My mother

My mom has a very bad habit of taking her anger out on other people. Since I was a child whenever she would get her feelings hurt by my step dad she would take it out on me or my brother. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells growing up. She would nit pick EVERYTHING I did wrong in the past several months. She called me at my apartment this morning with an attitude. She was like you know you could've contributed more when your step dad took all of the family out to an expensive restaurant a month ago. I'm like what are you talking about? She was like you could've at least driven there. I was like mom first off I don't like to drive because with my step dad because he's does annoying things while I drive. I even offered to meet them there, but it didn't make sense because I live 5 mins from them. So I road with them. I gave my step dad 20 dollars for gas. I also paid the valet and paid for my own meal. My brother paid for his meal and left a tip. I was so pissed at her when I got off the phone with her. I called my brother and asked what the hell is her problem. He was like well last night our step dad yelled at her in front of everyone.He was like so that's why she's like that. So don't worry about it. I'm tired of this crap why not take your anger out on the person that made you mad. It doesn't make sense to cause more drama with someone else that didn't do anything to you.

Thanks SH. I'm just going to distance myself from her for now.

The hardest lesson I had to learn is that your parents are people first-mom and dad second. Just because they reproduce doesnt mean they suddenly become saints.

She want's to make sure he is happy. Probably out of fear of loosing him and not wanting to hear his mouth. My mother was the same way, but MUCH worse. I understand what you are going through...

I'm just glad I don't live with them anymore.

""I'm tired of this crap why not take your anger out on the person that made you mad. It doesn't make sense to cause more drama with someone else that didn't do anything to you.""


For true. That makes no sense and resolves nothing. It would drive me crazy.

And then it's like, how do you respectfully tell your mom that she needs to learn how to vent her anger appropriately?

"And then it's like, how do you respectfully tell your mom that she needs to learn how to vent her anger appropriately?"

-My brother outed her about this and she acted all surprised and hurt. Then denied it.

"My brother outed her about this and she acted all surprised and hurt. Then denied it"

My mother reacted the same way. It like it's hurts them too much to admit that mabye they haven made the best decisions. It's a hard pill to swallow for parents.

PrettyPisces ... calling your mother out for it doesn't really solve anything because then it merely puts a person on the defensive.

There's obviously an issue with your parents.

In your position, I would do the opposite ... instead of trying to go above and beyond to prove to her that you are none of those things she says (and your brother), or to defend/justify how you paid your share of the dinning bill .. I would take a different approach.

To remain in your current position .. you are left with no recourse exectp to defend yourself against accusations in which she will deny doing if you call her on the carpet = your mom has complete control over how you are going to feel and respond.

Instead, I would get with my brother, buy a nice hotel room for a weekend .. one that has a pool, a massuese, a nice restaurant, wonderful shops nearby ..... then go to my parents house one night when both mom and dad are there, and present this nice gift to them and saying something like ....

"We know you guys are having a tough time right now, and that's why you are always on our case, Mom. It's ok, we love you so much, we understand. Here .. you guys take this and go have fun. We want you guys to be happy again."

If she starts up with her bitching .. just smile, give her a kiss on the cheek and a hug, and leave telling her that you love her.

She rage at the moment, or may call you secretly when dad isn't around .. but, the point is ... your dad will know how she's treating you two, and he will likely address this while they are away on their little weekend adventure.

And maybe neither one of them will actually address the motivation in which compelled you two to give them this gift ... and it doesn't really matter, for both of them will "think" about what this gift implies .......

... in other words, PP .... kill her attitude with kindness ..

she is obviously wanting to have company in her misery .. don't give her company ... instead, give her kindness.

Well I appreciate everyones advice. PA, throughout my life I've tried to kill my mother with kindness. However, my stepfather and I never got along. I always found him to be 2 faced. He always used money to control my mother. I know I'm not able to buy her expensive cars, a condo in UAE, and a 5 bedroom house but I've paid the back every major loan they've given me. The only thing I haven't paid back is the hospital bill of me being born. Sometimes I think the both of them are perfect together because they are so manipulative. She always throws it in my face about my step father is so much better than my biological father. That's why in the past 3.5 years I haven't asked them for anything and I don't intend to.

Thanx bijou I have to admit your right on the money. You know what when I went to NYC last summer I went to a psychic for shits and giggles (it was just 10.00). Anyway, she said that my spirit has been broken for a while (since I was a child). She was like it's been eating you up inside and it's been holding you back. Then she finally its time to heal yourself.

Thanx B, your post brought tears to my eyes.

You're not broken, PP .. I think you have a very warm spirit. Perhaps, that psychic did sense something in you, maybe a sadness .. but, you can't let that effect you, you can't hold onto it and let it defeat you.

You had said at one time that you might move away (I thought you said that about a year ago) ... maybe putting some physical distant inbetween you two would do some good. She'd still be able to call you, but, it's a lot different when you don't live 20 minutes away.

If you and your step-dad don't get along, then it's likely that your mom will always be this way .. her loyalty is to the man who feeds her and buys her world for her. That's a shame, really. 😢

Good thing for your (Virgo) brother ... and grandma .. omg, you have GrannyRam who's a doll. Is that your mom or dad's mother?

My aries grandmother is mother's mom. My mom is a libra and my step father is a gemini. My Virgo brother helps a lot with crap like this goes down.

Yea I think some distance will do us some good. I might take my boyfriends offer and move down south with him. 🙂

Well guys. I have only spoken briefly with my mother since that incident. It really hurts because I do love her. It's just that her method of showing anger is not healthy.

My brother recently moved out he couldn't take anymore of my mom's shit>