Should I stay or go?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by beautifulnpink22 on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 and has 12 replies.
I don't know whether I should stay or go. I have develop really deep feelings for my boyfriend, however so many things has happened where I feel that I just can't trust him no matter what he tells me. I always go back to the time where his ex threatened me twice and him still communicating with her after what she did. It's not like I knew this girl, I had never seen her in my life but she just develop this hatred for me. I mean come on if someone was to disrespect my boyfriend and try to come between us I have no reason to communicate with that person. And even after all of that I stayed hoping that one day she will just go away and leave us alone. Then there was a time him and I went out and he was paying for dinner and there was a condom in his wallet (fyi: we don't use them) and I asked why it was there and he lied and said that it had been there all along. Then he goes onto this website giving his telephone number to different girls trying to get to know them and lying to me telling me that he goes on just to check his mail. So all of these thoughts come to mind, for these reasons and more I feel that I cannot trust him. I mean wouldn't you feel the same. I sit around hoping and praying that things will change. I even ask him if he wants to just break up and be free he tells me no. Sometimes I fight with myself, a part of me wants to just deal with it and hopefully things will change if he just come to the realization that I am a good woman. Another part of me says no why would I want to put myself through this, it's too painful just to think of the things that has happened already. But don't people change, well not unless they want. And he says that he's changing slowly and Lord knows I want to give him that chance, but what if he doesn't? I don't want to put so much work to making a relationship work and then it doesn't. Please help me.
hey BnP...I'm so sorry to hear about your frustrations, and i'm sure there are many women (including myself) that can relate. I can't tell you what to do. I can only suggest that if you really don't trust him, then you should leave. Yes, people change. But there's no telling when HE will change. If you decide to commit to the relationship, it means letting go of the things that have happened between the two of you in the past...does that sound like something you could do? If you are a good woman, and you do decide to leave, he'll come back to you. If not, it was NEVER meant to be, and YOU can do a lot better...his loss!
I hope what I've said is comforting, but it still doesn't give you the answer...I know how much that sucks! Another suggestion would be to sit down and talk to him. If you really care about him, and you truly are a good woman...stand up for yourself and put your foot down. There's no need for you to feel insecure, because he's the one that has the good catch...not the other way around. Tell him how you feel, tell him what you want and need...be bold...and threaten to leave if things don't change. But, make sure that you stick to your guns and DO NOT let him intimidate you or your feeling for him prevent you from being true to yourself.
On a side note...ALWAYS use condoms...no matter how long you've been together. Not just because there's the chance he might cheat, but there's a chance you might cheat. Also, some STD's take a while to develop...so if he's got something from someone b/4 he met you...and he hasn't shown symptoms, he may WHILE w/ you...you never know!
Hope this advice helps, good luck!
I hope what I've said is comforting, but it still doesn't give you the answer...I know how much that sucks! Another suggestion would be to sit down and talk to him. If you really care about him, and you truly are a good woman...stand up for yourself and put your foot down. There's no need for you to feel insecure, because he's the one that has the good catch...not the other way around. Tell him how you feel, tell him what you want and need...be bold...and threaten to leave if things don't change. But, make sure that you stick to your guns and DO NOT let him intimidate you or your feeling for him prevent you from being true to yourself.
On a side note...ALWAYS use condoms...no matter how long you've been together. Not just because there's the chance he might cheat, but there's a chance you might cheat. Also, some STD's take a while to develop...so if he's got something from someone b/4 he met you...and he hasn't shown symptoms, he may WHILE w/ you...you never know!
Hope this advice helps, good luck!
I tried talking to him and he just thinks that I am overreacting and that I have no reason to worry about anything. He makes these comments that all men cheat and his definition is flirting with girls, and so on it just depends on how far you take it. And he claims he hasn't taken it any further, but I still do not believe him. He tells me he's slowly changing and then I asked him what is it he needs to change and his response was "I know that I need to open up more when it comes to my feelings, it just a funny feeling I get when it comes to expressing myself", and "I know I can be a bastard sometimes". And that's it but I feel at this point after all that has happened he should be proving to me that I trust him, and he still has not giving me any reason to do so. I hate the fact that I allowed myself to fall for him, I just wish I didn't have any feelings or emotions because this is killing me right now. If he really cares for me why would he want to go on this website talking to females and giving out his number that's total disrespect and it hurts me to know that he does that. And the fact that his ex, I am competing with someone I hardly know trying to prove to him that I am better than her, why? By now he should know.
Just got some questions first.....
Before this so-called "cheating"(over the internet,they live in different states and he has stated your his woman on that site BTW!)happened were you still accusing him of cheating?Me thinks so since you threw in the "ex",pretty much explained why hes not worried about it since he knows your always going to be jealous no matter what he does to change it.
How do you really know a condom was in his wallet?Every man I've ever met keeps thier condoms in one of the pockets and not in the cash part of the wallet.Were you snooping and looking for something to accuse him of?
Why are you checking up on him at the websites he goes to?
How do you develope "deep" feelings for someone you've obviously never trusted in the first place?
Why are you on this website talking to men if you have feelings for him?
Are you actually niave enough to think men don't flirt with other females or look once in a while even if they don't seriously consider fucking the girl?
Why are you an attention whore?
Should you have to "prove" to him you can be trusted since your talking to men on this website and you did a "suspecious" action yourself when you took your profile down off of the website your refering to,when he stated you were his woman?
Do you call him at work all the time?
Good question why are you "competing" with someone you don't know?
Are you a psycho?
Do you want him to cheat?
Do you really not want to be in this relationship?
Why do you have to be a victem and the "dumped" person in the situation?
If you get dumped are you going to use it as a attention getter?
Are you also jealous and need to "check up" on his family members also?
Do you hate the fact that theres females he works with or for?Doesn't matter what or where he works,theres going to be other females!!
Can you tell I don't believe 100% you?
Before this so-called "cheating"(over the internet,they live in different states and he has stated your his woman on that site BTW!)happened were you still accusing him of cheating?Me thinks so since you threw in the "ex",pretty much explained why hes not worried about it since he knows your always going to be jealous no matter what he does to change it.
How do you really know a condom was in his wallet?Every man I've ever met keeps thier condoms in one of the pockets and not in the cash part of the wallet.Were you snooping and looking for something to accuse him of?
Why are you checking up on him at the websites he goes to?
How do you develope "deep" feelings for someone you've obviously never trusted in the first place?
Why are you on this website talking to men if you have feelings for him?
Are you actually niave enough to think men don't flirt with other females or look once in a while even if they don't seriously consider fucking the girl?
Why are you an attention whore?
Should you have to "prove" to him you can be trusted since your talking to men on this website and you did a "suspecious" action yourself when you took your profile down off of the website your refering to,when he stated you were his woman?
Do you call him at work all the time?
Good question why are you "competing" with someone you don't know?
Are you a psycho?
Do you want him to cheat?
Do you really not want to be in this relationship?
Why do you have to be a victem and the "dumped" person in the situation?
If you get dumped are you going to use it as a attention getter?
Are you also jealous and need to "check up" on his family members also?
Do you hate the fact that theres females he works with or for?Doesn't matter what or where he works,theres going to be other females!!
Can you tell I don't believe 100% you?
Ok first and foremost I don't go on websites talking to different men, where did I mention that you should've quoted that. I was not snooping he was in my presence when the condom was in his wallet where he kept his money, and I had to make purchases on many occasions and it was not there. I appreciate your feedback, however you should pay attention to what I wrote. And on the website he never stated he had a woman, on the website it's stated that he's single. Wow you said a lot there, but thanks.
i'm soooo confused right now?!?!!??!
Its all in your profile history babe
Why don't you just dump him and leave people alone with your suspcious crap.And theres plenty of men here which is the same thing as say:
Message posted by: beautifulnpink22 on 4/26/2006 12:33:15 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.28
"Oh my god I am going through the same situation except my boyfriend and I have been together for months. I met him off of this site called mocha lounge and I took my profile off once he said the words that he was my boyfriend and I was his girl. But he still logs on and just added 3 new girls as his friends, even though they are from different states that still makes me feel he may try and meet someone new. I asked him why he stull logs on and he tells me he still has friends on there and he checks his messages. So I decided one day to create an anonymous profile of a woman from a totally different state and age (older than us)and decided to instant message him (it's a lot like aol) we talked on the net and five minutes later he decides to call me (his girlfriend) not knowing he was talking to me online and thank god my keys were silent because I had to keep up with the conversation. While we were on the phone he did mention he was on mocha and that some girl was trying to talk to him, but I am still fearful he may cheat. It's so crazy how I had to go through so much and I still feel that he may one day cheat if he isn't right now. I thought cancer men are known to be loyal as well. I even asked him one day if I was worthy enough to be with just me and he says "yes I can say that you are the second girl that I have been with and have not thought about cheating". So if he feels this way what's the point of signing on to mocha right? I tell you some cancer men can take up a lot of your energy as well as cancer women in which I am, but it's really crazy. So I can totally understand how you feel."
^^Now how about "I like to play games and haven't gotten "proof" of it yet" coming from you?
For the attention whore part:
Message posted by: beautifulnpink22 on 6/7/2006 11:21:04 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.194
Now cancers tell me how you feel about this, I just need to make sure I am not over reacting. I am currently in relationship and every now and I then I crave attaention (ex: hugs, kisses, all that sweet stuff). And when I don't get attention I get all moody, I hate that at times. I feel that I am a simple kind of girl who likes to be showered with attention, you know sometimes it feels good
Why don't you just dump him and leave people alone with your suspcious crap.And theres plenty of men here which is the same thing as say:
Message posted by: beautifulnpink22 on 4/26/2006 12:33:15 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.28
"Oh my god I am going through the same situation except my boyfriend and I have been together for months. I met him off of this site called mocha lounge and I took my profile off once he said the words that he was my boyfriend and I was his girl. But he still logs on and just added 3 new girls as his friends, even though they are from different states that still makes me feel he may try and meet someone new. I asked him why he stull logs on and he tells me he still has friends on there and he checks his messages. So I decided one day to create an anonymous profile of a woman from a totally different state and age (older than us)and decided to instant message him (it's a lot like aol) we talked on the net and five minutes later he decides to call me (his girlfriend) not knowing he was talking to me online and thank god my keys were silent because I had to keep up with the conversation. While we were on the phone he did mention he was on mocha and that some girl was trying to talk to him, but I am still fearful he may cheat. It's so crazy how I had to go through so much and I still feel that he may one day cheat if he isn't right now. I thought cancer men are known to be loyal as well. I even asked him one day if I was worthy enough to be with just me and he says "yes I can say that you are the second girl that I have been with and have not thought about cheating". So if he feels this way what's the point of signing on to mocha right? I tell you some cancer men can take up a lot of your energy as well as cancer women in which I am, but it's really crazy. So I can totally understand how you feel."
^^Now how about "I like to play games and haven't gotten "proof" of it yet" coming from you?
For the attention whore part:
Message posted by: beautifulnpink22 on 6/7/2006 11:21:04 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.194
Now cancers tell me how you feel about this, I just need to make sure I am not over reacting. I am currently in relationship and every now and I then I crave attaention (ex: hugs, kisses, all that sweet stuff). And when I don't get attention I get all moody, I hate that at times. I feel that I am a simple kind of girl who likes to be showered with attention, you know sometimes it feels good
to know that your significant other was thinking about you, and just gives you a call just to let you know that. Or to cuddled and have someone show you the love, I know sometimes I can be a bit mushy, it just seems to me my boyfriend just does not understand that. No matter what I say to him, it's like it goes through one ear and comes out the other. Am I being too dramatic, because I know us cancers can be that way sometimes. Tell me what you think?"
Everything in your profile is related to you not trusting him,accusing him of something and subconsciously wanting out of it!!!
Everything in your profile is related to you not trusting him,accusing him of something and subconsciously wanting out of it!!!
Ok thanks for all of that. I appreciate it.
I really appreciate the fact that you were honest, I mean that's what I came on here for to hear comments of others. You have definitely been keeping up with my threads and you just broke it all down. Thanks, no seriously.
Whoa,WTF,someone actually got it,this is weird!!!
So are you gonna leave him?Cause ya know,the whole games route and stuff don't get ya anywhere,doesn't really answer anything,need to be 199% sure,secure and self reliant about yourself as well first and need someone(your dude) who can also be completely direct with you at the same time.All the dramas no use when your looking for a serious relationship.
Oh and surry about the harsh way of putting it,some people react like children when you don't tell em what they want to hear around here so its almost an intentional "bitch" act anymore
So are you gonna leave him?Cause ya know,the whole games route and stuff don't get ya anywhere,doesn't really answer anything,need to be 199% sure,secure and self reliant about yourself as well first and need someone(your dude) who can also be completely direct with you at the same time.All the dramas no use when your looking for a serious relationship.
Oh and surry about the harsh way of putting it,some people react like children when you don't tell em what they want to hear around here so its almost an intentional "bitch" act anymore
OK...now it all makes sense!
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Aries: Eats the whole bar on the way home from the shop.
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