Should I ASK what we are? I want your opinion??!
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by beelibra on Wednesday, April 3, 2013 and has 8 replies.
SoI have been exclusively talking to this guy that I met for 2 months now. We move pretty fast, we've had sex, sleepovers, I've met his family, and we talk everyday. We support each other, and it pretty much seems like we're in a relationship. I do have a 2 year old daughter, and I don't know if this makes him feel like he doesn't know how to approach asking me out. I would like to be in a committed relationship with him, we have gotten to know each other a lot and I only see things moving forward. I have learned that he has trust issues, and I've shown him he has nothing to worry about, and he has apologized and told me that his trust issues won't happen again and that it's not okay. So we are like I said moving forward. I was talking to my sister in law, and she was telling me that she ask my brother after they had spent the night together, so what are we? Because I don't hook up and have sleepovers with friends? And then he asked her to be his girlfriend. I'm thinking maybe I made the mistake by not doing this in the first place? I know he likes me, he gets jealous and is paranoid I'm talking to other people. If we were in a relationship there wouldn't be much to worry about. I'm not in a rush so please don't go on a rant talking about that with me, I know how things feel right now between us and yes a little more time with her, but it also wouldn't make much of a difference. So question being, should I ask in the? Or maybe in a different way? He's not very expressive with his emotions and feelings verbally or physically, so I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. But I also don't want to let him think he can have his cake and eat it too. I know I'm a good catch, and I won't be waiting forever... Thanks guys!
if it helps at all, I am a Libra and he is a Capricorn.
Beelibra, I understand where you're coming from but you're going to have to be patient. From the Caps I know, they don't have issues with trusting in general, it simply takes time for them to trust fully. They're slow moving in that regard and there's nothing wrong with that. Is he disrespecting or mistreating you? Is he using you? If you want him to make it official, then you need to ask him. Don't push him, just ask him where its going.
Caps are super slow and they spook easily when it comes to relationship talk.
I don't suggest putting yourself in a weak position as in asking him where you're both going because some men take it the wrong way and this will only make you feel like crap.
A more empowering way is waiting you can tell him you don't do open relationships with men. If you're sleeping together then for you that means it's official (something along those lines).
Then ask him how he feels about it and he'll either tell you something to keep the sex flowing such as I see you in my future etc etc or he'll say something along the lines of you both being just friends (FWB) or he'll seal the deal as in say you're in a committed relationship with one another.
Knowing a Cap he'll get spooked and ease his ass right on out of your life, trickling himself out to you until you fade away because it's just easier that way.
I don't suggest putting yourself in a weak position as in asking him where you're both going because some men take it the wrong way and this will only make you feel like crap.
A more empowering way is waiting you can tell him you don't do open relationships with men. If you're sleeping together then for you that means it's official (something along those lines).
Then ask him how he feels about it and he'll either tell you something to keep the sex flowing such as I see you in my future etc etc or he'll say something along the lines of you both being just friends (FWB) or he'll seal the deal as in say you're in a committed relationship with one another.
Knowing a Cap he'll get spooked and ease his ass right on out of your life, trickling himself out to you until you fade away because it's just easier that way.
Posted by beautifulsoul74
Beelibra, I understand where you're coming from but you're going to have to be patient. From the Caps I know, they don't have issues with trusting in general, it simply takes time for them to trust fully. They're slow moving in that regard and there's nothing wrong with that. Is he disrespecting or mistreating you? Is he using you? If you want him to make it official, then you need to ask him. Don't push him, just ask him where its going.
He has told me that he has trust issues, and before he did I knew I just had to prove to him that I was loyal. He definitely doesnt mistreat me, hes very sweet, always caring about how Im feeling, and almost parenting in a way but not in a controlling way, saying i should eat something if i havent, sweet little things like that. I just had surgery 6 days ago, and he came that night to hangout with me a bit and brought me a red rose.
So no, hes not using me or I defintely dont think he would have done that. Posted by Pisco26
When I was with my cap, we had the same situation. I eventually got impatient and just asked what we were and he responded with "you're my gf" and I was baffled, he never had asked me to be his gf or even mentioned anything along those lines. I asked him how he came to this conclusion if he hasn't even asked me, he said " I just assumed we were together since we were sleeping together and I always want you around" ... So in my case, the cap "assumed" we were together and we just were after that. He never officially asked me to be his gf.
How long had it been when you asked him this? I heard caps can do this and I almost feel like I should, but not sure if I should yet.
Posted by tiki33
Caps are super slow and they spook easily when it comes to relationship talk.
I don't suggest putting yourself in a weak position as in asking him where you're both going because some men take it the wrong way and this will only make you feel like crap.
A more empowering way is waiting you can tell him you don't do open relationships with men. If you're sleeping together then for you that means it's official (something along those lines).
Then ask him how he feels about it and he'll either tell you something to keep the sex flowing such as I see you in my future etc etc or he'll say something along the lines of you both being just friends (FWB) or he'll seal the deal as in say you're in a committed relationship with one another.
Knowing a Cap he'll get spooked and ease his ass right on out of your life, trickling himself out to you until you fade away because it's just easier that way.
I love your advice and agree, but was a little confused by what you said. I would feel a little awkward asking, so what are we? Or where do you see us going? Especially since I do have kid, youre right, that question would probably freak him out and hed take it the wrong way.
Where I got confused is where you said this...
"A more empowering way is waiting you can tell him you don't do open relationships with men. If you're sleeping together then for you that means it's official ("along those lines)."
Im confused on how to approach him about this. I know we are exclusive and only "talking" to each other, and only sleeping with each other. I dont know what I should say to him...I would instead of asking, or pushing him, like to tell him how I feel without making him feel pressured to give me an answer to make me happy. I want to let him know like you said, I dont do open relationships with guys, and I dont hookup or have sleepovers with friends. [WHAT DO I SAY AFTER]" lol! I have no clue what to say after that to smooth it over.
Next time you're out and about and you see a pretty girl, just tease him and say "Dang! That girls hot!". (typical guy will want to see who). Pause. "So, what would you do if she came right over here and asked you out?" Make a game of it. See what he says. That might give you a clue on how to proceed.
I told my guy that someone asked me out and I turned them down because I wasn't interested in seeing anyone else. He confirmed he was on the same page.
I told my guy that someone asked me out and I turned them down because I wasn't interested in seeing anyone else. He confirmed he was on the same page.
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