Monogamy

So many people are all for it, but yet so few people actually practice it!

Is monogamy actually & truly possible for the MAJORITY (not whole) population?

Is it REALLY realistic to expect to be with just 1 person for the rest of your life? (Assuming you've married them)

I mean, of course signing up for a monogamous relationship only to break that rule & cheat is dead wrong, BUT then agian why are the same people who swear they were all about monogamy in the beginning, find themselves not being able to shake off that inner need for variety, to cheat or to want their cake & eat it too?

Some people live with those inner urges & somehow suppress them, while others allow those outside temptations to control them, even IF they're in a happy/loving relationship. Some can, some can't.

Why aren't people willing to accept that half of the people claiming they're for monogamy are really just full of shxt?!

Personally, I think people claim they're all for monogamy b/c no 1 likes admitting the opposite.

I don't think people wake up 1 day after they've cheated & think, "Hell naw, I guess I don't believe in monogamy after all!" No, I think most people intellectually want monogamy once they settle down, but emotionally? Different story!

Alot of people wanna get married, but I don't think people REALLY really grasp the concept of actually being with that 1 & only person for the rest of their lives?

I'm not saying that infidelity/cheating is wrong, BUT I think more people would be less hurt/hurt less people if they were honest with themselves in that they really can't handle monogamy long term. Maybe in the beginning during the "honey moon" stages, but forever? Naw. I don't believe it

People are quick to jump to judge polygamy or people who don't believe in monogamy, but hey I can't really blaim those who don't believe in it b/c atleast they're being honest about it unlike the preacher, teacher, mother, father, counselor, friend, etc. whose swearing they're all for monogamy only to have a 21 page rap sheet of all the people they've cheated on (for whatever reason)

I get that relationships that aren't monogamous rarely work out long term, BUT isn't the same true for monogamous relationships? Monogamy doesn't seem to be working out either.

B/c if monogamy truly was the #1 moral/belief within someone, cheating (for whatever reason, during whatever period of the relationship) wouldn't be so common & almost expected!

Posted by krysrenee7


I get that relationships that aren't monogamous rarely work out long term,

Are there stats for this?

I see heaps of people rooting around on the side and yet remaining married (the ones I consider fairly long term being a 10 yr marriage, a 20 yr marriage and a 30 yr + marriage)

*greatly annoying for us single people...all these married folk getting 2 bites of the cherry

Posted by krysrenee7
So many people are all for it, but yet so few people actually practice it!

Is monogamy actually & truly possible for the MAJORITY (not whole) population?

Is it REALLY realistic to expect to be with just 1 person for the rest of your life? (Assuming you've married them)

I mean, of course signing up for a monogamous relationship only to break that rule & cheat is dead wrong, BUT then agian why are the same people who swear they were all about monogamy in the beginning, find themselves not being able to shake off that inner need for variety, to cheat or to want their cake & eat it too?

Some people live with those inner urges & somehow suppress them, while others allow those outside temptations to control them, even IF they're in a happy/loving relationship. Some can, some can't.

Why aren't people willing to accept that half of the people claiming they're for monogamy are really just full of shxt?!

Personally, I think people claim they're all for monogamy b/c no 1 likes admitting the opposite.

I don't think people wake up 1 day after they've cheated & think, "Hell naw, I guess I don't believe in monogamy after all!" No, I think most people intellectually want monogamy once they settle down, but emotionally? Different story!

Alot of people wanna get married, but I don't think people REALLY really grasp the concept of actually being with that 1 & only person for the rest of their lives?

I'm not saying that infidelity/cheating is wrong, BUT I think more people would be less hurt/hurt less people if they were honest with themselves in that they really can't handle monogamy long term. Maybe in the beginning during the "honey moon" stages, but forever? Naw. I don't believe it

IDK...I find myself wanting to be married, but I am really concerned with if I'm going to be bored with and/or get tired of the same man day in and day out. I am REALLY concerned with that, but you know...just gotta' keep it interesting every day & not be so damn routine...IDK but that probably happens to most people or they get involved in a serious relationship really young & then just want to break free after a while.

Building a life with another person (especially one we have children with) is human nature, but having sexual/emotional affairs outside of that is also human nature.

Complete monogamy is a social construct.

I want to be the chick whose husband who arrives late at work and his buddies want to know why he is tardy and he says "Well I am late because RNAP was giving me my usual morning head and I totally forgot the time" and the buddies grumble "oh geez man, my wife never goes down on me."


Now I know I am not married but I am pretty sure with the right person monogamy can rock. trick is to be with the right person.

Posted by Lena828
It's very crushing to be weighed down by another human being, you just want to shake them off and say let me be damn it! I throw guys off because one second I'm clingy the next I'm nowhere to be found and throwing a fit when they want to see me..

LOL such a water sign behavior. I agree with the rest of your post though too. It always ends up being that way. You both have to be really stable I think.

I get that you may look like a bad person if you admit that monogamy is just not something you think you can handle long term, BUT if it's the truth, others should know that...even if admitting that may cost you a few relationships or people along the way...afterall, they're gonna find out anyways, even if just 5 years later?

And why are the people who may get "bored" or stray after long periods of time of being with someone always considered selfish, greedy or dead wrong?

If it's human nature, it may not intellectually sound good to others, BUT if it's the truth, it's the truth!

And people are very true to their own desires. They may find a "good one" & monogamy may not be so hard in the beginning, BUT when things get tough or when a long period of time has passed, a person's true feelings about monogamy surface.

It doesn't make much sense to say that sex shouldn't be atleast "part" of the reason a good relationship is considered "good." Sure, commitment as a whole should come b/c you truly like the person for who they are, BUT what that person does (for/to you) is also just as important.

That's like saying that if affection or physical attractive starts to go away that a couple should still stand simply b/c they want to be "committed" to eachother. Well, that's not fair especially if affection (or whatever) played a role (big or small) in how the couple even came to "committment" stage to begin with.

I don't think all the people who end up cheating or wanting out of a relationship after long periods of time are dead wrong or only doing so b/c they're selfish/greedy. I think sometimes it's b/c they're being true to their own non-monogamous desires that may only surface years later.

And let's be honest...some people knew they couldn't handle monogamy from the start. They just "hoped" that their "love" for the other person would keep them grounded

Everybody starts out claiming monogamy is the way to go but it may not hit them that monogamy is just not their cup of tea until they're actually IN the moment...5+ years later...entertaining their own thoughts to cheat or stray...

Problem is...by the time someone conveinantly "realizes" that monogamy is alot harder than they thought, there's already kids, joined bills, families linked together & nosy judgemental friends/family members that become affected by it

Statistics say that 74% of men would cheat IF they knew they'd get away with it & 48% of women would cheat if they knew they'd get away with it.

So obviously monogamy sounds good when speaking about it, but actually living it forever is not so common or possible.

In other words, half the people claiming they're a "1 woman-man" or vice versa are full of shxt. And if not, they're only saying that when things are good/new. It's amazing how religious/moral beliefs of monogamy go out of the window years later

I think it's perfectly normal to not expect to be with someone for the rest of your life.

And yes, this even applies if you meet the "right person."

I'm not saying that if you get bored or feel the need to stray that you should cheat. Perhaps, leaving the relationship & going to find whatever outside desires you have is more appropriate.

But simply admitting that 1 person may not be enough is not rooted in evil.

None of us ever have just ONE friend or ONE family member or ONE job or ONE hobby or ONE talent or ONE main thing we stick with forever. Throughout life we grow to love MANY different people, things, places, ideas, circumstances, hobbies, etc. Relationships aren't any different. The proof of that is in the statistics pertaining to monogamy

99% of people probably yell "Monogamy" but only a small percent of those people actually practice it forever

I think people put down monogamy because they cannot fathom the idea of it, of being with one person as opposed to a variety.

I feel upset when people proclaim that monogamy is impossible, but I think monogamy can be different for many people. IMO, if I'm not with someone I care about, I'd rather be single. The idea of monogamy is easier for me because I don't do well with casual affairs (and I don't mean a cheating affair like thing). I mean, I can do it, but I have to convince myself that the person I am with someone I don't want to be with longterm. However, if the person I am with is someone I truly adore, then the idea of being with that one person just fits me better than well... not being monogamous. I can't deny that there isn't temptation, but I'm often being reminded as to why I chose to be with the one person longterm over the few in between that try to come into my life. I also can't deny that I enjoy outside attention, but at the end of the day, I know who is going to get the majority of my attention.

I think what makes it easier for me is that I'm not overly clingy and can go about my day without stressing out over my S/O. Sure, I do sometimes, but as long as I know that he's mine, then I don't really care if he's going out with his friends, in his own space, ect (as long as he isn't cheating). I want to do the same. I can go a couple of weeks without seeing my S/O as long as we have some kind of communication in between.

I really think that monogamy has to be adjusted to the individual. Monogamy is probably a social construct, but it is also something the individual can work out for him/herself. I don't knock anyone who is polygamous, polyamorous, or choose to enjoy casual dating for the majority of his/her life. It's whatever works for everyone. I will say, that I believe in monogamy, but I don't necessarily abide by everything that monogamy is supposed to offer/stand for.

Posted by caesarkreshen


people who want to have sex will fail in a monogamous relationship because having sex with the same person is boring. But if you goal is to be committed to someone and have stability then that's why you'd get married.

The reason people get in a relationship and cheat is because they see the relationship as stability but still want the sex. And I don't believe that idea can work... the idea of an open relationship... because sooner or later one is gonna do something that makes the other mad.

I dunno if I believe in marriage, but I believe in monogamy and I believe that once you have had sex with someone it's kind of like getting married. Maybe even kissed them. But since people are so crazy and selfish it's stupid to commit yourself to someone when you aren't 100% sure and will you ever been 100% sure? Seems like marriage is doomed to fail; I don't need its security nor do I want its binding chains. Unfortunately, in most relationships people get married and then "let themselves go" because they know what a hassle it would be to divorce and they use that against each other.

-CK

Maybe it is a chick thing? Maybe just peculiar to me, but to me stability would be sex with the one person that I really love.

I hear you about the divorce thing...people getting caught up in the 'romance' of it all and marrying in error and now it's too much effort/hassle to get divorced so lets compound the problem and just stay together and make each other miserable!!

Posted by starlover
How many people do you know that have been together a long time and still have the hots for each other...?

...i know none, really i dont

I know plenty who still stay together and dont have sex, or if they do its not often and isnt particularly good, especially when children come along

I know plenty who stay together and have affairs

....Burton and Taylor and even they were unfaithful and almost killed each other 😄

People who stay together and have affairs are fucking wankers. End it or mend it. Don't friggin double dip. It's wrong and it's greedy. And it is also stupid and short sighted if you factor in the fact that their true love/soulmate/whatever phrase you like to use, is out there wandering around looking for their "mate" and the selfish idiot is hanging around in a dead relationship they don't have the guts to leave.

on a slightly more cheerful note.....ahhhh, Burton. Sexy sexy sexy🙂

whats the alternative to monogamy? Ripping out the heart of the person who gave their life to you and gave you children....sticking a knife in and twisting it. Wrecking your childrens minds hearts and faith in humanity...making them dread marriage and relationships rather than have optimism about the future.

Sorry to be so over the top 😛 But it means a lot to me that my parents are still together. Even now in my late 30s its a constant source of inspiration that I wouldnt want to be without

Posted by michellemabelle
whats the alternative to monogamy? Ripping out the heart of the person who gave their life to you and gave you children....sticking a knife in and twisting it. Wrecking your childrens minds hearts and faith in humanity...making them dread marriage and relationships rather than have optimism about the future.

Sorry to be so over the top 😛 But it means a lot to me that my parents are still together. Even now in my late 30s its a constant source of inspiration that I wouldnt want to be without

Well the opposite of monogamy is screwing someone other than your spouse/partner.

The alternatives are numerous I guess and would include things like celibacy.

What would rip your heart out more ? A respectful and civil end to a relationship that was not mutually fulfilling or having your spouse two-timing around behind your back and lying to you?

I am glad that your folks are together and happy and doing just great. I hope the same happiness finds you.

My folks should never have gotten married or had kids or stayed together.. but they did and apart from making themselves miserable they also did their best to fuck their kids lives up as well. Different strokes for different folks.

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

Posted by michellemabelle
whats the alternative to monogamy? Ripping out the heart of the person who gave their life to you and gave you children....sticking a knife in and twisting it. Wrecking your childrens minds hearts and faith in humanity...making them dread marriage and relationships rather than have optimism about the future.

Sorry to be so over the top 😛 But it means a lot to me that my parents are still together. Even now in my late 30s its a constant source of inspiration that I wouldnt want to be without

Well the opposite of monogamy is screwing someone other than your spouse/partner.

The alternatives are numerous I guess and would include things like celibacy.

What would rip your heart out more ? A respectful and civil end to a relationship that was not mutually fulfilling or having your spouse two-timing around behind your back and lying to you?

I am glad that your folks are together and happy and doing just great. I hope the same happiness finds you.

My folks should never have gotten married or had kids or stayed together.. but they did and apart from making themselves miserable they also did their best to fuck their kids lives up as well. Different strokes for different folks.

click to expand

To me a spouse lying to me & 2-timing me would rip my heart out more. I believe a respectful & civil end agreed upon both parties is more acceptable to deal with. Your pic is so cute by the way 😛

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

Posted by krysrenee7


I get that relationships that aren't monogamous rarely work out long term,

Are there stats for this?

I see heaps of people rooting around on the side and yet remaining married (the ones I consider fairly long term being a 10 yr marriage, a 20 yr marriage and a 30 yr + marriage)

click to expand

Still interested in these stats for the non-monogamous relationships "rarely working out"

More likely the couple stays together and just cheat

I'm for monogamy when I'm in love with someone, but I also understand why some folks can't handle it, especially long term

Think about it. The whole point of dating is to hopefully end up in a serious relationship with them. Once the serious relationship comes, some people wanna take it to "marriage" status. And for those that do, monogamy is usually the "need" BUT internally is it the "want?" Especially considering most of us have "be together FOREVER" in mind when we say our vows or atleast agree to marry someone

So yes, monogamy to me means agreeing to intellectually AND emotionally to be only sexual with 1 person for the rest of your life since the whole point of dating period is to find someone to settle down with

Most people don't just want a 2 year relationship or a 10 year marriage. Most people who end up broken up/divorced atleast assumed/hoped for things to work out forever when they 1st signed up for it. The fact that it sometimes doesn't work out is besides the point

SO I'm just curious to know why so many people sign up for monogamy but yet know deep down that even IF they truly find someone they love, monogamy is something they'll consider walking away from.

Monogamy comes with serious relationships. Well tough/dry periods come with regular relationships too.

I think people who end up straying or suddenly realizing 10 yrs later that they still have an unfulfilled need to have variety (or any other person other than their partner) weren't truly monogamous-types of people to begin with.

And the true test for which someone can handle monogamy isn't in the beginning when things are great. The true test is when things get rough. That's all of the sudden when the "1 woman-man" starts claiming he's still "young" and wants to be with someone else

Posted by krysrenee7
So many people are all for it, but yet so few people actually practice it!

Is monogamy actually & truly possible for the MAJORITY (not whole) population?

Is it REALLY realistic to expect to be with just 1 person for the rest of your life? (Assuming you've married them)

Yes it is. The problem is that every one of us believes we're gonna find that special person in our lifetime, which is why we usually stop looking and tie ourselves down at a certain age. It's like having babies. Just because we are biologically equipped with the goods doesen't mean we must make babies!

I think polygamy, or infidelity are more natural stances than monogamy. People want what they want.

Along the same vein, if you want something? Do you take it by any means necessary? Steal for it, kill for it? Probably not because of our judicial system, but if we had no legal barriers in place...civilization would dissolv

What's interesting here is that most people will cheat because more often than not, they can get away with it. Even if they get caught, the legal ramifications are not that steep, no prison time, no jail time.

Would these same people steal whenever they felt like stealing? Nope.
Why? People are scared of being held accountable for their actions at the end of the day.

Cheating to me is deliberately engaging in any activity that you know your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend would not approve of. Like spending time with another person, talking on the phone with them for long periods of time in a "more than friendly" manner. Sneaking around to see each other and lying. Cheating is more than physical. If my man were to slip up and have a drunken night and sleep with someone, I can get over that because we are all human. The only exception to that would be based on how many times he did it with the same person or if it was a friend. If it was more than once than he may actually have an emotional attachment to the person and if it's a friend it's even worse. It's the emotional cheating that hurts the most. The thought of the person you love falling for someone else.