Preparing to say goodbye to another friendship....

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by sweetpea2977 on Sunday, May 5, 2019 and has 7 replies.
I have to vent/talk about this *ish. It's aggravating to me.

Met a man in late-March as I was out & about. Exchanged a few words. Decided that we'd connect in the future as workout/jogging partners. No personal questions asked. We simply had goals, connected and created a schedule. Simple.

Initially, we would jog about twice a week. He'd play music from his speaker and very little words were exchanged. We'd shake hands and go about our business. By week 3, the music stopped and we'd engage in small talk. I'm an extrovert and he was clearly an introvert. But then he shared something: That he's married. Okay, no problem. You're not wearing your ring, but, no problem as my intention was pure in wanting a jogging partner and NOTHING more. I could see he was feeling more comfortable, opening up, because he'd share more with me, laugh and smile more. Great.

He's a landlord, and two weeks ago I expressed some home-related issues. He gave me some advice and insisted on helping with a few things. I wanted to pay him for his help. He declined. I thanked him and we went back to the regular routine.

A week ago, things changed. We met at the track one day, and he became playful. Wrapping his arm around my arm...bumping my shoulders, laughing more. #sigh Okay. Not really a big deal but enough to make me curious as to what was happening exactly. We went out to lunch on another day following the track. I insisted on treating because of his help. He really helped me through a headache concerning my refrigerator. It broke and he removed it for me. I was really grateful, so we had lunch at a simple restaurant as my way of reiterating my gratitude. No big deal. Fast forward, we ate together the following 3 days for lunch. He treated. Again, no big deal. Over the past few days, we met as usual. But now, he's beginning to stare, to tell me that I'm beautiful, that he enjoys spending time with me, that I'm the only one he tells his secrets to. He hugged me and placed his mouth on my neck. He then grabbed my hand and kissed it and *jokingly* said, You belong to me. I told him that my integrity is valuable to me and that a romantic relationship with him wasn't an option. He stated that he understood. That his wife has multiple sclerosis and at times in life, we find ourselves in situations that aren't able to be controlled. I empathized with him because I know that she can barely walk, and he's an outdoors man. But, all I can do is empathize. When we left, he told me that he wanted to kiss me, that he likes me a lot and wants to build a relationship with me. I responded that there was no winner in a situation such as that and we departed.

Last night, before bed, I sent him a text that this is a problem for me because he's having trouble controlling temptation. I shared that I have to be respectful to his marriage. That it's best for us to take a break from each other to refocus on what is right and good. His response, " Wow. I sure didn't want to offend you or push you away. I was about to ask you if you wanted to go to the gym or track before the children awake. I'm not ready to lose you. It would break my heart to hurt you in any way. I sincerely apologize. I don't like that I'm causing you these internal feelings. I didn't see what I was doing to you."

I'm pissed. I'm in my 40s and I've had to remove friends (or they would walk away) from my life because they'd want more. Men and women. They'd fall in love with me, or simply want to build something more with me. I'm tired of this shit. It seems like it's ALWAYS the ones who are really great friends for me too. It hurts and becomes disappointing. I'm VERY authentic, genuine and honest. If I say something, that's what I mean. If we're friends, we're friends. I don't mix friendship with romance, although I do believe in building a solid friendship before pursuing romance as a foundation. But, wth! It's obvious to me NOW that he's lonely (he's around 70). His wife can't do any physical activities with him. So sad. But what pisses me off is his failing to make his intent known FROM THE BEGINNING! There are TOO MANY women in this world who'd love to have a married man to play with. Why not go after them? I hate indirectness. It's cowardly and deceitful. The truth always comes out. Period. I would NEVER break my celibacy for married penis. Ewww. Yeah, I'm pissed. I value my friendships but he's going to have to go because I'm not going to allow him to pull me down a rabbit-hole. Damn.

For the record, I've had PLENTY of respectful NON-sexual friendships with men who were both single or dating, and we've never crossed boundaries. So, it can be done and I do it well. I'm just so damn disappointed because I don't think he'll be willing to go back to the way things were in the beginning.

Rant over.
Posted by Sonia1

Girl, you're dating a married man.
Yeah, that's the EASY answer. You have a small mind. Bye.
Surely there are other jogging buddies out there.

To you the lunch dates and fixing the fridge and what not are small things. To him, well he obviously let these small things fuel his perception of friendship intimacy into romantic intimacy.

Sometimes its best to keep firm boundaries up when it comes to certain relationships. Not because you need them, but cause the other person does. Makes things less messy down the road.
Posted by Sonia1

After you found out he was married,

he was being playful and touching you

You then invite him out to lunch for your gratitude cause he helped you remove your refrigerator.

You just gave him the green light to proceed instead of speaking up and stating not to touch you!

Did you say anything? Did you say that you only want to be friends like you claim? You reward him by inviting him to lunch and you're blaming him? LOL

Several lunches/dates later he hugs you and puts his mouth on your neck and kisses your hand

Gross, he's 70 yrs old

You're acting upset but the fact is after you knew he was married you asked him out to lunch and continued to have lunch dates with him. You like his attention. You've already crossed boundaries with him.

Why are you asking him out to lunch after he told you he was married? These are dates and you are being disrespectful to his wife.

No. I'm NOT being disrespectful to HIS wife. He is! He deceived me from the BEGINNING. Lunch isn't banging. Are you stupid or have YOU been cheated on? 🤔 There are only two genders in this world. I've been CELIBATE for nearly 8 years. Lonely, old, unhappy, married men are EVERYWHERE and VERY EASY to come by. If I wanted to be disrespectful, I would be BLATANTLY. He was my friend. Period. Friends say thank you and eat together sometimes. It's not a big deal unless the intent is impure. Which for him it was. This shit just happened a few days ago. Damn.
Posted by Sonia1

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by Sonia1

Girl, you're dating a married man.
Yeah, that's the EASY answer. You have a small mind. Bye.


Nope, you're delusional and in denial. I broke it down for you.
click to expand
You didn't break anything down for me. Keep your small thinking to yourself. I am NOT dating him. Period.
Posted by LadyNeptune

Surely there are other jogging buddies out there.

To you the lunch dates and fixing the fridge and what not are small things. To him, well he obviously let these small things fuel his perception of friendship intimacy into romantic intimacy.

Sometimes its best to keep firm boundaries up when it comes to certain relationships. Not because you need them, but cause the other person does. Makes things less messy down the road.
I understand, receive and respect your response. Thank you ❤️
Posted by Sonia1

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by Sonia1

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by Sonia1

Girl, you're dating a married man.
Yeah, that's the EASY answer. You have a small mind. Bye.


Nope, you're delusional and in denial. I broke it down for you.
You didn't break anything down for me. Keep your small thinking to yourself. I am NOT dating him. Period.
Whatever makes you sleep at night.
click to expand
I sleep well ❤️ My conscious is clear. Take care now ✌️