The best way to manage past relationship experience, and the worst thing to do in a new relationship
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by hydorah on Thursday, February 7, 2019 and has 3 replies.
UVD once asked "what are we supposed to learn from rejection?", and this question made me think for a bit and think about my experience, and it made me theorize something about relationships. I'd like to discuss it here.
Well my point will be very straightforward:
Each time you get into a new relationship, you must act like you're actually new to dating. You must not retain any "teaching" from your past datings and relationships because each person will be different.
Most of us retain some feelings from past relationships and rejections, and it's generally only negative feedback. These emotions will generally spoil the future relationships and most of the time they'll incite us to anticipating rejection.
So we should learn to begin anew like a baby, regardless of past hurts. Even if this goes against all our instincts.
The worst thing to do in a new relationship is to use past negative feedbacks in new situations, even if these new situations are possibly going to end up similarly to the past ones. We should use these past negative experiences to get ready to the worst and maybe prepare alt strategies, but generally, the emotions make us anticipate rejection and make bad moves.
Of course we should always remember some experience, the one that helps us grow and behave well, but most of the time, what we remember is generally only the negative feedback.
I am also wondering if there are not cases where the positive experience should not be discarded in order to judge future relationships objectively.
For example, a new date could behave worse than a past date, but that should not necessarily be blamed on them.
Discuss
Well my point will be very straightforward:
Each time you get into a new relationship, you must act like you're actually new to dating. You must not retain any "teaching" from your past datings and relationships because each person will be different.
Most of us retain some feelings from past relationships and rejections, and it's generally only negative feedback. These emotions will generally spoil the future relationships and most of the time they'll incite us to anticipating rejection.
So we should learn to begin anew like a baby, regardless of past hurts. Even if this goes against all our instincts.
The worst thing to do in a new relationship is to use past negative feedbacks in new situations, even if these new situations are possibly going to end up similarly to the past ones. We should use these past negative experiences to get ready to the worst and maybe prepare alt strategies, but generally, the emotions make us anticipate rejection and make bad moves.
Of course we should always remember some experience, the one that helps us grow and behave well, but most of the time, what we remember is generally only the negative feedback.
I am also wondering if there are not cases where the positive experience should not be discarded in order to judge future relationships objectively.
For example, a new date could behave worse than a past date, but that should not necessarily be blamed on them.
Discuss
Dating in and of itself is a farce. You project the best version of yourself instead of showing them the real you. At least at first...
Can’t scare em off just yet.
Can’t scare em off just yet.
"Never punish those that come after, for the one's that came before."
Like Fisk said, I think a lot of people that may not be successful at maintaining long term relationships, haven't worked out their "triggers" from bad past experiences. It is almost impossible for ordinary day to day people, to start any new relationship without hang-ups from the past. Those hang-ups don't necessarily only equate to bad relationship experiences, but encompasses those, with things that may have happened during their childhood.
And sometimes, even long term relationships can withstand some of those knee-jerk reactions. I personally think there are those that thrive in relationships that are chaotic, and an emotional roller coaster.
Self awareness comes along way. If a person, can use those negatives to understand themselves and what causes the "crazy" things they do, and work through them. They have now progressed as a person, and obtained a skill set that can look past the action, to see the cause, making it easier for themselves in the long run. Not in just a romantic sense, but just overall.
Like Fisk said, I think a lot of people that may not be successful at maintaining long term relationships, haven't worked out their "triggers" from bad past experiences. It is almost impossible for ordinary day to day people, to start any new relationship without hang-ups from the past. Those hang-ups don't necessarily only equate to bad relationship experiences, but encompasses those, with things that may have happened during their childhood.
And sometimes, even long term relationships can withstand some of those knee-jerk reactions. I personally think there are those that thrive in relationships that are chaotic, and an emotional roller coaster.
Self awareness comes along way. If a person, can use those negatives to understand themselves and what causes the "crazy" things they do, and work through them. They have now progressed as a person, and obtained a skill set that can look past the action, to see the cause, making it easier for themselves in the long run. Not in just a romantic sense, but just overall.
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