Open Relationships

Posted by Jade_Alexander

I have friends who do this.

The first rule is that nothing comes before them as a couple. They date and mess around but they’re still intimately tied to their mate. They tend to swing with other couples.

Posted by Smidge

I don't share people

Posted by nikkistar

I see no problems with open relationships, as long as their is communication is open about it, and they put their relationship as the priority. There needs to be complete honesty, and no hiding.

For me personally, I don't do it. It's not for me.

Posted by tctaa

no, no, and well, no

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

Posted by Smidge

Posted by FFS

Posted by Smidge

I don't share people

I respect it. You know anybody in an open relationship?

I know a libra guy in an open relationship, they have a kid so they stayed together.

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Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

Posted by FantamRooster

I know a lot of people in the Pagan community who are into various types of alternative relationships. In general, they have super messy boundaries, and drama abounds where they go (fighting, crying, threatening suicide, all the usual toxic relationship stuff, but turned up to 11 and put on blast), but they throw cool parties.

Posted by FFS

Posted by Jade_Alexander

I have friends who do this.

The first rule is that nothing comes before them as a couple. They date and mess around but they’re still intimately tied to their mate. They tend to swing with other couples.

How long have they done this Jade? Any hiccups?

click to expand

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

because when all else fails, I truly do not think we are built that way

Built which way?

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Posted by tiziani

Posted by FFS

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

I think swingin' is kinda different, right. Cause its all about sex without "ties?"

I'd say it has ties. It purely refers to the sex arrangement between partners.

Whereas open relationship, both partners can do what they want without needing to inform the other. It's even hard for me to understand how they are "partners" and not just two single people.

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Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

because when all else fails, I truly do not think we are built that way

click to expand

Posted by FFS

Posted by nikkistar

I see no problems with open relationships, as long as their is communication is open about it, and they put their relationship as the priority. There needs to be complete honesty, and no hiding.

For me personally, I don't do it. It's not for me.

Fair enough. The biggest problem I can see happening is jealousy.

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Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

Posted by Jade_Alexander

Posted by FFS

Posted by Jade_Alexander

I have friends who do this.

The first rule is that nothing comes before them as a couple. They date and mess around but they’re still intimately tied to their mate. They tend to swing with other couples.

How long have they done this Jade? Any hiccups?

For years, I don’t think there have been any issues. I don’t know if they’d really share if there was.

In one case the wife was exploring her bisexuality and in another they both had partners.

I’ve always fantasized about having another woman for our sex life but that’s probably unfair to objectify someone and give them such a one diamentional role.

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Posted by Smidge

Posted by FFS

Posted by Smidge

Posted by FFS

Posted by Smidge

I don't share people

I respect it. You know anybody in an open relationship?

I know a libra guy in an open relationship, they have a kid so they stayed together.

When you say they stayed together, it kinda sounds like cheating happened first and then all was forgiven? Thereafter it turned into an open relationship? How long have they been in an open relationship? Any major hiccups?

Sorry I didn't really explain that very well. No cheating, I think they just didn't feel the same about each other anymore but decided to stay together for the kid.

Now they're kinda like fwb I guess, he says their relationship is a lot stronger but they're not in love

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Posted by GuardianAnu

Posted by FFS

Posted by nikkistar

I see no problems with open relationships, as long as their is communication is open about it, and they put their relationship as the priority. There needs to be complete honesty, and no hiding.

For me personally, I don't do it. It's not for me.

Fair enough. The biggest problem I can see happening is jealousy.

Well, yeah, I mean you're doing the most physically intimate thing possible with someone else, inspiring each other to have that orgasm which creates a bonding pheromone afterwards. I'd be concerned if there wasn't jealousy involved, and from what I understand even people in open relationships aren't immune to jealousy feels, and I don't know why someone would even put themselves through that shit in purpose.

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Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

I know a lot of people in the Pagan community who are into various types of alternative relationships. In general, they have super messy boundaries, and drama abounds where they go (fighting, crying, threatening suicide, all the usual toxic relationship stuff, but turned up to 11 and put on blast), but they throw cool parties.

Yea, this is the bad.😐 I don't see how it could work. I think somebody's feelings are bound to get heightened.

I think they go into it thinking it will make them happy but they underestimate that feelings of jealousy might crop up for them. It's not usually a problem that their person is doing it with someone else; it's that their person PREFERS doing it with someone else. How lonely would it feel to be the least attractive partner of a threesome? Oh god, or the least wanted of like six people? I know I'm jealous, so I'm never finding out.

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Posted by Sagicorn

I sort of a had it with my ex...I was in love when we broke up but kept seeing each other. It was mostly based on sex actually but we did other things as well. We never discussed anything about other people nor was it ever confirmed that we also see each other but we both knew we are...it was an unspoken open relationship after the real one. Never started or ended with words either. It just happened.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

because when all else fails, I truly do not think we are built that way

Built which way?

built to have open relationships, swinging, multiple partners, etc. people say they are down with it but then the problems surface and it gets ugly

Sure, problems surface. But how would that be any different to any other kind of relationship.

The relationships where there are problems, we're always going to hear more about them. Whereas the ones that are fine, they are too busy having sex to tell anyone how well it's going.

click to expand

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

because when all else fails, I truly do not think we are built that way

Built which way?

built to have open relationships, swinging, multiple partners, etc. people say they are down with it but then the problems surface and it gets ugly

Sure, problems surface. But how would that be any different to any other kind of relationship.

The relationships where there are problems, we're always going to hear more about them. Whereas the ones that are fine, they are too busy having sex to tell anyone how well it's going.

I suppose I am speaking for myself - I couldn't do it - never did and I have no desire too - I'm a very monogamous girl - I'm like the animals that mate for life - I just don't like to share body parts once in a relationship - even though I have shared mine with many while single

That is understandable.

click to expand

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

I know a lot of people in the Pagan community who are into various types of alternative relationships. In general, they have super messy boundaries, and drama abounds where they go (fighting, crying, threatening suicide, all the usual toxic relationship stuff, but turned up to 11 and put on blast), but they throw cool parties.

Yea, this is the bad.😐 I don't see how it could work. I think somebody's feelings are bound to get heightened.

I think they go into it thinking it will make them happy but they underestimate that feelings of jealousy might crop up for them. It's not usually a problem that their person is doing it with someone else; it's that their person PREFERS doing it with someone else. How lonely would it feel to be the least attractive partner of a threesome? Oh god, or the least wanted of like six people? I know I'm jealous, so I'm never finding out.

Yea, I can see this happening. "Hey, you want to hang?" "Nah, I have an appointment with so and so...?"

To be fair, I mostly only see these people at parties where everyone is drinking and extra partners are showing up, so I see them at their most volatile. It makes sense to me, though, that the more people you involved in any situation, the more complex it gets and the more room for drama.

A committed couple that agrees to discreetly sleep with casual partners is a whole different set of circumstances. I haven't had a front row seat to that.

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Posted by C69

it’s kinda the same as being single while also having casual sex with a particular person on a regular basis, so why call it a relationship? I don’t get it

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

I sort of a had it with my ex...I was in love when we broke up but kept seeing each other. It was mostly based on sex actually but we did other things as well. We never discussed anything about other people nor was it ever confirmed that we also see each other but we both knew we are...it was an unspoken open relationship after the real one. Never started or ended with words either. It just happened.

Really? No discussion. It just happened and worked. Cool. But I think the difference is it was based on sex and not a "relationship."

Yeah, it's hard to explain, we never discussed a thing about it. It can't be called quite the fwb thing cause well we weren't friends and we had a relationship after all...and we did see other people while this lasted. So it's some sort of open relationship but might not be the kind you had in mind. It worked cause I was fol in love and couldn't force myself to move on lol when I did, I stopped it and never met with him again

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Posted by MyStarsShine

My Venus in Stinger would commit murder at the mere word of "open relationship" 😡😀

I was with an Aqua Sun and Mars and he used to talk about threesome and open rships, so I called his bluff when i met his hot friend, suggesting we have one with him

I thought he was gonna cry

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

I sort of a had it with my ex...I was in love when we broke up but kept seeing each other. It was mostly based on sex actually but we did other things as well. We never discussed anything about other people nor was it ever confirmed that we also see each other but we both knew we are...it was an unspoken open relationship after the real one. Never started or ended with words either. It just happened.

Really? No discussion. It just happened and worked. Cool. But I think the difference is it was based on sex and not a "relationship."

Yeah, it's hard to explain, we never discussed a thing about it. It can't be called quite the fwb thing cause well we weren't friends and we had a relationship after all...and we did see other people while this lasted. So it's some sort of open relationship but might not be the kind you had in mind. It worked cause I was fol in love and couldn't force myself to move on lol when I did, I stopped it and never met with him again

Uh huh. You're just confirming what I already know. Someone's feelings will always get involved. Good you was able to move on tho. How long was the relationship?

Yes exactly, I don't think it can last without someone catching feelings either lol too long...2 years of real relationship, almost 3 years of that open kind of thing...

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Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

I know a lot of people in the Pagan community who are into various types of alternative relationships. In general, they have super messy boundaries, and drama abounds where they go (fighting, crying, threatening suicide, all the usual toxic relationship stuff, but turned up to 11 and put on blast), but they throw cool parties.

Yea, this is the bad.😐 I don't see how it could work. I think somebody's feelings are bound to get heightened.

I think they go into it thinking it will make them happy but they underestimate that feelings of jealousy might crop up for them. It's not usually a problem that their person is doing it with someone else; it's that their person PREFERS doing it with someone else. How lonely would it feel to be the least attractive partner of a threesome? Oh god, or the least wanted of like six people? I know I'm jealous, so I'm never finding out.

Yea, I can see this happening. "Hey, you want to hang?" "Nah, I have an appointment with so and so...?"

To be fair, I mostly only see these people at parties where everyone is drinking and extra partners are showing up, so I see them at their most volatile. It makes sense to me, though, that the more people you involved in any situation, the more complex it gets and the more room for drama.

A committed couple that agrees to discreetly sleep with casual partners is a whole different set of circumstances. I haven't had a front row seat to that.

I think even if a committed couple agrees to sleep with others its still going to be a disaster. Like @Guardian said, feelings can't be avoided.

Yeah, I think that's true for the vast majority of us.

When I think of this topic, I always picture this one guy I know. I saw him at a party, following around his wife and her new lover, looking so so so dejected. I'm not sure if he had a date who bailed that night or if that was just his life at that juncture, quietly watching her fall in love with some other guy while he was getting none.

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Posted by tiziani

Posted by FFS

@tiziani you seem to have some experience. I know you said you did the swinger thing, but have you personally done the open relationship thing where ya'll set rules and boundaries?

do you mean polyamory? I have not been involved in that, but some members have experience of that.

The main boundaries in my relationships were that we involve each other in everything and I get to watch.

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Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

I sort of a had it with my ex...I was in love when we broke up but kept seeing each other. It was mostly based on sex actually but we did other things as well. We never discussed anything about other people nor was it ever confirmed that we also see each other but we both knew we are...it was an unspoken open relationship after the real one. Never started or ended with words either. It just happened.

Really? No discussion. It just happened and worked. Cool. But I think the difference is it was based on sex and not a "relationship."

Yeah, it's hard to explain, we never discussed a thing about it. It can't be called quite the fwb thing cause well we weren't friends and we had a relationship after all...and we did see other people while this lasted. So it's some sort of open relationship but might not be the kind you had in mind. It worked cause I was fol in love and couldn't force myself to move on lol when I did, I stopped it and never met with him again

Uh huh. You're just confirming what I already know. Someone's feelings will always get involved. Good you was able to move on tho. How long was the relationship?

Yes exactly, I don't think it can last without someone catching feelings either lol too long...2 years of real relationship, almost 3 years of that open kind of thing...

So 5 years total. I'd say that ain't so bad. Three years of a successful open relationship I would say is success 🤔, but those feels. SMH

well we just weren't right for each other. We did fall in love and feelings were mutual but we're just 2 very different people that couldn't make it work in real relationship. Even the feelings were reciprocated we just couldn't make it work cause we were so different and brought all the worst behaviors in each other when together. Way too much possessiveness and jealousy too

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Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by FFS

Posted by FantamRooster

I know a lot of people in the Pagan community who are into various types of alternative relationships. In general, they have super messy boundaries, and drama abounds where they go (fighting, crying, threatening suicide, all the usual toxic relationship stuff, but turned up to 11 and put on blast), but they throw cool parties.

Yea, this is the bad.😐 I don't see how it could work. I think somebody's feelings are bound to get heightened.

I think they go into it thinking it will make them happy but they underestimate that feelings of jealousy might crop up for them. It's not usually a problem that their person is doing it with someone else; it's that their person PREFERS doing it with someone else. How lonely would it feel to be the least attractive partner of a threesome? Oh god, or the least wanted of like six people? I know I'm jealous, so I'm never finding out.

Yea, I can see this happening. "Hey, you want to hang?" "Nah, I have an appointment with so and so...?"

To be fair, I mostly only see these people at parties where everyone is drinking and extra partners are showing up, so I see them at their most volatile. It makes sense to me, though, that the more people you involved in any situation, the more complex it gets and the more room for drama.

A committed couple that agrees to discreetly sleep with casual partners is a whole different set of circumstances. I haven't had a front row seat to that.

I think even if a committed couple agrees to sleep with others its still going to be a disaster. Like @Guardian said, feelings can't be avoided.

Yeah, I think that's true for the vast majority of us.

When I think of this topic, I always picture this one guy I know. I saw him at a party, following around his wife and her new lover, looking so so so dejected. I'm not sure if he had a date who bailed that night or if that was just his life at that juncture, quietly watching her fall in love with some other guy while he was getting none.

Dam that's cringe worthy. Poor dude. That must have been a sad thing to watch. SMH

Yeah, it totally ruined the sexy image of polyamory I had in my head.

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Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by FFS

Posted by Sagicorn

I sort of a had it with my ex...I was in love when we broke up but kept seeing each other. It was mostly based on sex actually but we did other things as well. We never discussed anything about other people nor was it ever confirmed that we also see each other but we both knew we are...it was an unspoken open relationship after the real one. Never started or ended with words either. It just happened.

Really? No discussion. It just happened and worked. Cool. But I think the difference is it was based on sex and not a "relationship."

Yeah, it's hard to explain, we never discussed a thing about it. It can't be called quite the fwb thing cause well we weren't friends and we had a relationship after all...and we did see other people while this lasted. So it's some sort of open relationship but might not be the kind you had in mind. It worked cause I was fol in love and couldn't force myself to move on lol when I did, I stopped it and never met with him again

Uh huh. You're just confirming what I already know. Someone's feelings will always get involved. Good you was able to move on tho. How long was the relationship?

Yes exactly, I don't think it can last without someone catching feelings either lol too long...2 years of real relationship, almost 3 years of that open kind of thing...

So 5 years total. I'd say that ain't so bad. Three years of a successful open relationship I would say is success 🤔, but those feels. SMH

well we just weren't right for each other. We did fall in love and feelings were mutual but we're just 2 very different people that couldn't make it work in real relationship. Even the feelings were reciprocated we just couldn't make it work cause we were so different and brought all the worst behaviors in each other when together. Way too much possessiveness and jealousy too

I could def see how possessiveness and jealousy could be draining. IMO trust is one part of the foundation in any relationship.

exactly...and it was too much and we both had some bad moves so it was just not meant to be despite the feelings and connection. Eventually it faded anyway but as you see took quite some time. He kinda has thing for Sags and kept dating one after another somehow lol and we're not a good match at all in general. He's also Aries dominant which explains it I guess why the attraction to fire

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Posted by Smidge

SIMILAR TO WHAT

Posted by dewiklaessen26

I have never done it but would want to try it to be honest just to see if it's possible

Posted by Smidge

Posted by FFS

Posted by Smidge

SIMILAR TO WHAT

What?

You said "it's" similar... I asked similar to what. It wasn't a rhetorical question, I wanted an answer god damn it 😭

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Posted by tiziani

Posted by nikkistar

@tiziani - The people I know that are in open relationships, put definite boundaries I have seen. Each partner is allowed to have one night stands, or sleep with random people (using protection) but cannot and are not allowed to have anything broaching on intimacy. No dates, no dinners, no emotional contact.

I don't define this as swinging, but I do define it as open.

Ok, I guess I could see how that could work for me as long as I don't have to sleep with multiple people myself.

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Posted by tiziani

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by tiziani

Posted by nikkistar

@tiziani - The people I know that are in open relationships, put definite boundaries I have seen. Each partner is allowed to have one night stands, or sleep with random people (using protection) but cannot and are not allowed to have anything broaching on intimacy. No dates, no dinners, no emotional contact.

I don't define this as swinging, but I do define it as open.

Ok, I guess I could see how that could work for me as long as I don't have to sleep with multiple people myself.

This might sound weird, but I have always been okay with not having sex with anyone else but my partner. However, if I am in an LDR, as long as I don't know about it, I don't care if my partner partakes. Sex is animalistic to me, and can be done without emotions attached. The rules are always given the same, no emotional attachment. Zero trading of numbers. No dates. No romantic attachments. You can wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Wrap it up. Don't tell me about it.

That changes the moment we live in the same city though. I won't ask what you did prior, I don't care. What I care about is what is happening at present.

"Sex is animalistic to me, and can be done without emotions attached."

Aphroditelyfe

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Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

because when all else fails, I truly do not think we are built that way

Built which way?

built to have open relationships, swinging, multiple partners, etc. people say they are down with it but then the problems surface and it gets ugly

Sure, problems surface. But how would that be any different to any other kind of relationship.

The relationships where there are problems, we're always going to hear more about them. Whereas the ones that are fine, they are too busy having sex to tell anyone how well it's going.

I suppose I am speaking for myself - I couldn't do it - never did and I have no desire too - I'm a very monogamous girl - I'm like the animals that mate for life - I just don't like to share body parts once in a relationship - even though I have shared mine with many while single

That is understandable.

and if anyone wants to and can do it - have at it - lol - I don't care except if there are children involved - I guess I believe old fashioned raising children in the best model possible produces a better generation - at least that is the thought - it doesn't seem to happen that way either so WTH !

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Posted by FFS

Posted by dewiklaessen26

I have never done it but would want to try it to be honest just to see if it's possible

Sounds like its not.

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Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

Posted by tctaa

Posted by tiziani

I've years of experience in swinging but it is hard for me to wrap my head around how people make open relationships work.

because when all else fails, I truly do not think we are built that way

Built which way?

built to have open relationships, swinging, multiple partners, etc. people say they are down with it but then the problems surface and it gets ugly

Sure, problems surface. But how would that be any different to any other kind of relationship.

The relationships where there are problems, we're always going to hear more about them. Whereas the ones that are fine, they are too busy having sex to tell anyone how well it's going.

I suppose I am speaking for myself - I couldn't do it - never did and I have no desire too - I'm a very monogamous girl - I'm like the animals that mate for life - I just don't like to share body parts once in a relationship - even though I have shared mine with many while single

That is understandable.

and if anyone wants to and can do it - have at it - lol - I don't care except if there are children involved - I guess I believe old fashioned raising children in the best model possible produces a better generation - at least that is the thought - it doesn't seem to happen that way either so WTH !

Imagine if your parents were swingers and you found out

Fucking gross

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