aren't even a part of the relationship.
1. I would think I was being blown off or being let down gently and take it like that. I've made the mistake too many times of taking ambiguous comments too optimistically. Unless someone unambiguously shows they want to be with me, I'm not going to waste my time.
2. If I used those words, the first thing I'd do is slap the taste out of my own mouth. The second thing I'd do is apologize and state clearly what my intentions are. Whether I am interested in a relationship, or not, whether I'm just looking for a hook-up, or just looking to be friends.
2. If I used those words, the first thing I'd do is slap the taste out of my own mouth. The second thing I'd do is apologize and state clearly what my intentions are. Whether I am interested in a relationship, or not, whether I'm just looking for a hook-up, or just looking to be friends.
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