Rebound Relationship... Is it possible to work?!?

I have come to the realization I am in a rebound relationship. Both of us went through some serious life changes of the course of two years and somewhere in the middle of both those life changes we got involved with people we both fell hard for quickly and thrown away like nothing. I care for this man. He has been there for me for the past 6 months. I needed him.. Immediately when I met him... Every area of my life fell apart over the past two years. It all ended with a nervous breakdown to the point I couldnt talk or function for 6 months. Then I met him ... He has been there for me through the middle stages of putting the pieces back together.. and he assures me he is always here to listen.. Which I know he is but its gone to a different level.. We have gotten intimate and had a wonderful week together.. However something feels very uncomfortable now.. Im getting agitated, picky and confused. There is still a part of me that needs space to complete the healing process.. but I dont want to lose him as a person in my life and wonder if there is a possibility to have this work as a relationship in the near future.. With him I know I could talk to him about anything.. I still remember the first time I saw him. I feel like if I keep going in the direction w/o being honest it could end in a mess and I dont want that to happen... Right now my thoughts are so focused on healing and rebuilding... I keep pushing and pulling with him... I want him to be there somehow...

Well it's def. possible that rebound relationships CAN end up working, BUT that's only if both people end up STILL feeling the same connection & liking eachother even AFTER they've completed the healing process. Of course there are the people who swear healing all b/c you got into another relationship is impossible. BUT, depending on the person & how they personally choose to heal, it can def. work out. After all, some of the BEST people appear randomly into your life at all of the WRONG/WORST times!

As QLibra said, there's always the question of whether or not you would've taken things past friendship with this guy persay you met him AFTER you had already healed?!

When a person is heartbroken and/or sub-consciously trying to replace what they had (whether it's the actual person OR the kind of relationship you had with them), they may unknowingly skip over looking for certain standards. Example: A person whose desperate for love and/or attention may overlook those "red flags" or another person's flaws all b/c they are desperate for love/attention. In other words, we see what we want to see when it's conveinant. And generally, it's NEVER really a good idea to search for something so RIGHT at all of the WRONG times in our lives b/c doing so means we're taking the risk of making those kinds of decision with FAULTY JUDGEMENT.

It sounds like you're realizing that while you DO still want this guy to remain in your life, you also don't necessarily know if you can both heal AND deal with a relationship with him at the same time. And hey, that's ok. Atleast you're being honest with yourself. If you feel that you can't heal completely while at the same time trying to keep up with a new relationship, than you have to not only be honest about this with yourself BUT also with him. And I say that ESPECIALLY considering you want him to remain in your life SOMEHOW, even if that means only as "Just a friend."

He may not like it. Hell he may even agree with you b/c he might be thinking the same thing, but just not have the guts to say it to you. Either way, you know how YOU are. And hey, relationships are ALOT to handle especially when a person is NOT really at their full potential or 100% emotionally available.

Just tell him. And if the communication & foundation is as strong as you think it is, he'll understand & perhaps even agree with you. After all, who'd want to continue being with someone after knowing the other person is only 75% capable of putt

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After all, who'd want to continue being with someone after knowing the other person is only 75% capable of puting their all into the relationship?

If you can't give it your all b/c of your own issues going on, 1. I'm sure he'd be MORE glad than mad that you told him & 2. He'd want you to possibly come back to him later ONCE you feel 100% like YOU again. And if he really likes/loves you, he wouldn't want it any other way. You're NEVER doing the other person a favor by settling.

In order to be the best you can be for someone else, you have to be the best you can be for yourself! And if that means taking a break & taking away the "relationship" title all so that you'll have more time/energy to re-focus on getting yourself & your emotions back in check, then so be it. And since he could probably consider you a "rebound" too, you'd probably be doing BOTH of you a favor by taking a step back, taking a break, with each of you working on yourselves. Someone just has to say it & go first.

My 1st love got into a relationship with another woman literally 3 months after we broke off a 3 year relationship. When I 1st heard about his "new girlfriend" of course I didn't take them seriously; I thought she was just a "rebound."

BUT, it turns out that he actually ended up marrying this woman. They have now been married for 4 years & have 2 children & a life together.

Of course, I've always had my doubts about them, considering I found it impossible for him to have healed AND been ready all over again for a new relationship just 3 months after our breakup, BUT however, a small piece of me really DOES believe that he loves her & knew she was "the one" from the beginning. I'm almost positive that he wasn't fully healed when he met her, BUT she knew that & decided to work with him & to continue dating him. And obviously, they're STILL married so this is a perfect example of how rebound situations actually end up working out sometimes.

I'm assuming that their relationship started off kind of rocky & with lots of doubt & confusion, mainly towards him. After all, it's every woman's WORST NIGHTMARE to end up liking someone whom you're afraid might still be holding on to someone else. BUT my 1st love actually pulled it off. Once he saw that she wasn't going to leave him, he took that time out to heal, get over me & proceed with a new relationship, even though he probably wasn't ready at the time.

BUT now, he's had PLENTY of time to heal, get over me & sort out his deep inner feelings. So I'm assuming he's only still with her b/c he really DID love her after all.

It's 1 thing to be madly in love with your rebound all b/c the heartbreak causes you to have lapses in judgement, BUT it's another thing to continue loving that person even AFTER the healing process is completed. Hell, some people even feel that getting past that "rebound" stage makes their relationship/bond even STRONGER, especially considering they beat the odds & made it work even when the chances of it lasting were slim to none.

Proof that rebound situations work SOMETIMES. Most of the time they don't, BUT there's always the couples that are the exception.

Thank you all for the responses. My personal life situation needs more attention right now. I have not talked to him in two days... I dont know what to say to him right now. I feel its best I contact him when I know what to say. In the meantime I am going to take of some things in my own life. I had gone through a very abusive and traumatizing experience when I moved back in with my family.. and I talk to him about it alot which is something I no longer want to do... I want to move forward from it now... I dont want the negative to hold me back. Im thinking of going to a professional and getting some help for the last stages of this. Im thinking if I seek help outside of him we could possibly end up having something... He was the only one I could open up to.. at the time... I went through such a traumatic experience and seeking help from family and friends and they didnt give me much hope... til I finally stopped talking completely. I need to give myself time... I pushed myself over the edge everyday feeling like I needed to heal right away.

@OxPisces: Good for you! Of course to the outsiders, it almost seems foolish to walk away from the very person that's been able to earn your trust & get you to open up at such a hard time in your life. After all, most people complain that they can't even find ONE person they can trust and/or open up to after going through such tramatic experiences.

BUT, you know you. And even though it's good that you found a good friend in him, it's BEST that you keep reminding yourself that he is NOT a counselor nor is he anyone that can "fix" or make your problems go away. It all starts with YOU. And while you venting to him about everything might feel good (b/c talking it out prevents suppressing of emotions), making sure that you're not venting SO much so that it eventually consumes you & prevents you from going forward is ALSO just as important.

Having someone to talk to & open up to can be great, BUT sometimes people can vent/talk so much that they don't even realize that them doing so is KEEPING them in a constant state of the negativity. NO, you're not supposed to suppress everything & keep everthing all bottled in BUT you're also NOT supposed to drown yourself in the very things/topics that you're trying to move away from & grow from either. So it's about finding that balance.

I agree that you shouldn't necessarily be focusing on "love" with this guy strictly b/c you really care for him (or vice versa). After all, you owe that to yourself AND him that when & if you fall in love & enter into a new relationship, that you'll be as baggage-free as possible!

Plus, we all love being there for someone in the beginning BUT even the person who started off being our shoulder to cry on can eventually grow to get tired of all of our "venting." Hell, sometimes the other person, who ALSO has issues/problems in their OWN life, may start feeling boggled down by all of the emotions/problems others spew onto them. And once that happens, it'd suck for you to have to regret opening up to him b/c then you'd be back at square 1.

Do what you've gotta do. Make it known that you don't necessarily want him completely OUT of your life altogether, BUT that you'd feel more confident & be able to better enjoy things when you're FULLY healed. Let him know that while you're thankful for his loyalty, you also don't want to feel obligated to "fix" you.

Thanks so much. You are very right. I did talk to him briefly tonight. But in a positive light about other more uplifting things. You are correct when you say there needs to be a balance. Ive never opened up like that before. I usually suppress those feelings. But yes Ive said that to him before that its good to talk about these things but sometimes there is a time when you need to move forward from them. Many close people I tried talking to either brushed it under the rug or continued on with negative talk... I was coming to no conclusion. I needed to face my issues lay them out on the table figure them out and then walk away from them. I can feel myself being held back every time I bring even a part of it up but I am learning all over again with this kind of thing.. I realized this is an opportunity for me to have someone there for me in the meantime it strengthens me to focus on rebuilding. It is still very hard though to let go of this negative talk ... but I know I can do it. Yesterday was the first time I felt like I didnt have to hold onto it anymore and lean onto something else.. So I am getting through it.. 🙂

I agree 100% with what you've said here. Thank you so much!!

Thanks!!! Ive come to the conclusion we are better off as friends. I cannot give my whole heart to anything like this right now.. Im not ready for a relationship.

This whole experience I had in the past has pushed me to pursue other things in life besides a relationship right now.. Im not saying I dont want this with him just not right now and probably not for awhile. There are certain things in my life I have not seen or accomplished yet that would require me to pursue on my own. As much as I know Ive wanted a man like this for a long time.. I just dont feel emotionally available for it at the time. He is really so much like me. We see things the same way. We have ALOT in common. You'd almost think we were twins. Our circumstances are the same, our understanding of things in life are the same, and we are in the exact same situations. We are independent people who love our freedom and we've both been looking for that kind of person. However because of what we are in right now.. our lives are unstable.

I just dont know who I am or where i stand in life right now..

@OxPis: You go girl! Good for you! It took alot of courage for you to do what you did. Most people to this very second are still staying in situations that they know they'll deep down regret later on down the road. You did what you had to do despite the risks you were taking & oh man, I'm sure that man, although he may be a little hurt/confused, can only come out of this situation respecting you that much MORE b/c of your ability to be loyal to YOURSELF 1st before anyone else. That is a quality in you that will take you very far. It's hard to do it, BUT once you've shown yourself your OWN strength, it gets easier & easier every time! Good luck =)

You both are the best!!! Thank you so much for your advice!!! I feel good 🙂 There is just a very big part of me inside Ive lost.... Even though I was just very confused with what I was saying & trying to understand myself & it is difficult because Ive avoided doing this very thing (standing back up on my own) for a long time... He was very supportive though. Thank you so much!!!