Real Love

Reading through some of these threads is just...UGH! I don't get the casual use of the word "love." If you've known someone less than 6 months, how can you possibly LOVE them. I mean sure, I have love for people that I've grown to know over time but to elevate general "I like that you're breathing" love to "You are my sun, moon and stars" love is just insane.

In relationships, how long does it take you to fall in love?

How long does it take you to say "I love you."

Do you still love all of your exes that you've uttered "I love you" to?

If you don't, then what does love mean to you?

@jason - feelings that run deep can actually be taking a b-line to your happy centres. just because you feel strongly for someone or something doesn't mean it's love. in fact, if you feel strongly for someone you hardly know but can't run down the important people/events in their life backwards and forwards, i say, you're not in love. lust maybe, but love?

i wish others would stop tarnishing this emotion so that those of us who are truly trying to attain it could do so without having to worry that our saying/feeling it will be equated to the previous chicks who claimed they "loved" and cheated, were cheated on, immature, thieves, addicts...whatever 😛

i've only ever been in love with two people, ever and have only said it to those two. my first love, the first 3 years of knowing him i was just infatuated with him and thought i was in love. then we broke up became friends, we both dated other people, he was my best friend. then the more i got to know him and really see him for who he was, my "i like that you're breathing" changed into being in love with him. then my last love was more of a in lust kind of thing. it wasn't until we established a deeper connection and began providing each other with what we needed emotionally that i fell in love with him. i wouldn't say i'm IN love with either anymore, but i do love and care about them very much. my first love, who was a cancer said "i love you" first, and i believe my reply was, "oh cuz i'm awesome".... it threw me off guard but i said it back... eventually. then with the second, he was a cap and i ended up saying the three words first because i couldn't hold it in anymore. this was after, i'd say 3 years of knowing him. with the cancer it was about 4 years... so, yeah it definitely took me more than a few months, i'm not really sure what that says about me.

I am cautious when I fall in love, it takes time. But I keep my own counsel as to the words. I use the word 'love' in syntax, but to say "I love you" should have depth and true meaning. Nothing to be taken lightly at all.
I wish my exes the best in their lives. One of the truest definitions, to accept that that chapter in your life is closed. No drama, no interference, live your life, live it well.
When a window closes, a door opens.

It says you've a brain cancergem. It's good to be sure. 🙂

LOV HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I have no idea what the word means but I know what it doesn't mean

High five me Tate. And try not to hit my forehead this time.

never said it

^^Well said. I agree.

i think you missed my point but it's all good.

yes, addicts can love and be loved. love is unconditional in that way which is why i asked, do you still love your exes that you once proclaimed to love? just because you don't like a person's ways doesn't mean you stop loving them. why then is it so easy for people to proclaim love for a significant other while they're in a relationship and feel the opposite of that emotion or nothing at all when the relationship no longer exists?

in my view, it never as love if you can stop loving. because as bad as it gets, love doesn't cease being. i mean, isn't that what the story of Jesus is supposed to teach us?...Christian and non-Christian alike.

semantics. to me, if it ceases to exist, it's not love. and no, i don't mean that you have to be IN LOVE with your exes but love for them, wishing them well, not wanting to die or have loss of limb...stuff like that.

Posted by tubbyscubby
Reading through some of these threads is just...UGH! I don't get the casual use of the word "love." If you've known someone less than 6 months, how can you possibly LOVE them. I mean sure, I have love for people that I've grown to know over time but to elevate general "I like that you're breathing" love to "You are my sun, moon and stars" love is just insane.

In relationships, how long does it take you to fall in love?

How long does it take you to say "I love you."

Do you still love all of your exes that you've uttered "I love you" to?

If you don't, then what does love mean to you?

Good question. It's 3am and I can't shake thinking about it.

In relationships, how long does it take you to fall in love?
No frigging clue. If you open yourself to the possibility of it in its PUREST form, then I can't say I'd give it a time expectation of beginning or ending.

Do you still love all of your exes that you've uttered "I love you" to?
Perhaps I'm wired weird but it doesn't work that way for me. I remember the moments of being with someone and the context of those times. Whether those times are filled with love, filled with anguish, or filled with laughter, yadda yadda yadda, is what matters to me.

If you don't, then what does love mean to you?
That's the million dollar question isn't it?

For me, no way in hell I can define it in a manner such that it would not ever change or is an all encompassing definition as I cruise through life. Its ironic that I find the best way to "get" at the meaning of it to NOT define it in one statement but to grasp at it through its own small pieces. It's FAR less brain wracking this way.

Sometimes love just "is"
Sometimes love is all you need
Sometimes love isn't enough.

Strangely enough, my best analogy is that of fire. Most would agree there are different types of love.
There's the kind which is that super intense, hot as fucking hell, giant conflagration that's all consuming and burns down anything and everything in its path. When it's done, only memories remain in its departure.

(Continued...)

An other kind is that of an ember. Small, yet with still enough heat and passion to make it hot to touch. Its burn constant and lasting. And for some, eternal (or so the stories go 😛). Not necessarily the kind of love that burns you from head to toe, but leaves you with a warm glow that sustains and grows with just a little effort.

This may sound kind of back-ass wards but the less expectations you put on it, the easier it is to allow yourself to give and receive it. (Disclaimer: I'm not saying let your partner treat you like shit lol. Just speaking philosophically.).

Now back to Tubs original questions...
If you subscribe to anything I wrote, then perhaps you subscribe to the idea that the time is indefinable, as well as the possibilities.


OR the short version of what I wrote:
Don't let your head get in the fucking way.

(Perhaps Anti-typical Virgo in practice but its me)

This song came up on my playlist as I was writing my damn wall of text. Perhaps appropriate.

Love love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Massive Attack - Teardrop

Posted by tubbyscubby
semantics. to me, if it ceases to exist, it's not love. and no, i don't mean that you have to be IN LOVE with your exes but love for them, wishing them well, not wanting to die or have loss of limb...stuff like that.

So is your question then really about just being civil with said person once it's over and done with?

And here's a question for you, Tubs. Have you ever been consumed by love? (I don't know you so I'm not asking to judge. The reality is not everyone has actually experienced it, hence why I asked.)

^^^yes, i was once so in love that i thought my world was crumbling around me.

as far as a time frame and heads in asses, i do not believe there is an arbitrary time frame HOWEVER i do believe it is asinine, immature and false to make love (agape) proclamations less than 6 months into a relationship. eros-love yes, philia-love yes, but unconditional love...no and the way some people talk, they speak as if it's agape when it's far less.

so to further the question, when you LOVE someone, What Type of LOVE is it?

EROS: In the Greek language there are three words that are used for love. The first one, eros, stands for sexual, romantic love. From eros we have the word erotica. Eros is the kind of love mostly known by the world. You can easily notice people's preoccupation with sex. This eros love is what generally motivates people.

PHILIA: The second word, philia, generally refers to affection between friends. From this word we have Philadelphia, the "City of Brotherly Love." Although both eros and philia have others as their focus, they both can be motivated by self-interest, self-gratification and self-protection. They are both the kind of love that is designed to satisfy the desires of the one doing the loving. There may be an element of giving involved, but it is a giving for the purpose of getting something in return.

AGAPE: The third Greek word for love is agape. The meaning of this word for love stands in sharp contrast to that of the other two words. This word alone points to a completely self-sacrificing love, a love that lacks self-interest, self-gratification and self-preservation. Agape love is motivated primarily by the interest and welfare of others.

Real Love

hhhhhhmmmmmmm. i've never said i love you. but i've come pretty damn close. because there have been times when i felt with every fiber of my being that i loved someone. but then again, i'm not sure what love really is, or should be. so that always makes me hesitate. because i don't want to say it unless it IS the kind of love that won't ever die - i don't want to say it and later realize it was a lie.

i really feel like i'm in love right now, every day, but i still haven't said it. and there's been times when i REALLY wanted to, and i felt like it would be perfect. but i still hold back cause i don't want to regret saying it.

and the people i thought i was in love with - i still have the same feelings toward them that i did when we were together. it's hard to describe but basically i wish them the best, and all the happiness life has to offer.

Just remembered something I heard. "To fall in love is to fall OUT of all of your expectations." Food for thought.

i've known that i've loved someone in less than 6 months before. there's no set time limit. now over time the love gets stronger but that doesn't mean it wasn't there to begin with.

i do casually throw that word around but it bears weight; i don't say it unless i mean it. i tell my friends and bands that i love them all the time in passing. however, an example where i wouldn't say it might go like this: stranger guy- "i am a martial artist, musician, ai game devloper, who is compassionate for all." me - "oh my god, i think i love you!"

I know within 5 minutes if I am in love with someone or not. If it isn't there in that first five minutes, no amount of trying or wanting will make me love you. This has happened twice in my life and am not over either completely even though it has been years and years. I suspect a part of my heart will always be reserved for those two people.

Posted by venusianbull
Just remembered something I heard. "To fall in love is to fall OUT of all of your expectations." Food for thought.

it definitely got me thinking. fo reelz.

Posted by tubbyscubby

so to further the question, when you LOVE someone, What Type of LOVE is it?

Alright Tubs...

So I honestly put some time into thinking about this question and you definitions.
Here's my problem...I couldn't commit.

None of the three sufficed. More so, a combination of the three seemed to be more appropriate. Fire, receiving it, giving it. Perhaps a cop out answer but I'm sticking to it!

Posted by trifles light as air*
hhhhhhmmmmmmm. i've never said i love you. but i've come pretty damn close. because there have been times when i felt with every fiber of my being that i loved someone. but then again, i'm not sure what love really is, or should be. so that always makes me hesitate. because i don't want to say it unless it IS the kind of love that won't ever die - i don't want to say it and later realize it was a lie.

i really feel like i'm in love right now, every day, but i still haven't said it. and there's been times when i REALLY wanted to, and i felt like it would be perfect. but i still hold back cause i don't want to regret saying it.

I love you so much, wheelie!

Posted by VirgoHero

Posted by tubbyscubby

so to further the question, when you LOVE someone, What Type of LOVE is it?

Alright Tubs...

So I honestly put some time into thinking about this question and you definitions.
Here's my problem...I couldn't commit.

None of the three sufficed. More so, a combination of the three seemed to be more appropriate. Fire, receiving it, giving it. Perhaps a cop out answer but I'm sticking to it!

click to expand

silly boy. agape is a combination of the two. you might want to read up more on it as by definition, it is all encompassing.

AGAPE: The third Greek word for love is agape. The meaning of this word for love stands in sharp contrast to that of the other two words. This word alone points to a completely self-sacrificing love, a love that lacks self-interest, self-gratification and self-preservation. Agape love is motivated primarily by the interest and welfare of others.

There in lies the problem. I ABSOLUTELY understand "Agape" and it being synonymous with "Unconditional Love" (Or at least thats how I'm choosing to understand it as).

Ideally and Philosophically? Sure, "Unconditional Love" is the shit. Yadda yadda yadda

Realistically? People generally kind of like the idea of being "loved" when they "love someone".

Realistically? People generally kind of like the idea of being "loved" when they "love someone".

speak for yourself i think Jesus asked peter repeatedly if he agaped him. peter said, nah dude...your philia you and all but agape is a bit much. that's cause peter was a douche and probably a virgo 😉

for me, i think that in terms of love, in terms of how you relate to/feel for people, the "WWJD" question always comes to mind. love is self-sacrificing and that's what makes it beautiful. agape takes time and the very definition of it is that you love in spite of whatever the other person feels.

but you're a virgo. i understand why it's going over your head.

i philia you 😛 is it too early for a cocktail given i'm technically coming to the end of a work day?

Posted by tubbyscubby
...i think Jesus asked peter repeatedly if he agaped him. peter said, nah dude...your philia you and all but agape is a bit much. that's cause peter was a douche and probably a virgo 😉

Hahah

Posted by VirgoHero
I love you so much, wheelie!

((omg, he said i love you. what do i do? should i say it back? but i'm not sure if i do or not......))

i love.....puppies.
😛

Posted by trifles light as air*

Posted by VirgoHero
I love you so much, wheelie!

((omg, he said i love you. what do i do? should i say it back? but i'm not sure if i do or not......))

i love.....puppies.
😛

click to expand

ROTFLMFAO!!!! Virgo/Leo love....... with puppies! So cute!

Atta girl Trifles, you didn't choke. Sound recovery! LOL

Submitted for love

AWWWWWW, looky the puppies!

Another submission

There's only one person I've met in my life who I'm certain I could kill for. And it's not out of familial duty. Hell, I know he wouldn't go as far for me.

But the fact that he (like me) means no harm to the world around him is enough for me to love him under all circumstances, whether right or wrong, sinner or saint, suspected murderer or convicted pedophile (he's neither of the two).

I love my younger bro completely and nobody not even my own mother can ever change that.

23 years in the making, this love... and counting...

There is no exact time limit on love. Everyone's definition of what it means to love is different. And everyone's circumstances for which they even have the ability to love (according to their OWN definition) changes throughout their life. For some people, once the communication & trust is there, once they feel they've gotten to know all there is about a person & once they're STILL interested after all of that, they consider that love. And depending on the 2 people, it can take 2 weeks to 2 years to accomplish those goals. It all just depends. 2 people that are content with themselves & who know exactly what they are looking for AND who are the stages in their lives where they are open & willing to give their love (according to their own defintion of what love is) can easily establish "love" very quickly. As the saying goes, some couples that have been together for 2 years can have more love for eachother than the couples that have been together for 12 or 20 years. Plus, there is a huge difference between 1. having love FOR someone 2. Loving them in general (Generally loving everything that feels/looks good like nature or like clothing for example) 2. Being IN love with someone & so & so on. There's a big difference. Everyone's idea of what it takes to fully comprehend that they "love" someone is different, plus everyone's reasons for why they're seeking love for themselves are different too. For example, someone who just got dumped by the love of their life might convince themselves that finding "love" with a rebound will recreate that same kind of happiness they had with their ex..and in this case, 1 person might simply just generally like what they see in someone else but yet just call it love (but obviously b/c they were searching for all the wrong reasons).

Here's my philosophy on love: If you can't any longer continue to love someone that you no longer trust then technically, that means that in order for you to have loved them in the 1st place, trust was a MUST from the beginning. Whatever it takes for the relationship/love to end is normally what has to be established firmly in order for the "love" to begin in the 1st place

Wow...krysrenee7 amazing analysis...i never thought of the that...but i often hear the tone you set in the beginning is what drives the relationship so it makes sense