The evolution of a 'fling'...
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by LilliLou on Monday, August 26, 2013 and has 22 replies.
What is your opinion on the likelihood of a fling turning into a relationship??_?
Say it was a summer/ holiday romance and a year later one of the parties was transferred?
If you've kept in touch, or bumped into that person again would the spark re-ignite...??
Would it ever progress, or are flings by their very nature only a moment in time??_
There are doubtless some great wartime romances that eventually triumphed over distance/ situation. Any examples of this from your parents/ grandparents etc??
Any gamblers out there? What do you think the odds are?
Say it was a summer/ holiday romance and a year later one of the parties was transferred?
If you've kept in touch, or bumped into that person again would the spark re-ignite...??
Would it ever progress, or are flings by their very nature only a moment in time??_
There are doubtless some great wartime romances that eventually triumphed over distance/ situation. Any examples of this from your parents/ grandparents etc??
Any gamblers out there? What do you think the odds are?
I think it's all about having a mutual connection and it being the right timing.
Posted by TaureanAries
horizontal mambo
Oh my God, those words
But anyway, is it possible that they conversed for a bit prior to the actually Happy Hands, and they figured they'd definitely want to continue a relationship due to the proverbial icing on the cake?Posted by 2N3RPosted by TaureanAries
horizontal mambo
actually Happy Hands, and the proverbial icing on the cake?click to expand
^fixed
There's still a spelling error, though. It should say actual.
or left in the 'is' from earlier in your post 
Yeah because I was asking if it was possible that blah blah blah.
Posted by LilliLou
What is your opinion on the likelihood of a fling turning into a relationship??_?
Opinion? It's a gamble. I don't think anyone can say it "won't ever happen" or "don't count on it turning into more" because sometimes it does. My issue with it is when people are not honest about what it is they want at the start of a relationship and think that whatever is between their legs is going to magically change someone's mind. If you are reducing yourself to just sex, why are you surprised when he/she does too?
Posted by LilliLou
Say it was a summer/ holiday romance and a year later one of the parties was transferred?
I don't understand this part of the OP. Are they coming or going?
Posted by LilliLou
If you've kept in touch, or bumped into that person again would the spark re-ignite...??
If the sex was hot and I wasn't attached I don't see why it wouldn't. If I am with someone, my focus is on one person only.
Posted by LilliLou
Would it ever progress, or are flings by their very nature only a moment in time??_
See first answer.
Posted by LilliLou
Any gamblers out there?click to expand
If I were to engage in a fling, that is the intention, nothing more. I'm not hoping to make it more.
Thanks PR- ^^I agree^^- super, all-in, big gamble! But I??m just curious to see if the gamble has paid off for anyone?!
I guess to expand my thinking on the issue it is like TaureanAries ???so cute BTW!- story about her brother??_ Sometime we are surprised/ blind-sided by another person but circumstances mean that a lasting connection isn??t likely or ???easy??.
In this case I am talking about distance. I guess the same could be said of age barriers, social/ religious/ racial conventions etc... the hurdles that you might have to overcome.
In this case it??s assuming that the 2 parties are single, well-adjusted and the only barrier is their location??_
So, if one of the parties had the opportunity to move to their flings city (coming) would it possibly turn out for the best? Or is it all based on a house of cards, and reality comes home to destroy that illusion.
Like at the end of the movie Speed, and Sandra Bullock??s character says that relationships that start under intense circumstances never last??_
((Of course I have a vested interest in the answers to this post??_ A rather similar situation in my life you might say! ))
for anyone?!I guess to expand my thinking on the issue it is like TaureanAries ???so cute BTW!- story about her brother??_ Sometime we are surprised/ blind-sided by another person but circumstances mean that a lasting connection isn??t likely or ???easy??.
In this case I am talking about distance. I guess the same could be said of age barriers, social/ religious/ racial conventions etc... the hurdles that you might have to overcome.
In this case it??s assuming that the 2 parties are single, well-adjusted and the only barrier is their location??_
So, if one of the parties had the opportunity to move to their flings city (coming) would it possibly turn out for the best? Or is it all based on a house of cards, and reality comes home to destroy that illusion.
Like at the end of the movie Speed, and Sandra Bullock??s character says that relationships that start under intense circumstances never last??_
((Of course I have a vested interest in the answers to this post??_ A rather similar situation in my life you might say!
))Posted by LilliLou
In this case I am talking about distance. I guess the same could be said of age barriers, social/ religious/ racial conventions etc... the hurdles that you might have to overcome.
In this case it??s assuming that the 2 parties are single, well-adjusted and the only barrier is their location??_
So, if one of the parties had the opportunity to move to their flings city (coming) would it possibly turn out for the best? Or is it all based on a house of cards, and reality comes home to destroy that illusion.
Like at the end of the movie Speed, and Sandra Bullock??s character says that relationships that start under intense circumstances never last??_
Okay, I see. Well the issue really is about the expectations of both parties. If one knew it was a "fling" but said to herself "man, I wish he wasn't leaving...." there is potential for more to happen, because this person clearly wants more, but circumstances are what they are. If the other person also knew it was a "fling" and said to himself "d*mn she's hot, this will be a nice piece of a** to hit before I take off", then you have a problem. These people are on different page--hell two different books. This would be an issue in any relationship, "fling turn into more" or otherwise.
You need to know if you (or whoever this is about ) and this other person is on the same page. It really doesn't matter if it has worked out for anyone here. Not on the same page and all of the happily ever after stories posted here mean nothing.
JESUS!!!! Okay, one last time...
^^^Oh one last thing, some people don't look beyond the next hour much less "what if I return to the city". So, even if one party entered the situation hoping to have a simple fling, this doesn't mean that when they return and meet the person again that they would not be open to something more--but you need to talk about it to make sure you're on the same page.
Ask for a date, be honest about your intentions and see where it goes.
^^^Oh one last thing, some people don't look beyond the next hour much less "what if I return to the city". So, even if one party entered the situation hoping to have a simple fling, this doesn't mean that when they return and meet the person again that they would not be open to something more--but you need to talk about it to make sure you're on the same page.
Ask for a date, be honest about your intentions and see where it goes.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by LilliLou
In this case I am talking about distance. I guess the same could be said of age barriers, social/ religious/ racial conventions etc... the hurdles that you might have to overcome.
In this case it??s assuming that the 2 parties are single, well-adjusted and the only barrier is their location??_
So, if one of the parties had the opportunity to move to their flings city (coming) would it possibly turn out for the best? Or is it all based on a house of cards, and reality comes home to destroy that illusion.
Like at the end of the movie Speed, and Sandra Bullock??s character says that relationships that start under intense circumstances never last??_
Okay, I see. Well the issue really is about the expectations of both parties. If one knew it was a "fling" but said to herself "man, I wish he wasn't leaving...." there is potential for more to happen, because this person clearly wants more, but circumstances are what they are. If the other person also knew it was a "fling" and said to himself "d*mn she's hot, this will be a nice piece of a** to hit before I take off", then you have a problem. These people are on different page--hell two different books. This would be an issue in any relationship, "fling turn into more" or otherwise.
You need to know if you (or whoever this is about ) and this other person is on the same page. It really doesn't matter if it has worked out for anyone here. Not on the same page and all of the happily ever after stories posted here mean nothing.click to expand
I love your posts PR! You always help to join the dots for me!!!
I think we are 95% on the same page, as in 'damn this stupid ocean in the way...' but until recently there wasn't really a possibility. Now there is, but he doesn't know it yet...
It's just my slightly nervous musings, with a helping of wishful thinking perhaps??!
Posted by PhoenixRising
JESUS!!!! Okay, one last time...
^^^Oh one last thing, some people don't look beyond the next hour much less "what if I return to the city". So, even if one party entered the situation hoping to have a simple fling, this doesn't mean that when they return and meet the person again that they would not be open to something more--but you need to talk about it to make sure you're on the same page.
Ask for a date, be honest about your intentions and see where it goes.
I'm heading over again in October, so we'll see how it all goes... Its going to be a long 2 months between now and then though!!
Ta PR!!! I'm probably going to go slightly insane in the meantime, but that's just splitting hairs with a scorp sun/ aqua rising!!! I'm going to have to grow a pair before then though, I'm always too scared of getting these things wrong and getting knocked back.
@ Brianc213- I used to like flings as I wasn't ready to get too involved with anyone. But in this case it is slightly different. We were introduced through friends and then feelings grew across xmas, but due to the fact that we live in different countries it was too hard for me to think beyond a fling. We've kept in touch etc... and as I said to PR I am 95% sure we are on the same page IF the situation/ circumstances changed...
@ Brianc213- I used to like flings as I wasn't ready to get too involved with anyone. But in this case it is slightly different. We were introduced through friends and then feelings grew across xmas, but due to the fact that we live in different countries it was too hard for me to think beyond a fling. We've kept in touch etc... and as I said to PR I am 95% sure we are on the same page IF the situation/ circumstances changed...
Posted by brianc213
I would still wait till you get time to know each other in person. You don't want any surprises, like it could have been a guerilla that learned to use a computer for all you know. Or have you met this person face to face already?
Ta Brian, certainly good advice - but in this case I do know him quite well... And my best friend is marrying a man who has known him for over half of their lives now too!
Just hoping for q fairytale ending now
Posted by brianc213
I would still wait till you get time to know each other in person. You don't want any surprises, like it could have been a guerilla that learned to use a computer for all you know. Or have you met this person face to face already?
LOL!
Posted by LilliLou
Ta PR!!! I'm probably going to go slightly insane in the meantime, but that's just splitting hairs with a scorp sun/ aqua rising!!! I'm going to have to grow a pair before then though, I'm always too scared of getting these things wrong and getting knocked back.
...
Yeah I struggle with that too. I don't like to make mistakes, so I go over something a million times or/and just psych myself out.
Scorp Sun/Aqua Rising too lady
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by LilliLou
Ta PR!!! I'm probably going to go slightly insane in the meantime, but that's just splitting hairs with a scorp sun/ aqua rising!!! I'm going to have to grow a pair before then though, I'm always too scared of getting these things wrong and getting knocked back.
...
Yeah I struggle with that too. I don't like to make mistakes, so I go over something a million times or/and just psych myself out.
Scorp Sun/Aqua Rising too ladyclick to expand
A-Ha!! So that is why your posts are always so spot on!!!
Its a weird combo right?
I almost imagine it like 2 young girls; a baby goth and a cute little hippy perhaps?
All that scorp intensity, obsessing over XYZ and the aqua to find every single obscure pro and con... Then just when you think you are getting somewhere the aqua gets bored, blows air bubbles and is like 'off' seeing something else of interest = psyched out.
Posted by LilliLou
A-Ha!! So that is why your posts are always so spot on!!!
Its a weird combo right?
I almost imagine it like 2 young girls; a baby goth and a cute little hippy perhaps?
All that scorp intensity, obsessing over XYZ and the aqua to find every single obscure pro and con... Then just when you think you are getting somewhere the aqua gets bored, blows air bubbles and is like 'off' seeing something else of interest = psyched out.
Haha, this describes it perfectly!
^^ I would pop that on my profile (if anyone bothered to read them?!) explains quite a lot!
I would pop that on my profile (if anyone bothered to read them?!) explains quite a lot! Posted by kalin
A fling never turned into anything more in my life... either the guy only liked me for sex, or I only liked him for sex.
PS. There were some guys wanted to date me seriously but I was not interested, vise versa.
Me too mostly, although I'm hoping to break that cycle this time round!
How is everything Kalin? Have you moved??
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