My daughter just asked me if she was pretty

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by sweethearts on Friday, April 18, 2014 and has 33 replies.
I said no, you are beautiful. She is in fact, she is pretty to look at and also has a very loving nature and that has been expressed to me by dozens of people, so it's not me being biased.
Then she asked me, then why don't any men find her attractive? I tried to come up with answers but it makes me wonder too why not many men approach her. She is religious but that doesn't change the dynamics too much other than whom she would find suitable to date. I've seen guys at my work flirt with her so maybe she doesn't really pick up on it.
Is it that they (men) sense a no nonsense girl? She is marriage material and doesn't play around taking her religion very seriously, not sure you would be able to pick that up when you first meet her as she is very friendly and down to earth & not prudish. I would liken her to the "girl next door type"
Any thoughts on why men don't approach?

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Posted by sweethearts
I said no, you are beautiful. She is in fact, she is pretty to look at and also has a very loving nature and that has been expressed to me by dozens of people, so it's not me being biased.
Then she asked me, then why don't any men find her attractive? I tried to come up with answers but it makes me wonder too why not many men approach her. She is religious but that doesn't change the dynamics too much other than whom she would find suitable to date. I've seen guys at my work flirt with her so maybe she doesn't really pick up on it.
Is it that they (men) sense a no nonsense girl? She is marriage material and doesn't play around taking her religion very seriously, not sure you would be able to pick that up when you first meet her as she is very friendly and down to earth & not prudish. I would liken her to the "girl next door type"
Any thoughts on why men don't approach?





Because she's a no nonsense woman surrounded by guys who deal in nonsense. Tell her to stick to her guns and the right one will come when its time_??_
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She's just told me there is a guy that they hang out in a group situation but he doesn't flirt with her, they are the only 2 singles. I've suggested that he maybe observing or even have the others put pressure there and keeping his distance until he knows within himself if he is interested in her or not.
I can see it's hard for her, she has always wanted to have children and at her age will be starting to feel like her clock is ticking.
Would make my world if she found a nice man and settled down
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Is your self esteem that low PP? I called you unpretty once and you continually stalk anything I put up. I feel sorry for you really, you don't have much going for you and you allow yourself to be used and think you really are all that when in reality you are just a bum boy...pardon the pun.
Now I am not going to reply to anything further you say in the future, I'm done playing with you, you've never got much to say except lol and I do realize it's your immaturity that sends you my way and at some point you will be need to grow up.
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Posted by Piscescrazy91
Tell her that she's special and beautiful and a little too good for them.




What utter nonsense right there ^^^^
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sweethearts - how a person looks doesn't matter, and that is what she needs to realize.
It's true .... that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Where's her sun?
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Sometimes it takes certain people a lil longer to meet the right person. Tell her it's nothing wrong with her. It just means those guys aren't the one. Keep praying and soon enough God will send the one who is worth the wait and struggle smile
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Posted by strudel
^i am not coz i have no air. i don't think enough to get nervous around em. Tongue
i think men and women have different eyes. it's also possible the religion makes it hard to converse with her. like i don't have much to talk about with other people because my mind is filled with astrology.
p.s. does she like asian guys? i keed, i keed! Tongue


lmao. sands, you might be onto something Tongue
my husband lacks air, (unless you count houses) but none/lacking air......not a stitch of fear around pretty women.

OP, try having her go to churches and church meetings/functions? she's super religious right? so, how about another religous single man looking for a chat up and a decent date.
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She is religious and stays in the confines if the church by choice. It is a very social church so it's not like there is hardly any chance, they attend 3-4 times a week. Recently she move states so there is a whole new lot of people she is meeting and associating with. This guy she has met as I said is friendly but doesn't speak to her one on one. They hang out in a crowd, dinner at friends place or restaurants etc. he himself is shy and she said has only ever kissed 3 girls and he's in a band! ( that information came up around the table in a group conversation apparently)
She's really not that insecure in who she is P, I just think she was doubting herself yesterday as she was pondering why guys don't approach her, hardly ever. I had to rack my brains in that too, my thoughts were she is too easy going and comes off as too much like a friend and there's no mystery to her or men pick up she is interested in only long term. She is a Taurus, her and I have a turbulent relationship so I would suggest she stay completely away from libras smile
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I hope god does soon. I'd like to see her settle down fully myself, I think her role as a mother and wife would be the most fulfilling for her. She took it the hardest when her father and I split. She's 25 this week and in her mind she always thought she would be a mom by now. At that age, a lot of woman start to self doubt they will find someone and have their families and it gets worse each year after.
She likes Europeans, particularly strong London accents! This guy is a blonde Greek.
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well that's good you are looking for good men for your daughter. You kind of sound like my mother, (as i guess most mothers who love their daughters desire this for their daughters) she was always worried about us girls finding GOOD, stable men. Now she can rest in her heart and soul, (as she's happy with our choices) and just worry about the grandchildren.
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btw, if i were her, i'd be the one choosing the man, and not my mother....
since your tastes most probably greatly differ from hers.
but it is sweet.
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Posted by sweethearts
I hope god does soon. I'd like to see her settle down fully myself, I think her role as a mother and wife would be the most fulfilling for her. She took it the hardest when her father and I split. She's 25 this week and in her mind she always thought she would be a mom by now. At that age, a lot of woman start to self doubt they will find someone and have their families and it gets worse each year after.
She likes Europeans, particularly strong London accents! This guy is a blonde Greek.


I don't know either you or your daughter, but the bolded part stuck out to me. Perhaps she might be projecting some of her inner 'insecurities' or 'desperation' outwards? - And I used quotes because, again, I have never met her, so idk if those things are even an issue for her.
But if she thought she would be married with children by now, a lot of guys in her age group might be a bit wary of that/her mindset.. Does she get 'noticed' or 'hit on' by older men?
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I'm sure she's a nice lady, however, remember you're her mom so of course you're going to see her in the best light possible. Even if she were the main problem, you probably wouldn't believe so. You're her mom. Of course it appears that everybody else is the problem.
Not saying that there's anything wrong with her, just saying that attraction is about 2 people & the signals BOTH people put out. People have to remember that how they see themselves & how others perceive them can sometimes be 2 different things.
You said she was very religious & dedicated a lot of her time to it. Well, let's be honest, a lot of men her age aren't necessarily looking for the nice church girl they can take home to mama. It was like that in the good ole days, but things have changed now.
The average 25 year old kid is looking for the more fun, loose, bubbly girl who's not necessarily ready to tie him down with a baby & a wedding. You'd be surprised at how many women UNKNOWINGLY wear "I'm ready to get married & have kids right away" written on their foreheads. If this is the vibe she's subconsciously giving off or the vibe she carries on her sleeves, it shouldn't be surprising that younger men in their prime aren't necessarily rushing towards her.
If most men don't find her attractive (of course this is something you'll deny b/c you're her mother & think she's the most beautiful girl in the world lol), then that may explain why she's not getting approached often. Like it or not, the reality is that men can be extremely shallow. The girl who's not stunning or anything like her competition will unfortunately be overlooked.
There could be a million reasons why she's not getting approached:
-The average man doesn't find her attractive -Her demeanor is standoffish or cold (sometimes a woman carries herself a little bit differently in the presence of men when her mother is around) -Her being so religious may (unfairly) make men believe that she's frigid & no fun -She doesn't put herself in enough or the right social environments to attract the kind of men she's looking for. If she's in church or in the house all day, she's dramatically decreasing her chances of being approached by a multitude of men who are most likely OUTSIDE of church & in every other type of environment scowling for girls.
But hey, these are all just possibilities. Who knows.
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Yes, tell her that beauty is in the eye of the beholder & that as a woman, she shouldn't determine her worth based on how many men want her. Get her to understand that she shouldn't feel that she's missing out on anything, especially the men who constantly overlook her. Hell, if she's not good enough to approach in their minds, then they oughta not be relevant enough for her to feel sad or let her self-image suffer over them.
But also tell her the realities of life & men. Men can be extremely shallow, especially when young or under 30. If she's not the girl with the big boobs, big butt, the bubbly personality or the girl in environments that men most likely crowd, then she may be overlooked a lot more often than most other girls. Sucks though Sad
Sometimes, women have dry spells & phases where they either don't attract anyone at all, or do but can't seem to attract the men that are likely compatible with them. All the attention in the world doesn't matter or mean anything if the attention is for the wrong reason or if the people giving you the attention aren't compatible with you or want the same things you want. Of course you know this, but reiterate this to her & make sure she hasn't forgotten this either.
The right guy for her will come in time. She's who she is. That won't ever change. And that's a good thing. Everybody isn't meant to find love & settle down in their teens or even 20's. For some, fate decides that those things won't come until they're in their 30's, 40's or even 50's+. Of course the "dream" is to have what you want the minute you start wanting it (biological clock ticking) but in real life, most people don't get what they want in the timing that they want it.
She'll be ok. Her questioning her beauty is normal. Every woman has done so at some point or another in their lives. All she needs is a good pep talk + a cold hard look in the mirror just to be sure that she's not unknowingly or subconsciously pushing men away before they even have the chance to approach her. It happens!!!
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Posted by strudel
Posted by sweethearts
She likes Europeans, particularly strong London accents! This guy is a blonde Greek.


ahh well... smile
click to expand


Haha I had the same reaction!
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Posted by sweethearts
She's just told me there is a guy that they hang out in a group situation but he doesn't flirt with her, they are the only 2 singles. I've suggested that he maybe observing or even have the others put pressure there and keeping his distance until he knows within himself if he is interested in her or not.
I can see it's hard for her, she has always wanted to have children and at her age will be starting to feel like her clock is ticking.
Would make my world if she found a nice man and settled down


_??_
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She's very clucky and my eldest and mothered my two younger ones and still tries to. She always wanted to have her first at the same age I had her... It's her vision. I wanted my girls all to travel, that would have been my vision for them but seeing how none of them are interested, it's more important what they want. But yes, I'd love to have grandchildren to dote over in my spare time.
Will read krys and other comments properly tonight.
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^^^ so step out, no one is holding you here!
@Kry, she would not marry or look outside of her religion, it's what they are taught and what she respects and wants for herself and children. Her association is mostly only with other members of their faith and they all understand the life path and the courting is "old fashion" She isn't and doesn't hang out where "most 25 year olds" hang out drinking and partying and clubbing. So the men she meet understand and accept her views...
in saying all that, the dating game is still similar, if a man is interested they show it and I guess the men that are attractive to her don't find her attractive which is where her doubts came in and she asked me the question "am I not pretty?"
@ Lisa, I don't choose my daughters partners any more than I would let them choose who I would date. Don't know where you got that from? Did it come off like that? She lives in a different state and I'm not religious.
Andalusia, she has commented in the past that only the older desperate ones are looking. Guys almost twice her age and she is grossed out by that and not interested so possibly it's more that 25 year old men don't want to settle down yet. But in saying that this religion, many of these kids get married and settle down from 19 years old, so it's not uncommon.
I understand what you are saying ANds...you just never know...





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She'll be ok. Her questioning her beauty is normal. Every woman has done so at some point or another in their lives. All she needs is a good pep talk + a cold hard look in the mirror just to be sure that she's not unknowingly or subconsciously pushing men away before they even have the chance to approach her. It happens!!!

THis ^^^ I think it comes down to
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It's very admirable that she's sticking to her guns & isn't willing to sell out all just to have a man. Sometimes being true to yourself or having a strict set of standards comes with a price and has its pitfalls.
Even though the men she surrounds herself with are religious doesn't stop them from being men. Even religious men are visual creatures & again, if they're not finding her attractive then that may be the reason they're not approaching her Sad Ideally, it should be about personality, a woman's heart & on what's on the inside lol but unfortunately, lots of men want you to pass the beauty/attractiveness test 1st before they're interested in getting to know what's on the inside.
Or it could be that the religious men she is around already have partners or don't want companionship. If these men aren't looking to use her for sex (like most other guys who constantly crowd the clubs/bars/nightlife) and if these men aren't looking for a relationship or anything other than friendship, it makes sense that the # of men who approach her will dramatically go down or that she'll constantly be put in the "friend zone."
She will find who's right for her. Sometimes the woman who's dressed like a porn star gets more attention & approach than the woman dressed like she respects herself. Sometimes the woman with the potty mouth, an empty interior & who comes with loads of drama/baggage get picked & approached moreso than the classic "good girl." We hear "good men" all the time venting about how nice guys finish last. Perhaps it's the same for good girls. Sucks, but that's reality.
I think she just had a moment. A moment all young women have at some point. It's like she knows that God's timing may be different than what she wants on her own timing lol but even in knowing that, it doesn't mean that it doesn't still suck from time to time when you see that you haven't gotten what you wanted at the age/time you wanted it. She'll come back down to earth.
Her being the way she is will most likely result in her having a beautiful, long-lasting relationship when she finally does find the right guy. Her marriage will probably last a lot longer than others would. Why? B/c 2 people who share the same background, have high standards & who always stay true to themselves even if it means going against the grain or not turning into what's "popular" tend to have happier & stronger relationships when they finally do find their match smile
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Posted by sweethearts
^^^ so step out, no one is holding you here!
@Kry, she would not marry or look outside of her religion, it's what they are taught and what she respects and wants for herself and children. Her association is mostly only with other members of their faith and they all understand the life path and the courting is "old fashion" She isn't and doesn't hang out where "most 25 year olds" hang out drinking and partying and clubbing. So the men she meet understand and accept her views...
in saying all that, the dating game is still similar, if a man is interested they show it and I guess the men that are attractive to her don't find her attractive which is where her doubts came in and she asked me the question "am I not pretty?"
@ Lisa, I don't choose my daughters partners any more than I would let them choose who I would date. Don't know where you got that from? Did it come off like that? She lives in a different state and I'm not religious.
Andalusia, she has commented in the past that only the older desperate ones are looking. Guys almost twice her age and she is grossed out by that and not interested so possibly it's more that 25 year old men don't want to settle down yet. But in saying that this religion, many of these kids get married and settle down from 19 years old, so it's not uncommon.
I understand what you are saying ANds...you just never know...



i don't know ....just a feeling.... have you ever rejected or hated any of her past boyfriends?
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Her first bf shared my birthday and he and I got on really well, in fact she thought I liked him more than her. Truth is, what frustrated me about her also frustrated him, it was uncanny. Then I found out he was a bully and would hurt her both physically and mentally. She was still in love with him so I called them over and told him I know what he was doing. We talked and he expressed his regret and said he wanted to change. I helped him to seek therapy but she refused because in her mind she wasn't a part of the problem. Eventually they split, she left to pursue the church which he was opposed to and also he hadn't changed. Funnily enough I met his new wife the other day, she is absolutely beautiful inside and out and I know deep down just from hearing her talk that she is suffering the same as my girl with this man.
The only other bf she had was very young and really not ready to where she is, he's still around and I don't think much of him either way except that I know he is too young for her. Same with my other girls, I always express my concerns but it's their lives and their choices. It's the way my mother was with me and my brothers and the way I will be. Of course nobody will ever be perfect for your children but it's their lives.
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well it sounds like she dodged a disgusting nasty one there, with your help.
unfortunately the other woman he got with sounded like she didn't have much luck.
sorry to hear though that she thought she wasn't part of the problem.... in many cases it's always a two way street. Despite the other being a bully and the other a doormat. Women turn into doormats when they fear being alone. (of course i'm thinking in the extreme extreme case like that woman who was married to Josef Fitz in Austria --- plenty of women turn a blind eye and they become shadows, no longer a kind person inside, because she became a doormat -- living in fear)
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She did and it has effected her self confidence too, possibly this is what men see?
Your first love effect your whole life, sometimes more than we know until we are much older.
She came to me about him, I never saw it for myself Sad
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Posted by sweethearts
She did and it has effected her self confidence too, possibly this is what men see?
Your first love effect your whole life, sometimes more than we know until we are much older.
She came to me about him, I never saw it for myself Sad


sorry to hear that.
maybe. maybe not.
if she is religious and has confidence in the church, all that doesn't matter in the end.
she got away which is good.
what is her chart?
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I'm not sure, her birthday is tomorrow and she was born at 6.55am 1989.
Today she told me she had spent the weekend away with her friends and this guy and that he has friend zoned her. I just put it down to he may not be attracted to her physically...next... life is like that!
Eventually she'll find someone, of that I'm sure. I guess it's just frustrating when you are going through it, especially when young and feeling like you are one of the ones left sitting on the shelf.
Lisa I think, you pick up that I live what my girls go through....it's how mothers with daughters feel because we know only too well how heartbreaking growing up can be!
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Well I wouldn't go as far to blame the victim for any abuse she faces. That's a dangerous mentality, especially when this happens to children. Children often don't speak up or ever get help for their demons b/c they blame themselves or don't feel confident in confiding in the adults who they strongly believe will blame them too.
Anywho, @Sweethearts: I think women try so hard to conceal their inner demons/past that they can't possibly entertain the idea that despite all their efforts to appear demonless, men can see straight through them. This was my original thinking when I 1st saw the post.
There is something about her that she wears on her forehead that others immediately pick up on. In fact, abusers can attest to that! They can spot what they consider to be insecurity, weaknesses or desperation from a mile away. Hell, that's how they pick their victims! Non-abusers have the same ability.
Some people are more see-through than they realize. Idk what signals she's unknowingly putting out there, but there is def. something written on her forehead that scares men away. And I'm not surprised that she can't figure it out, b/c most of us can't, considering we'll never know what it's like to be an outsider looking in lol
Even if she's considered the ugliest girl in the world (doubt it), there will still be men that approach her, if anything just to use her or sleep with her. The fact that this isn't happening leads me to believe that she IS getting approached, but leaves that part out b/c the guys approaching her aren't what she's looking for. Almost like they don't count or aren't worth mentioning.
That's why I'm thinking that the true culprit is coming from the inside. She's unaware of or in denial about something about herself that she thinks others can't see. Attraction works both ways. If you're attracted to everybody but nobody is attracted to you, the person not getting any play is usually the 1 with an issue, even if the issue is technically shallow or stupid.
She needs to get opinions on this from people that she knows that are unbiased & not related to her. Family members know her story & believe she's the most beautiful woman in the world, so they'll stand confused right along with her in confusion when asked why she's not approachable.
Hell idk.
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Posted by sweethearts
She's really not that insecure in who she is P, I just think she was doubting herself yesterday as she was pondering why guys don't approach her, hardly ever.
.... my thoughts were she is too easy going and comes off as too much like a friend and there's no mystery to her ....




You know .... this is something all nice women and men face.
There's the Bitch, and the Bad Boy ... and young people look at those in awe, and sometimes even older people are still fascinated by the traits of these people .. they look so fun, so exciting.
And the Good Guy, and the Nice Lady feel passed over, eventhough they really don't want to actually be that bitch.
And that's all that is happening to her right now ... and likely she will come across this again in life.
I guess it's envy, ya?
But, when it passes, and you know it will ... she will be able to come to terms that it's only a fantasy, and that having morals, standards and values is much more worthy of her.
So, even though she's not an insecure person ordinarily ... she is human, after all, and remember, pain which doesn't hurt you, changes you.
She's ok, and I know she is, because I know you are.
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Thanks for all your advice, I have used a lot of it as we have continued to discuss it (through texting)all weekend.
It's hard to help children to understand why things are the way they are, when we don't have all the answers and they still look to you for them.
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Posted by sweethearts
I'm not sure, her birthday is tomorrow and she was born at 6.55am 1989.
Today she told me she had spent the weekend away with her friends and this guy and that he has friend zoned her. I just put it down to he may not be attracted to her physically...next... life is like that!
Eventually she'll find someone, of that I'm sure. I guess it's just frustrating when you are going through it, especially when young and feeling like you are one of the ones left sitting on the shelf.
Lisa I think, you pick up that I live what my girls go through....it's how mothers with daughters feel because we know only too well how heartbreaking growing up can be!


well she is LUCKIER than most girls, because not many girls have mothers...and believe me, many young girls have terrible mothers, or mothers who kick them out in and choose to be with their boyfriends, or that their mothers are sluts, drunks, or drug addicts.
you do look after your daughter, and she's very blessed for that.
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bascially, sweethearts, you give your daughter a CHANCE at having a good life.
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Just want to say that she reminded me of my sister........a Libra with a Taurus mum.
She is quite pretty, sociable and friendly......yet she couldn't get a boyfriend for several years! I don't know exactly why......maybe too tame and boring, maybe she was pinning for a boy she met during the first year at the uni. He initially showed some interest, but changed his mind.Anyway, I didn't get the impression that she was suffering too much.......or maybe I was too busy dating too many guys at the same time to notice.......but our mum was really concerned about her!
Firstly, mum changed her attitude. While I was to be "locked up" and questioned about my whereabouts every minute or so, and my potential boyfriends were given lovely nicknames like "Casanova" and "Needlehead", my younger sister enjoyed all the freedom and was even encouraged to go to as many parties as she wanted and come home as late as she could.
Secondly, mum thought that buying her an apartment will increase my sister's appeal to the opposite sex and was busy for a while looking for the right "investment".
Thirdly, our mum decided to scrutinize the local newspaper for matrimonial adverts, on behalf of my sister. The fate decided that at the same time, another mum, in a town far away, placed an advert in the same newspaper, on behalf of her son. My mum sent my sister on a date with him (he was studying in our town). The rest is family history. They got together and are like made for each other. He is Leo, she's got a Leo moon. Both religious and lucky. They won a "green card" and moved from Eastern Europe to the US during the second year of marriage. They are happy together, have a child they adore and have survived minor financial crises.
Funnily enough, the only unhappy people are the two matchmaking mothers! They discovered that they went to the same school and that my mum spit on the head of his mum and called her names when they were children! His mum can't stand my sister (her daughter-in-law) and did everything he could to stop her only child from marrying her! My mum is not wiser either, judging from what she says about her sun-in-law. Never mind, all the feud between mothers actually strengthened the bond between my sister and her husband!
I would say the lesson is that one doesn't have to be popular at all, it only takes one flower to start the spring festival
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