Narcissism and the antics
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Chatz on Friday, April 12, 2013 and has 6 replies.
Hi all,
Ive been involved with a a diagnosed Narcissist (well his aunt actually mentioned Arrested Development but that equals Narcissism too lol). Its been a long-winded drama as you can imagine.
Just out of interest, wondering how many have experienced this type of evil behaviour, the lying, cheating, massive debts, hatred from everybody in their past, etc and did you take yours back and what were the antics associated with this (NO THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD TAKE MINE BACK although I know he is circling).
Just wondering how far does one really have to go before they are truly free of such a predator/parasite. I have been no-contact for over a month now but he STILL has a return flight to where I live...would such a creature truly go to that length to come back and try again? Knowing how much I detest him?
Any stories? advice?
Ive been involved with a a diagnosed Narcissist (well his aunt actually mentioned Arrested Development but that equals Narcissism too lol). Its been a long-winded drama as you can imagine.
Just out of interest, wondering how many have experienced this type of evil behaviour, the lying, cheating, massive debts, hatred from everybody in their past, etc and did you take yours back and what were the antics associated with this (NO THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD TAKE MINE BACK although I know he is circling).
Just wondering how far does one really have to go before they are truly free of such a predator/parasite. I have been no-contact for over a month now but he STILL has a return flight to where I live...would such a creature truly go to that length to come back and try again? Knowing how much I detest him?
Any stories? advice?
God!!!!!
Posted by BalmyTigressPosted by Sizzurp
I have to wonder about topics that revolve around narcissists. It's one of the least-diagnosed disorders out there because of it's nature but everyone seems to have one in their life somehow? Stay away from mayo-clinic and stop trying to diagnose people yourselves!!
That's all
I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you.
Reading about NPD was a huge relief to me and gave me understanding about what the hell had been happening. All of a sudden, everything made more sense and I was able to process a lot of it rationally. It didn't undo all the damage that had been done, but it gave some clarity. When ever I hear of similar type of behavior and abuse in a relationship, I ask the person to check the list of character traits to see if it sounds familiar.
The point is not to diagnose a person officially. The point is to realize that it's time to get out fast and never go back. One can be so lost in the situation that you need help to see it objectively.
Agreed.
I didn't even know what NPD was (the medical definition from the DSM) until I read about when, oddly enough, I was looking up toxic personalities because of my boss, at the time.
Once I began reading, it hit me like a ton of bricks-- holy sh*t-- this is my soon-to-be ex- husband.
He lied like my gramma's Persian rug to get me to marry him.
Like the OP said:
Posted by Chatz
-- this type of evil behaviour, the lying, cheating, massive debts, hatred from everybody in their past --click to expand
I needed that validation, badly-- he was true to no one, but himself-- he didn't give two shits about me.
To the OP-- I'm very fortunate; I realized pretty quickly what was going on, and I kicked him out of MY home and divorced his sorry ass.
I did NOT answer his calls, no matter HOW urgent he made them appear-- because whatever the "problem" was, I didn't need to contact him in order to resolve it.
I never met him alone, once separated-- and the one item I went ahead and purchased from him, prior to the divorce-- I made him sign a statement saying the transaction was final and I had my mom witness it.
Do not let this guy dick you around-- no mercy.
Thanks everybody 
Yes mine was diagnosed many years ago and his own family advised AFTER all of the damage he did to me also that he had Arrested Development (Narcissism) and yes he ticks all of the boxes (except for violence with me but I have been told from 2 of his exes that he was violent towards them), of course AFTER our demise First wife went to counselling with him, 2nd wife went with him and of course when I found out of his deceit, double life during our first year he wanted to get therapy (to heal himself, and we went all of 3 times and of course it had to be a female therapist and boy did he lie through his teeth then). I found out so much AFTERwards.....Im not sure why people hold their tongues until you find yourself in the same situation as he left so many before...I seriously don't.
I have not held my tongue and have unmasked him but it does not stop him from hanging around and watching my life online (as much as Ive blocked and deleted). It doesn't really worry me for now as we don't live in the same area but he has a flight still booked and I know he hates to miss out on his vacations.
Anyway thank you for responding. I will be on guard for sure as I know how easily in the past he has been able to manipulate and turn things around to sounding so so real. He even tried to get back together with the married woman he was involved with during our first year together (I found out after so don't go there LOL), the same woman he dumped from 22,000 miles away via email 3 years before. Thankfully she didn't welcome him with open arms as he no doubt expected her to.
What a mess he has left behind. 2 broken marriages, 2 children who despise him, he is estranged from his entire family, a 3 year affair with a married woman whilst searching for new victims, then a job placement in another country where he would live a double life for 4 years and of course our engagement broken.
I am not broken but I am very wary of his return in just over 2 weeks time....NO CONTACT is what he is getting and I have actually told him to never contact me in any way, shape or form.
Yes mine was diagnosed many years ago and his own family advised AFTER all of the damage he did to me also that he had Arrested Development (Narcissism) and yes he ticks all of the boxes (except for violence with me but I have been told from 2 of his exes that he was violent towards them), of course AFTER our demise First wife went to counselling with him, 2nd wife went with him and of course when I found out of his deceit, double life during our first year he wanted to get therapy (to heal himself, and we went all of 3 times and of course it had to be a female therapist and boy did he lie through his teeth then). I found out so much AFTERwards.....Im not sure why people hold their tongues until you find yourself in the same situation as he left so many before...I seriously don't.
I have not held my tongue and have unmasked him but it does not stop him from hanging around and watching my life online (as much as Ive blocked and deleted). It doesn't really worry me for now as we don't live in the same area but he has a flight still booked and I know he hates to miss out on his vacations.
Anyway thank you for responding. I will be on guard for sure as I know how easily in the past he has been able to manipulate and turn things around to sounding so so real. He even tried to get back together with the married woman he was involved with during our first year together (I found out after so don't go there LOL), the same woman he dumped from 22,000 miles away via email 3 years before. Thankfully she didn't welcome him with open arms as he no doubt expected her to.
What a mess he has left behind. 2 broken marriages, 2 children who despise him, he is estranged from his entire family, a 3 year affair with a married woman whilst searching for new victims, then a job placement in another country where he would live a double life for 4 years and of course our engagement broken.
I am not broken but I am very wary of his return in just over 2 weeks time....NO CONTACT is what he is getting and I have actually told him to never contact me in any way, shape or form.
Hi Chatz...I see you finally caught up with his shenanigans.
I warned you and warned you but I just could not get a break through with you over this guy nevertheless I'm glad you finally see things for what it really is and most importantly very aware at all times because hoovering is an art with Narcissist.
This thread is old but hopefully you're healing/healed from this and taking your life back.
I warned you and warned you but I just could not get a break through with you over this guy nevertheless I'm glad you finally see things for what it really is and most importantly very aware at all times because hoovering is an art with Narcissist.
This thread is old but hopefully you're healing/healed from this and taking your life back.
This is my first serious relationship, in a nutshell, that started when I was roughly 22 and lasted until I was 27.
We had a Son together so even though I ended the relationship I still had to deal with him until our Son became an adult. Last fall I was finally able to shut the door.
You know that you are doing the right thing and don't let any part of you question it, if there is. Be completely honest with yourself so that you can deal with any related issues that might weaken your stand. That will be where he gets to you.
You seem resolved though and this is good.
They are charmers and they are good at what they do, so don't feel "less than" because he got to you and think you should have been smarter. Unfortunately, we sometimes need to find these things out for ourselves so we can recognize it better down the road, if needed.
Also, keep your power. By that I mean, GRIEVE this FULLY and then let it REALLY GO. That is how we keep our power. When we give this shit air time in our heads it is as good as giving your power away.
We had a Son together so even though I ended the relationship I still had to deal with him until our Son became an adult. Last fall I was finally able to shut the door.
You know that you are doing the right thing and don't let any part of you question it, if there is. Be completely honest with yourself so that you can deal with any related issues that might weaken your stand. That will be where he gets to you.
You seem resolved though and this is good.
They are charmers and they are good at what they do, so don't feel "less than" because he got to you and think you should have been smarter. Unfortunately, we sometimes need to find these things out for ourselves so we can recognize it better down the road, if needed.
Also, keep your power. By that I mean, GRIEVE this FULLY and then let it REALLY GO. That is how we keep our power. When we give this shit air time in our heads it is as good as giving your power away.
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